ROGUE IS BACK! AUSTRALIA'S FIRST TABLOID WEBLOG. LOGIN WITH THE LION! AND GET READY FOR A BIG CHUNK-SIZED FEAST OF THE LATEST NEWS AND GOSS - ON YAHOO AND GOOGLE
MEL ON BIG 'BENDER'?,JEN TO ASK FRIENDS' CO-STAR TO FATHER HER CHILD?,LINDSAY BREAKS WITH LOVER SAMANTHA,ELLEN AND TYRA CHALLENGE WINFREY, SYMONDS BATS UP ANOTHER PERSONAL STORM,WOMAN BURNS HUBBIE'S GENITALS!,CLINT AND ANGELINA'S AUSSIE MOVIE RELEASE, WARNIE A HIT FOR NINE, ENGLAND IN CRICKETING SLUMP, AUSSIE ANGLICAN VICAR MARCHES WITH ISLAMISTS IN GAZA PROTEST,JEN-A & THOSE PREGNANCY RUMORS!, MADONNA TO START FAMILY WITH NEW LOVER,SUPERFISH STEPH ON LONG-TERM CONTRACT - WITH SEVEN NETWORK,PARIS HILTON JOINS PRESIDENTIAL RACE, LINDSAY UPSET BY POLICE CHIEF'S 'GAY' SLUR, 'RUSTY' CROWE GETS IN SHAPE FOR NEW ACTION FLICK, OPRAH, WILL & CAMERON ARE HOLLYWOOD'S TOP EARNERS,WARNIE' GETS INVOLVED IN ENGLISH CRICKET UPSET, STEVE IS LOOKING AFTER THE ANIMALS IN THE AFTERLIFE:TERRI IRWIN,LINDSAY:THE NEW MARILYN MONROE,TRIUMPHANT WARNIE TO MAKE TEST COMEBACK, HAZZA FIRES UP FOR 'ROOS, 'BIG PICTURE' RUDD DOES LITTLE ON HOME FRONT,HAPPY BIRTHDAY PARIS,LINDSAY POSES NUDE, DANNII MINOUGE ON THE 'SKIDS'!, BUT BIG SISTER PRODUCES HIT ALBUM, MEMO T0 KEVIN 08, DELTA TO TIE THE KNOT, BRITNEY MAY LOSE CUSTODY OF HER BELOVED DOGS,HOWARD TO WORK IN MACCAS, ALEX THE BRAINY PARROT DIES,NE0-NAZI 'HATE ROCK' MUSIC TERROR HITS AUSTRALIA,EUROPE & U.S (ROGUE REPORT EXCLUSIVE PROBE), TWENTY SIX MILLION WATCH 'POP0PERA' SINGING SENSATION ON YOUTUBE, BRITNEY IN LESBIAN ROMP,PARIS SQUASHES RUMORS SHE'S HAD A 'BOOB' JOB!, LINDSAY 'ABUSED' BY DAD-BODYGUARD CLAIM,PLAYBOY GIRL SAYS AGEING LOVER 'HEF' USES SEX DRUG TO KEEP UP!,THREE MILLION WATCH AUSSIE SOCCER WHIZ KID SIGN ON FOR MANCHESTER UNITED,NICOLE KIDMAN MOVIE FLOP FOLLOWS BOAT 'TERROR' ON FILM SET,SUPERSTAR ERIC CLAPTON AT THE 'CROSSROADS', SIR ELTON FINDS TRUE LOVE AFTER 40 YEARS,MOBILE BATTERIES MAY BE THE RESULT OF CHILD LABOR, AUSSIE CRICKET ACE BRETT LEE IN BILLION DOLLAR 'BOLLYWOOD' DEAL, KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF HINDI STARS - GERE,KYLIE KISS 'N' TELL-ALL BOOK, NAOMI 'WALTZES' BACK TO TV, ROBBIE CHECKS IN FOR REHAB,KYLIE SEEING 'CAD' FROG - AGAIN?, SEE R0GUE'S SEXY NEW VIDEO GAL, SIMPSON 'BOOBS SAG SAGA' H0TS UP-YET AGAIN,RECOVERED KEITH URBAN TO TOUR AGAIN,Bush tries to ban Iraqi gay marriages,DIXIE CHICKS TO SPLIT?, ROLLING STONE MAGAZINE'S TOP ALBUMS, AUSSIE BRAIN DRAIN-RUBBISH SAYS OPPOSITION BACKBENCHER COSSIE (BUT HOW WOULD HE KNOW!),SHUT UP 0PRAH!,CLAPTON REVIVES DRUG S0NG, KATE HUDSON split (exclusive behind-the-scenes),BRAD WAS LOUSY IN THE SACK:JEN,VETERAN ROCKER CALLS FOR BUSH IMPEACHMENT IN NEW SONG, MURDOCH BACKS CLINTON,LIZ TAYLOR IS STILL DYING,LENNON'S NEW TERROR,CRUISE BULLYING,OSAMA'S NEICE - A SEX KITTEN, STARS' BABY BOOM,MICK AND BONO'S NEW CLASH,PEACOCK & SHIRL 'LATEST RUMORS'!! (ROGUE WORLD EXCUSIVE), PLUS ROGUE 'TIT' BITS...
THE ROGUE REPORT:KEEPING THE BASTARDS DISHONEST!
NEW***NEW***NEW***NEW***NEW***NEW***NEW***NEW*
ROGUEMINIMUS
An attractive digest of The Rogue Report (with color),edited by my production team which includes my son. In fact, my lad's dedication to our NEW enterprise inspired us to call it RogueMinimus!
Hope our ever-growing readership likes the new look of our companion publication.
LINK: Login to YAHOO or GOOGLE and SIMPLY enter: rogueminimus (and look through entries)
OR
ANOTHER LINK:http://rogueminimus.blogspot.com
THE MAIN ROGUE REPORT IS NOW ALSO ABLE TO BE DOWNLOADED DIRECT VIA GOOGLE & YAHOO (GLOBAL & AUSTRALIA )
International readers can just enter Rogueminimus in YAHOO-for access to the report and its companion color production.
Just enter Rogue Report & it should be in YAHOO listings-under Optusnet Members - Bairdb.
I thank my Australian and Global audience-whether casual or regular - for bringing this site to WELL OVER 5000 readers - at last count.
JULY 2009 EDITION
------------------
THE PROPRIETOR OF THE POPULAR ROGUE REPORT HAD TO TAKE A BREAK BECAUSE OF A SAD DEATH IN THE FAMILY AND ILL HEALTH. SORRY IF SOME OF THE ITEMS ARE OUT-OF-DATE. THEY'LL BE FIXED.
BUT WE'RE BACK-BIGGER & BRIGHTER THAN EVER.
DOES ANYONE READ OUR RIVALS CRIKEY.COM.AU & THEIR AUSSIE ONLINE UPMARKET GOSSIP-ANYMORE?
MOST OF THEIR CONTRIBUTORS SEEM TO RUN AROUND - SPOUTING THEIR DREARY OPINIONS ON ABC RADIO AND TV.
IS MEL ON A BIG BENDER?
Rogue Showbiz Desk
THE question on everyone in Hollywood's lips is:Has Mel Gibson hit the booze big time?
The self-admitted alcoholic is showing every signs.
According to reports, melancholy Mel,53, is looking 'unkempt...with grubby shorts and wild hair.'
His wife Robyn has filed divorced papers against Gibson,a devout Catholic, who has been linked with some Russian beauty called Oksana.
Gibson could lose half his $1.2 billion fortune.
If Mel is on the p*ss, I hope he gets off it soon.
He's popular where I live in north-east Victoria, once owning a property here.
*
LILO BREAKS UP
WITH LOVE CHEAT
SAMANTHA
CLAIMING she's CHEATED on her, Lindsay Lohan has split with lover
Samantha Ronson.
'I loved you...but you are a cheat, the young actress says.
(READ all about the celebrity bust-up in Rogue Entertainment LINKS, pg 2.
Sorry about scrolling through to the bottom of this page...to hit LINKS -
But, the blog is FREE and maybe new visitors might have not seen Rogue's little gems!)
*
JEN ASKS FRIENDS CO-STAR
TO HELP HER BECOME A MUM
THAT'S the goss from the set of Jennifer Aniston's new flick The Baster,aptly about a woman turning to artificial insemination to have a baby.
The plot has influenced Aniston to do the same - in real life.
( FOR FULL STORY:AGAIN, turn to Rogue Entertainment,LINKS,pg 2)
*
ELLEN,TYRA THROW DOWN GAUNTLET
TO OPRAH
ELLEN DeGENERES, model/wannabe US chat show host Tyra BANKS are challenging Oprah Winfrey for the title of Queen of Talk.
In Australia, Ellen goes out on the Nine Network at noon,while Oprah is on Ten at 1pm. We haven't had the pleasure of Ms Banks - yet.
Rogue admits he enjoys - DeGeneres apart from the 'clap-happy' audience. But that's America.
I don't watch Oprah a lot. Sure,she's very professional. But maybe getting a bit tired?
Graham Norton (ABC2,Thursdays at 9.30pm) is the new Michael Parkinson.
Host and guests are liberal in their use of language rarely heard on Parky. And Norton enjoys playing crude pranks on guests. But it's watchable.
See Oprah Winfrey's gigantic pay packet - downpage.
*
SYMO IN NEW STORM
The much-troubled cricketing superstar Andrew Symonds is in hot water-yet again.
But the controversy has its funny side, although I doubt Andy sees it that way.
Symo used a personally signed cricket bat as part collateral on a bank loan!
He got the loan - but sadly lost a million bucks when a finance company he had invested in went broke.
Wise move for the Aussie selectors to have sent him to the Arab Emirates to play against Pakistan. He was in danger of having his hands cut off if he had a few beers!
*
A Yahoo 7 poll asked if folk were in favor of another Rudd 'economic stimulus package' or, in other words, some sort of cash handout.
The majority said yes. Might as well take the cash while it is still around.
AND WHILE ON RUDD.
YOU SHOULD LEARN that making unemployed kids (and grown-ups,too) take silly educational courses WON'T WORK.
This proposal from the PM ain't new.
But, it shows how out-of-touch he is-with REAL PEOPLE.
Sending jobless youth back to school to complete Year 12 is a form of Governmental child care...or rather School child care.
Rather than having kids roam the streets, Rudd reckons it's wiser that they go back and annoy already over-worked teachers.
And,for all this reskilling rubbish, you can get that on the job,Rudd - but,of course, with 8 per cent unemployment there isn't any work for the not so better-off kids.
Rogue remembers when he was made redundant as a newspaperman at 58 - Centrelink sent him back to school - or TAFE.
I collected a stash of certificates-but none led to a job. Just a little bit of voluntary work.
It's a band-aid solution,Mr Rudd.
And you know it.
I'm afraid,mate,you will have to pay these unemployed kids the dole...and don't BULLY them like Howard & Hockey.
I KNOW most kids want to work. Who likes collecting the dole?
But, skills should have been taught while they were at school - not after they left.
IT'S TO0 LATE,NUMBSKULL.
Your Learn and Earn plan will be a massive waste of taxpayers' money.
*
WOMAN ALLEGEDLY SETS
FIRE
TO HUSBAND'S GENITALS
AFTER a BLAZING ROW an Aussie woman,44, TORCHED her spouse's 'wedding tackle,' a court heard.
The magistrate was told the jealous wife had caught hubbie cheating on her.
So, the poor bloke's male member went UP IN FLAMES.
It's not even a smoking gun anymore-the man,47,died!
The fiery femme reportedly said:(My husband's) p*nis should belong to me.'
The magistrate ordered the FUMING female to see a SHRINK.
Another hearing has been set - for a later date.
CLINT & ANGELINA
AUSSIE
MOVIE RELEASE
SILVER-HAIRED SEPTUAGENARIAN ACTOR-DIRECTOR CLINT EASTWOOD is working with Angelina Jolie in a new flick Changeling - a thriller about a woman who gets more than she bargained for when her 'kidnapped' son returns home.
The Aussie release of the movie - which has already received a few gongs from film festivals-is early next month,I understand.
Ironically, Clint had said in an interview which was replayed on Aussie TV that he hadn't wanted to sign 'name' actors like Jolie and husband Brad Pitt in his previous movie-a gritty war film set in World War 2 Japan-with American and Japanese actors - and even Japanese subtitles.
Now,Clint is joking that he has become 'CLINT-ANGELINA.' YouTube,I hear, has a clip of their interview if you want to hear more.
Not sure,how Clint's American-Japanese war flick did at the box office. But his change of heart in signing Jolie to one of his pictures should see a brisk turnover in business.
*
STILL ON CLINT, I was a little surprised that he backed McCain's run at presidency. Also, singer FIONA APPLE lent her support to the Republicans,I hear.
Not, surprised that movie action man CHUCK NORRIS got right behind the failed McCain-Palin ticket.
Although, I must admit even though I'm an honorary member of the U.S. Democrats - Palin is now a MY SPACE mate.
Her charm factor got to me.
Not knocking Eastwood or Apple. It's their democratic right to vote for whom the hell they like.
But, there is a rather messy conflict raging in the Middle East.
Maybe,the duo doesn't think Obama cuts it.
They could be right.
He hasn't got the full support of the Senate-so get ready for a lot of Repulican 'filibustering' (a political term for time wasting when Obama wants to push through key legislation).
*
AUSSIE ANGLICAN VICAR
MARCHES WITH 'FUNDOS'
OVER GAZA
MY GOOD MATE,FATHER DAVE, a Sydney Anglican priest, is not ashamed to admit he MARCHED with Islamists - in a large protest rally in Harbor City...over the bloody conflict in Gaza.
Dave, a former boxer, is known as THE FIGHTING FATHER.'
He's got a web site -and a MY SPACE page.
Just YAHOO or GOOGLE Father Dave Smith and you'll find his page.
He's a passionate bloke, a true Christian who believes in getting his hands dirty.
Keep up The Good Fight (his catch-cry) Father Dave.
*
WARNIE A HIT
AS A TV CRICKET
COMMENTATOR
AS BILL LAWRY said, 'Shane, you are a breath of fresh air' -while together in the Nine commentary box.
And Warne indeed relieved the GLOOM - as the Aussies got a TWO-TEST hiding from the South Africans.
But, the lads redeemed themselves - with a thrilling third test win at the SCG.
The Proteas' skipper Graeme Smith must have been nuts to come out - strapped up from a serious injury - to face quick 'Mitch' and try to save his team-from defeat.
He could have sustained even more damage at the crease.
But,luckily, he avoided further injury.
G'd on ya Smithy - for knocking over your arch-rivals.
Expect Punter and his Aussie team mates in wishing you recovery...hope it may not be in time for their visit to South Africa.
Back to Warnie - who has attacked Smith in the past for lacking 'imagination or innovation' in his captaincy.
But, this time around he was full of praise for the plucky Smithy.
The showman spinner deftly inserted himself into Nine's commentary team...and Chappelli, or 'Chaps,' seemed to enjoy having a lend of the former 'leggie's' devotion to keeping his flash new sports car... in good nick.
And, Warne took a few expected jokes about his eye for attractive women on the chin,too.
I thought his description of the play was superb - down-to-earth and considered.
There was no attempt to grab headlines by making deliberately provocative remarks.
And what is happening to the POMS? (see ROGUE SPORTS GALLERY, pg3).
*
IS JEN ANISTON PREGNANT TO HOLLYWOOD 'PLAYBOY' JOHN MAYER?
------------------------------------------------------------------
TINSEL TOWN IS BUZZING with rumors that the former Friends star may be expecting hot lover John Mayer's bub?
But, Aniston's publicists are denying the claims.
'They (the rumors) are absolutely false,' one said.
And added:'Please give Jen a break...'
Sounds suspiciously like one of those 'silly season' gossip items - where magazines desperately scratch around for hot showbiz goss - as the holiday season approaches.
*
MADONNA:LATEST GOSS (see Rogue Entertainment, LINKS,pg 2)
*
STILL WAITING TO SEE SUPERFISH STEPHANIE RICE ON TV.
Steph HAS SIGNED a MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR, LONG-TERM CONTRACT - WITH THE SEVEN NETWORK in AUSTRALIA.
AGAIN, we were the first blog to report this news - exclusively.
My sources tell me that Seven executives contacted Rice after her STUNNING world-breaking pool win.
The Glamor Girl Queenslander was the first to win Aussie Gold - in the 400 m individual medley.
I understand that stunner Steph will host upcoming entertainment series for the network - but nothing in the pipeline yet.
The dark-haired beauty will also join Channel 7's sports commentary team - specialising in swim events.
*
'RUSTY' CROWE GETS INTO SHAPE FOR NEW ACTION ADVENTURE MOVIE.
Superstar Russell Crowe is under a strict fitness regime to shed EXCESS KILOS for his latest flick-an action-adventure yarn based loosely on the legendary outlaw Robin Hood.
A TOP LA personal trainer will supervise his bid to get fit.
(Turn to Rogue Entertainment, LINKS, pg 2, for more)
*
OPRAH,WILL AND CAMERON
TOP HOLLYWOOD
M0NEY-MAKERS
BY
Our Hollywood correspondent
Diane Christine
TALK-SHOW 'GURU' Oprah Winfrey swept all before her as she became the richest star in Tinsel Town.
Winfrey reportedly earned a STAGGERING $275 million last year-almost $200 million bucks ahead of her nearest rval, actor Will Smith.
Smith raked in $80 million in box office earnings,writes Diane Christine.
He led Johnny Depp, Eddie Murphy, Mike Myers and Leonardo Di Capro who all banked more than $55 million.
Cameron Diaz was the most bankable actress, with a pay packet of $50 million in 2007.
Jennifer Aniston,also high on the list of top-paid women, could only pull in a meagre $27 million.
*
LINDSAY LOHAN SLAMS TOP COP AFTER HIS 'GAY' SLUR.
THE FURIOUS STAR has attacked a Los Angeles police chief for saying things were a lot quieter in his precinct because Lohan had evidently gone gay.
Read the cop's blast in Rogue's Entertainment Pg 2, LINKS
*
AND GAL PAL PARIS - TO TAKE OVER FROM BARACK?!
PARIS HILTON says she's ready to become America's first woman president-with pop star Rihanna as her vice-president!
REMEMBER when Paris TOOK a swipe at McCain for using her and best friend Britney Spears in his campaign ad,Celeb, without the stars' permission.
Wearing a leggy, leopard-design bathing costume, socialite Hilton referred to McCain, in his 70s, as:'that wrinkly,white-haired...dude.'
She added:'I want everyone to know - I'm, like, totally ready to lead (the country)!'
The 27-year-old controversial blonde hell-raiser said if she was elected she would paint the White House a shocking 'Pink.'
She also supported offshore oil drilling in her ad - which led to some ribald remarks about her sex life from fans commenting on the clip.
One of the film-makers behind Hilton's video campaign said the model and actress had considered McCain's use of her and Britney Spears in his political slogans as a 'low blow.'
Not particularly impressed with Hillary Clinton - at least at the moment. Too predictable. Condee was better. Maybe Paris will achieve her dream!
*
WARNIE HAS GOT MIXED UP IN THE ENGLISH CONTROVERSIAL SACKING of Test and one-day captains Michael Vaughan and Paul Collingwood.
His advice to new Pommy skipper Kevin Pietersen to be a 'giver - not a taker' hasn't gone down well with the burly batsman.
More in Rogue's Sports Gallery, pg 3.
Also, Warne may be SET FOR TEST COMEBACK -AFTER HIS INDIAN PREMIER LEAGUE TRIUMPH.
*
PUNTERS REMIND RUDD TO SORT OUT PROBLEMS AT HOME
& COSTELLO WILL BE OPPOSITION LEADER
BY YEAR'S END
BY POLITICAL EDITOR
J.W.Gallery
OUR GLOBE-TROTTING PM,Kev 707, has been sent an angry message by working families that he is taking his eye off important domestic issues.
The HUGE swing against Labor in the Northern Territory elections, and backlash against the Federal Government in West Australians should be a warning to RUDD,writes Gallery.
Labor insiders are worried that their boss is spending too much time swanning around the world,trying to impress leaders what a dynamic guy he is.
'Rudd,unfortunately,is lecturing the premiers of other countries about their problems - while keeping his eye of the ball at home,' one told me.
'The Northern Territory swing against Labor should be a sharp reminder to him that he is not fulfilling his election promises.
'Punters are sick of being ripped off at the pump and paying high prices for their groceries.
'Pensioners are struggling with their pensions not keeping pace - with cost of living rises.
'There's a lot of discontent which Rudd must address immediately - with caucus.
'Yes, they are enjoying their cash hand-outs,but they aren't fooled.
'They know it's a fiscal band-aid.
'Rudd may be polling well-but wait until the Budget.'
MEANWHILE, Costello is sitting back and waiting for the call to lead the Opposition.
J.W.Gallery's predicton:'Turnbull will resign or be rolled later this year -or March,2010.'
*
Could soccer's Melbourne Victory have another TOP season?
AND HARRY KEWELL SHOWS SOME FORM-AT LAST in the Soceroos World Cup qualifiers. Let's hope you keep the ball on a roll, Hazza.
*
LINDSAY IS NEW MARILYN MONROE
A NOW BLONDE LINDSAY LOHAN is aping her screen idol Marilyn Monroe.
A convenient gust of wind blew up her dress on the red carpet of a movie awards...a la Monroe in that famous flick where Mazza showed off those million dollar gams.
Read more on Rogue Entertainment (Pg 2,LINKS).
MEANWHILE, Lindsay's mate Miss Paris Hilton celebrated her recent 27th birthday-and posed for photos at a pleasure dome in the Las Vegas gambling strip.
Strangely, for such an ostentatious,obscene place, Paris looked very demure in a simple white dress and tiara.
Paris presented like she was turning up - to get 'hitched' - instead of dancing away the night at an establishment called the Pussy Cat Doll in Las Vegas!
Click on Yahoo!7 Lifestyle FAMOUS - for a 14-page photographic gallery of Paris.
Otherwise, Paris has been keeping a low profile.
Mate Britney,too.
Very nice of Mel Gibson to help her out - with a bit of R&R at his Malibu beach house.
Good bloke,Mel who has had his troubles,too.
Britney having a 'PIECE OF THE PAP' video has attracted an AMAZING 50 million views on YOUTUBE.
Catchy song with clever lyrics.
STEVE IS CONTINUING TO LOOK AFTER THE
ANIMALS 'ABOVE' - TERRI IRWIN
A MAGAZINE REPORT claims Steve Irwin's widow,Terri, has had a secret meeting with Steve.
The private session took place through a highly-respected psychic medium.
Animal rights crusader Steve Irwin would have been 46 in late February.
It was claimed that Terri wanted to know if her late husband was 'caring for the crocs in heaven.'
Rogue hopes that Steve also keeps a watchful eye on any 'loan sharks' that might have slipped through the Pearly Gates.
Sorry-I'm sure good-humored Steve might have had a laugh about that!
*
Don't forget our JOKES section (LINKS, pg 2).
Here's one that made me LOL.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one -and let the other one off!
*
ROGUE has talent spotted a hot new singing talent NOUSH SKAUGEN. She has a MY SPACE page.
Good looker and great songs winning her acclaim at Hollywood Music Awards.
Use Yahoo or Google search engines-but should find her page easily on My Space.
WE also FEATURE A FULL COLOR SPREAD on NOUSH - in our sister publication Rogueminimus. See above for link.
*
DANNII MINOGUE BLAMES TABLOID PRESS on ruining her sex life!!
POOR UK-based Dannii,36, is sitting at home these days, watching cable TV-while no gentlemen call the dark-haired beauty.
It all started after one of those nasty London Red Tops published photos of Dannii allegedly fondling a female lap dancer called Jupiter-at a London night club.
And, BY JOVE!!, the heavens fell in for our Dannii.
She hasn't been on a date with a red-blooded bloke for yonks.
It seems such a long time ago, lamented the star as she channel surfed her cable TV.
BUT BIG SISTER
PRODUCES
A HUM-DINGER OF
AN ALBUM
IF DANNII is in the DOLDRUMS about her sex life, big sis Kylie is on cloud nine-with her latest album.
The release was four years in the making.
Rogue loves every track-and it will be a huge success for the pocket-size diva, he predicts.
The only trouble is the main song,Two Hearts, sounds a bit too much like Rihanna's Umbrella.
But,nevertheless, that shouldn't stop it soaring to the top of the charts.
There is a lot of great original material on the CD.
I hear Kyles may have returned to the loving arms of Froggy 'Cad' - OLLIE. (See Pg 2)
KEV'S A RUDDY DISASTER - SO FAR
Political Desk
I GUESS ANDREW DOWNER has plenty to SMIRK about.
He warned us last year Kevin Rudd was a 'LIAR.'
And, Kev is doing very little to counter Downer's claim.
Sure, he's got kudos from the Apology and the Iraqi withdrawal.
Watched him during Parliament Question Time on Iraq.
Rudd craftily never mentioned Afghanistan once.
That's the real danger zone for Aussie troops. And it looks likely they will be in the war-ravaged country for at least another ten years.
On the home front, he has DUDDED pensioners and nothing about the public dental health scheme.
Saw a pensioner on SBS's Insight program with a pair of pliers, admitting he had pulled out a bad tooth because of the massive public dental waiting list.
The latest is that Kev is well aware of the plight of pensioners and will give them a 500 buck utility allowance this year.
That should help towards a couple of phone bills!
But, disability pensioners like Rogue, will have to wait until next February as one of Rudd's famous committees decides how much they will get more - if anything. Got to watch that inflation.
I hear Rudd has eight committees discussing a proposed Government policy!
Participatory democracy, I guess.
AND JULES, cut out that irritating 'working families' mantra.
Also, drop the 'social inclusion' bit from your ministerial title.
The late French philosopher Derrida had some wise words to say about 'inclusion & exclusion.'
Don't worry they are digestible.
In an article about Derrida, US Prof Mark C.Taylor wrote:'...Every structure-social,economic,political-that organises our experience is constituted and maintained through acts of exclusion.
In the process of creating something, something else inevitably gets left out.'
In this case:Pensioners.
*
GLOBAL WHITE SUPREMACIST
'HATE ROCK' MUSIC
HITS EUROPE,US
& NOW
AUSTRALIA
(SPECIAL ROGUE REPORT
PROBE)
AUSTRALIA is in danger of being swept by the rising tide of the global 'White Power Music' or 'Hate Rock' movement.
So-called Rock Bands such as British group Brutal Attack (formerly known as 'Dead Pakis (Pakistanis) in the Gutter'),Max Resist & Nemesis are screaming LYRICS OF HATE to their misguided converts.
These hate-fuelled groups make the Sex Pistols, batty Alice Cooper & Marilyn Manson look like saints - by comparison.
A U.S.-based record company,'Great White Records,' cunningly uses the mainstream record market, to spread its white supremacist music.
An Australian TV network recently ran an expose of white power music.
The program featured a vile creature, Aryan the Barbarian, who was an American boxer.
Ex-pug Aryan the Barbarian now uses the pulpit instead of the ring to preach his message of Nazi Extremism.
A SLEAZY BLONDE PORN QUEEN has established the revolting Church of Hitler in America.
But, most worrying, are the tactics used by the 'Hate Rockers' to win over KIDS.
White Power Music supporters are gathering outside schools, handing free CDs to unwitting schoolchildren.
Their campaign of RACIST EVIL is known as 'Project Schoolyard.'
The Rogue Report is determined to stamp out this Neo-Nazi menace before it grips our Australian schools and easily-influenced music-loving teenagers.
We ask our readers to IMMEDIATELY dob in any 'white power music' - to the police.
The Rogue Report is watching the 'HATE ROCK' movement.
YOU have been WARNED.
*
'POPERA' SENSATION
PAUL POTTS
BREAKS YOUTUBE
RECORDS
FORMER telephone mobile salesman Paul Potts HAS SMASHED Youtube viewing records.
An amazing 26 million watchers go POTTY when 37-year-old Welshman Paul sings the latest arias on the video network.
Potts, from the South Welsh town of Port Talbot, is making Aussie women go weak at the knees,too.
Millions are tuning into Youtube to watch this new 'Popera' sensation.
Potts said on Australian radio that he still loves to communicate by mobile.
'I text my friends all the time,' he admitted - even though thoroughly bankable Paul has made enough cash to phone his mates (24/7) if he wants to!
The former mobile phone saleman-turned-singer also has a MY SPACE site which receives millions of hits each day.
Potts met his wife Julie-Anne four years ago - on, you've guessed it, an internet chatroom!
*
PARIS HILTON
LAUNCHES
OWN FASHION
LABEL
HEIRESS, author and singer Paris Hilton has turned fashion guru.
The sexy 27-year-old has unveiled her Paris Hilton clothing line.
'It's a dream come true,' said Hilton,wearing a gold-sequined mini-dress,at the Hollywood launch.
But, the superstar insisted her new fashion range would be 'comfortable and affordable.'
She spent a year designing a line of 'fun & bright' T-shirts, jeans and shoes.
HOWARD TO WORK AT MACCAS
-ANOTHER WORLD EXCLUSIVE
BY J.W.GALLERY
EX-PM JOHN HOWARD will work at a suburban Sydney Maccas shortly, we can reveal.
Everyone will remember the PM's famous remark that taking a job at the fast-food chain was noble work.
So, now he's stepped down from high office, he will not eat his words.
No plum legal consultancy for our hard-working JWH.
Insiders say Howard wants to show the public that a 68-year-old politician can prepare a Big Mac just as well as any kid.
And we all remember he has VOWED to continue working until he's 80.
My sources at the Sydney Maccas which has offered Howard the work is 'thrilled' that he is 'seriously' considering their offer.
John W has been telling his former cabinet mates:'You wait until you taste by Big Mac with the full trimmings, great Aussie beef, gherkins and that special sauce, you'll want to come back for more.'
It is believed that the popular ABC show Chaser's has got wind of the story and is already preparing a 'steak-out'!!
*
And,another joke to amuse readers - in these gloom-laden times.
Here's one that tickled my fancy. Hope y'all like it too.
'Mr Horne, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce court judge said,'and I've decided to give your wife $2000-a-week.'
'That's very fair,your honour,' Clem said, 'and every now and then, I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
THERE ARE more 'ROGUE JOKES' on LINKS, Pg 2 - towards the end of the page. Enjoy.
*
ALEX THE BRAINY PARROT DIES
Alex, the world famous African grey parrot, was sadly found dead in his Harvard researcher's lab at the young age (for parrots) of only 31.
Found in a pet shop, Alex was groomed for stardom when it was found he could reason at the level of a five or six-year-old kid.
He could also use words creatively and had a working vocabularly of 100 verbal responses.
Alex could also recognise shapes and colors.
When my son,also Alex, got on my nerves when he was younger, I used to tell him that the parrot had more intelligence than him!
Plenty of pix and stories about the brainy bird depending on the search engine of your choice.
Just enter 'Alex the parrot.'
*
BRIT LESBIAN SEX ROMP
NEW CLAIMS
BRITNEY SPEARS was allegedly involved in a steamy SEX ROMP with a lesbian dancer - in a Copenhagen nightclub.
Wild Brit is a member of Paris Hilton's notorious 'Brat Pack.'
It's all part of ex-hubbie Kevin Federline's bid to win custody of the couple's two kids-by compiling a 'dirt dossier' to be presented to a court next month.
(Turn to Rogue's Entertainment, LINKS, pg 2 - for full story)
*
'HEF' ON SEX DRUG-
PLAYGIRL LOVER
One of Playboy founder Hugh Hefner's three young bed partners has revealed the ageing Romeo uses a sex drug - to KEEP UP his love-making!
Yep, our Hef,now 81, reportedly takes the sex pill Viagra when he wants to satisfy his much younger playmates.
Hugh has three young BUSTY lovers at the Playboy Mansion.
They are his No 1 girlfriend of six years Holly Madison, No.2 buddy Bridget and third 'Hef Harem' member, Kendra Wilkinson.
Bridget reportedly told the Australian Nine TV Network that Hefner uses libido-raising Viagra to keep his three girls 'satisfied' - IN THE SACK!!
*
ROCK SUPERSTAR ERIC CLAPTON IS AT 'THE CROSSROADS' - IN HIS MUSICAL CAREER ( see special report, Rogue Entertainment,LINKS, pg 2)
*
YOUNG AUSSIE SOCCER-ROO
DAZZLES MANCHESTER UNITED-
AND THREE MILLION YOUTUBE
VIEWERS
RED-SHIRTED RHAIN DAVIS IS A NINE-YEAR-OLD SOCCER-PLAYING KID FROM BRISBANE.
Now, he's set for superstardom by joining English Premier League club Manchester United.
Rhain is being hailed as 'The New Aussie Rooney' and 'The Future Face of Football.'
The youngster's genius with the soccer ball was captured on video by his proud grandpop.
He sent the film off to the famed Man U.
club.
Club bosses were on the blower from the UK to Brissie as soon as they saw the footage.
Rhain's fancy footwork was every bit as flash as their star players Wayne Rooney and Ronaldo.
The legendary side has signed Rhain to the club's elite youth academy where he will be groomed to play for them when he's in his late teens.
Like three million others, I was STUNNED by this kid's soccer prowess when I watched the YouTube video:Rhain Davis The Whiz Kids.
Sadly, we're losing not only young talent but a host of older players who have joined other top UK clubs.
Go to Rogue Sports Gallery, pg 3, for all the latest news in SPORT.
*
TO events of global importance!
The Spice Girls reunited for a world tour - but won't be visiting Sydney...unlike BECKS.
Wonder if Posh Spice's LA-based hubbie, soccer superstar DAVID BECKHAM,will put in guest vocal appearances - in the girls' various venues.
See - all the 'A' List creeps, including the Cruises, turned out to WELCOME the couple to the city of Saints.
But, the fuss over them,or rather wife 'Posh,' may subside as Victoria Beckham's new US reality TV show nose-dives in the ratings.
My guess is that David Beckham is really over in the states to spearhead America's push - to get into the global soccer scene.
You know, the Yanks don't like to be left out of anything!
And that Soccer World Cup is very tempting to win.
So the former Pommy Man U & Real Madrid midfielder is on a staggering 292 million (AUD) for his club LA (Los Angeles) Galaxy over five years.
The only home-grown US soccer star,so to speak, Claudio Reyna, is on a pathetic one million bucks.
Claudio plays for the New York Red Bulls.
*
AUSSIE CRICKETING LEGEND JUSTIN LANGER is set to take up his bat again,we hear.
Langer is reportedly in negotiations to captain UK team Somerset.
*
NICOLE KIDMAN LATEST MOVIE FLOPS AT
THE BOX OFFICE - AFTER BOAT 'TERROR' ON FILM SET
AUSSIE superstar Nicole Kidman's latest sci-fi thriller The Invasion - a remake of a horror classic Invasion of the Body Snatchers -has 'died' at the US and Canada box offices - netting only six million bucks at its opening.
MEANWHILE, not a great opener either for Nick's follow-up flick just called Australia (at least for the moment).
Her gorgeous rear got an unexpected pinch while on the movie set, in the steamy tropical Aussie city of Darwin, and then the flame-haired actress was almost in a boat COLLISION in Darwin Harbour.
(See Pg 2, LINKS, Rogue Entertainment Gallery)
*
SIR ELTON JOHN has confessed he has found true love - at last - after 40 years.
He told Aussie interviewer Andrew Denton:
'I've come a long way ... I now have a loving relationship with someone, (it) took me 43 years to find out how.'
The life partner and Sir Elton's true love is Englishman David Furnish,who had some connection with the showbiz world, when the singing knight met him some years ago.
Sir Elton,60, also said he did his rehab-the hard way.
No Malibu celebrity rehabs for the Londoner;just a Chicago 'boot camp' hospital.
Getting sober was one of the 'great achievements' of his life.
*
NOT-TO-BE MISSED ABC RADIO NATIONAL PROGRAMS:
----------------------------------------------------------
Background Briefing.
A slave took on a British high court and won the right to be called a 'human'-not a thing.
An American animal legal rights expert believes our primate cousins should be equal under the law-just like homo sapiens.
And that includes the common law right of 'habeas corpus' -to escape animal experimentation.
Rear Vision:
This excellent series has a two-part feature on the partition of India and Pakistan.
India is celebrating its 60th anniversary of statehood.
But, Pakistan is still in turmoil.
Rear Vision,available as an MP3 download or on audio, traces the tragic and bloodthirsty birth of Pakistan - 60 years ago.
Hope the show repeats its excellent profile of Burma broadcast a few months ago.
The Health Report.
The guru of health matters Dr Norman Swan reveals how some of that stuff in soft drinks may be whacking our livers - just as badly as alcohol.
Controversial stuff.
But no word from Aussie soft drink manufacturers about the potentially 'lethal' substances in their bottled drinks.
Worth getting on their case, Dr Norman?
Go to www.abc.com.au/rn
All downloadable through MP3 and you can listen on audio,too.
Don't miss.
The ABC-TV's Foreign Correspondent excelled recently,too.
The water-starved Latin American folk of Bolivia are having to wash themselves with Coca-Cola thanks to global warming.
Their aqua-bearing glaciers are melting at horrifying speed.
Also, the batteries in mobile phones may just come from child labor digging up the minerals in countries like the African Congo, we saw.
Makes me feel guilty now every time I use my damn thing.
*
TENNIS Snapshots:
---------------------
Saw The Federer eating a banana during a match. Maybe Mr Darwin had it right about the evolutionary struggle!
How about the American player in the men's doubles final who questioned a call-telling the amazed umpire his ruling may have 'historic' implications!
I don't think even Macca got that serious about disputed umpire decisions!!
*
ROGUE VIDEO CONTEST:LATEST
STUNNING COUNTRY SINGER SARA LYNN is STILL Rogue's frontrunner in his annual Video Entertainer of the year contest.
SARA LYNN has got a full gig list plus radio and TV appearances.
Her sound man has worked with the Dixie Chicks,Alison Krauss & Dolly Parton.
So,that's the sort of pedigree this new female country artist brings to her DEBUT CD, Thing For You.
Plenty of pix of Sara Lynn on the Rogueminimus Link to this site.
Sara Lynn has her own web page:www.saralynn.com & a My Space site,too.
Others in the running are Brisbane (Australia) and Colombia (South America)-based singer Melany Maloney.
Melany blends in lots of good sounds - with a Latino feel.
Moloney won the prestige Latin section of the John Lennon talent award, inaugurated by his wife Yoko Ono.
She also has a new album...out now.
Check her and some great tracks out on My Space.
Link:http://www.myspace.com/melanymoloney
My sister publication Rogueminimus has front page photos of the contenders such as Sara Lynn.
Link:http://rogueminimus.blogspot.com
WATCH OUT,too, for sexy soul singer Robyn Janelle-who also has a My Space site.
Keep an eye out for upcoming pix of these performers in The Rogue Report and its stylish cyber sister Rogueminimus
*
(Message from Rogue Proprietor)
ROGUE REVAMP
A LOT OF READERS have WHINGED to me - it takes too long to scroll through the MAIN PAGE.
So, I'm reluctantly cutting the report back.
You should find it only takes you 20 seconds now.
Instead of 30 seconds!
Meanwhile here's a line from a Hollywood flick that may amuse you while I'm doing the edit.
Bloke to the other guy:'I didn't catch your name?'
Other guy:'I didn't throw it!'
Yep, those old black and white movies contained some great gags.
Don't forget Rogue's Jokes (bottom of LINKS,Rogue Entertainment, pg 2)
*
JUSTIN AND CAMERON SPLIT?
There are GROWING RUMORS that Justin Timberlake & Cameron Diaz have SPLIT.
REPORTS say she has been seen around town with a notorious ladies' man.
Rogue will keep you updated in Rogue Entertainment, LINKS, pg 2
*
AFL CHIEFS are 'headhunting' fit young boxers - to provide more PUNCHY football.
And Rugby League has become thuggish,too.
Saw HORRIFYING footage of a player almost trying to strangle another footballer-during a match. Hardly sporting.
(another Rogue Sports Gallery exclusive,pg3)
*
LOGIE WINNER ROVE McMANUS
LATE WIFE
'TRIBUTE' ALBUM
SOARS INTO TOP TEN
BELINDA EMMETT, the late wife of Australian TV superstar Rove McManus, has a posthumously-released album - on sale now...and within days it became a SOARAWAY SUCCESS.
Belinda died tragically of cancer at the too-young age of 32.
Rogue has a copy of the album - and it's superb.
(Go to Rogue Entertainment, Links, Pg 2)
*
HOLLYWOOD 'BUDDHISTS'
IN CONFLICT
TINSEL TOWN'S TWO FAMOUS BUDDHISTS - RICHARD GERE & DIRECTOR OLIVER STONE - ARE IN CONFLICT.
GERE was threatened with arrest in India for kissing a Bollywood movie star - while Stone is taking a more SINCERE SPIRITUAL PATH by making an anti-war TV commercial.
UPDATE:Stone may even set up a movie studio in Thailand called-you've guessed it - OLLIEWOOD!!
But, the US film director aims to make movies of 'more substance' than glitzy Bollywood song & dance extravaganzas.
(Watch out for the clash of Hollywood V Buddha - in Rogue Entertainment,Link,Pg 2)
*
TOP 'BRASS' COLIN POWELL
ADDS
CRITICISM TO BUSH IRAQ FOLLY
ONE of the 'RELUCTANT' architects of Bush's ill-conceived Iraq invasion, Colin Powell has added his voice to the ever MOUNTING concern over attempts to DEMOCRATIZE the war-torn land.
Powell thinks that all efforts are quoting him:'Just putting a heavier lid on an already boiling pot.'
Pity that this five-star military man sat on the fence over the Bush pre-emptive strike doctrine-for so long.
*
AUSSIE CRICKET CHAMP
BRETT LEE
IN 'BILLION DOLLAR'
BOLLYWOOD DEAL
BY ROGUE
HUNKY Australian paceman Brett Lee is about sign a billion bucks deal - with movie and music moguls in India, the Rogue Report can reveal.
Lee also got a $1 million offer from the Indian Premier League (IPL) during the recent AUCTION of players - for the coming 20/20 matches in the sub-continent.
The toothy young cricket star,with the cheeky, boyish grin, has MELTED the hearts of both young and old femmes- in the Southern Asian country-with its teeming one billion population.
It's all a result of blond Lee's smash hit video with dark-haired Hindi songbird Asha Bhosle,titled Can u Tell a Girl.
Millions of fans of both Lee and Miss Bhosle, now in her seventies but still singing like a 19-year-old nightingale, have tuned into website YouTube to watch their duet.
The enormous success of both the song and video prompted Indian entertainment industry chiefs to meet Lee-with chequebooks at the ready.
According to my sources, Brett will star in a string of Bollywood musicals with some of India's loveliest stars.
And,despite a 50-year age difference between Lee and Asha Boshle, Miss Boshle will be 'instrumental' in ensuring all movies are box office smash hits.
Despite being a septuagenarian, Asha Bhosle is the 'voice' of all those gorgeous young Hindis who appear to sing on the big screen.
Producers 'lip synch' Bhosle's beautiful melodies - with the beauties who sing the hits in the Hindi flicks.
I understand Lee will continue to woo shy young Hindi maidens - with his guitar and dulcet tones - in the Bollywood musicals...using his own voice.
Famed Aussie leg spinner Shane Warne was approached,I hear, to underscore Lee's singing performance in the flicks.
But an insider confided that Warney may get the 'wrong 'uns' right in cricket.
'Warney,however,has the tendency to hit 'wrong notes' while in full voice,' my source added.
'Shane just wouldn't be 'an asset' to former team-mate Lee's new career as a musical flick star!'
You can see Lee and Asha Bhosle perform on YouTube by entering www.youtube.com.
Once on site, click on:Brett Lee Feat Asha Bhosle - Can u Tell a Girl.
Have Funb!
-The Rogue Report with agencies.
MADONNA'S HUSBAND NOT
HAPPY
WITH WIFE'S 'MEDIA CIRCUS'
OVER AFRICAN BABY
ADOPTION
Seems superstar Madonna's hubby, down-to-earth Brit film director Guy Ritchie, isn't happy with all the media fuss surrounding his Missus and their Malawi 'bub' Dave, according to reports.
Read yet another thrilling chapter in our SHOWBIZ STARS 'baby adoption boom'
(Rogue Entertainment, pg 2)
*
COURAGEOUS ROBBIE WILLIAMS
SEEKS DRUG ABUSE TREATMENT
(also scroll down to Page Two)
*
DISGRACED POMMY ACTORS
HUGH & RALPH
IN 'DIRTY DEEDS' SEX SCANDALS
(A Must-Read expose by our Hollywood correspondent Diane Christine on Page 2)
KYLIE'S KISS 'N' TELL ALL
BOOK
*PLUS*
YOU CHEATING CAD
OLIVIER
ROGUE EXCLUSIVE
ON KYLIE'S SECRET TEARS
(all revealed in Rogue's Entertainment,LINKS,pg 2)
*
AND - MORE ON THE NEW LOOK F0R ROGUE REPORT
WE ARE NOW THE BIGGEST ONLINE TABLOID WEBSITE IN AUSTRALIA.
WE ALSO ATTRACT READERS FROM ALL OVER THE GLOBE-BECAUSE A LOT OF WHAT WE SAY FINDS A COMMON hVOICE.
REMEMBER IF you miss anything, GO to our FULL-COLOR, SISTER WEBSITE ROGUEMINIMUS - with a complete RUNDOWN of stories.
*
MEANWHILE - ROGUE REPORT READERS ARE INVITED TO SCROLL THROUGH OUR SPECIALLY-ARCHIVED 2007 REPORTS.
SKIP THIS SECTION - AND GO ON TO THE NEXT PAGE (LINKS,Pg 2)-IF YOU PREFER.
BUSH SEEKS TO BAN UNHOLY ACTS
IN IRAQ
(Courtesy of The Onion News Agency)
President George W. Bush has been reportedly meeting the Iraqi Governing Council to keep the country on a 'straight path.'
Bush wants the council to protect the sanctity of husband & wife marriage.
Onion News quoted the president as saying:'The council must act decisively to prevent 'unlawful and unholy acts.'
Dubya is believed to have rejected the idea of stoning evil-doers.
*
********************WORLD EXCLUSIVE**************
LEAKED HOWARD-BUSH
IAQ PHONE TAPES
A ROGUE REPORT WORLD
EXCLUSIVE
(c roguereport 2007)
A SOURCE close to the Howard administration has handed The Rogue Report an EXCLUSIVE recent taped phone call between American President, George W. Bush, & Australian Prime Minister John Howard.
The two leaders discussed Iraq. Here is an extract from their conversation. The early morning call - at 3.12AM- was made only a few days ago:
BUSH:Hiya John. I ain't woke you up, ha?
HOWARD (drowsily):He,he. Not at all George. That world clock I sent you at Christmas - not working?
BUSH (sort of chuckling):Never use the darn thing. I phone at whatever time I feel and everyone takes my calls...
HOWARD: (pause )
BUSH:John, you know me as a guy who doesn't b*llsh*t around.
How are you placed to send a coupla thousand more Aussies -to Iraq.
We're sending 21,500 of our finest young guys.
HOWARD:(pause as if searching for an excuse) Er...well, George, you may have heard about the troubles we're having in our region.
Fiji has had another damn coup, The Solomon's could blow again at any minute, New Guinea is always a pain in the a*se-and now bloody Thailand is under its fourth or fifth dictator, I forget.
We need every man on deck, George, to keep the region stable.
BUSH:(getting testy) Same f*cking excuses John. You pulled that one on me last time.
These are only two-bit dictators. Let 'em sort it out among themselves.
You should be getting your butts over to f*cking Iraq.
HOWARD:(muffled) But regional instability,George...dangerous-
BUSH(ignoring the remark):John, this is the last f*cking time I ask you politely.
Next call, you send a coupla thousand of those fine Aussie guys to do their bit for the coalition.
HOWARD:But,George, I'm your sheriff...
(phone line suddenly goes dead)
*
'TIN TIN'
YOU CAN'T BE TRUSTED
A RUDDY C*CK-UP ALREADY
COMMENT
BY ROGUE POLITICAL STAFF
(c roguereport 2007)
'TIN TIN'.
FIRST, YOU PROMISE MUCH-NEEDED CASH FOR PUBLIC DENTAL HEALTH CARE...as part of your '07 Election Policy.
WHERE I live in North-East Victoria, the waiting list for public dental health treatment has grown to a GUM-R0TTING four years.
IT is really BITING here-Rudd.And your Opposition policies are as much to blame.
The Robotic Steve 'HYMIE' Bracks, Victorian Labor Leader, has done nothing to alleviate the dental PAIN experienced by all unfortunates-after the heartless Mr Jeff ( 'Please Forgive Me') Kennett withdrew the vital public benefit.
So,Kevin Rudd - New Labor (without the socialism!) - has promised to cut all waiting lists back to a still not very HEALTHY two years.
But, it's a start. And Rudd will be able to fund it.
Costello,sorry Howard, if he loses the upcoming Federal election will leave enough cash in the public purse to allow a newly-elected Federal Labor Government to budget for the social measure.
I am a member of ACOSS (Australian Council of Social Security) action network.
ACOSS has pleaded with all parties to give the public dental health system - a FAIR GO.
It has,seemingly, EXTRACTED this election promise from Rudd when we go to the polls in November,07.
The Democrats have given ACOSS their support,too.
Senator Lynn Alison - the Democrats Leader-even sent me a personal letter, making this a high priority in her election platform.
Lynn,sorry if a misspelling, get out a bit more in 2007...so we can SEE you, LOVE.
You seem to be doing a good job-if you are now leader of the DEMS.
Please try to keep the lid on Senator Erica Betz's Question Time showtime.
It is very,very boring-hearing ERICA ramble on what a job rich nation we are, when the North East of Victoria is virtually bankrupt-except for tourism.
BUT,to 'Tin Tin' and the DISABILITY PENSION SHAKE-UP carefully slotted in the seasonal hiatus-hopefully to be missed by the punters.
OUR new face on the political landscape, Federal Opposition Leader KEVIN RUDD, is going to make it even TOUGHER for the DISABLED to get welfare.
WITH this cruel move, 'Tin Tin' makes Howard look ALMOST COMPASSIONATE.
Through mouthpiece,SENATOR PENNY W0NG,opposition spokesman on workplace relations-Rudd promised:
'...We will look at increasing employment services for those people on the disability support pension - and giving them & others the opportunity to train - to get the skills they need to move from welfare to work.'
WELL 'TIN TIN'-I speak from bitter experience.
I'm not going to run through my tale of woe again.
But,fate,destiny,luck or whatever, has landed me - at almost 59 - widowed,with an 18-year-old son who has just got his VCE, in North East Victoria.
I am on a disability support pension. Centrelink has even belled me and said I'm probably putting in too many hours.
My job agency advisers are at their wit's end.
I have a stack of TAFE certificates-mainly in work with the mentally disabled.
I worked with a group of them for almost a year until someone pulled the plug on their 'drop in centre' and warm daily meal.
A couple of weeks ago I was greeted by the sight of our local TAFE manager in tears as a couple of workmen, who looked very unhappy themselves, carted out all the computers.
We await news if the campus is going to re-open.
So much for retraining.
May I suggested 'Tin Tin' - you are even more of a BLITHERING BESPECTACLED IDIOT than Howard.
*
AUSTRALIAN BRAIN DRAIN
'NONSENSE'
SAYS COSTELLO
ROGUE EXCLUSIVE with AGENCIES
(c roguereport 2006)
SEEMS FED TREASURER Mr Peter Costello ROSE to the ROGUE BAIT.
Remember when I asked:'IF this was such a lucky country-why are more than 1 million Australians now living overseas!'
COSSIE confirmed the STAT that more than 1 in 20 Aussies don't call AUSTRALIA HOME anymore.
These figures would worry any SANE Government.
But not the Benevolent Dictatorship of Howard,Hockey, Abbott & Costello ( for Rogue's unbelieving overseas readership- YEP, we do have an Abbott & Costello in political power here).
It means less paper work and longer lunches for Missing Link,sorry Centrelink Guiding Genius, Minister Joe Hockey.
Fiscally-obsessed Howard doesn't MIND - either!
OVERSEAS governments will pick up the welfare tab - and our jobless slack.
Costello believes the expats are 'a national asset.'
The reason? The 1 million wannabe 'Paul Hogans' overseas - are promoting Australian tourism.
if you can see the logic in that then I AM A SHRIMP ON COSSIE'S HOLIDAY BARBIE!
EXPAT Aussie business leaders can spread the word of our ECONOMIC SUCCESS,too,Howard's deputy claims!!
YOU OXYMORONIC OAF!! Costello.
*
NAOMI BL00PERS
NOW IN OFFICIAL TV RATINGS!
BY ROGUE ENTERTAINMENT STAFF
FORMER SLEAZE TV'S TODAY TONIGHT, NAOMI ROBSON, has SNUCK into the MAIN Aussie TV ratings - through her YouTube appearance.
A NAUGHTY technician at RED-FACED CHANNEL SEVEN, the former family TV networ COMPILED a PUCKISH PACKAGE OF Ms ROBSON'S OFF-CAMERA CONTEMPT for her audience.
A BIG-BUTTED woman is sneered at - and NAOMI, while dabbing on her make-up and glossy lippy, DISPLAYS PLENTY OF LIP about the STUPIDITY of Today Tonight's many viewers.
Naomi is understood to be genuinely upset by the You Tube antics.
I personally quite liked her.
She did a lot for tourism in the north-east of Victoria - on her snowfield visits.
I know a local garage man who didn't mind being photographed with the tiny star ( around 5 ft in height, I hear) - and his wife and kids were thrilled,too.
They were 'pumped' as much as Costello when Rudd made his New Labor Parliamentary debut in Question Time last year.
STILL on YOU TUBE-you can see the Glenn Milne and Steve Mayne FIGHT NIGHT.
If you didn't know, the Punchy Parliamentary correspondent Milne tried to take a SWING at Crikey.Com.Au's CRUSADING St Stephen of Mayne.
It was all captured at the recent MEDIA OSCAR NIGHT-The Walkleys.
I reckon if Glenn had connected - Crikey's Mayne man would have been FLOORED!
And not for words.
But as the late Donald Rumsfeld would say:This will remain an 'UN-KNOWN.'
I left a couple of comments on Landeryou's coverage of the TV stoush.
For Naomi- just click on Naomi Robson in the You Tube box.
Tons of stuff.
Milne and Mayne Fight Night should get you to the TV stoush.
*
JOBLESS RAGE
BY ROGUE
The other day I saw a guy come out of Missing Link - I mean Centrelink.
He was really SPEWING, Joe Hockey (the Federal Minister responsible for Centrelink).
He'd obviously had one of those Hockey form-filling days (Joe never really reads them...you know).
And they'd caught him out - on a technicality.
THE RAGE had started probably within the confines of Centrelink.
It was now reaching Hurricane Hockey proportions by the time he spied me!
'I'VE served this f...ng country all my working life,and now look what the bastards have done to me,' the bloke was really turning on the pump.
I don't know why he picked an almost 59-year-old guy like me...who was about 80 metres from the Wangaratta Centrelink office - to vent his spleen.
But I think he was in such A FURY-that a little old lady would have copped his BITTER TALE,too.
I nodded my head in agreement.
'F.....g Centrelink,' I said.
'Given you a hard day - mate?'
But, the man was really boiling over.
He would have burst a radiator if he'd been a car!
'All my f....g life (expletives getting heavier)...'
I walked on by.
Yep, Life wasn't meant to be easy - as Mal's
Mantra (the only thing he was famous for except two other well-documented incidents) sprang immediately to mind.
I'm wondering if the guy (the unemployed one) was a clever con artist, dole cheat, had a 'de facto' and not declared her, done a bit of black economy (done an earner without declaring it) or was genuinely out-of-a-job, and Centrelink had told him to get more forms or proof.
But, the law of averages, dictates that JOBLESS OR RETRENCHED RAGE in and outside Centrelink offices must be on the rise.
*
SELECT 'LOCAL BOY' GRAHAM ARNOLD AS FULL-TIME SOCCEROOS COACH - FFA TOLD (see Rogue Sports Gallery, pg3)
*
ONLY IN AMERICA: MAVERICK JUDGE Thomas R.Buckley declared to the New York Times:'I just follow my own common sense. And the hell with the law.'
ROGUE shouldn't really say 'only in America.' It happens in Australia,too.
PM Howard and Attorney-General Phil Ruddock are both well-known for casting aside well-established legal principles.
Expect,though, Justice Buckley has PROBABLY more basic commonsense than intellectual giants Howard and Phil.
*
Tom and Katie sign a mind-blowing pre-nup (see Rogue's Entertainment,link,pg2).
HILLARY ROLLS OUT ELECTION CAMPAIGN
HILLARY RODHAM Clinton is set to be the next American president.
Ms Clinton is now in full election mode - with Media mogul Rupert Murdoch throwing his full weight behind Bill's U.S. Democrat spouse.
Murdoch will SUPPORT Hillary's bid in the 2008 Yank Presidential Elections.
The global tycoon never backs a loser. He approved Hawke for PM - and also Howard.
His London papers also headlined New Labor's Tony Blair for the UK premiership.
Rupert's politics are conservative-but business is business.
But the latest from the US is Mr M is denying support for Ms C.
Wonder how diehard Republican Bill 0'Reilly will take the news.
Seems Bill has been told to get a more friendly profile.
He's been appearing on lefties' TV talk shows.
*
JOHN LENNON is stalked by a new terror. (See,Links,pg2)
*
SHRINKS and psychologists are already rushing to publish their findings on Tom Cruise-after revelations that he was BULLIED as a kid.
Could this explain Tom's loony behavior in recent years?
Cruise tells how his dad bullied him. A textbook Freudian Oedipal clash?
(See more: Rogue's Entertainment,Link,pg.2)
TOM's ex Nicole Kidman has reportedly been asked to make a guest appearance in the hit animated series The Simpsons.
She'd just play herself. But I understand any mention of Urban or Cruise in the script-and she won't appear in The Simpsons.
*
JACKO, surprise,surprise,was CLOWNED,sorry,CROWNED as America's most foolish person in 2006.
Tom Cruise was fourth.
Conceited US hotel heiress and socialite Paris Hilton was America's most foolish woman.
(Read More on Pg 2 Link, Rogue's Entertainment)
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0SAMA BIN LADEN'S neice Wafah has become a SEX SYMBOL in the U.S!
NineMsn's website carried a photo of WHAT A WAFAH!..
nude in a bubble bath.
Wonder what Uncle 0sama (he was once called USA-MA but later changed his name) thinks of his neice's naughty antics in the wicked west!
Wafah Dufour bin Ladin's (to give her full name) mother married the al-Qaeda leader's half-brother.
California-born,she lived in Saudi Arabia near uncle Osama for several years.
Dufour,in her twenties, has dropped the bin Ladin from her name.
She wanted to show she was a true American patriot - and anyway bin Ladin was a different spelling of the Arabic name used by the former wealthy Saudi resident-turned-Jihadist Osama bin Laden.
Now,calling herself Wafah Dufour, the stunner has signed up for a reality TV show about her life with Uncle Osama - and quest to be a songstress.
I wonder if Osama (hiding in the Pakistani caves) has heard of his strikingly attractive neice's sexy exploits?!
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MY fellow Aussie Blogger-Bilegrip (yep, he loves the name!)-has the answer to -where the bloody hell are they - ad?
Mr Willikers, who runs the amusing site, suggests that folk are hunting down ATMs in the world's capitals - and smaller cities and towns to try out their EFTPOS cards!
Apparently,you can substitute EFTPOS for travellers' cheques.
But Willikers reports on a recent trip to Paris he could not find one ATM.
When he told a hotel manager to wait while he got some cash from an ATM,the irate Frog replied:Merde. ATM. Merde. You pay cash.
Merde is a commonly used word of abuse in FROGSVILLE!
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JESSICA SIMPSON reveals heartbreak about a lost love (Rogue's Entertainment, Links, pg2)
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HOLLWOOD BABY BOOM SWELLS (also in Rogue Entertainment-all new,Pg2)
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MICK AND BONO WAR HOTS UP
AS U2 CANCEL AUSSIE TOUR
By Rogue
The Rogue Report's
showbiz editor
POP PRIMA DONNAS BONO AND MICK JAGGER ARE STILL LOCKED IN A BITTER WAR FOR FANS.
Sir Michael,dubbed the Strolling Bone, wants to cut the younger Bono,frontman of U2, out of the world box office
action.
Bono handed Jagger a bigger piece of the action-with the SUDDEN,SHOCK cancellation of the band's downunder tour.
I understand Sir Mick is no longer on the world tour.
It has come to an end.
I thought it was going through to the end of the year.
But Bono hasn't been to Australia yet-or has he?!
Anyway,they called it the Battle of the Rock Super-Egos, a music industry source told the Rogue Report-now Australia's first tabloid weblog.
The Reuters news agency reported that the Rolling Stones' A Bigger Bang tour EXPLODED in 2005.
It may end up as the biggest-grossing rock tour ever if it beats off the challenge from the epic box office stoush with U2's Vertigo tour.
The Stones reportedly hold the world concert box office record, from their 1994-1995 Voodoo Lounge Tour, which grossed a STAGGERING $320 million.
But, a Bigger Bang is rapidly reaching Voodoo's total-with a summer of touring ahead.
The Bones,sorry Stones, cranked up more than $162 million from the Bang tour's first leg in America last year.
They sold an incredible 1.2 million tickets at 42 venues.
NO W0NDER Bono and his band initially suffered from Vertigo -as they started their trek in '05!
But, by the end of the year, Bono had nearly PENSIONED OFF Sir Mick and the Bones!!
According to Billboard, U2's Vertigo reported a HEAD-BANGING box office gross of $260 million.
But U2 played more venues than the Stones-90 sell-out concerts in all - selling 3 million tickets.
But, the CRUNCHER in the Bono-Jagger CLASH is who will sell the MOST tickets in 2007.
Industry insiders are tipping the Stones who have a bigger touring schedule including Australia,Asia, America and Europe.
With a higher ticket mark-up than U2 their tour could indeed end with a BIGGER BANG than Bono.
The Stones world tour MAY gross a RECORD $400 million-with Aussie fans giving the band more than a little help in their concerts here.
The music industry IS keenly watching to see if Bono can at last topple the POUTING, STRUTTING ROCK KING, Mick Jagger...and force the band into retirement.
Visit www.theonion.com for a very funny skit on Bono and The Bones.
It went to air recently - as part of the The Onion Daily News webcast which Rogue NEVER misses.
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OH! NO BABY - MIKE MYERS is FILING FOR DIVORCE.
Yeah, Myers of Austin Powers spy spoof fame, is splitting with his wife of 12 years.
Myers,42, is divorcing dark-haired stunner Robin Ruzan.
Seems his GROOVY charm isn't working on her - these days!
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REMEMBER John Howard's political ally Andy Peacock?!
There's fresh speculation that Shirley MacLaine and Beau Peacock,also a good friend of Jeff Kennett who's another Howard mate(!), might start a new romance.
It's been fuelled by a new romantic comedy in which Jennifer Aniston jumps into bed with a much older man.
Kevin Costner plays the aging Lothario in the movie aptly titled Rumour Has It.
Shirley MacLaine was a super-natural for the role of Jen's grandmother.
But, during an interview with both Shirl and Jen, Aniston,36, claimed never to have heard of the dashing former Australian Opposition leader Peacock, who's 67 next month.
Not too late to put in a last-minute leadership challenge,though,Andy!
Aniston wanted to know more about Mr Peacock,according to a report on NineMsn's website.
The Ex-Friends' star was told that there was a time when MacLaine,the star of over 50 flicks, could have become Australia's First Lady - when Peacock led the Libs in the 1980s.
Now-that's a comedy,MacLaine,71,laughed.
To be living in Canberra is a comedy,too,she added.
No-one would argue with you about that-Shirl!
The red-headed actress used the we are still good friends line about her former political lover.
MacLaine said Peacock was off the market.
Andy,with surprisingly little fanfare,married a Washington DC society figure and former Texan beauty queen.
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ROGUE WORLD EXCLUSIVE
BY CRIME REPORTER MICK BEAT
( c Rogue Report 2007 )
STUNNING AUSSIE MODEL JILL JONES in JAIL -in ASIA- for TRAFFICKING an ILLEGAL SUBSTANCE, IS STILL AWAITING TRIAL AFTER ALMOST NINE MONTHS,we can reveal exclusively.
Watch for our full,exclusive cover of the hearing before three judges.
The substance, Ms Jones is charged with trafficking, is a new form of RAVE drug.
Ms Jones,21, from an inner Sydney suburb has graced the pages of a new publication MODEL JAILBIRDS - now on sale in adult book stores.
Rogue crime correspondent MICK BEAT was on the scene when Ms Jones, a dark-haired beauty,wearing tight-fitting blue jeans, was arrested in a popular Asian holiday resort late last year.
Watch this space for more developments in the Jones drugs scandal.
*********IN YOUR ENTERTAINMENT-PACKED TRUE BLUE AUSSIE WEBLOG*********
c Rogue Report 2007
AND PLENTY MORE SHOWBIZ GOSS and JOKES in your free Online Rogue Report.
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Madonna Divorce?-pg 2
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YOU CAN SKIP THIS SECTION. SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM AND CLICK ON Rogue's Entertainment - on LINK,Page 2.
ROGUE REPORT ARCHIVES
(c Rogue Report 2007)
Rogue has ARCHIVED readers demands for their favorite reports.
Remember it's copyrighted material. But you can use it in any publication, broadcast on radio and TV- as long as you attribute it to the Rogue Report.
I trust your honesty. That's the only condition.
Also visit http://rogueminimus.blogspot.com
to see Rogue Report archives.
The Rogueminimus site is accessible on GOOGLE,too.
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GOVERNMENT SLUGS PET OWNERS
ABC radio has been told that a Federal Government agency is demanding people declare what they spend on their pets.
An astonished Terry Lane on Radio National's National Interest current affairs program was shown a form where a client had to declare how much he spent on his pet.
Lane quizzed Joe Hockey, Minister in charge of overseeing the distribution of Government forms, about the claim - on the ABC.
Apparently, a listener had complained to Lane that in a Centrelink form he received for a welfare claim - he had to list expenditure on pets and other items-such as videos.
Perhaps, Howard will include a PET TAX. It's sure to be a vote winner!
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OK -This is a SICK joke.
But still very FUNNY.
Sydneysiders, I hear, are FUMING into their LATTES because Al Q chose Melbourne to bomb - and not them.
Why they ask-should dreary old Melbourne be the FAVORED target!
After all,Sydney became the world's GLAMOR CITY after staging the Olympics.
AND- it is Australia's QUEEN (sorry no offence intended) of the SOUTH.
But I still reckon Al Q were right to choose Melbourne.
Let's face it-the city could do with a BADLY needed face-lift!
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A LEGLESS (in the intoxicated sense) soldier has won COMPO from the High Court-for being DRUNK in the line of duty.
The military man fell from a window - while leaning out to spit.
The bloke argued, according to the ABC's Terry Lane, that it was his duty as a soldier to imbibe alcohol-even to excess-when senior officers visited his base.
The High Court allegedy agreed and awarded the Aussie soldier compo for a bad knee injury-sustained in the line of duty.
BY OUR LEGAL GURU SID COURT
LEGAL TORTURE academics - Prof. Mirko Bagaric and Julie Clarke - are in a DINGY DUNGEON near their former cosy offices at Deakin University,outside Melbourne - undergoing a week's torture trial, Rogue can reveal.
Bagaric believes interrogators should be able to legally torture innocent people to death if they ARE suspected of having evidence about major public threats.
Rogue assembled a team of the world's best torturers to ZAP it to Mirko and Jules from Deakin's Law School.
The torture-on-demand duo agreed that they would even be prepared to DIE to for their CAUSE.
It's the second day of the trial, secretly backed by the PM,Mr Howard, and Foreign Minister Downer.
So far,apart from hideous shrieks of pain every few minutes, Smirko and Jules are doing well.
They even called out: Raise the voltage-Rogue. We're ready to die.
One of my famous torturers, Mr Abu Grab (Your Testicles), hit the button with a huge ROAR OF PLEASURE - and Rogue swears you could hear the SOUND of ABU,SMIRKO and JULES -as far as Cape York.
But the academics, between violent electric shocks to their feet, genitals, hands and temples, still screamed out:More Rogue. We still believe that we can save thousands of lives.
UDATE ON TORTURE TRIAL - ROGUE WORLD EXCLUSIVE
IT'S now mid-week in SMIRKO BARBARIC and JULES' TORTURE TRIAL.
WE'VE MOVED BOTH of the legal academics to a PADDED CELL-in a secret location.
We can't tell you where. Worried friends,relatives and libertarians are DEMANDING we release them - in the name of HUMANITY.
But Barbaric and Jules INSIST on continuing the Howard Government and Rogue-sponsored trial.
We drag blear-eyed SMIRKO and JULES from the floor of their dungeon at 3AM- and say:We are giving you an easy day-you should enjoy it.
Smirko and Jules gasp:Thankyou Rogue.
I laugh wickedly as the guards drag them off.
They won't be thanking me-by tonight!
The guards shove Smirko and Jules into a padded cell... JUST as the sounds of an unintelligible BJORK song slowly fill the air.
We play the song over and over - for three hours.
By this time - Smirko and Jules are bouncing off the padded wallls-hands over ears-inanely trying to repeat Bjork's repetitive wails and grunts.
I put on the special edition of Bjork's Medulla- because i had promised them an easy day.
Part of the sleeve note read cryptically:The inner or deep part of an animal...
Hmm-very apt, I say.A few hours of this-and we'll see if Bjork's depth psychology works.
After 10 hours of amplified thumps, moans,the wailing of an Icelandic choir and Bjork repeating:When will it be time...
Smirko and Jules are staggering around the cell like two FLIPPED-OUT crazies.
This is mental torture,shrieked Smirko.
No - legal torture-remember,I told him.
Play,play anything...Britney,Jessica-but no more Bjork, Jules pleaded.
LATEST on Barbaric and Jules legal torture trial.
It's the LAST DAY - and Rogue goes in to tell the academics the BAD NEWS.
Sorry Smirko and Jules-it's the end of the trial.
You've survived. But if you sign this document we can put you to sleep ,er,permanently.
It would be the ultimate vindication of your cause-and bravery.
Smirko asked,somewhat nervously:Rogue how do you propose to kill us?
Rogue:Abu Grab has many methods. Some extremely painful.
Or we can use old-fashioned EL0CTROCUTION.
Jules interrupted:Rogue-I've honestly had a change of heart.
Maybe we were being TOO ACADEMIC about legal torture - as JUSTIFIABLE.
And you Smirko? Well, academics should stick together,he said.
Perhaps we may modify our paper.
Only if Abu Grab likes what you write,I said.
Of course,Rogue-they cringed.
As I left, the torture-on-demand duo were busily scribbling away - while Abu Grab gave them frequent jabs,producing agonising HOWLS.
We'll let you know if the two make any RADICAL changes!
*
BY OUR MEDIA ANALYST
TERRY TELEVISION
(formerly of Crikey.Com.Au)
QUEEN of TV comedy and radio broadcaster JULIE McCROSSIN was not AMUSED by a Department of Health buffoon WHEN SHE HOSTED ABC-Radio National's POPULAR Life Matters show.
PRINT-OUT THE FOLLOWING EXCHANGE. IT's A CLASSIC - AND WORTH BOOK-MARKING,TOO.
McCrossin had asked a trio of experts to explain a new FED health program-HealthConnect-an electronic record of patients' files.
Seems simple enough.Until McCrossin encountered a Howard BUREAUCRAT, who was totally brainwashed by the FED's special department of management-speak.
In an interview which not even Plain English guru Don Watson could have invented in his wildest dreams-the Department of Health ROBO-CRAT drove OUR JULIE nuts.
Here follows the edited transcript. Keep it as a souvenir. Howard may kill off this species-when he hears about it.
McCrossin asks the Department of Health goon to explain HealthConnect.
Department of Health:HealthConnect in its research and development phase positioned itself as a health and information network for all Australians.
And that sounded a bit like a system really - with boxes and wires...and widgets and gidgets.
The key lesson from the research and development phase is that HealthConnect really needs to position itself as a national change management program.
The IT is a very small part of the overall program.
It is actually the change management program...
McCrossin:Could you put that into plain English so I know what you are talking about?
Robo-crat just made it past the post in his next couple of answers.
But when McCossin asked the Department of Health voice-recording to explain if HealthConnect gave value for money-he became unstuck again.
Department of Health:We've published a series of reports in relation to the issue of benefits and HealthConnect.
We've published an interim...report, an indicative benefits report, a benefits report...a benefits realisation framework.
We've just gone out to tender - to recruit a suitably qualified partner to actually get on with delivering the benefits.
One of the key issues in the trials - especially if I highlight the medi-connect field test was to actually think about right at the very beginning what are the key things we are going to measure, how are we going to measure them and what is the framework in which we are going to measure...
McCrossin: Could you answer that-but just in brief and plain English?
Department of Health:The plain English answer is Health Connect will benefit all Australians and the program has ensured in the research and development phase that a framework has been in place for the trials and will continue in the implementation phase to give stake-holders and Australian taxpayers a little reassurance that it's money well-spent.
McCrossin bravely battles on:I'm experiencing a little bit of frustration with the management language-
The broadcaster then pleads with robo-crat to explain if the scheme will help patients.
Department of Health continues:It is a complex issue to assess.
But the key will be to actually look down at the jurisdictional level,territory level as well as the national level and actually look at what are the key measures and how we are going to measure them.
At this point a guest steps in...
McCrossin:I would be very interested in your assistance here.
I hope this moron doesn't get anywhere near my Health Connect electronic patient record. I might find I've lost two legs, my tongue, ears ...and er the crown jewels when I get out of surgery.
A NASTY BANK really TOOK the CAKE on a 70-year-old BLOKE'S BIRTHDAY.
Here, he was just about to BLOW out his last candle-when the phone rang.
Another well-wisher-what bad timing, the septuagenarian thought.
But better answer it.
On the other end was someone from his LOCAL BANK.
Hope you don't mind us calling, the voice said.
But we've got a really special offer for you and your wife.
A big discount on your funerals.
The bloke nearly keeled over. It's my 70th birthday - couldn't you wait? he said.
The bank:Terribly,sorry sir, enjoy your celebrations.
We'll contact you again-at a more convenient time.
READ ROGUE FOR THE LATEST IN WORLD,LOCAL AND SHOWBIZ EXCLUSIVES.
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