friday, may 12th, 2006
the beaconsfield story; in cinemas soon.

In what is possibly my most tasteless gag ever, unless you have been living under a rock for two weeks, and these guys have, you'll know that on Tuesday morning at 5 AM, Brant Webb and Todd Russell were rescued from the Beaconsfield gold mine. A great result for all concerned, except for Larry Knight, who sadly didn't make it. It was one of the few recent occasions where I've nodded with satisfaction.

It's been all over the news as of late, and rightly so given the gravity of the situation (I'm on fire today!). Their recovery stopped Benny Hinn re-runs and Proactiv Solution infomercials with news bulletins and well-wishers came out of the woodwork to congratulate them. Even Dave Grohl, Foo Fighters frontman and Kurt Cobain's towel-boy offered the duo two tickets to any concert, anywhere, and two cold beers afterwards. Foo Fighters fans have since been seen crawling into ditches, screaming like little girls in the hope someone takes notice. None have been reported as important thus far. Meanwhile, Beaconsfield has hit the big time.

But with the overwhelming media attention has come the inevitable clamouring for a story from the men themselves. To be honest I thought it'd take longer for it to happen. Apparently I underestimate the ability of journalists and news networks to be complete and utter pond scum.

Eddie McGuire, television's god incarnate was on-site in Beaconsfield to gain first contact, and set up a charity bash which tied in with The Footy Show. It's an ironic twist in an already overbaked saga in that I was always under the assumption that the best way to draw in donations from a television audience was to, y'know, make sure there was an audience at all. Now far be it from me to dissuade Lord McGuire for his efforts, because let's face it, it's a good thing in theory. But then underneath is the inevitable 60 Minutes "exclusive" with Brant Webb and Todd Russell, or the Current Affair "exclusive" with Larry Knight's wife, or the 3-part miniseries, "Alive; The Beaconsfield Story", with Erik Thompson as Todd (running hot on the success of The Alice; wasn't that some kind of mini-series t- oh wait, it was just cancelled) and Sam Neill as Brant Webb (since when it comes to forgettable mini-series, Neill is king of the castle).

It's very sad that one of the nicer stories to come from the newsdesk will inevitably turn into a race for that one big story. Kids will be playing with their Beaconsfield Series action figures, complete with "wave to the crowd" trigger action and we'll all just wish they'd stop.

I appreciate God's efforts to stave off the idiocy by killing Richard Carleton but really, whoever thought that would stop the heaving juggernaut that is the mass media was sadly mistaken. I do however wait with baited breath for the day Naomi Robson's ego inflates to such a capacity so as to make her spontaneously combust on-air. It won't stop proceedings, but it'll provide a nice cushion for us all to rest on while the tenets of compassion and human decency die a slow, painful death.

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