In the words of Ev Mo:
When Blai finally woke up the next day, his walk to the bathroom was followed by a shout "holy fuck, what is that shit!". After some hazy memory jogging, Blai was devastated that it was some of his partially formed ass-baby. He than muttered, "I feel so sorry for the poor bastard who has to clean that mess up". At that moment Sao walked in and promptly explained to Blai that he has to clean that shit up due to hotel policy. Blai did not come out for 20 minutes. Oh the irony...
The aftermath of Rumfest 2008 was a world of pain for Blai and I. Every movement I made would send jolts of stabbing pain through my entire body. The hangover by itself I would consider a top 5 of all time, but combined with the energy sapping and dehydrating effects of ass-fire, it was definitely the worst day-after-boozing of my life. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and melt. What made things worse was that we were in for a day of transit hell as we were scheduled to take a flight back to Bangkok and then a connecting train and ferry to Koh Samui overnight.
Prior to leaving Chiang Mai we got massages from a blind massage centre. Sao and I got foot massages, while Sim, Paul and Ev Mo got full body massages. The highlight of the massages was Ev Mo's masseus who had big aviator glasses and looked like Kim Jong Ill. At this stage of the trip Ev Mo's damaged ankle ligaments were recovering nicely thanks to a strict Tiger Balm regime, although they were still quite tender and immobile. Paul could barely contain his laughter when seeing the look of agony on Ev Mo's face as Kim Jong Ill (Talon Man) sunk his talons into Ev Mo's bruised ankle flesh.
In the wise words of Ev Mo:
I believe Kim Jong Ill Talon Man used his blind senses to smell my freshly healing ligaments. Something about the unjustified assault on a fledgling growth of support and freedom for my ankle reminds me a lot of the policies of his body duplicate.
The plane trip was uneventful with pretty much everyone passing out. Our arrival at Bangkok train station was met with bad news as we were told the trains were full. Luckily we were able to get a supposedly luxury bus and ferry combo instead. With departure scheduled at 9, we had a few hours to wait and, like moths to a flame, those able to eat were immediately drawn to the large neon signs promising KFC. The bus operator eventually arrived at 10:30 and proceeded to death march us to the back of the train station where we were then forced to wait... and wait... and wait...
With time measured by the flow of the scunge river, which turned from a trickle to a stream and then a gushing river full of leeches, the party soon grew disheartened. Entertainment was provided in the form of an old man reading Ev Mo's palm, and watching 9 people get out of a tuk tuk.
With an iron clad guarantee from the man in the yellow shirt who lived on the intersection with his dog, the bus arrived at 12 AM, only 3 hours behind schedule.
Sim best describes the state of the "luxury" bus' toilet:
Busting to hang a piss, I found the bus toilet was coated in a poo-like substance, and was designed for midgets, boasting a 5 ft high ceiling. After burning myself of the ceiling light and some acrobatics required to duck and piss, we all bunkered down for a long night ahead.
And long night ahead it was, with the claims that it was a luxury bus being a blatant lie. Ev Mo suffered the most of us all as the cramped conditions completely fucked his ankle. To add insult to injury he was subjected to a night of water torture due to the air-conditioner juice systematically leaking on his head. Not even 7 panadol and 30 min of Tiger Balm application could provide any comfort.
Finally the bus trip ended and we transferred onto the ferry which brought about the change in luck we needed. Not only was it more spacious, but it also played R Kelly Remix to Ignition music video. With Remix to Ignition playing and the turquoise waters lapping past us, the horror of the previous day was put behind us and our spirits instantly rose.
Ev Mo sums up the day of transit hell:
I would also like to mention that yesterday was a fucken terrible day. Despite the abject hilarity of watching spectres of broken men waft aimlessly around, the blinding ankle pain caused by ligament crushing massage, the first class luxury bus, which was in essence a glorified tuk tuk, and what felt like several thousand hours in transit made me feel like kicking babies. Thankfully the sun and sand await.