My Story
Update - 11th May 2007
I mentioned that this injury has really reshaped the way I view the universe, I still hold firm to this statement. It has inevitably made me more attuned to the suffering of others and has opened up my heart and mind to ways of reaching out and helping others in need. This is an important point I should make as one of the greatest contributions to my own recovery was taking in active interest and becoming friend’s fellow sufferers.
Getting to know people who have gone through a similar chronic pain condition, or at least have gone through something which requires drastic, painful and slow change, is of immense benefit. Anyone can say: just look at people who are less fortunate and be grateful. Yes on the surface that should work, it will create gratitude and make you count your blessings. But here is the deal with people with chronic pain: that’s not enough. You need to become familiar with fellow sufferers, become their friend. Let them help you. You alone can do it but you can’t do it alone. To best help others let them help you. This is a golden law of the universe I was so happy to firmly acquaint myself during my long battle with RSI.
After my nearly two years of unemployment I slowly ventured back into the workforce, at the beginning I started with temporary positions. Such a re-entry was beneficial as I was not tied to a company or contract (therefore I wasn’t fretting at night about not being able to fulfil it) and if the pain was to get unbearable again I could either change jobs duties which did require high keyboard use, or if a job did have high keyboard use I only went for one-to-two week stints, so psychologically there was always an ‘exit’. This was very important to me. Confidence takes time to build and you will put your health and well-being in jeopardy if you jump from unemployment to full time work. It’s important to build yourself up slowly by gradual exposure, the temptation for the long-term unemployed is to launch back into it, sometimes with the justification: “I’m making up for lost time”. This is nonsense! I acknowledge there will be times when you need to be firm and sometimes push yourself and type with pain, but these moments become bearable when you endure the hardship with the conviction you are getting better and the best of life, love and happiness is ahead of and not behind you.
So, to reiterate a previous section on thought patters, here are some positive mental thoughts to cultivate when you are getting back into the workforce:
“This is only temporary, I am getting better. This is only a setback which I can endure with patience and perseverance”
“My body is adjusting to this activity again, muscles will get used to this I just need to be patient and persistent”
It’s important you actively try and change the language and thoughts in your head. So pay careful attention to the words coming out of your mouth and change them if you hear harsh, damning, or overly self critical language such as:
“I can’t….it won’t, it’s useless, no one
can help me, no one understands, I am an idiot and so on”.
There are many examples
other examples, work them out. Another key is to avoid
global language such as: “it’s too hard to recover, or no one
understands".
Rather,
highly personalise your expression language: I am going through this
right now and this is what it feels for me.
Own your experience.
I still need to combat destructive thoughts on a day-to-day basis. You don’t just “get better” you actively and continuously work on changing the habits and thoughts that got you into the problem. This is a war that can easily be won, at first it seems like hard and even impossible work. But good habits will begin to become ingrained and then lo and behold many become second-nature so that you’re doing them with unconscious competence and life becomes a whole lot easier.
Ok, back to my story. Well after a few months of doing fairly mundane temporary jobs I started to pursue my real interest – getting in to the helping professions and beginning to be of service to others. You know how all companies and motivational speakers go on about knowing your product and believing in it in order to sell it, well I totally believe in everyone's ability to recover from a seemingly impossible situation. Hope was my newest and healthiest addiction.
It was
not easy adjusting to the workforce. On top of my body slowly getting
used to keyboard activity again and the fear associated with it, you
also have the anxiety and stress of being in a totally different
environment again which causes additional burden.
I was always very upfront about my RSI condition and, in fact, steered
all potential employers to this website
www.howibeatrsi.com so they could understand where I was coming
from; it also explained some of the gaps in the resume too, thus serving
a double purpose.
In this site I’ve tried to be as open as possible when communicating my
struggles and I encourage you to be open with your struggles too. When
approaching an employer you will not want to scare them off with
potential insurance and injury complications, but then again if you say
nothing and complications from the work arise you may need to quit which
in turn disappoint your employer and yourself and could lead into more
mental health problems.
It was
hard getting back to regular keyboard work. I would get that awful,
and all too familiar nasty sharp pain in both hands whilst typing and
sometimes feels as if I had very little strength in my forearms and
hands. Occasionally I felt a certain arm/shoulder going weak again but
never as bad as the dead-arm feeling I used to get. I was still on
anti-depressant medication when I went back in – this time the
medication was called Avanza – a fairly new type of anti-depressant
which is also effective against anxiety. Working on anti-depressants was
also hard as many times I felt groggy and as if the floor was moving. I
received a couple of e-mails asking me to give thoughts on
anti-depressant medication. I’ll simply say
they are
definitely
not a long-term
solution, they lower functional impairment to assist you with facing and
dealing with the deep-seated problems that cause depression. And for
that purpose they are remarkably effective.
During my RSI struggles I had a very powerful encounter with God and was
powerfully converted into the Christian faith. My life is now totally
devoted to the purpose of communicating God’s unconditional love in the
person of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour.
So, after temping for a few months I found my vocation and followed my
calling in Christ and started working for a Christian organisation in
Sydney called Wesley Mission as a welfare worker in a homeless shelter.
I worked there for just over one year and during this time I was barely
on the keyboard. Again, this helped a lot. Sometimes if your RSI
condition is that bad and you want to make good progress with your
exercises and minimise aggravation you must change work. I know for some
people this is simply impossible, but for others who can, please think
about doing so.
After a year and a bit of working at the homeless shelter - an
experience I shall always treasure dearly - I started working full time,
again for another Christian organisation called Mission Australia
as a case worker in
a
programme
designed
to
assist the long term unemployed
overcome barriers such as drug addition, mental health problems and
homelessness. I am still studying counselling too and really enjoying
how my work, study, church life and personal faith are intensifying and
complementing each other.
As for the pain – well,
when I started my case work in the office
my RSI flared up. This came as a complete shock to the system as I
thought the RSI was dead and buried. But I did not panic too much:
I thought sensibly: this is a new job and there is always a certain
amount of tension and anxiety that goes with a new job, or a drastic
change in environment for that matter. I need to absorb this tension and
continue to do what I know is right, NOT WHAT I FEEL IS RIGHT. So I went
back to physio, checked ergonomic position,
continued my stretches,
continued journaling and always talked, talked, talked. Guess what the
pain got better, quickly. I believe a lot of it was anxiety-fuelled. But
man when I feel that pain I can’t admit that fact. Because the pain is
real and you don’t want anyone insinuating you are somehow manufacturing
or inventing the pain through some screwed up psychosomatic scheme to
garner unwarranted attention.
I now can type for more than eight hours a day, play guitar regularly
and never think of the pain. I ensure every day to be grateful when its
pain free. I fear complacency just as much as I fear the return of the
condition.
But
more important
than the functional restoration of my body, I have changed as a person.
I have slowed down and lost the compulsion to always rush ahead and do
everything on my speed and on my terms. In slowing down I can now more
effectively tune into others, and therefore help others. Really help
others, and in doing so I have become connected to the community in ways
I never really thought possible.
God bless you all. I will always thank those people who helped me during
those hard dark times. My family, Jeremy, James, you guys were
inspirational and saw something in me that I couldn’t see at that point.
I’ll never forget it.
I thank my girlfriend of one year, Katherine, who so many times along the way has helped me when my mind was going back to anxious territory. Kat inspires me every day and has rekindled my love of creativity. I love you very much Kat.
Take care everyone. Chronic pain takes its toll on many sufferers and their families, but believe me when I say there is always hope. Mutual understating opens the door for hope to barge in and rearrange all the mental furniture that was never really serving a proper purpose anyway.
I pray that you all catch this disease of hope which has clearly affected
me severely.
-Justin, May 2007
This section is a long one but it encapsulates my whole story.
The months of decline are from July 2002-October 2004
The months for recovery are from November 2004- Now
July 2002
My first encounter with RSI was in July 2002. I was working about 9 hours a day on the computer and practicing piano 3-4 hours per night for about six months. One day at work I developed a strong, diffuse ache in my right hand and was unable to type without severe pain. I stopped work for 2 weeks. The injury healed fairly quickly, I remember quite a severe burning sensation in the hand whilst recovering.
An occupational therapist then reviewed my desktop and assessed my injury. He diagnosed it a Repetitive Strain Injury but not a serious one. He said it more of a case of hand fatigue than anything else. He made some slight modifications to the desktop and I resumed work promptly. He also recommended more physical exercise to build up strength around the shoulders. I did begin this but only continued for a couple of weeks before stopping. He also recommended that I cut down or stop piano; however I firmly resisted this idea and like most under-25 year olds thought my bodies infinite ability to regenerate would always save my poor use.
June 2003
Fast forward to June 2003, that’s when all the big problems began to surface. Once again the onset of symptoms was a dead hand, this time my left hand. I went to a physiotherapist, he identified a postural problem and gave me mainly stretches – forearms and scalene – to do during work and at night. This stretches helped in the very short-term (for a few hours for example) but the overall problem was getting worse and worse.
I cut work to part-time and still studied piano quite aggressively. I decided that I wanted to study music full time so I devoted many hours to practicing the piano in spite of all the symptoms indicating that something was wrong and was in need of attention.
For the next few months I continued to plough on with the stretching program all the while still working part-time and practicing piano. Things were getting worse. I would get a diffuse ache in both hands upon doing any fine motor movement. I was always typing in pain.
I was also getting severe neck and shoulder pain. This pattern went on and on until January 2004 when I was forced to quit all employment and stop piano practices altogether. My body was in a shocking state; I could barely stand for more than half an hour without getting a very sore neck and mid back. I could not type for two minutes without very sore hand pain; I was getting burning sensations in both hands at night and also shooting sensation and pins and needles down both arms and hands. I was consoled by the fact I had my family behind me so I could take the time for my body to heal properly.
January 2004
I went to a local physiotherapist. He have performed few spinal adjustments and instructed me a few stretches to do. A few weeks passed without any improvement, only in the very short-term. By short-term I mean slight temporary relief from pain, like taking Panadol for a headache. I was getting very fed up with the physiotherapy route and so decided to explore what I thought was the ‘conventional’ doctor avenue.
The first stop was my local GP. She referred me to a hospital for nerve conduction studies (testing for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome). These came back all in the clear. Then another referral to Physical Rehabilitation Specialist. He performed a few simple tests to determine if any nerve damage or something sinister was at play – no signs of nerve damage or any spinal cord complications. His assessment was that weak thoracic-scapula area was causing my muscles to overload. He was at a loss to explain some of my neurological (nerve) symptoms. He referred me to a physiotherapist and recommended massage therapy.
February – June 2004
I approached physiotherapy with frustration from my previous experiences. The new physio focused more on strength and gave me exercises to do at home with a Theraband. Exercise targeting muscles that stabilize the shoulder blade. I tried this for two months but during that time things got worse and worse. Massage therapy again only offered very short-term relief. I went back to the doctor, he recommend I stay with physio and prescribed some anti-depressants Endep which apparently countered nerve pain. I adhered to the prescribed program but in hindsight made some errors in that I was so eager to beat this problem, and beat it quickly, that I did many things in addition to the recovery program that were not recommended. The main activity, in addition, was being swimming, an activity which can be disastrous for people with no core strength. In my case it probably over-worked my rotator cuff and prevented my muscles from recovering properly after the strength exercise.
I was stuck in an injury cycle that I couldn’t seem to break out of. Reading what my body could manage and what it couldn’t became impossible. Exercise and stretching seemed to exacerbate the pain. I was lost.
I continued to suffer diffuse bilateral aching sensations in both hands when trying to type or do anything with my hands. Severe burning sensations would also be present in both hands; it would get so bad that I had to ice them for several hours. Pain would come in waves even when I was not typing. My body began to wake during some nights with throbbing/burning hand pain. Mentally I was losing more and more confidence in my ability to recover.
July- October 2004
Physical pain was increasing and overall strength and endurance was getting very low that simple daily activity such was washing my hair, brushing teeth or hanging up clothes, became extremely difficult and sometimes impossible.
In desperation I looked up similar RSI web sites for some advice. Upon reading some storied I plunged into so-called solutions to the problem: Rolfing, Alexander Technique (was doing five lessons a week at one stage), chiropractic (I had such severe neck restrictions that the first chiropractic session produced an eleven-hour period of pure euphoria!).
Once again I was seeing no real improvement, and generally I was getting weaker and weaker. I also started Pilates but only did it briefly. My physical exercise began to drop significantly - although I tried to walk at least half an hour a day. I was bunching up these different treatment modalities so it was impossible to gauge what was working and what wasn’t - but it didn’t really matter, as the general direction was getting worse and worse. Physically and emotionally this month was ‘rock bottom’ for me.
November 2004
This month was the turning point for me. I was still getting lots of treatment – a massage every week, a couple of chiropractic adjustments a week! But the same problems were escalating. An increasing problem in the past few months had been the emergence of a ‘dead arm’ feeling. The feeling emanated from the shoulder down; it felt like the shoulder was out of position. The dead arm feeling would alternate from left arm to right but mainly on the left side. I’m left handed and in most RSI-type cases the worst side is on the writing side. The dead arm sensations lasted several hours, my hands grip strength was getting incredibly weak too.
I found a website that promoted Active Release Technique, a soft-tissue manipulation therapy that aimed to eliminate scar-tissue adhesions that form between weak and misused muscles. I located a close ART provider who was both a physiotherapist and chiropractor. He found a lot of scar tissue around neck/scalene/shoulder/arms/wrist that were entrapping nerves. See report. Like the Rehabilitation Doctor, he identified a very weak thoracic base. To his credit he very firmly planted the fact that only a lot of exercise and stretching would get me out of this problem. I began my proper physical recovery program in late November; more details on the exercises are listed in the exercise program section.
December 2004
Some progress at last! The November/December periods were few of the hardest months of my life. I was suffering tones of anxiety/stress and clinical depression but adhered strongly to the physical recovery program with belief in myself. The pain was still ever present, but ever so slowly I became more aware of pain patterns (eg worse in morning and night and after workout session) and also practiced Yoga Nidra, a deep-relaxation meditation, on a daily basis. I was slowly getting more and more in touch with my body, muscle awareness was growing, and daily chores fatigued me less and less. More importantly nerve-related pain such as aching/burning hands, dead arms were slowly, but surely, going.
But a new problem emerged – referred nerve pain into both feet. I suspected there were some problems with the feet in the past, for example some massage sessions over the lower back produced pins and needles in the feet, but never thought it was that major… I was wrong.
As it turned out all the problems around the upper extremity that where putting pressure on nerves – dysfunctional thoracic and next joints, TMJ disorder, forward head/neck carriage – had similar sister problems down around the lower lumbar spine such as Iliac/Sacral dysfunction lordosis and a host of other dysfunctions.
Again similar reasons prevailed: tight and weak muscles. My hamstrings, hip flexors and abdominal muscles were so restricted that if I was to go to a kneeling/praying position I would feel a strong stretch that I could not hold for long.
Most RSI sufferers predominately only complain of pain somewhere in the upper extremity, so I found it strange that I was getting such strong nerve pain in both feet, very similar to the pain in the hands, diffuse aches, occasional burning, and occasional ‘dead’ feeling. But basically the reasoning behind the pain is the same – muscle injury – scar tissue formation – entrapped nerves, the bulk of the pain is referred to the extremities.
January 2005
January onward represents the bulk of my proper recovery – physically, emotionally and spiritually. As I was going through various phases of anxiety and stress associated with counselling for emotional issues my mind fervently clung to the idea that I was not physically getting better despite clear signs to the contrary. That being said however, there were many relapses and progress was very slow despite committing 1.5 hours for stretching every day and 40 mins of exercise every two days. I erred on the side of caution and avoided computer use and driving when possible. I graduated to a harder physical exercise program in early January.
February 2005
Improvements again - but very slow. I began to slowly become more aware of muscles; circulation began to improve because I was getting less cold feet and hands. I continued to make some notes on pain patterns and on my general state of being.
March 2005
This was the last month of mental ‘resistance’. In the past 14 months I was always so locked in the anxiety trap of constant worry and analysis. I continued to suffer slight dead arms and diffuse hand ache periodically and still resisted doing any aggravating activities such as driving and computer use. March was another long and tough month. I was attending therapy to both help deal with the trauma and pain that surrounding the injury and also understand how I got into that condition in the first place. Confronting these issues is not easy but, in the long term, absolutely essential. A great amount of insight can be learned and from this CHANGE can be initiated. I should write MUST instead of can; because after you slowly work yourself out of a condition does it make sense to maintain the same thought patterns that got you into the problem?
I wrote that last November was the turning month that, in a sense, was true; it was the month that I realized I needed to CHANGE in many ways mental health wise and body health wise. The real turning point for me was in late March early April. I dug deep inside myself, confronted all issues that were unaddressed and had a complete spiritual reawakening in the process!
April 2005
Everything is starting to get better. I finally resume driving, after a very, very long absence. Slowly I work myself back onto the computer. Only a few minutes a day first, my hands didn’t like it, straight away I was getting ache again, but, then again, what would you expect from muscles that have not been used like this for 16 months? I continued ART treatment and frequent massage therapy. Was still having bad days; sometimes had shockingly bad days, but I stuck to the program and had faith in my bodies ability to heal.
May 2005
Now it was only a matter of time before I could go back to work. I was resuming stopped activities such as driving and slowly upping the computer use. I found it hard getting back on the computer, my hands would quickly let me know that they didn’t like this, but I kept on stretching, stretching and stretching and slowly I built up more and more endurance. Also I had to drastically alter my behaviour when doing these tasks, in that I observed regular breaks religiously and kept standing up and generally loosening the body whenever possible.
Another important thing was that I didn’t prioritise my recovery exercises as the central feature of my day; rather I incorporated them into daily living. For example during November-April I would do around two sessions of 50 minute stretching exercises per day, but by May I was doing similar amounts of stretching but staggering them throughout the day, often doing them whilst doing another activity but still paying enough attention to perform the stretches properly.
June/July 2005
I spent
the end of June and July overseas to visit family and get a well earned
break from all the exercise. I still continued to do my stretching and
exercises overseas but a change of scenery was necessary for me. The
trip proved very valuable in sorting out what I wanted to do when I get
back to Australia, getting this website up and running was top priority.
August/September 2005
Spent August/September finishing this website also resumed work and began other projects that are in the pipeline. Very busy times for me but I love it and it’s great to be out of chronic pain.
October 2005
Got back into the workforce doing temp work which was good as it wasn't full time and to a certain extent I could control the hours. It took a long time for my hands to get used to typing, I would take many breaks when possible and always held onto the belief that things would get totally; it just was taking a long time, that's all. I also made a decision to switch my career completely and pursue a career in counseling - my long term goal is to work with people who suffer chronic pain. Going through this RSI experience exposed me to the helping professions , such as counseling, self-help groups, doctors, physios etc, and I began to see how valuable these role are and noticed the crucial need for more men in counseling type roles, so I enrolled in a college doing a post-grad counseling course.
November 2005
Studies are in full swing now and still doing temp work for money. As more and more commitments piled up the absolutely necessity to remember to consciously slow down when possible was very important. As I mention elsewhere in this site people who develop RSI are prone to get over-zealous on the keyboard or other work-type apparatus and I found it quite hard to break out of the pattern of forgetting myself and working/pushing too hard, especially when I was really getting into something. This is where using a journal and doing meditation comes in handy.
December - Now
The RSI pain has totally, 100% gone. Finally! :) I still stretch, I still exercise and now I do quite a bit of running, about three four Km runs per week I love running, in many ways I find it the closest physical activity to meditation. I don't get the time to do as much exercise and stretching as I did before but that's understandable because of work and study commitments. Through this realization it occurred to me how hard it is for so many RSI sufferers who have to battle through these commitments whilst recovering. It makes the process that much harder and frustrating. As mentioned on the front page please do not give up, don't give up. You can and will get better it just takes a long time sometimes. Going through the long-term RSI really reshaped I view the universe, I'm not kidding.