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The Gnu Song
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Flanders:
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Here's another animal song:
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Flanders:
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A year ago, last Thursday, I was strolling in the zoo,
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When I met a man who thought he knew the lot.
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He was laying down the law about the habits of baboons,
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And the number of quills a porcupine has got.
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So I asked him, "What's that creature there?". He answered, "Oh, it's a h-elk".
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I might have gone on thinking that was true.
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If the animal in question hadn't put that chap to shame,
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And remarked, "I h-ain't a h-elk. I'm a g-nu".
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"I'm a g-nu,
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I'm a g-nu,
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The g-nicest work of g-nature in the zoo.
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I'm a g-nu,
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How do you do?
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You really ought to k-now w-ho's w-ho."
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"I'm a g-nu, spelt G-N-U.
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I'm g-not a camel or a kangaroo.
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So let me introduce,
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I'm g-neither man or moose,
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Oh, g-know, g-know, g-know,
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I'm a g-nu!"
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I had taken furnished lodgings down at Rustington-On-Sea,
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Whence I travelled on to Ashton-Under-Lime it was actually.
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And the second night I stayed there I was wakened from a dream,
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Which I'll tell you all about... some other time.
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Among the hunting trophies on the wall above my bed,
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Stuffed and mounted, was a face I thought I knew.
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A bison? No, it's not a bison. An ocapi? It's unlikely, really.
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Could it be a hartebeest?
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When I seemed to hear a voice: "I'm a... g-nu..."
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"I'm a g-nu,
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A g-nother g-nu!
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I wish I could g-nash my teeth at you.
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I'm a g-nu,
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How do you do?
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You really ought to k-now w-ho's w-ho."
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"I'm a g-nu, spelt G-N-U,
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Call me 'bison' or 'ocapi' and I'll sue.
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G-nor am I in the least,
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Like that dreadful hartebeest,
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Oh, g-no, g-no, g-no...
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G-know, g-know, g-know, I'm a g-nu...
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G-know, g-know, g-know, I'm a g-nu!
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(Long applause)
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Flanders:
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That's very g-nice of you.
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