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Twice Shy

Flanders: It's called, "Twice Shy"
   
Both: When a man comes bouncing into a pub,
  With a couple of girls in tow.
  When he sets up a a shout of,
Flanders: "Drinks all round,
  And a table for six, please, Joe!"
   
Swann: When he kisses the barmaid,
  Knocks down the dartboard,
Flanders: "Whoops, sorry!"
Swann: Yells for the cabaret.
Flanders: "Bring on the golliwog girls!"
Both: When you're wondering whether you might move on,
  Someone is sure to say,
   
Flanders: "I say, you know what his trouble really is, don't you?
  Underneath all that noise, he's really a very shy person."
   
Both: He's shy, he's shy,
  Though he wears a fluorescent tie.
  With a deep-down need to assert himself,
  We know the reason why.
   
  He's shy, he's shy,
  Give him another try.
  When you hear his voice in a crowded room,
  And that laugh -
Swann: AAAAAHH-HAAAA-HAAAA-HAAAA!
Flanders: - like a sonic boom,
Both: Go right on over to meet your doom,
  'Cause underneath he's shy,
  He's really terribly shy.
   
  When it's Ladies' Night at the Carlton Club,
  And a young woman comes in.
  Smoking a six-inch Burma sheroot,
  And playing a violin.
   
Flanders: When she leaps on a table,
  Strips off her sable,
  Shouting,
Swann: "Who wants a lark?"
Both: Then the elderly member who signed her in,
  Will tentatively remark,
   
Flanders: "Yes, well I'm afraid she does tend to over-compensate for a basic lack of self-confidence."
   
Both: She's shy, she's shy,
  She's as sensitive as you or I.
  Too bad she has to behave like that,
  It makes you want to cry.
   
  She's shy, so shy,
  We know the reason why.
  Though her private life is a public mess,
  And she's written a book called, "I confess".
  Still, she looks quite sweet in her topless dress,
  And underneath she's shy, she's really dreadfully shy.
   
Flanders: Well, of course there are times when we're all ill-at-ease,
  Though we try to act suave and cool.
  When everyone seems to know everyone else,
  It's just like that first day at school.
   
  It can be a nuisance,
  Affecting insouciance,
  Trying to mix with the crowd.
  Knowing that one is probably talking just that tiny little bit too fast,
Both: And laughing a lot too loud.
   
  (Pause)
   
Flanders: (Muttering) Well, where's the laugh, then?
Swann: (Muttering) There are...
Flanders: (Muttering) ... though you'd do it again...
Swann: (Muttering) There are people looking!
Flanders: (Muttering) Well, I'm not going to do it, for goodness sake!
  Ooh, it's like acting with Lassie!
   
Both: We're shy, we're shy,
  You've have spotted it with half an eye.
  And it does no good to conceal that fact,
  It's useless to deny.
   
Flanders: You're shy, I'm shy!
Swann: I'm shy, you're shy!
Both: However hard we try.
  Though we've got the music and words off pat,
Flanders: Well, very nearly.
Both: Every blessed time that we drop our hat,
  We can't help wondering what we're at.
   
Flanders: Donald, have you ever woken up in the middle of one of these shows, and gazed out at all these rows and rows of all that is finest and best, and asked yourself what on earth we are doing out here?
   
Both: 'Cause underneath, we're shy,
  We're really terribly shy,
  Let's get out of here!