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Rock Eisteddfod
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Yon:
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(Recording starts in mid-sentence) ... in our acoustic harmony stylings for the rest of the night, I'm afraid.
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Gatesy:
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Once described in 1997 when we did our first Comedy Festival show as, "a little bit Christian a capella for my liking".
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Scod:
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Yeah!
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Who reckons they've known Tripod since before they were cool?
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'Cause I've got news for you...
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Gatesy:
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Can we please...
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Scod:
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Get going? Absolutely, all right.
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Tripod:
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Lai-lai lai lai lai lai lai lai,
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Lai lai-lai lai,
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Lai lai-lai lai!
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Lai-lai lai lai lai lai lai lai,
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Lai lai-lai lai,
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Lai lai-lai lai!
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Scod:
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There's a girl,
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We see each other every day,
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But I... I'm too shy,
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And I can't even bring myself to say,
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Gatesy:
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"Hello, how are you today?
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Lovely weather, by the way,
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If I was with you, I'd be happy to pay!"
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Gatesy:
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Oh, for dinner, not... oh, fuck!
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Scod:
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She's so cute,
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She's got a little button head.
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And I try to be cool,
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But then I just trip over and nearly spew.
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Gatesy:
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I just can't find a way to,
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Yon:
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Ooo-aah-ooo...
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Gatesy:
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Let her know that I'll be true,
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Yon:
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Ooo-aah-ooo...
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Gatesy:
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So I know what I must do...
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Yon:
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Ooo-aah-ooo...
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Tripod:
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I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod,
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That's how I'm gonna win her hand.
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I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod,
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And I'm a thirty-eight-year-old man.
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Gatesy:
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Yeah!
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Tripod:
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When I've won the Rock Eisteddfod,
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She won't leave me on the shelf.
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I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod,
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Win the Rock Eisteddfod by myself,
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With no-one else,
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On stage by myself.
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Scod:
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My thematic concept,
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Will be a post-apocalyptic nightmare.
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Made of cardboard boxes,
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And foil taped to my stack hat.
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Tripod:
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She'll be impressed!
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Tripod:
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And my costume will be the best,
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When the curtain rises, I'll be dressed,
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In fluoro bike shorts and a fur vest.
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Yon and Gatesy:
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I can see it now,
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We'll be the toast of Highpoint.
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She'll fall in love,
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With my mix of funky dance moves,
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And school spirit.
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Tripod:
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And she'll finally let me near it,
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I'm a master of my art,
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That's the way I'll win her heart...
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Scod:
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... for my school.
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Tripod:
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I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod,
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That's how I'm gonna win her hand.
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I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod,
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And I'm a thirty-eight-year-old man.
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When I've won the Rock Eisteddfod,
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She won't leave me on the shelf.
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I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod,
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Win the Rock Eisteddfod by myself.
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Gatesy:
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Dancing!
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Yon and Scod:
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And as for music, I'll only choose it,
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If it's got a serious environmental message.
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Gatesy:
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I'll start with "Hungry... like the wolf",
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Tripod:
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And then, "It's Raining... Men".
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Scod:
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I hope it works,
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I hope she falls in love with me.
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My backup plan,
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Is to leave these rookie amateurs behind.
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And I'll really blow her mind,
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Tripod:
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And I'll build my Jazz Ballet rep,
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I'll go the logical next step...
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Gatesy and Scod:
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I'm gonna win the Eurovision,
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Be a star and make her see.
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Singing in a foreign language,
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Yon:
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(Operatic) Maybe then she'll understand me.
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Tripod:
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When I've won the Eurovision,
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She won't leave me on the shelf.
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I'm gonna win the Eurovision,
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Then I finally won't be by myself.
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Row boats by myself,
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On see-saws by myself,
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Eating two ice-creams by myself...
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