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Krap Karate
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Scod:
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It's not a bad looking audience tonight. Maybe it's because James has changed the lighting and I can actually see.
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Gatesy:
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That could be why.
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Yon:
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But, you might be looking up at us, thinking, "These guys aren't all that much. Pretty slight-looking."
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Scod:
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"I could take 'em".
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Yon:
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"Don't look like they could defend themselves in a combat situation".
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Gatesy:
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You'd be wrong.
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Scod:
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Yeah, you would be wrong.
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Yon:
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You might be thinking, "Sure, they have the perfect physique for mini-golf".
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Scod:
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Not true at all! Don't be fooled by the slender wrists, people!
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Yon:
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No!
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Scod:
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We can take ya. We've been watching our John Woo films.
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Gatesy:
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Oh, yeah, we're up to scratch, 'cause we're the finest exponents of...
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(They make lame karate-style movements)
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Gatesy:
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... krap karate.
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Yon:
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Krap karate...
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Scod:
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Krap karate...
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Gatesy:
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Krap karate...
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Yon and Scod:
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Krap karate...
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It's not... comin' to get ya.
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I'm trained in a special skill,
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To not look like I could kill.
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There's a poster on my bedroom wall,
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Tripod:
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Of Steven Seagal, krap karate...
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I haven't studied, I never fight...
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Yon and Scod:
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(Fight fight fight...)
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Tripod:
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I watch Buffy every night...
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Yon and Scod:
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(Night night night...)
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Tripod:
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If you pick on me, there won't be a threat,
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You'll only get, krap karate...
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Scod:
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My hands are lethal weapons,
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Provided I'm holding a gun.
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I'm registered with the Government,
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As a... taxpayer.
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Yon:
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Such krap karate...
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Jackie Chan's got everything on me,
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Don't move over, Bruce Lee.
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Gatesy:
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I could go at any moment,
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I'm a great exponent of...
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Yon and Scod:
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Krap karate...
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Tripod:
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Yee! Hoe! Yoomp! Shing!
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Yon:
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Hi, I'm Yon,
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An expert with a knife.
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A surgeon, a craftsman,
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A master of the deadly blades,
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Silent death...
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Tripod:
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Yee! Hoe! Yoomp! Shing!
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Gatesy:
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Hi, I'm Gatesy...
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Yon:
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(Interrupting)... so silent, you don't hear a thing.
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It's just... (makes blade-spinning-through-air noises)... uuuurgh.
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Well, actually, it would be more like... (pause)... uuuurgh.
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And at close quarters... (makes stabbing noises),
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I can use my knife silencer... (pause).
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Gatesy:
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Hi, I'm Gatesy,
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Demolitions expert.
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Master of C4, A4, and foolscap.
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And if we get into trouble,
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I can call for reinforcements.
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(Those circular adhesive labels...)
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I can pick off any moving target,
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Until they are... stationery!
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Really loud death.
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Tripod:
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Yee! Hoe! Yoomp! Shing!
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Scod:
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Hi, I'm Scod,
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Seamstress.
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Gatesy:
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Hey! He makes the costumes.
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Yon:
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It's a very important role.
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All three of us, highly trained in the art of...
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Tripod:
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... Krap karate...
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Yon:
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Late in the evenin', I'm havin' drinks with my girl,
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Café Latte...
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Yon:
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I'm her protector, the great defender of her world.
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Gatesy and Scod:
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After the party...
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Yon:
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She grabs my chest, my pecs are burning with desire,
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And the hairs on my legs...
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Yon:
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... this call is being charged at $8.90 an hour...
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Tripod:
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Jackie Chan's got everyone on me,
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Don't move over, Bruce Lee.
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Don't come any closer,
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Unless you want a dose-of...
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... Krap karate!
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Tripod:
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Looks great in a mirror!
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