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It's Okay
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Gatesy:
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It's not as easy as it looks to do what we do,
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To be a...
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Yon and Gatesy:
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... hero...
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Gatesy:
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... and a role...
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Yon and Gatesy:
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... model...
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Gatesy:
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To every young Australian.
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Yon and Scod:
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To have the hopes and dreams of millions on our shoulders,
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Tripod:
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To be the shining paragon of Western cultural achievement.
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Yon:
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I know it's hard to believe,
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Scod:
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It's actually us in the flesh and blood.
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Gatesy:
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But don't be overwhelmed, 'cause...
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Tripod:
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It's okay,
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You don't have to be scared.
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Come right up and touch us,
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It's okay.
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Please don't actually touch us,
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That was just an example.
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To demonstrate that we're human too.
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Gatesy:
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Ladies and gentlemen, tonight, here,
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We're going to be asking you the big questions.
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Who are you? What are you capable of? What is your PIN number?
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Scod:
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Important questions, people; the answers to which will go with you through life.
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Like the big one - is it possible in life, really, on every level, to truly succeed?
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Well, look at us.
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Gatesy:
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It's okay.
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Yon and Scod:
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Ooh, don't you know it's okay?
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Tripod:
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You don't have to be...
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Yon and Scod:
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Scared...
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Gatesy:
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You don't have to be scared.
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Gatesy:
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You might be looking at us, thinking, "Well, what have they got that I haven't got?
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What's put them where they are today?"
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"Was it luck?"
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Yon and Scod:
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No!
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Gatesy:
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"Was it self-belief?"
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Yon and Scod:
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No!
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Gatesy:
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"Was it talent?"
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Scod:
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Fuck no!
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Gatesy:
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No, it was a rich aunt who pumps money into the act, week after week, and asks for nothing in return.
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Yon:
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Nothing in return? Well, I have to go to her house every Friday and smear Vegemite all over her...
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Gatesy:
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(Trying to drown Yon out) LA LA LA LA!
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La la... la...
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La la...
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(Long pause)
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Yon:
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... toast.
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(Long pause)
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Yon:
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Then I have sex with her.
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(Reactions from audience)
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Yon:
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You all wanted it!
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(Long pause)
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Gatesy:
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So as you leave this show tonight, think of your aura.
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Will you buy a t-shirt...
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Tripod:
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... or a...
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Gatesy:
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... CD...
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Tripod:
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... or a...
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Gatesy:
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... video...
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Tripod:
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... or a...
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Gatesy:
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... poster?...
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Scod:
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... or a...
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Yon and Scod:
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Cherish your dreams,
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Scod:
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And like a flower, they will blossom.
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But don't tell...
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Tripod:
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... anyone your dreams 'cause they sort of tend to trail off and be boring.
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Scod:
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Ladies and gentlemen, all the way from the place where impersonations... near enough is good enough... Shaggy!
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Gatesy and Scod:
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It's okay.
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Yon:
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(Shaggy) When I was a child,
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I dreamed of doing this.
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Well, not exactly this,
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But something similar.
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Gatesy and Scod:
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It's okay.
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Yon:
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I'd try the Jazz Ballet,
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And callisthenics,
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And watch the videos,
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Of Annie Lennox.
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And so you ask me now,
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Why am I saying this?
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I cannot tell you though,
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It is a secret.
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(Scod stops playing)
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Yon:
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(Shaggy) Why have you stopped?
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(Getting gradually less comprehensible) Keep playing... I need to...
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It doesn't sound good when I just talk...
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I have to be singing...
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(Sings a line)
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Yon:
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You see, you see what I mean?
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If I sing, it sounds fine.
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But if I just talk, it just sounds like this.
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They're starting to think I'm not Shaggy.
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Can you just... one more?
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(Pause)
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Tripod:
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Come right up and touch us,
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It's okay.
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Stay there, we'll bring it over,
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Close your eyes and put your hand out.
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To demonstrate that we're human like you and me...
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Scod:
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We're human like meeeee...
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