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Fabian
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Scod:
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This next one's just... it's a song, it's a bit of a tribute to a bit of an underdog.
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Gatesy:
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We're sick of songs about overdogs.
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Scod:
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Yeah!
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Oh, I reckon you don't hear enough about the overdog.
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Yon:
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Yeah.
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Scod:
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The overdog's a bit of an underdog, I reckon.
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Oh, we're just amusing ourselves.
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This is a song about a Christmas underdog - one of the lesser-known Christmas characters.
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And it's important to know that Yonny will be acting as afore-mentioned Christmas underdog.
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Ahh... yeah, good luck.
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Gatesy:
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It's not a dog, okay? Don't start thinking he's a dog.
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Yon:
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Some people last night thought it was a dog. It's just not.
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Scod:
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You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,
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Comet and Cupid and... Chopper and Nixon.
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Yon:
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But do you recall,
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The least famous reindeer of all?
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Tripod:
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Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian,
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This song's for you.
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Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian,
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This song's for you.
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This is the tale of a reindeer that nobody knows,
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Shoved down the back and largely ignored on account of a nasal disfigurement.
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Not unlike Rudolph in that sense,
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The hallmarks are almost the same.
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Instead of a red shiny nose that brought Rudolph his fame...
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Gatesy:
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Fabian had just... a cavity.
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Tripod:
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No nose at all,
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Just a big empty space,
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In the middle of his face.
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Scod:
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Just a couple of chambers.
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Yon:
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(Angrily) What are you looking at?
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D'ya want a piece of this?
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Tripod:
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Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian,
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Gatesy:
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(About Yon) Does he look like a no-nosed reindeer?
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Yon and Scod:
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This song's for you.
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Gatesy:
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I think he does. Watch closely.
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Yon and Scod:
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Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian,
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Tripod:
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This song's for you.
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Scod:
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Abnormal snouts were surprisingly common in reindeer.
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Rudolph and Fabian both fell victim,
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To the...
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Tripod:
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... elves and their cost-cutting measures.
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Gatesy:
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In keeping their overheads down,
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Yon:
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The elves fed the reindeer on reindeer.
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Scod:
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And on top of that, the poor...
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Tripod:
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... reindeer were also in-bred.
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Gatesy:
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So Fabian had just... a cavity.
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Tripod:
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His hooter was lacking.
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Bugger all schnozz!
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All this because,
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Scod:
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His dad was also his sister.
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Tripod:
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Who he then ate.
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Yon:
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This chicken tastes funny. Can I have some of yours?
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Tripod:
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Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian,
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This song's for you.
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Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian,
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Tragic but true.
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Disliked by his peers,
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This disfigured deer was alone.
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He watched from afar,
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As Rudolph the star,
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Would lead all the others back home.
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But before you get too sympathetic,
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There's another thing you should know.
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Sure, his nose was upsetting,
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But reindeer are not quite that shallow.
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Gatesy:
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'Cause Fabian was... a tosser!
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Yon:
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What?
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Not nice at all!
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Yon:
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Aww, who ran out me batteries?
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Gatesy and Scod:
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An arrogant fool!
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Yon:
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I look good in this, don't I?
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Gatesy and Scod:
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A self-serving tool!
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Yon:
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Oh - I write my name on my stuff for a reason!
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Gatesy and Scod:
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An absolute face-hole.
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Tripod:
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Ahhhhhhh...
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Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian,
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No-one likes you!
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Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian,
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Surgery won't fix the vortex,
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That is your black heart!
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