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Urine Town
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Scod:
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So this is a... so this is one of the songs that we wrote for the Song-in-an-Hour Challenge.
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Gatesy:
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This is one of our favourites. It's cool, it's like, "Out-Takes from Urine Town".
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Yon:
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Yes.
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Gatesy:
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And, umm... there apparently is... there apparently is a Broadway show in the States called "Urine Town".
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Scod:
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Yes.
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Yon:
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Yep, still running.
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Scod:
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Tony-award-winning.
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Gatesy:
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Yeah! And we didn't know anything about it, but Wil and Adam asked us to write, you know, the highlights of the musical, "Urine Town".
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Scod:
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Yes. So, whole bunch of... excuse for a whole bunch of piss jokes.
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Gatesy:
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Yeah!
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Scod:
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I think there's twenty-seven. See if you can find them.
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That's a really good thing to say as a comedian before a bit - "see if you can find the jokes"!
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Yon:
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No, I think that prepares you quite well for a Tripod gig.
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Gatesy:
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Yeah, I think so too! "Oh, they do nice harmonies though, don't they?"
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Scod:
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"The harmonies are great, oh, good harmonies, yes".
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Gatesy:
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"Very nice harmonies... I love the guy in the middle".
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Scod:
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All right, so the other thing is, I play the protagonist of the story...
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Gatesy:
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The hero... the hero's journey.
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And I play... one character, I think. You know, the drunk.
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And... ah... Yonny plays everyone else.
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Yon:
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Yep.
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Gatesy:
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And you'll find he's incredibly versatile.
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So, curtains rise...
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Tripod:
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Just another happy day in Urine Town,
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There's nothing to damp your mood or get you down,
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In Urine Town.
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We don't have problems,
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That we can't work out,
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Wee, wee, weeeee...
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In Urine Town.
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Scod:
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Hey Mister, I'm new in town, can you show me the way to the theatre? I've just come all the way down from Pissburgh, and I'm going to make it big! I'm going to write my name on every wall in town!
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Gatesy:
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(Old man voice) You might as well go home, son,
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You might as well go home.
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The urine factory's closed,
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And you (mutters incomprehensibly).
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Scod:
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Sorry?
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Gatesy:
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You might as well go home...
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Scod:
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No, no, no, move on, next.
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Gatesy:
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There used to be a steady stream of gold here,
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And now it's wet and cold here,
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Since the urine factory closed down.
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Scod:
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What's wrong with you, Mister?
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Gatesy:
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I'm so pissed.
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Scod:
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Right.
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Yon:
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Excuse me.
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Scod:
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Who are you?
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Yon:
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I'm the guy who tells you about the town meeting.
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Scod:
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Town meeting? I'd better go!
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Tripod:
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(Assorted people talking at once)
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Scod:
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Order! Order!
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Tripod:
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It's all gone to piss here in Urine Town,
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It's all gone down the drain.
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Yon:
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(One voice) Nothing gets passed here...
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(Another voice) ... in Urine Town...
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(Another voice) ... what are we gonna do?
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Gatesy:
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We might as well go home...
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Scod:
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Oh, don't listen to him, he's pissed.
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Order! The mayor wants to speak.
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Yon:
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Order, yes!
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Yon:
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Yes, it's all gone to piss here in Urine Town,
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But if we all pull together as a team,
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We can push through the pack here in Urine Town,
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It's not over 'till the siren goes in Urine Town,
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If we kick another goal here in Urine Town...
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Yon:
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(Another voice) Yes, but what are we going to do?
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Scod:
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(Interrupting) Oh, excuse me. I've got an idea!
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Gatesy:
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(Referring to Yon's latest voice) Awww... he's my favourite guy!
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Scod:
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Sorry, I wrecked it, do it again.
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Gatesy:
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It's my favourite.
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Scod:
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Go on.
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Yon:
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(Same voice) Yes, but what are we going to do?
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Gatesy:
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Yeah!
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Scod:
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All right, okay.
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Umm... "Yes, I liked Tripod, but it was predominantly stupid voices".
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I've got an idea. I've come from Pissburgh and we do things differently up there. Did you know you can make your own urine?
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(Sounds of disagreement) That's preposterous!
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Scod:
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Hear me out!
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Yon:
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Preposterous! Preposterous! Preposterous!
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Scod:
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Hear me out!
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Yon:
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Preposterous!
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Scod:
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Hear me out!
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Yon:
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Preposterous!
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Scod:
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Hear me out!
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Yon:
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Preposterous!
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Scod:
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Hear me out.
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Yon:
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Preposterous.
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Scod:
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Hear me out.
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Yon:
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Preposterous.
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Scod:
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Hear me out.
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Yon:
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Preposter...
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Scod:
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It's your line.
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Yon:
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... terous.
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(Realising) Oh.
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(Female voice) Wait!
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(He loses it. Audience laughter)
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Yon:
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Wait! Wait! Shh! Quiet everyone, quiet.
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(The audience is silent)
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Yon:
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No, quiet! I believe in him.
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Scod:
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She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
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Skin as white as porcelain...
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Gatesy:
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Take your glasses off and let your hair hang down.
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Scod:
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Eyes as blue as the bluest water you can imagine.
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A handy duck-shaped neck, for getting at those hard-to-reach places.
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I felt that until this moment I had pissed my life against the wall.
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So come on, everyone! Why don't we do things our way? Get in a circle and pull your pants down! From now on, the future is in your own hands!
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Yon and Gatesy:
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The future's bright and clear in Urine Town...
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Scod:
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From that day on, everyone made their own urine...
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Yon and Gatesy:
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You can hear for miles around the hissing sound...
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Scod:
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And we broke off the yoke of corporate oppression...
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Yon and Gatesy:
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In Urine Town...
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Scod:
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And I married that girl...
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Yon and Gatesy:
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In Urine Town...
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