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Fat Gloves
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Gatesy:
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I know what you're all wondering:
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"Have Tripod ever been to Japan?"
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Scod:
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But you're ignoring a much bigger question:
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"Why don't the Japanese have a space program?"
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Gatesy:
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Why aren't there any Japanese astronauts?
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Have you ever seen a Japanese astronaut?
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Yon:
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I'll tell you why you haven't seen one.
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Tripod:
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I'll tell you why...
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Tripod:
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Because you can't do,
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A Japanese tea ceremony,
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When you're an astronaut.
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Yon:
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It's those damn fat gloves.
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Fat gloves...
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Yon:
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And you can't do,
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Gatesy and Scod:
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You can't do...
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Yon:
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A Japanese tea ceremony,
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Tripod:
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When you're in zero grav.
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Yon:
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'Cause the tea goes everywhere.
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Tea goes everywhere...
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Gatesy:
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Japanese culture's always fascinated me,
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From their traditions to their modern way of life.
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Scod:
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But all their elegance and rich history,
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Doesn't sit well with my interest in NASA.
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Tripod:
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Because you can't carry out,
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A ninja-style assassination,
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Dressed as an astronaut.
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Yon:
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It's the luminous fabrics.
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Gatesy and Scod:
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You're too visible.
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Yon:
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And they don't let you,
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Oo-ooh...
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Yon:
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Use a samurai sword,
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Tripod:
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When you're an astronaut.
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Yon:
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You might puncture the suit.
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Tripod:
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You might depressurise,
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Like a gremlin in a microwave.
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Yon:
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But it's those damn fat gloves,
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Fat gloves...
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Yon:
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They're the main problem.
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Scod:
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You can't nurture a Tamagotchi,
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Yon and Gatesy:
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Fat gloves...
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Scod:
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You can't make an origami swan.
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Gatesy:
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And have you ever tried to get a used panty vending machine into a space shuttle?
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Well, I've tried.
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They don't let you.
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Fucking NASA red tape.
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Yon:
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I couldn't reconcile the two things that I loved,
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Scod:
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(Whispering) I couldn't reconcile the two things that I loved...
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Yon:
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So I threw away my dreams of outer space.
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Scod:
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(Whispering) So I threw away my dreams of outer space...
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Yon and Gatesy:
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I had to find myself a whole new job,
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Scod:
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(Whispering) I had to find myself a whole new job...
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Yon and Gatesy:
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Maybe in the sports arena I would find a place.
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Scod:
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(Whispering) Maybe in the sports... slow down!
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Tripod:
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But you can't do,
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A Japanese tea ceremony,
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When you're a boxing champ.
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Yon:
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It's those damn fat gloves again!
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Fat gloves again!
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Yon:
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Those confounded puffy mitts,
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Oo-ooh...
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Yon:
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They're right in front of my face,
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Tripod:
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Every night in bed.
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Yon:
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I'm haunted by fat gloves!
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Tripod:
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You can't drink saké,
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You can't do bukkake,
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Or ride a Kawazaki,
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When you're an astronaut.
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Scod:
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And they don't let you be an astronaut on Japanese telly,
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'Cause you're not enough of a red...
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Tripod:
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Herring...
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