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Guitar Kings
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(Yon has just left the band to marry the Lady Robot queen. Scod and Gatesy are struggling to cope with this)
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(Offstage)
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Gatesy:
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Yon's stupid girlfriend.
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Scod:
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Stupid.
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Gatesy:
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Yeah, stupid.
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Scod:
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We don't need him anyway.
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Gatesy:
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Hey, we can go back to our old act.
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Scod:
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Oh yeah, that act when I used to shoot ping-pong balls out of my...
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Gatesy:
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No, no, not that one! You know, the other one.
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Scod:
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Oh yeah, before Yon came along and ruined everything!
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(Scod and Gatesy appear on stage with guitars and wearing Mexican hats)
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Gatesy and Scod:
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(In bad Mexican accents) The Guitar Kings!
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Scod:
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Hello, we are the Guitar Kings. I am Olé!
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Gatesy:
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And I am Nachos!
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Gatesy and Scod:
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And together we are - the Guitar Kings!
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Scod:
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Ahh... Nachos, when you play like that, it reminds me of home.
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Gatesy:
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(Pause) Glen Waverly?
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Gatesy and Scod:
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In a world without Yonny,
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We can do anything we wanny.
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The possibilities are endless,
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Think of all the things we could achieve.
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Without the bug-eyed little monkey,
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Always tugging at our sleeve.
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We won't be constantly explaining,
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Every little fucking thing we do.
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He's like a stupid little brother that our mother said,
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We had to take with us to the kids' concert even though we didn't want to.
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In a world without Yonny,
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We can do anything we wanny.
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Gatesy:
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We can make a third more money.
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Scod:
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You remember that chap we used to hang around with?
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Gatesy:
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Oh, barely. What was his name?
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Scod:
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Yonny, I think. What are these accents?
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Gatesy:
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I dunno!
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Scod:
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I wonder what that Yonny's doing now?
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Yon:
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(Jumps onto stage) Enlarged heart.
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(Moves his arm under his T-shirt to simulate a heartbeat)
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(Jumps offstage)
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Scod:
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Glad we cleared that up.
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Gatesy and Scod:
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He won't embarass us at parties,
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In front of all our trendy mates.
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Maybe now we'll be invited,
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Instead of carrying the plates.
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In a social situation,
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You will see us by the pool.
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With all the girls in the bikinis,
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We will finally be cool.
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Gatesy:
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I wonder what that Yonny's doing now?
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Yon:
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(Jumps onto stage) Chest farts.
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(Makes farting noises with his hand on his chest)
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(Jumps offstage)
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Gatesy and Scod:
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In a world without Yonny,
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We can do anything we wanny,
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We can be a lot more funny.
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Scod:
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My Mum went to the shops.
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Gatesy:
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My Mum did too!
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(Pause)
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Scod:
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Guitar!
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(Scod and Gatesy do a dance that eventually ends up in them playing each other's guitars as they dance across the stage)
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Na na na na na na nah nah,
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Na na na na na na na na nah...
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Na na na na na na nah nah,
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Na na na na na na na... Guitar Kings!
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Gatesy:
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Thank you, thank you!
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Scod:
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I am Olé!
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Gatesy:
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I am Nachos!
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Yon:
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And I am Hat!
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Gatesy:
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Hey!
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