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Sweet Caroline
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Download the mp3 of this song from the ShortCutMan website.
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(Many, many thanks to Ron from http://www.shortcutman.net who has very kindly lent me some webspace on which to host this mp3. This recording comes from the 2002 Melbourne Comedy Gala.)
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Gatesy:
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Ladies, ladies and gentlemen. This is Scod.
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Scod:
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Hi.
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Gatesy:
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Hi. And it has been his dream for many, many years, to sing to the people of Australia - to millions of people - of all things, a song by Neil Diamond. So tonight, we're making a little boy's dream come true.
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Tripod:
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Nah nah nah... nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah...
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Nah nah nah... nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah...
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Nah nah nah... nah nah nah, nah... NAAAAH, NAHHH, NAH!
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Scod:
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Where it began,
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I can't begin to know it.
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Still I believe it's growing strong.
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(Bup bup)
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Scod:
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Was it in spring?
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(Bup bup)
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Scod:
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Then spring became the summer.
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(Bup bup)
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Scod:
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Could I believe you'd come along?
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(Bup bup bup bup bup bup)
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Scod:
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Haaaaaaaands...
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Touching hands...
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Reaching out...
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Touching you, touching me.
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(Bah bah bup bup bup bup)
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Scod:
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Sweet Caroline,
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(Loudly) BUP BUP BAH!
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Scod:
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Good times never felt so good.
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(Increasing) BAH BAH BAH BUP BUP BUP!
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Scod:
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I feel inclined,
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Yon and Gatesy:
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BUP BUP BAH!
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Scod:
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To believe it never would.
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But then I,
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Yon and Gatesy:
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BUP BUP!
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Scod:
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Look at the night,
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Yon and Gatesy:
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LOOK AT THE NIGHT NIGHT!
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Scod:
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And it don't seem so lonely,
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Yon and Gatesy:
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NIGHT NIGHT!
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Scod:
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We fill it up with only two.
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Yon and Gatesy:
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FILL IT UP WITH ONLY TWO TWO!
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Scod:
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And when I hurt,
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(Interrupting) YAH-BI-DI YUP-DI-YAH-DI-YAH-DI HURT HURT!
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Scod:
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(Running out of steam) Hurting runs off my...
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(Interrupting) YEAH MMM YEAH!
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Scod:
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How can I hurt when I'm with...
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(Interrupting) HOW CAN HE HURT? HOW CAN HE HURT? HOW CAN HE HURT? HOW CAN HE HURT?
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Tripod:
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Waaaaaarm...
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Scod:
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Touching warm...
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Yon and Gatesy:
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WAAAAAAARM...
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Scod:
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Reaching out...
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Yon and Gatesy:
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Reaching and touching and reaching and touching and reaching and touching and reaching and touching and...
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Scod:
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Touching you...
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Yon and Gatesy:
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Reaching and touching and fucking and fucking and...
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Scod:
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(Angrily) Aww! You're wrecking it!
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Yon and Gatesy:
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Yaaaah! Yaaaah!
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Scod:
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You're wrecking it for everybody! Look, you're wrecking it for everybody!
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Gatesy:
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(To audience) It's a fucking great song, isn't it?
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Yon:
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I had no idea I liked it so much!
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Scod:
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You're spoiling it for everybody... you're supposed to be the backup singers, all right?
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Gatesy:
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Sorry...
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Scod:
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Just keep it a bit quiet.
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Gatesy:
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Sorry...
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Scod:
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Sweet Caroline,
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(In a loud whisper) BUP BUP BAH!
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Scod:
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Good times never felt so good.
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(Whispering) BAH BAH BAH BUP BUP BUP!
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Scod:
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Aww, just sing it yourselves...
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(Robustly) I feel inclined,
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Scod:
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(Despondently) Bup bup bah...
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Yon and Gatesy:
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To believe it never would.
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Gatesy:
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(To audience) Could everybody sing! Come on, it's a ballad, now, let's do it!
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Tripod:
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Sweet Caroline,
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Audience:
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BUP BUP BAH!
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Tripod:
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Good times never felt so good.
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Gatesy:
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Come on, do it for Oxfam! Do it for your country! Let's do it!
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Tripod:
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I feel inclined,
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Audience:
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BUP BUP BAH!
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Tripod:
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To believe it never would...
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Yon and Gatesy:
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Sweet Caroline, Sweet Caroline, Sweeeeeeet...
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Gatesy:
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Thank you!
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