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Birthday Songs
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(This song has been done as both a Christmas and a birthday song. Either way, the concept is that instead of exchanging presents, the Tripod guys write songs for each other).
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Scod:
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This is my birthday song for you guys. Happy birthday!
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Scod:
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I've sent you birthday greetings,
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But I'm not writing much more on the card.
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Other than the small message already printed there,
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I won't try too hard.
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Because it's not quite love I feel for you guys,
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More a grudging birthday respect.
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It's not quite birthday cheer I send to you guys,
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More a sense of willingness to overlook your many faults...
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Just this once!
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Scod:
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Happy birthday, guys!
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Gatesy:
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What the hell was that?
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(Scod and Gatesy start fighting about the song).
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Yon:
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(Interrupting) This is my birthday song for you guys. I wrote it very... VERY recently.
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Yon:
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(Angrily) SCOD, YOU'RE A MAN WHO'S AN ABSOLUTE TIT,
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GATESY, YOU'RE A MAN I WOULD LIKE TO HIT!
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SCOD, WITH YOUR CRAGGY FACIAL FEATURES,
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GATESY, WITH YOUR DAGGY DENIM BREECHES!
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I WANNA HACK OFF YOUR HEADS WITH A BUTTER KNIFE,
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AND SEND YOU OFF TO AN AFTERLIFE!
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IN HELL WHERE YOU'LL BURN WITH OTHERS LIKE YOU,
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AND THAT IS THE END OF MY HAIKU!
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Yon:
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Thank you.
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Scod:
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What was that?
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Yon:
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That's what I like to call, a fitting response!
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(Scod and Yon start fighting)
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Gatesy:
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(Interrupting) This is my birthday song that I wrote for you two absolute... cockburgers!
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Gatesy:
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(Emotionally) I just want you to know,
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Scod and Yonny,
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That I need you,
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And I love you.
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Only ones I can call friends,
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Like... Cher and Sonny,
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You're my best mates,
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Yeah.
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Scod, I'd sit through heaps of Star Trek with you,
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Yon, I'd eat adhesive labels with you,
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If you wanted me to.
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Without Yon around, I'd be red in the face,
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And without Scod around, I'd be blue.
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I just want you to know...
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Scod and Yonny...
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(Gatesy dissolves into sobbing)
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