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A Shandy Too Far
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Scod:
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Is someone yelling out "more" or just saying "door" really loudly?
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Pretty hot... pretty hot in here...
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Yon:
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Just a quick public service announcement for all the girls in the room. Umm... as far as I know, guys don't really mind visible panty lines.
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Scod:
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We're just trying to help you people! So have a good Saturday night, you know, go out to the discos, maybe have a few drinks. Stay here and have a few drinks afterwards...
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Gatesy:
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Yeah! Let's do that!
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Scod:
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Plenty of drinks to be had...
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Yon:
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Now that...
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Gatesy:
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Come on, drink up! Let's go out, Saturday night.
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Scod:
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Maybe we'll move the tables and chairs aside, have a bit of a boogie.
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Yon:
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Yeah...
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Gatesy:
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Hey, yeah...
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Kind of... what we'll do is like, soften the lights a bit, you know... maybe get a bottle of wine...
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Scod:
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A bit of good conversation...
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Gatesy:
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You never know... you could get lucky!
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(Pause)
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Yon:
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Or you could end up with one of us.
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Scod:
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We fully encourage all partying, especially during festival time, but, you know, you do have to be careful, 'cause, you know, too much drinking and too much debauchery and... you know, the next morning you'll wake up and hear that sort of familiar sound...
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Tripod:
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(Deep groan)
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Scod:
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(Continues making noises)
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Yon:
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Scod... I think that's more the night before...
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Gatesy:
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You racy devil!
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Yon:
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You're a dirty bird!
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Scod:
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I don't know where you come from, little traffic light guy, but where I come from that's nasty!
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(Pause)
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Yon:
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East Burwood?
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Tripod:
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(Groans again)
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Yon:
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Morning after noise...
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Gatesy:
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Yeah, morning after noise...
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Scod:
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Not the alarm clock...
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Gatesy:
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This is... this song is the morning-after-the-big-night-out song. Enjoy...
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Gatesy:
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Table for one,
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Preferably out of the sun,
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Somewhere where it's quiet.
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And a coffee too,
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Better make it black right through,
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I'm feeling fairly shite.
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I don't think I have enough class,
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To handle drinking from a glass,
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Get me water in a plastic cup.
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Gatesy and Scod:
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I went a shandy too far,
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I woke up in the bed of,
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Someone who I never thought I'd do.
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You know, I went a shandy too far,
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I wonder where I left my car?
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A shandy too far.
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Yon:
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Mmmm... yum, yum, yum...
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Yon:
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Comfortable bed...
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Gatesy and Scod:
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(Comfortable bed...)
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Yon:
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Shame about the pain in my head.
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Where'd I leave my shoes?
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Gatesy and Scod:
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(Well, they're just over there...)
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Yon:
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Well, they're over there,
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Gatesy and Scod:
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(Over there...)
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Yon:
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Underneath my underwear,
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Tripod:
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And where'd I get this bruise?
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Scod:
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I can hear her come down the hall,
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And bang her head against the wall,
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And wish she didn't have...
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Tripod:
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... appalling luck.
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She went a shandy too far,
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I woke up in the bed of,
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Someone who I just never thought I'd do.
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I know I went a shandy too far,
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I wonder where I left my car?
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A shandy too far.
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Scod:
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Take my advice, in a crisis,
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Catch a taxi, catch a bus.
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But if there's one thing you should never do is trust yourself,
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'Cause there's a caveman inside,
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Your brain's just coming along for the ride,
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You'd think I'd learn.
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Yon and Gatesy:
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(Shandy too far...)
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Scod:
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I don't know it all,
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When it will be safe to call.
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We used to be quite friendly,
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But this could be the end.
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Because we went...
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Yon and Gatesy:
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We went a shandy too far.
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Scod:
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(Shandy, shandy too far...)
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Yon and Gatesy:
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I woke up in the bed of,
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Tripod:
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Someone who I never thought I'd do.
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I know I went a shandy too far,
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I wonder where I left my car?
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A shandy too far.
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(They all start shouting at once)
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Tripod:
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Ooooo-wa, ooooo-wa, oooh,
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Ooooo-wa, oooh,
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Shandy too far.
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Scod:
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Never happened to me personally, of course.
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Tripod:
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Ooooo-wa, ooooo-wa, oooh,
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Gatesy:
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Is Mum in the audience again?!
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Tripod:
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Ooooo-wa, oooh,
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Shandy too far.
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Ooooo-wa, ooooo-wa, oooh,
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Ooooo-wa, oooh,
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Yon:
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Shandy too far...
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Scod:
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Shandy too far...
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Gatesy:
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Shandy too far.
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Tripod:
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Ooooo-wa, ooooo-wa, oooh,
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Gatesy:
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How much money?
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Tripod:
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Ooooo-wa, oooh,
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Yon:
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Shandy too...
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Scod:
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Shandy too...
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Gatesy:
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Shandy too...
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Tripod:
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... far...
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