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The Ballad of Floor Buffer Smurf
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Gatesy:
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Hello! So you've had an hour... you've had an hour drinking, starting fights. But we were told - Catholic priests, prostitutes, smurfs, a gay housemate with the same name, floor buffer, and a bit of Shaggy somewhere in there, and it's kind of in a Pogue style - you're familiar with the Pogue's body of work?
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Yon:
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So what we've written is, basically, a love story that takes place in Smurfland.
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Scod:
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Yeah, baby! Let's do it!
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Gatesy:
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Thanks for sticking around for an hour, guys.
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Tripod:
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It's a happy old life, being a Smurf,
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We don't have a worry or care on the Earth.
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We love all the sights and the sounds and the smells,
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Except for that dirty old Gargamel.
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Gatesy:
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Now the only inbalance I see in Smurf-Land,
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Is there's only one female from west to the east.
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Gatesy:
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- Lady Smurf.
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Gatesy:
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Everyone's had her, except Papa Smurf,
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Tripod:
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'Cause he's training to be a Catholic Priest.
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But Lady Smurf has decided to charge.
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She's so in demand that she's charging a fee,
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She's so busy fuckin', there's no time for me.
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Scod:
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Now I buff the floors of Smurf-Land, you see,
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And they never made a figurine out of me.
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I'm just Floor Buffer Smurf, I'm no-one in her eyes,
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So she's been hanging out with the...
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Tripod:
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... popular guys.
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Gatesy:
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And there's so many smurfs that they sell at BP,
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She loves all the others, so why not me?
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There's King Smurf and Skate Smurf and Massive Cock Smurf.
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Gatesy:
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But strangely they never made a figure out of that one but I can understand why she would hang out with him...
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Scod:
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Yeah...
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Tripod:
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But Lady Smurf has decided to charge.
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She's so in demand that she's charging a fee,
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She's so busy smurfin', there's no time for me.
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Gatesy:
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'Scuse me, how much for a smurf job?
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Scod:
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(High-pitched) That'll be eight smurfs. Do you want me to smurf you, while I smurf you?
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Gatesy:
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Actually, no, I just want you to smurf me off.
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Scod:
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Well, my name finally made it to the top of her list,
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But I was out buffin' some floors that day.
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My house-mate's name matched with the one in her book,
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So she went to smurf him...
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Tripod:
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... but he was gay!
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Scod:
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Shaggy!
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Gatesy:
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Shaggy!
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Yon:
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(Shaggy) But Lady Smurf has decided to charge,
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She's so in demand that she's charging a fee,
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She's so busy shaggin'...
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Gatesy and Scod:
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... there's no time for me!
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Yon:
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(Shaggy) Woh, woh, woh...
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Gatesy:
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Goodnight! Thanks so much!
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Scod:
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Thank you!
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