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When You're a Transformer
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Gatesy:
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Our little topics were haemorrhoids, fairy bread, sisters, Xerox, and Transformers. And sort of like an ABBA feel.
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Scod:
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It must be stated - ABBA, fucking good songwriters! I mean, Jesus!
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Yon:
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And we're... not.
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Can I just... I hope I'm not wrecking any of the plot by saying I play both of the sisters.
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Gatesy:
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Yonny playing girls? How weird!
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Yon:
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I hope it's not confusing, anyway.
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Yon and Scod:
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(Both start singing at the same time with different words)
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Scod:
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Don't I start this?
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Yon:
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No!
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Scod:
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No, you do! Oh yeah, sorry. My fault.
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Yon:
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You can join in if you want... but don't fuck it up.
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Yon:
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They say that if you try, you'll achieve your dreams,
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But who will pay the price in between?
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Tripod:
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Glu-glung, glu-glung, glu-glung, glu-glung,
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Glu-glung glung glung!
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Gatesy:
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That's pretty good.
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Gatesy:
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You'd hope that being family was enough,
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But circumstances can be tough.
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Tripod:
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Glu-glung, glu-glung, glu-glung, glu-glung,
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Glu-glung glung!
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Scod:
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You have to choose,
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And one of you must lose...
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On the world of Transformers,
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The man Transformers are in charge.
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Tripod:
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You never hear about,
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The lady Transformers.
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Yon:
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But they do exist, and they often come...
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... in pairs, not "come"...
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Yon:
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I don't mean...!
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Gatesy:
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They exist!
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Yon and Gatesy:
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Exist, exist, exist, exist!
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Tripod:
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The sisters' names,
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Are Weapontron and... Kate?
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And through this game,
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Their love has turned to... hate?
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When you're a Transformer,
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You will see that some things never change.
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They might re-arrange,
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Into a car, a truck, a plane.
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But if you're Weapontron and Kate,
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You might not have so much luck,
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You might not turn into a truck.
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How does a Transformer get ahead,
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When the thing they turn into is fairy bread?
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Yon:
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Weapontron and Kate had to find a skill,
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Because they couldn't fight or kill.
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Tripod:
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And their transformations,
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Weren't that much to see.
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Scod:
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But they had photographic memory,
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And lots of mental energy.
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Tripod:
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And so they entered,
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A Transformer spelling bee,
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Scod:
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Which caused sibling rivalry.
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Gatesy:
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So, young sisters! It is down to you two. You have beaten all the other pissweak Transformers, including the formidable one that turned into a doughnut - Doughnutron.
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Weapontron, spell "Xerox"!
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Yon:
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Xerox. Triple-Z...
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Gatesy:
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(Buzzer noise)
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Yon:
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No, no, no, no, no! X... Z...
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Gatesy:
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(Buzzer noise)
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Okay, you are out of the game. If Kate wins, there certainly will be Something for Kate.
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(To audience) I wrote that one!
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Scod:
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He insisted that joke go in.
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Yon:
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There was no time to stop him!
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Gatesy:
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They don't give these jobs to monkeys.
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Kate! Spell "haemorrhoids"!
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Yon:
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Haemorrhoids. H... M...
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Gatesy:
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(Buzzer noise)
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Wrong! But in order for this song to make sense... Kate, you win!
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Tripod:
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When you're a Transformer,
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You will see that some things never change.
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They might re-arrange,
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Into a car, a truck, a plane.
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But if you're Weapontron and Kate,
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You might not have so much luck,
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You might not turn into a truck.
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How does a Transformer get ahead,
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When the thing they turn into is fairy bread?
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