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Kevin Bacon
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Gatesy:
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Okay, there was Footloose, Pauline Hanson in gaol, alpacas, pickles, T-shirts with stupid phrases on them...
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Scod:
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Specifically, "Kiss Me Then Pork Me".
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Gatesy:
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Yeah, that's the one. And it's sort of a Beach Boys thing... more from the "pet sounds" era...
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Yon:
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Less than the "surf's up"... well, I dunno, "surf's up" is later... let's not get bogged down in Beach Boys history.
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Gatesy:
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And there's a little bit of Beastie Boys in there too.
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Tripod:
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If it is true that there's just six degrees of near,
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Why am I so lonely?
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I drift from town to town nomadically.
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Gatesy:
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Nobody wants me, 'cause fame is so fickle,
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If this town's a burger,
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Tripod:
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Then I am the pickle.
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Scod:
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It's about Kevin Bacon, by the way.
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Yon:
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'Cause I get thrown out of the town,
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo oooh...
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Yon:
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Like the burger, you know, sliding down the... I'll leave that.
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo oooh...
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Tripod:
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Such a shame that I got arrested,
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Gatesy:
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For wearing an obscene T-shirt.
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All it said was, "Kiss Me Then Pork Me",
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It's just 'cause my name is...
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Tripod:
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... Kevin Bacon,
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Kevin Bacon.
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It's a joke I'm makin'...
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Gatesy:
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Bacon - pork... get it?
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Tripod:
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But they didn't get it and I'm sittin' here in gaol,
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Doin' the hand-spider movement.
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Yon:
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People who weren't at this gig will never get this joke... get over it.
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Tripod:
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I had to bunk up with a former politician,
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Gatesy:
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I use that term rather liberally.
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Then Pauline busted some rhymes for me.
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Gatesy:
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(Rapping) You feelin' like you failed,
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Now ya sittin' in gaol,
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The only thing you have for a toilet is a pail.
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But Kevin, stop dancin'
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And listen to me, I'm Pauline Hanson,
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I'll get ya out of here, gotta listen to my plan, son.
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Yon:
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(Normally) Okay, so now she starts talking. Okay, so what there is is, right...
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Gatesy:
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Why have you stopped bustin' out the rhymes, man?
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Yon:
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'Cause there's a lot of information in this next bit and I think it'll be a bit clearer if I...
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Gatesy:
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Okay, before you tell me that, can I just do another chorus?
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Yon:
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Yeah.
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Tripod:
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Kevin Bacon,
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Kevin Bacon.
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It's a joke I'm makin'...
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Gatesy:
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Get it?
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Yon:
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No, no, I don't get it. Are you making fun of me?
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Gatesy:
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No, no, I'm not making fun of you, Pauline.
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Yon:
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'Cause... 'cause I know what xenophobia is - it's making fun of the Chinese.
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Gatesy:
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No!
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Pauline... Pauline, tell me about that plan.
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Yon:
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Oh, yeah...
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Gatesy:
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About escaping, yeah?
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Yon:
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Yeah. Okay, so there's an alpaca, right? You know, you probably see him around - the gaol alpaca.
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Gatesy:
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Oh, the gaol alpaca!
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Yon:
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And I reckon if you can get him up to about 70 miles per hour, I reckon you can clear that fence.
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You know, Steve McQueen-like.
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Gatesy:
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Cool. Fantastic.
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Yon:
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That's basically it.
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Tripod:
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So I jumped on the thing that looked just like a camel,
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Mixed with a deer or a pony.
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I rode off into the sunset with my alpaca,
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I was no longer alone-y.
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Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo oooh...
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Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo oooh...
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It's such a shame that I got arrested,
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For wearing an obscene T-shirt.
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All it said was, "Kiss Me Then Pork Me",
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Gatesy:
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It's just 'cause my name is...
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Tripod:
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... Kevin Bacon,
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I'm not fakin',
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Gatesy:
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I'm making a statemen',
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I'm Kevin Bacon!
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