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Mark Waugh's Press Conference
   
Download the mp3 of this song from the Triple J website.
 
Gatesy: Ah, David Casey from the Sydney Morning Herald. Aren't you bitter, Mark Waugh, about not being selected for the Australian Cricket team this year?
Scod: (Mark Waugh) Ah, you know what, nah, it's all right. It gives me a bit of time to pursue other things, like singing songs.
Gatesy: Ahh.
   
Scod: I guess I've had a pretty good innings,
Yon: (Ba-da-da-da-da)
Scod: Both metaphorically and actually.
Yon and Gatesy: (Ba-da-da-da-da)
Scod: I'll just bow out and take all my winnings,
Yon and Gatesy: (Ba-da-da-da-da)
Scod: Take the long walk back to the pavilion,
  And I've got a million of good memories to take with me.
   
Scod: Oh, like that time when that guy ran naked across the pitch in India, and we all said "Ohh, Warney!"
   
Yon: Simon Trimney, Cars and Sport Magazine. Ahh, does Mark Waugh really talk like that?
Scod: Ahh, yeah, absolutely. This is a very, ahh, accurate impersonation. Every day he talks like this - it's fun to talk like this, you know.
   
Gatesy: Umm, Matthew Pope, Boobs Ahoy Magazine.
   
  (Pause)
   
Scod: Do you have a question, Matthew?
Gatesy: No, I just love the name of my magazine. I really like my job.
Scod: Good on you, mate.
   
Yon: Ahh, Dana Reidy, Choice Magazine. Are you bitter at all?
   
Tripod: You know, the last thing I want is to end up,
  A kind of bitter, twisted man.
  Having no proper swear words at my disposal,
  Sitting there in a nursing home,
  And just cursing alone with my thoughts.
Scod: Saying "Hells Bells".
   
Gatesy: (Old person) And I don't hold with that gobbledegook.
Scod: (Old person) And you look like the Queen of Sheba dragged you in.
Yon: (Old person) You're a dirty slut, you're a temptress, you're a jezebel.
   
Scod: (Mark Waugh) Oh, I would never like that.
   
Tripod: So many things I could do,
  So many pursuits that I could pursue.
Scod: I mean,
Tripod: How many people get to do what I've done?
  I guess eleven, at any given time.
   
  I could relax and unwind,
  Hanging from a tree like a sloth.
  Or maybe tutor Maths with a girl named Gemma in Sydney.
Scod: Happy Birthday, Gemma!
   
Tripod: Oooh... you know, I'm reaching that kind of age,
  Where you start to dream of being on the stage.
  And since I've already come with a costume,
  I reckon I'd be good in a band with a man who's an Indian chief and a cop,
  And a plumber and a cowboy.
  Singing homo-erotic-subtextual songs with a cop,
  A plumber and a cowboy.
   
  I'll go off with a plumber and a cowboy,
  I'll go off with a plumber and a cowboy...
   
Scod: All right, no more questions.

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