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Schoolyard Confessions
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Download the mp3 of this song from the Triple J website.
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Wil:
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Well, the challenge was inspired by the Christmas song last year where they sort of revealed three stories of life, one of which was true. We said, could we have a similar thing about being back at school - schoolyard confessions.
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Adam:
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At the last second we said, can you throw in the phrase "Going off like a Wayne Carey spa party". Take it away, Tripod!
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Gatesy:
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Feeling very nostalgic about all this.
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Scod:
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Yeah.
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Gatesy:
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Certainly drew a tear.
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Scod:
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Why don't you start, Gatesy?
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Gatesy:
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I will, with my tale.
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Scod:
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Go on, fella.
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Gatesy:
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Thanks, buddy.
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Scod:
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Good on ya.
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Gatesy:
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One day, me and my mate Vege,
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Found a watch, we couldn't believe our luck.
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We thought that we could make a buck,
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And tried to say that it was from an aunt.
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And sell it to the local jewellery shop,
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And the guy behind the counter said:
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"Stop right there! This is not a pawn shop",
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And we giggled, headed back home is what we did.
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But the next assembly we hid,
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Because the jeweller told the headmaster.
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And our hearts would never beat faster,
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A schoolgirl lost the watch we tried to sell.
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But shit, we could have lied,
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But Vege threw the watch onto the ground.
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And schoolkids gathered all around,
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We were punished for our sins,
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And Dad never trusted me again.
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Life seemed so easy...
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Yon:
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Life seemed so easy...
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Tripod:
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It seemed to just arrive, just like an order on a paper bag.
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I'd give anything to have those days back again,
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Anything...
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Scod:
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Maybe this guy was a freak,
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Maybe just a weaker constitution than the other kids.
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But when we kicked him in the nuts, this kid had a fit,
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It was hilarious to watch.
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So when he, for some reason,
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Decided that he wanted to be our friend.
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We told him he needed to be initiated,
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And to be kicked in the nuts again.
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I'm not proud of it,
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But we just wanted to see this kid have a fit again.
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Don't get me wrong,
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We didn't kick him in the nuts for all that long.
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Life seemed so easy...
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Yon:
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Life seemed so easy...
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Tripod:
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Seemed to just arrive, just like an order on a paper bag.
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Gatesy:
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I'd give anything to have those days back again,
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Tripod:
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Anything...
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Yon:
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Sliv (?) had a crush on a girl, but she just liked his cat,
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He asked her over to come and have a pat.
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He was hoping this event would give their romance a start,
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He was hoping it would go off like a Wayne Carey spa party.
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A guy had told him once, if you don't have a condom on you,
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A bit of Glad wrap and a rubber band would do.
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She brought a friend with her, my job was interference,
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This was grade four, mind you, so Sliv did not get clearance.
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Wrangling with the rubber band and a bit of Glad wrap,
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The girl had realised pretty early it was an elaborate trap,
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And fled.
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Tripod:
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Life seemed so easy,
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It seemed to just arrive, just like an order on a paper bag.
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I'd give anything to have those days back again,
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Anything...
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(It was revealed the next week that all three stories were true stories from Yon's life between the ages of 7 and 9).
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