|
Muppets and the Three Tenors
|
| |
|
|
|
(I've driven myself crazy trying to identify which Tripod members act which characters in this song, and I'm still not certain of it. In other words, don't take my word for it!)
|
|
|
|
|
|
(Sound of the Three Tenors warming up)
|
|
|
|
|
Yon:
|
(Kermit) Scooter! Scooter! Go and get the three tenors. They're on in two minutes.
|
|
Scod:
|
(Knocks on the door) Two minutes, Mr Pavarot... err... Mr Carr... err... Mr Tenors.
|
|
|
|
|
Yon:
|
Scooter. Close the door. Here, here, sit on my lap. You furry, four-eyed munchkin. I cannot resist you!
|
|
Scod:
|
Plácido! Not now!
|
|
Gatesy:
|
You can't leave him in a room with a puppet for one second.
|
|
Scod:
|
Ah, remember the Sesame Street incident.
|
|
|
|
|
Yon:
|
(Scooter) I'll just tell Kermit you're ready.
|
|
|
|
|
|
(Kermit) It's the Muppet Show! And here now on stage, singing Ernie the Sixteenth from Tosanini...
|
|
Scod:
|
(Floyd) Hey Kermit,
|
|
Yon:
|
Yeah, Floyd?
|
|
Scod:
|
We can't play this opera crap.
|
|
Yon:
|
What can you do?
|
|
Scod:
|
Well, all I've got is a Jewel song book.
|
|
Yon:
|
Jewel... okay, then.
|
|
|
|
|
|
(They sing in the style of the three tenors)
|
|
|
|
|
Scod:
|
I've never met a man like you before,
|
|
Yon:
|
You make me feel like a woman.
|
|
Gatesy:
|
Oh, have you touched my long blonde hair,
|
|
|
And read my poetry? The things you do to me.
|
|
|
|
|
Tripod:
|
I'm a young, attractive blonde who sings country songs,
|
|
Gatesy:
|
To a lonesome country girl this city is tough.
|
|
Yon and Scod:
|
It's all about the music, stop looking at my cleavage,
|
|
Gatesy:
|
Unlike Kasey Chambers, I am pretty enough, I am pretty enough.
|
|
|
|
|
Yon:
|
(Floyd) Oh, Kermit, are we getting away with this?
|
|
Scod:
|
(Kermit) Absolutely.
|
|
|
|
|
|
(Waldorf) Hey Statler, why are there three fat men pretending to be a blonde woman?
|
|
Yon:
|
(Statler) Err... 'cause they're fat?
|
|
Yon and Scod:
|
Ah ha ha ha ha!
|
|
|
|
|
Yon:
|
Hey, you can't sing about being blonde! There's only one blonde on this show - moi! Miss Piggy!
|
|
|
That's right, Miss Piggy!
|
|
|
|
|
Yon:
|
I've never met a frog like you before,
|
|
Scod:
|
Ohhh... Piggy...
|
|
Yon:
|
You make me feel like a pig/woman.
|
|
|
When you point your dual-resolution IEEE 1394 PC video camera at me,
|
|
|
It's ecstacy.
|
|
|
|
|
Gatesy:
|
Piggy, get a nice shot of your cankles.
|
|
Yon:
|
What?
|
|
Gatesy:
|
You know, the fatty deposits between the foot and the calf.
|
|
Yon:
|
WHAT?
|
|
Gatesy:
|
You know, the wrinkly, bulbous, fatty, disgusting...
|
|
Yon:
|
All right, that's it, opera boy!
|
|
|
|
|
|
HAI-YA!
|
|
Scod:
|
Oh no, we've only got two tenors!
|
|
Yon:
|
HAI-YA!
|
|
Scod:
|
Oh, we've only got one left!
|
|
Yon:
|
HAI-YA!
|
|
Scod:
|
We're all out of tenors! We gotta find someone with extensive experience working with puppets.
|
|
|
|
|
Yon and Scod:
|
Come on, Gatesy...
|
|
Gatesy:
|
No no no, it was a long time ago.
|
|
Yon and Scod:
|
Come on, Gatesy!
|
|
Scod:
|
Do it, mate.
|
|
Gatesy:
|
No way, it was a long time ago!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Billabonga!
|
|
|
|
|
Gatesy:
|
I'm a young magical swagman with a pet bunyip,
|
|
|
If you've seen that show, it was a bit of a farce.
|
|
|
I was young, I was in love, I needed the money,
|
|
|
When you're in the public eye, your past always bites you on the arse...
|
|
|
|
|
Tripod:
|
Bites you on the arse...
|
|
|
|
|
|
(Gatesy sighs loudly)
|