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Star Wars Love Song

  (Many thanks to Darth for these lyrics).
   
Scod: Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of...
Gatesy: Yeah, Scod, that’s the wrong one.
Scod: Sorry.
  Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away. It was a time of war, but what better than a time of war to get it on? Love oozes from every corner of space, and every hive of scum and villainy, starting with this cantina.
   
Yon: He doesn’t like you. I don’t like you either. But that guy over there with the tubes for eyes. He likes you; he wants to get with you.
Gatesy: I’ll be careful then.
Yon: You’ll be dead!
   
  (Lightsabre noises)
   
Gatesy: What’s that?
Yon: That’s his vibrator.
Gatesy: Why are you French? Like why... And why didn’t they make a Star Wars figure out of you, hey?
Yon: I’m wanted in 5 sectors!
Gatesy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
   
Tripod: Everyone, everyone, everyone’s in love,
  Everyone, everyone, everyone’s in love,
  Everyone, everyone, everyone’s in love,
Scod: This bit's a bit like the Goodies theme...
   
Yon: Snaggletooth’s with walrus man, hammerhead’s with Greedo.
  The boys from the cantina bar are clinking to Panthl... oh, fuck.
   
Scod: Obi Wan, he likes some fun, he’s got a huge libido.
Gatesy: Not to mention the sexual tension between Han and C3PO.
   
Yon: Think about it. Why does CPO keep bumbling in when Han is about to get it on with Princess Leia, hey?
Gatesy: 3PO!
Scod: Oh, I’m terribly sorry. Ah, were you two... oh dear, do you want me to hold something?
Gatesy: 3PO!
Scod: Well, would you consider yourself an open-minded smuggler? I mean, how about a 3PO-some?
Gatesy: 3PO!
Scod: A Han-job?
Gatesy: Oh God!
   
Scod: Oh R2-D2, what am I to do?
Yon: (Droid dialect)
Scod: Oh, that’s disgusting, where do you learn these things?
Yon: (Droid dialect)
   
Scod: I don’t know how to love Han...
Tripod: (Droid dialect)
Scod: Thank-you R2, it’s a rhetorical question.
   
Tripod: Everyone, everyone, everyone’s in love,
  Everyone, everyone, everyone’s in love,
  Everyone, everyone, everyone’s in love,
Scod: This bit's a bit like Benny Hill...
   
Yon: Old Lando Calrisian is aided by his lo-bot.
  The biomedical droid from Hoth is a very randy robot.
Gatesy: The ewoks love the jawwas, and Chewie loves a screwie.
Scod: And Jabba the Hutt’s a dirty slut and there’s nothing he won’t do-ie.
   
Gatesy: Hang on; I did think this song’s about love, Scod.
Yon: Take your Jedi weapon. Strike me down with it. Now, give it a name.
Gatesy: Yon! Stop with it, please!
   
Scod: And if you’re into midgets there’s a lot on offer in the show.
  There’s jawwas, ewoks, and the ugnauts who pulled apart C3PO.
   
Gatesy: How do you spell ugnaut Scod?
Scod: U-G-N-A-U-T.
Gatesy: That’s that then, nice one.
   
Tripod: Everyone, everyone, everyone’s in love,
  Everyone, everyone, everyone’s in love,
  Everyone, everyone, everyone’s in love,
  This bit's a bit like a Tripod song...