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Strange Dimensional Vortex Man
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Download the mp3 of this song from the Triple J website.
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Adam:
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Tripod have got a challenge this morning - they've got to give Australians a modern-day version of Waltzing Matilda, so that people can sing - that's significant to our culture and our times - before Rugby Union World Cup matches. It's got to feature an evil twin, and the modern-day ailment of addiction to text messaging. And at the last second, Wil, you threw in:
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Wil:
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Based on a waiter who referred to my coffee as an "Osama Bin Latte", a skinny flat white as a "Gwyneth Paltrow", and an orange juice as a "Simpson", could we have a food product that has a celebrity's name?
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Adam:
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Take it away, Tripod!
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Scod:
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All righty!
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Once a jolly swagman,
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Yon:
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(That's Australian).
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Camped by a billabong,
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Yon:
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(The billabong of American culture).
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Under the shade...
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Yon:
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(Shade...)
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Gatesy and Scod:
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... of a coolibah tree.
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Yon:
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Now that could be any tree, really.
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Scod:
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Oh, it's probably the world stage of global economy.
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Gatesy:
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Wouldn't it just be the sun?
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Scod:
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What, so "shade" is a metaphor for the sun?
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Gatesy:
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Yeah...
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Gatesy and Scod:
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And he sang as he watched and waited 'till his billy boiled.
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Scod:
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Now, what's his billy?
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Yon:
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(Mutters) Shit, we shouldn't have tried this.
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Gatesy:
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It's a kettle! A billy is a kettle.
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Scod:
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Yeah, but the billy represents the international sporting community.
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Yon:
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No, no, the billy's just a prop - it's not relevant.
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Scod:
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Oh, okay.
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Gatesy and Scod:
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You'll come a Waltzing Matilda with me.
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Gatesy:
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How can a guy sing the song "Waltzing Matilda" while being in that song?
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Scod:
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He's some sort of time traveller!
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Yon:
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He's some sort of strange dimensional vortex man!
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Gatesy:
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Yeah!
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Scod:
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Two, three, four!
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Tripod:
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Strange Dimensional Vortex Man,
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Strange Dimensional Vortex Man,
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Ripping the fabric of time and space.
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Scod:
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If you think that this song is culturally insignificant,
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This dude defied physics -
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Tripod:
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In your face!
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Gatesy:
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Down came the jumbuck to drink at that billabong,
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Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee.
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Yon:
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But the jumbuck pulled its mask off to reveal it had the swagman's face,
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His evil dimensional twin had found him at last!
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Tripod:
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Strange Dimensional Vortex Man,
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Strange Dimensional Vortex Man,
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Locked in an epic battle with his unholy twin.
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Gatesy:
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And they sang as they fought in a Kung-Fu-style special effects bonanza,
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Yon:
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Whilst singing the song that they were also in.
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Scod:
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Culturally insignificant, my arse!
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Gatesy:
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Hey, I think they've already made a movie like this. It's got Jet Li in it.
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Scod:
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Yep, give me some of them Asian mussels anytime.
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Gatesy:
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Yeah.
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Tripod:
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Strange Dimensional Vortex Man,
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Strange Dimensional Vortex Man,
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Ripping at the fabric of time and space.
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Yon:
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Text this to your friends!
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Oh no, you won't be able to, probably. They probably won't have "vortex" in the phone, you'll have to spell that.
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Tripod:
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What I'd like to see is rugby players sing this song,
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Too many syllables - in your face!
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