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Jizmo's Dead
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Download the mp3 of this song from the Triple J website.
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Wil:
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Okay, we wanted something that stops the nation. In honour of the Melbourne Cup - the race that stops the nation - we wanted another event that stops a nation or a town. Peter suggested he wanted a reference to those drivers who drive 70 or 80, then when it gets to the overtaking lane, speed up to 110 so you can't go past. Robert from Tassie wanted the return of a previous star of another Tripod song. Brenden from Hobart wanted tax advice. And Lisa from Geelong wanted the term "Pants percussionist" which was her sort of term for a "wanker" - a "pants percussionist".
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Adam:
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And then what we wanted was the whole song to leave us with the feeling - as many Australian Idol voters felt last night - that perhaps they've wasted their money. Tripod, take it away.
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Yon and Gatesy:
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Fly your flags down at half-mast,
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Drag your feet and bow your head.
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Someone great has breathed his last,
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Poor Jizmo is dead.
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Yon:
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Hello kids! I'm Jizmo! Remember me from "The Jizmo Show" - a series on the ABC about bodily functions?
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We made three episodes, but the ABC screened it for five years.
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Tripod:
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Our nation's grounding to a halt,
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Such a sad and tragic time.
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Not since the death of Harold Holt.
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Yon:
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What a tenuous rhyme!
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Scod:
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Well, it's not really a rhyme, actually, it's just, like, two words.
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Gatesy:
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No, no, it's two different words, like "halt", as in to stop, and "Holt", as in to Harold, you see?
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Yon and Scod:
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He's dead, poor Jizmo,
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Gatesy:
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Jizmo was the monstrous juggernaut of light entertainment.
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Yon and Scod:
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He's dead, poor Jizmo,
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Gatesy:
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And now his dreams have turned to dust.
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Yon and Scod:
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He's dead...
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Gatesy:
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He was a puppet to the powers-that-be,
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Yon and Scod:
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Poor Jizmo...
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Gatesy:
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As well as an actual puppet.
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Yeah.
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Yon:
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Yeah, I thought I had it all, but after two seasons of airplay, my residuals dried up like bodily fluid on a doona.
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I was hooked on the high-life though. I used to hang out with the kids from Hi-Five, doing crack cocaine.
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Sure, they spotted me for a few hits, but after that I was on my own.
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I had hit rock-bottom. Can I say "bottom", is that okay, will I get sued if I say that word? Is that dirty?
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Tripod:
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Jizmo's books were in a mess,
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Now he had to pay the price.
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Driving on the highway, he was stressed,
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About his tax advice.
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Yon:
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They'll never get me. This isn't going to be the last of me. I'm not gonna give up, like Cossima.
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I'll claw my way back to the top.
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(Sound of Yon's mobile phone ringing in the background)
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Yon:
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But first, I'll overtake this car.
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Hey, no! Let me back in! I'm Jizmo, God-damnit! Let me merge!
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Gatesy:
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No!
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Yon:
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Look out, look out!
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Scod:
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Noooo...
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(Yon's phone is still ringing)
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Yon and Scod:
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He's dead, poor Jizmo...
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Gatesy:
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(Improvising) Yonny forgot to turn his mobile phone off.
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Yon and Scod:
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He's dead, poor Jizmo...
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Gatesy:
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So it's ringing like crap in the background of the song.
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Yon and Scod:
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He's dead, poor Jizmo...
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Gatesy:
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Elton John played at Jizmo's state funeral.
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Yon and Scod:
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He's dead, poor Jizmo...
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Gatesy:
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He changed the words to "Candle in the Wind" again.
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Tripod:
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What an absolute pants percussionist.
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Yeah.
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Gatesy:
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Good on ya, Yonny...
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