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When You're a Boy
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Download the mp3 of this song from the Triple J website.
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Wil:
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Basically, we've said - because of the Q tests night and the National IQ test, could the members of Tripod reveal - are they smart, are they queer, are they both? We've asked for a reference to Lego - the children's building blocks. And I noticed the Proclaimers are in the country, so could the Proclaimers make an appearance at some stage.
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Adam:
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No trouble at all. And I threw in, could we have have some unnecessary padding at the beginning - while people decide whether they want to watch the Q test or not. And in honour of the Lord of the Rings DVD 2 - our work experience geek kids this morning have pointed out - "It's out! It's got forty minutes of extra commentary on it!" - if somewhere in the song, Tripod, we could have some unnecessary extra stuff that wasn't included in the original version of this song.
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Take it away, Tripod!
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Yon:
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Hi, and welcome to Tripod's challenge for today. I just want to introduce our panel of singers - or performers, if you want to call them that.
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We've got Scod over there...
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Scod:
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Hi!
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Yon:
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Gatesy...
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Gatesy:
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Peace out!
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Yon:
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Hi Gatesy. And I'm Yon.
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I just want to say - Scod, looking lovely today.
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Scod:
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Thanks, man.
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Yon:
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And I've always wanted to know this - are they fake?
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Scod:
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Yes, they are.
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Yon:
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Yeah, I thought they were.
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Gatesy:
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You actually do remind me of one of the Proclaimers.
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Yon:
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Which one?
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Gatesy:
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Only one of them.
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Yon:
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Yeah, just half of... yeah, so we're going to be doing a song, and it'll start any minute now, but we just wanted to make sure that you're all on board, and ready to enjoy this song.
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Gatesy:
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I think I'm ready.
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Scod:
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Me too.
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(From this point on, all sung lines are in very thick Scottish accents)
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Gatesy and Scod:
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When... you're a boy...
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You don't think nothin' like you think now.
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Yon:
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(Translating) When you're a boy,
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You don't think nothing like you think now.
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Playin'... with your toys...
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You don't play nothin' like you play now.
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Yon:
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(Translating) Playing with your toys,
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You don't play nothing like you play now.
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Gatesy and Scod:
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But there are clues as to how you,
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Are gonna turn out.
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Yon:
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(Translating) But there are clues as to how you,
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Are gonna turn out.
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Gatesy and Scod:
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Now... I'm a man...
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The path I've travelled is apparent to me.
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Yon:
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Uhh... something about parrots.
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Nup, sorry, you're on your own from here on.
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Tripod:
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The Lord... had a plan...
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And he knew what I was going to be.
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Yon:
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And he played out his macabre puppet show,
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By use of Lego.
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Scod:
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When I was nine, my friend's Mum said that I should come around,
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To help him with his technical Lego.
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I strode down the street, feelin' like the,
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Local authority in ??? technical Lego.
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Tripod:
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But, oh... they didn't really need me,
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For my Lego skills.
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They just wanted to know...
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Where the instructions were kept.
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Scod:
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They didn't need me any more,
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I was escorted to the door without food or lodging.
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Yon:
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So, does that prove that you're smart or dumb?
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Scod:
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Oh... a bit of both.
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Yon:
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Yeah, I agree.
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Gatesy and Scod:
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When... Yon was a boy...
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Yon:
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I built Lego spaceships for my Star Wars men.
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Gatesy and Scod:
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My...
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Yon:
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My...
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Tripod:
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... folks were too cheap...
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Yon:
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To buy the actual spaceships for them.
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So I built Lego Death Stars, and Lego cable cars,
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And staged hangings.
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Gatesy:
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What...?
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Scod:
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Sorry...?
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Gatesy:
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Did...?
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Scod:
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Hangings?
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Gatesy:
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You staged hangings?
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Yon:
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Yeah, you know.
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Scod:
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Of your Star Wars figures?
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Yon:
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Yeah.
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Scod:
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You hung them by the neck?
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Yon:
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Yeah, you know, like, to execute them.
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Scod:
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By the neck?
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Yon:
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Yeah... except with Hammerhead, I didn't know where to hang him from.
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Gatesy:
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Right... I never saw any hangings in the Star Wars movies, Yon...
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Yon:
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Well... I didn't have any carbonite.
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Gatesy:
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Right...
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Scod:
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Well, that's the end, anyway.
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Gatesy:
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No, that's not the end of the song!
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Scod:
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What?
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Gatesy:
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No, we're doing the extended version, this is my story now. MY story. Gatesy's story.
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Scod:
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No...
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Yon:
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You're not in it, we cut you. You're not in the original version.
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Gatesy:
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Yeah, original version, this is the extended one.
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Yon:
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Oh.
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Gatesy:
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This is for the geeks. Yeah, sweet.
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Yon:
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Okay.
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Gatesy:
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When I was a lad, my good old Dad,
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Gave me a suitcase filled with dirty and rusty Meccano.
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And now I like men in tight shorts.
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(Pause)
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Scod:
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When...
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Gatesy:
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(Interrupting) That was a good bit!
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Scod:
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(Frantic) It was a great story! Great story! Turn the page!
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Tripod:
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When... you're a boy...
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You don't think nothin' like you think now.
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Playin'... with your toys...
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You don't play nothin' like you play now.
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But there are clues as to how you,
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Are gonna turn out.
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Yon:
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And not all of those memories,
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Were as pleasant as those hangings.
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