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44 - Anna Kornikova
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Anna Kornikova
   
  (Many thanks to Belinda for these lyrics).
   
  (The challenge was to include Anna Kornikova, Mandigan (a man’s cardigan) and Tightarse Tuesday).
   
Yon: Now, life's a balancing act when you're a man, y'know. On the one hand, you've got to make your way in the world, and on the other hand you've got one of those y'know, coloured umbrellas.
Scod: Yon...
Yon: Was that too literal?
Scod: Yeah
Yon: Okay, all right.
   
  Well, there's no safety net in life - either especially if you're an actual, y'know, well, except if you're an actual tightrope walker or trapeze artist.
Scod: Yon... We've all got dreams. Y'know, for some, it's Anna Kornikova, for others it might be... Anna Kornikova... but for me, well, yeah, it's Anna Kornikova.
Gatesy: Every now and again you get an opportunity to help out your fellow man, well, I reckon I know a few things about tennis players and how they think. My first girlfriend was vice captain of the under 16 B2s at Sacred Heart, let me tell you, it was love all. But it didn't come easy, 'cause you know what, boys?
   
Gatesy: Tightarse Tuesday ain't the way to impress a tennis star,
Scod: She only likes first class.
Gatesy: And if you take her to that souvlaki place on Brunswick Street,
Gatesy and Scod: Boy, your love will never last.
Scod: There's something about hitting a ball that makes you expect it all,
Tripod: People who jump over a net are the hardest kind of people to get.
Scod: If you don't splash out for Kornikova,
Tripod: ... she won't get bowled over.
   
  Tightarse Tuesday ain't the way to impress a tennis star,
  She only likes first class.
Gatesy: And if you make her catch the train to see a footy game,
Tripod: Boy, your love will never last.
Scod: Things are changing now there's no Iron Curtain,
  And Russian tennis stars just don't go flirtin',
Tripod: With any badly dressed bogan with a haircut like Hulk Hogan.
   
Yon: Why do they keep the tennis balls in their undies? Why don't they just have pockets?
Scod: 'Cause it ruins the line of the garment!
Yon: Actually, do you know what, guys? I've got a bit of a story to tell – I did actually once go on a date with Anna Kornikova. And y'know, I tried everything to impress her, y'know. First I thought I'd impress her by wearing one of her sports bras, y'know, 'cause I wanted to show her I was interested in what she does. The thing is, all of my Jag skivvies covered it up, I couldn't find anything to wear, so I went YES! A mandigan! I wore a mandigan, wore it all the way unbuttoned, all the way down, and I waxed my snail trail too!
Scod: Did it work?
Yon: Well, actually...
   
Yon: Wearing a Mandigan ain't the way to impress a tennis star.
  You'd think it is, but it isn't.

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