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Peaceful Merchant Ship
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Scod:
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Anyway, let's get going. Umm... battern down the yardmasts!
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Yon:
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Trim off the anchor!
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Gatesy:
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Bring me another cabin boy, this one's busted! Hang on...
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Scod:
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I think that's right...
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Yon:
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Not sure about that...
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Scod:
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No, that's right, I think...
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Three! Four!
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Tripod:
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We're a peaceful merchant ship,
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Sailing t'wards the East.
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We're wet behind the ears.
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Yon:
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(Both metaphorically and actually).
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Gatesy:
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I'm gonna get me some of that scurvy,
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Tripod:
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That I've heard so much about!
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We're lonely, we're bored,
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Gatesy:
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(To Yon) And it's your turn to dress up as the woman.
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Yon:
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I always have to dress up as the woman!
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Gatesy:
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Aw, come on, you're eveyone's favourite, and besides, the dress fits you the best.
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Yon:
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Yeah, yeah, and the pig suit, conveniently...
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Scod:
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Why don't you just laugh it up, people, why don't you just laugh it up? The thing is, right, I don't want to stop it, but you're not in possession of all the facts, you see. You're laughing at these two non-descript badly-acted characters...
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Gatesy:
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Hey!
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Scod:
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... without knowing... they're all... they're both about to die... they're about to get killed by Tosswinkle and it's so funny for you people, it's like a blood sport, isn't it? For you people it's like I'm Spartacus or Russell Crowe, well, you know, I'm not Russell Crowe from Gladiator...
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Yon:
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Scod!
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Scod:
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I'm not...
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Yon:
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SCOD! Stop going the audience! Remember, this is just fictional, you know...
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Scod:
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(Really worked up now) Ooh, it's fictional, is it? Ooh, it's so fictional for you people. I suppose everything that goes wrong in my life's fictional, is it? Huh? I suppose how I didn't fit in at school, was that fictional? No! And how my parents were killed by an evil wizard, was that fictional? No!
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Gatesy:
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Hang on...
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Scod:
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Huh? And I had to go to school and I had to learn how to ride a broom with a scar on my forehead and everyone knew who I was and I didn't know who anyone else was, and...
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Gatesy:
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Yeah, SCOD! That bit... that's fictional.
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Yon:
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Yeah.
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Scod:
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(Looks puzzled)
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Gatesy:
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(Whispers) It's Harry Potter...
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Scod:
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(Looks embarrassed) Sorry...
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Still, you've got to admit, there are a few similarities...
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Gatesy:
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Yeah...?
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Scod:
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He's got glasses, I've got glasses...
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Gatesy:
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Sure...
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Scod:
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He's got wizard powers, I've got wizard powers...
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Gatesy:
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Ahh... not so much.
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