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That Was a Close Call
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Gatesy:
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(With the guitar) In this next bit, I get to play the narrator, slash balladeer, slash... err... Slash from Guns and Roses.
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(Gatesy plays a riff)
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Gatesy:
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So... here we are - Tosswinkle's cabin, mid-morning. Tosswinkle and his trusty first mate, Traitor Jim, discuss their close call with the Ghost Ship.
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Yon:
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That was a close call with the Ghost Ship.
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(Pause)
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Gatesy:
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I... I think there's a bit more to the character than that... we named the show after you, Tosswinkle the Pirate...
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Scod:
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Yeah, remember how we talked about acting in this show?
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Yon:
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(Woodenly) What is this acting you speak of?
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Scod:
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Yon... Yon, okay, acting. We talked about this - you know, think Shakespeare. Think Geoffrey Rush - Geoffrey Rush doing Macbeth, for example:
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"Is this a dagger I see before me, oh, goodness me, Gillian, this must be one of those times, isn't it, oh, you've really got to choose, it's almost a fork in the path, oh well it's not a fork, it's more of a knife really, isn't it, goodness me, it's all a bit pointless, well, it's not pointless, it's a dagger isn't it, oh goodness me"... That kind of thing! All right?
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Gatesy:
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I think with acting, all you need to do is put on a stupid voice and pretend to be someone else. Like: "I'm Thwacktheth Thwebin, the gweat wizthard, I've got a magic misthile and a sthtaff. I'm sthanding before a great dungeon..."
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Yon:
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That's very good! That's excellent! Yeah! You're being Scod, aren't you?
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Gatesy:
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Yeah.
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Yon:
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All right! All right! I've got it. Yep, I've got my handle on this one.
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Scod:
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Your handle is my concern. Let's go!
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Yon:
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All right. Umm...
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Gatesy:
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So, Tosswinkle and his first mate, Traitor Jim, discuss their close call with the Ghost Ship.
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Yon:
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(Pirate-like) AHA! (Normal) That was a close call with the Ghost Ship.
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Scod:
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All right... could you at least put on an accent?
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Gatesy:
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Yeah, just try an accent, yep?
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Yon:
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Umm... okay. All right.
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(Pirate-like) AHA! (Yankee) That was a close call with the Ghost Ship... ee hee hee hee!
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Scod:
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Okay, yep, okay, that's the kind of thing. But Tosswinkle's English. Yeah, all right?
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Yon:
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Is he? Okay.
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(Pirate-like) AHA! (Yankee) That was a close call with the Ghost Ship... ee hee hee hee!
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Gatesy:
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He doesn't just SPEAK English!
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Scod:
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It affects the accent.
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Gatesy:
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Yes.
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Scod:
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All right... so, think of it this way. Take the accent, and move it east.
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Gatesy:
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That's great, that's a good idea.
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Yon:
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(Pirate-like) AHA! (Says a sentence in Chinese).
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Gatesy:
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NO!
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Scod:
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Whoa, too far! Okay, you've got to go west from there.
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Yon:
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(Pirate-like) AHA! (German) That was a close call with the Ghost Ship.
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Gatesy:
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Keep going!
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Scod:
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Keep going west!
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Yon:
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(Pirate-like) AHA! (Irish) That was a close call with the Ghost Ship.
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Scod:
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(Excitedly) Oooh!
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Gatesy:
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Jump in your little raft, buddy, and paddle across the water, you're almost there!
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Yon:
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(Pirate-like) AHA! (English) That was a close call with the Ghost Ship.
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Scod:
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YAY!
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Gatesy:
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YAY! Nice...
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(Yon keeps laughing)
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Gatesy:
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I think there's a bit more dialogue as well, Yon...
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Like, what would Tosswinkle say? He's just seen that great galleon of gloom on the water, it's scared him, how would he tell the story to Traitor Jim, what would he say?
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Yon:
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IT WAS BAD!
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Gatesy:
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Aww... fuck...
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Scod:
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Aww...
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Gatesy, could you just start us off?
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Gatesy:
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Yes!
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Scod:
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Would that be all right?
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Gatesy:
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I am the narrator, balladeer, I'm boss of the story, basically.
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Scod:
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Right.
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Gatesy:
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As long as you understand, there are the rules, yep. Okay.
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So with the arrival of the Ghost Ship, Tosswinkle had been forced to stare into the abyss of fate...
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(Yon waves his arms as if he is standing on the edge of a cliff)
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Gatesy:
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... and it had shaken him to the core.
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(Yon shivers)
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Gatesy:
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He knew the Ghost Ship came to collect sinners, and with all his marauding, murdering, pillaging and plundering and... milking cows... Could it be the Ghost Ship was coming to collect him? Traitor Jim leaned in to speak with his Captain.
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Scod:
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Captain, you seem so upset lately. I've never seen you this way. Could there be something on your mind? I...
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Gatesy:
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(Interrupting) Traitor Jim continued...
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(Pause)
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Gatesy:
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I'm just the boss of the story.
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Scod:
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I imagine you're upset, Captain...
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Gatesy:
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(Interrupting) Tosswinkle answered...
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Yon:
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(About to speak)
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Gatesy:
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(Interrupting) He paused a moment before answering the question...
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Yon:
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You...
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Gatesy:
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(Interrupting) Then he answered.
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Yon:
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You know me well, Traitor Jim. Yes, it is true, I'm thinking of retirement. I just think, you know...
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Gatesy:
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(Interrupting) Tosswinkle had been thinking of retirement for some time.
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Yon:
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I just think...
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Gatesy:
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(Interrupting) He then continued...
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Yon:
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I just...
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Gatesy:
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(Interrupting) Uninterrupted...
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Yon:
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I just think there must...
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Gatesy:
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(Interrupting) Whispering...
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Yon:
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(Whispering) I just there must be more to life than hacking people to pieces, you know. I mean, couldn't I do something as well as hacking people to pieces?
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Scod:
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Surely you're...
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Gatesy:
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(Interrupting) Traitor Jim answered...
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Scod:
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Wow, hey, wow! Gee, Gatesy, look over there!
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Gatesy:
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What?
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Scod:
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It's you shutting the fuck up!
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(Audience cheer)
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Scod:
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The people have spoken!
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Gatesy:
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Yeah, obviously.
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