November 2003

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" height=120 BGCOLOR="#CCCC99" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="03f8dfe1esnpes.jpg"> <div> <B>November 2003</B></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id3.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Calendar"><U><B><U>Calendar</U></B></U></A><A HREF="id3.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Calendar"><U><B> </B></U></A><B>  |   </B><A HREF="id60.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Carers Group"><U><B><U>Carers Group</U></B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id2.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Group Guidelines"><U><B>Group Guidelines</B></U></A><B>   |  </B><A HREF="id61.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Library"><U><B> </B></U></A><A HREF="id61.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Library"><U><B><U>Library</U></B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id4.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Current Newsletters"><U><B><U>Current Newsletters</U></B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id16.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Archived Newsletters"><U><B><U>Archived Newsletters</U></B></U></A><B>   |   </B><B><U>Pamphlets</U></B><B>  |  </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Northern Beaches Prostate Cancer Support"><U><B><U>Hom</U></B></U></A><B><U>e</U></B></div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" height=360 BGCOLOR="#CCCC99" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="03f8dfc3.jpg"> <div> <B><U>NEWSLETTER</U></B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>No. 18. November, 2003</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> Editor: John Conroy<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>1. REPORT OF THE MEETING HELD ON: Tuesday, 7 October</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> a.) Apologies were received from Richard Darmopil, Bill Liney and John Reid.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> b.) Our presenter for October was Ms Maree McCausland. She is Hope Healthcare's Social Worker at the Palliative Care Unit at Mona Vale Hospital. Maree, who trained initially as a teacher, has been at the Unit for the past three years, prior to which she worked at the Spastic (Cerebral Palsy) Centre and as a School Counsellor. Her philosophy, which she clings to passionately, is that life is for living up to the day we die, and she tries to encourage others in this belief. Maree's plan for the evening was to present aspects of her own work to illustrate some of the issues associated with life threatening illness.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> The first point to emphasise is that there are differences in thinking between a man and a woman when grief or loss or illness affects either him/herself, or a member of the family, or if one is a witness to such an event. In the case of illness, Maree usually sees a husband and wife together, and will challenge them in some way. The Palliative Care Unit is a multi-disciplinary team, and referrals of a client to the social worker may involve assessing, counselling, mobilising resources (for example, finances), advocacy, or bereavement follow-up. That is, the social worker is concerned not with medical but with social issues that arise when a life threatening illness occurs.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> The social worker is a giver of information, - information that doesn't come from a book but from experience gained from the families that have been worked with over time. Each situation is different, and it is a matter of helping people through the event. Maree gave the example of a man who expressed serious grief on the third anniversary of his wife's death. The family was shocked by this delayed reaction, and the man¹'s son came in to the Centre for help. In cases like this, the social worker's contact may be long lasting in dealing with the situation. Indicators for the social worker's intervention may be: an unexpected emotional crisis (for example, as a support person when a diagnosis is made), a sudden unexpected diagnosis, conflict, or an accommodation or lifestyle crisis or change.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> The social worker will work collaboratively with the carer and patient, but will usually spend more time with the carer. The carer, who usually has other commitments, has a closeness to the patient, and has to develop coping skills and abilities - and these aren't gained by taking certificated courses! There are special difficulties in young families with dependent or adolescent children. Issues associated with suicide and euthanasia may also arise, and in such cases the social worker must follow the government line, but give information and offer support. Indicators of serious emotional disturbance may be ongoing anxiety and panic, social isolation, a family experiencing multiple medical/social issues, or cumulative grief issues which can be kept under cover for a time but finally push a person over the edge.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> A common difficulty which Maree faces is communication breakdown. She gave the example of a man who had fought all through World War II and had subsequently spent 30 years in the Police Force but had kept all his accumulated traumatic experiences to himself until the burden became too great. People tend to keep things to themselves so as not to upset others. The difficulty is: How do you tell?<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> The social worker also has to deal with a person's need for community services. Help will take the form of practical assistance with such things as accommodation, legal or financial matters, funeral arrangements, carer support and bereavement. Ultimately, we're the people who help the social worker do his or her job - which is to help us enjoy life!<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> Maree then went on to look at some of the differences in the way men and women deal with life. Masculine characteristics are considered broadly to be: men are more task oriented, they are less likely to consider emotions as important, and are more likely to have jobs that require them to take a dominant role. Feminine characteristics are considered broadly to be: women are more able to juggle several different tasks at one time, and are more likely to be in jobs that involve more use of softer data, - like emotions and feelings.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> More detailed aspects of male characteristics are: men are taught to be tough, to play active sports and to act out their feelings via behaviour they tend not to sit around and have deep and meaningful discussions with each other they're taught that big boys don't cry men must be successful and career oriented so they can earn good money to support a family they are generally taught in the social context to be the dominant and leading sex boys games tend to be intricate and require problem-solving or goal oriented skills men often have a secondary child-care role and are not as involved in the day-to-day running of the household and are not familiar with its routine men are not as knowledgeable about the day-to-day details of the lives of other family members they tend to maintain a focus on one aspect of their lives at a time.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> Diagnosis and treatment of a life threatening disease can lead to feelings of loss or grief, not unlike the loss or grief felt after a bereavement. The effects of loss or grief for men are: it can threaten the whole purpose to existence, such as the care and maintenance of the family and keeping them safe; they regret not having spent time with others because they have been working for the future which doesn't exist now; or they feel alienated from other family members because roles have changed.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> A man's expressions of loss or grief may take various forms: men tend not to talk easily about their feelings; this can create distance and misunderstanding with other family members men will often seek comfort through increased sexual activity their need to solve problems still exists while grieving but this doesn't work they are more inclined to want to spend time alone, which is often misinterpreted as not caring men find it difficult and embarrassing to cry, and this sometimes turns to misguided anger they have difficulty concentrating men often feel overwhelmed by workload, although the tasks would have been very manageable before the disease was diagnosed they have a lack of tolerance for minor issues and can be short-tempered they have a lower energy level they have a lowered incentive to do things men have a fear of not being a good parent, spouse or partner, although this was not previously in question they can have a change of value system and can't be bothered with trivial things they have to keep busy and task oriented because they fear that stopping means not starting again they find it hard to switch out of the work mode into emotions they are more able to compartmentalise thinking and feelings men can be immobilised with all the above in terms of emotional or verbal expression, which is so often seen as uncaring, unaffected or cold.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> More detailed aspects of female characteristics are that they are able to talk more, they take solace in the company of other women, they can cry in public, and they are expected to be more responsible for the home and children, whether or not they work outside the home. They know the intricate detail of the day-to-day lives of household members, as they are more directly involved with them and the running of the home.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> The way a woman expresses loss or grief may include: women can usually talk more openly and freely about their feelings without needing a solution; it is important that they be listened to without judgment women often need more comfort in grief libido is lowered; they are often less interested in sexual activity they are likely to cry and demonstrate sadness they have difficulty concentrating because they are able to express grief more openly, they are dealing with it better self esteem and confidence are affected women have a fear of not being a good parent, spouse or partner, although this was not previously in question they have a lowered energy level they have a lowered incentive to do things they can have a change of value system and can't be bothered with trivial things.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> Some of these expressions are common for both men and women. Also, it is true that for many in today's society there is a blurring of these roles and expectations. There are also generational differences between parents and children regarding expression of grief and loss; for example, between father and daughter respectively at the death of a wife/mother.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> The session concluded with general discussion, and some personal reflections on the above issues.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>3. NORTHERN BEACHES PROSTATE CANCER CARERS' GROUP</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> The Carers' Group met on Tuesday, 14 October, and Christine Holbert gave a highly professional session on Relaxation Therapy. This was appreciated by all present. It's hoped that we can persuade Chris to come back and talk to the Men's Group next year.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>4. NSW CANCER COUNCIL'S 'RELAY FOR LIFE'</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> The Relay for Life at Kitchener Park, Mona Vale on the weekend of 18 -19 October was a success. Around 300 people in 23 teams walked through the night and, at first count, according to the Manly Daily, the Relay made about $40 000 for Cancer Research. Local Rotarians provided food on Saturday night and breakfast next morning, and various bands gave some great entertainment.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> Our own Jim Rogan, as well as reading the Oath of Allegiance at the Official Opening, organised an impressive display of vehicles by the Terry Hills Historic Car Club. Thanks, too, to John Dunk, Geoff Emanuel and Philip West for manning the Cancer Information Table during the first three hours of the event.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>5. THE HEALTHY MAN'S GUIDE TO PROSTATE PROBLEMS</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> This is a brief, two-sided general information sheet which I have prepared, giving an outline of possible problems of the prostate, with types of diagnosis and treatment. It's in simple language and available at meetings or on request. Suitable to hand on to anyone wanting to know about prostate disease.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> <B>7. REMINDERS: DATES OF NEXT MEETINGS: </B>(6.30 pm on the first Tuesday of each month in the Palliative Care Cottage, Mona Vale Hospital) All friends, partners, carers, and family members are welcome. (Refreshments will be served.)<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> 4 November It's Melbourne Cup Day, but the show must go on!!! David and Pam Sandoe ( Co-Leaders of the Sydney Adventist Hospital Prostate Cancer Support Group) will talk on: The Prostate Cancer Journey - A Couple's Retrospective Story.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> This is a session that will be of interest to both you and your partner, carer, family and friends. Bring them along!<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <div> 2 December Christmas Party. Combined with the Carers' Group. Come along to share some Christmas cheer!<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>YOUR CONTACT NUMBERS</B></div> <bR> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="664" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 116 WIDTH="357"><div> <U>Program Co-ordinator</U> </div> <bR> <div> Dr Peter Moore </div> <div> Northern Beaches Palliative Care<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> 9997 3555 </div> </tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP WIDTH="296"><div> <U>Group Leader</U></div> <bR> <div> John Conroy<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> 9918 9358<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> <A HREF="mailto:conroyjs@bigpond.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto:conroyjs@bigpond.com"><U><U>conroyjs@bigpond.com</U></U></A></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 89 ><NOBR><div> <U>NSW Cancer Council Cancer Support Helpline</U></div> <bR> <div> 13 11 20<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <U>Prostate Cancer Foundation of Australia</U></div> <bR> <div> 1800 220 099</div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>