Current Newsletter - April/May 2007

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" height=120 BGCOLOR="#CCCC99" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="03f8dfe1esnpes.jpg"> <div> <B>April/May 2007</B></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id3.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Calendar"><U><B><U>Calendar</U></B></U></A><A HREF="id3.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Calendar"><U><B> </B></U></A><B>  |   </B><A HREF="id60.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Carers Group"><U><B><U>Carers Group</U></B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id2.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Group Guidelines"><U><B>Group Guidelines</B></U></A><B>   |  </B><A HREF="id61.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Library"><U><B> </B></U></A><A HREF="id61.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Library"><U><B><U>Library</U></B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id4.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Current Newsletters"><U><B><U>Current Newsletters</U></B></U></A><B>   |   </B><A HREF="id16.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Archived Newsletters"><U><B><U>Archived Newsletters</U></B></U></A><B>   |   </B><B><U>Pamphlets</U></B><B>  |  </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Northern Beaches Prostate Cancer Support"><U><B><U>Hom</U></B></U></A><B><U>e</U></B></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" height=360 BGCOLOR="#CCCC99" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="03f8dfc3.jpg"> <div> <B><U>NEWSLETTER</U></B></div> <div> No. 56 April/May, 2007</div> <div> Editor: Mark Tweeddale</div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>1.     COMING EVENTS</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>NOTE: Meetings are normally held</B> <B>at 6.30 pm</B> <B>on the first Tuesday of each month</B> <B>in the Palliative Care Cottage, Mona Vale Hospital </B><I>(unless otherwise advertised)</I></div> <bR> <div> <B>Tuesday</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#FF0000" FACE="Tahoma" ><B> </B></FONT><B>1 May:</B>    <B>Members' Open Forum followed by a light supper. </B>A relaxed and informal evening when you will have the chance to share information and experiences with men in similar situations to your own.  We shall break into small groups based on the nature of the treatments we have had or are currently having or are considering as an option.  There will be an opportunity to discuss outcomes, any present problems you may have, or anxieties you may have about the future, as well as to pass on details about what you have found helpful personally.  Carers, too, will form their own group.  <I>This will be followed at 8.00 o'clock by our </I><I><B>birthday bash</B></I><I> - a "light supper" prepared by Jo-Ann to tickle our taste buds.</I>  We look forward to welcoming members and their partners.</div> <bR> <div> <B>Tuesday 5 June:</B>       <B>Dr Lisa Horvath</B> (Garvan Institute for Medical Research): <I>Update on Chemotherapy</I></div> <div> <B>Tuesday 3 July:</B><B>      Jane Ewins      </B><I>Coping with Survival</I></div> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="841" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#666600" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 186 WIDTH="829"><div> <B>Contacts </B></div> <div> If you want to chat to someone between meetings (for example of you are confused about a decision you have to make, or if you are anxious about the future, or for any other reason) please don't hesitate to ring:</div> <div> <B>     Cancer Council Help Line</B>       Tel <B>13 11 20</B>       <B>or</B>, <I>for someone you know</I>,  <B> </B></div> <div> <B>     John Conroy</B>                                Tel <B>9918 9358</B>   <B>or</B></div> <div>      <B>Mark Tweeddale</B>                       Tel <B>9440 8184</B></div> <bR> <div> Naturally we cannot give you medical advice, but you can chew over your situation or your thoughts with us and, if you wish, we may be able to put you in touch with someone who can give you more specific help. Over to you!</div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>2.     Report on our April MEETING </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>2.1</B><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#FF0000" FACE="Tahoma" ><B>     </B></FONT><B>Handling the Issues of Living with Prostate Cancer:</B><I> </I><I><B>by</B></I><B> Bruce Robertson</B> on Tuesday<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#FF0000" FACE="Tahoma" > </FONT>3 April at 6.30 p.m.  <I> (From Bruce's text, edited for this Newsletter by JC and HMT)</I></div> <bR> <div> Life coaching is all about helping people handle or come to terms with a loss of some sort - of a relationship, job, something physical (as in prostate cancer), or a perceived loss.  Counselling is about providing a therapeutic pathway through complex situations, helping people sort out the realities and dispel the myths from their experiences, reframe them, and provide strategies for the future.  Whatever the loss in our lives, no matter how big or small, we are taken into a grieving process.</div> <bR> <div> Bruce is not a doctor, but his work includes helping men during or after the medical treatment they have had for prostate cancer.  The early stages of being told of one has prostate cancer cause a response that leads into a grieving process.  On diagnosis, our thinking and behaviour patterns start to change as we try to come to grips with the problem that is turning our world upside down.</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="306" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#000000" BORDERCOLORDARK="#000000" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 73 WIDTH="294"><div> <B>There is a common set of changes that everyone experiences who suffers a loss or a near-loss of some magnitude.  </B></div> <bR> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> There is a common set of changes that everyone experiences who suffers a loss or a near-loss of some magnitude.  By talking about these, it makes us aware of the journey that we have been on, or are going through at this moment.  Hopefully it will make each of us a more effective member of this Support Group, when we try to help those who join us for guidance or companionship.  We can then help them, or others outside the Group, through our awareness of what they will be facing from our own experience.  Information, communication and awareness help to lower stress levels. They help avoid the potent side effects of depression, and will advance us quicker to the state of personal growth.</div> <bR> <div> Bruce showed a diagram illustrating the spiralling cycles we move through from comfort, to despair, to depression, to growth and back to safety.  We all have different strengths but most of us don't realise what they are until we are challenged.</div> <bR> <div> Elizabeth Kubler-Ross developed a way of describing the effects of profound loss and the grief.  Her five stages which people typically face with life changing or near death experiences or with terminal illness are:  1)  <I>denial/disbelief</I>;  2)  <I>anger</I>;  3) <I>bargaining</I>;  4)  <I>depression or depressive thoughts</I>;  5)  <I>acceptance</I>.  This understanding has been modified over time and is now less structured as the stages may become integrated, or change their order depending on the person, his/her personality or ability to handle adversity.</div> <bR> <div> <B>Stage 1: Denial and Isolation</B> centres around thoughts such as:</div> <div> "I can't believe what I am being told."</div> <div> "This happens to other people, not to me."</div> <div> "Tell me I'm dreaming."</div> <bR> <div> Thoughts change from positive to negative mainly due to a lack of knowledge and a fear of the future.  Fear, particularly fear of the unknown, plays a major part in our emotional journey.  There is confusion and there are obsessive thought patterns about our situation: there are intrusive thoughts or images about our future treatment or the future of our family; there will be increased anxiety related to a heightened sense of personal awareness and coming to grips with our own mortality; there is a feeling of helplessness by being in the hands of others, and a lack of control over our own destiny; we question our loss of manhood by thinking:  "Even if I beat this thing, am I going to be less of a man in my family's and my partner's eyes?"</div> <bR> <div> 1. Bruce Robertson is a life coach, relationship coach, psychotherapist and counsellor.  He specialises in communication, men's issues (one of the few private therapists specialising in this area), grief and loss, family relationships, conflict resolution, and crisis intervention with individuals and families.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> These sorts of depressive thought patterns trigger <I>depression</I>.</div> <bR> <div> Changes in behavioural patterns show in disturbed sleep or withdrawal, and these disorders can symbolise fears. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Fear can be fear of dreaming, or of not waking up, or fear of the unknown, or if there is something more after life; </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">we may withdraw from our partners and families and lose interest in the outside world; </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">we may decline invitations and have a profound need to come to terms with our own state of mind; </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">our survival instinct emerges and our resilience will be tested over time: <I>either </I>we will be willing to overcome adversity <I>or </I>we will spiral into the black hole of depression.</div> <bR> <div> <B>Stage 2: Anger</B> is a recognisable sign of the grieving process: </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">we experience a profound change in mood control; we feel pessimistic, miserable and irritable; we get angry and fly off the handle at the  least  provocation; </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">our partners and families are the first to experience this behaviour and they feel their world is being tipped upside down; we are changing  and different and this is scary for them; </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">anger seems to change our appetites and affect our weight, and there is a change in our ability to tolerate pain.</div> <bR> <div> Our personalities change:</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">we go into our own worlds, it's all about self and self preservation; we become selfish and self focused;</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">we prioritise our own needs and are not tolerant of others;</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">it's not uncommon to cry a lot - this is a way of releasing emotional stress; </div> <div> (Tears have a wonderful healing value as they remove toxic substances and help reestablish homeostasis. The problem for us men is that </div> <div> we are expected to be strong: we are not meant to cry! This is very much a societal perception and needs to change. We communicate</div> <div> differently from women because we don't express our feelings well; we tend to bottle them up inside and tend to cry alone.  Family will </div> <div> find any crying strange, as they may feel that the strong male person who provided them with security and safety is now vulnerable. </div> <div> Contrary to popular belief, men have the same feelings as women, they are very intuitive (they have an intolerance of bull dust) and they </div> <div> also have a need to love and feel loved. A man's focus and job in life is to provide safety and security for his family and this is now </div> <div> threatened. This creates its own chaos within the family unit in times of adversity.) </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">for those of us who have a natural short fuse, these life setbacks and illnesses may lead us to externalise our depression by angry</div> <div> outbursts and perhaps throwing things.(This mal-adaptation of anger is the posture of turning anger inward against ourselves, which is a </div> <div> dangerous step as anger will move one into self-defeating cognitive cycles where everything seems to go wrong.  If we get into this self</div> <div> defeating, depressive cycle, we become slower, totally immobile and very slow thinking.  We can become very agitated, impatient and </div> <div> unable to sit still.  We will be persistent worriers; and will develop severe depression and could adopt suicidal behaviour.  It is vital to seek </div> <div> intervention before this happens by approaching our doctors for medication and, once everything is balanced medically, counselling can </div> <div> provide further supportive treatment.  By going to therapy, our counsellor will give support and empathise with that need to express </div> <div> emotion.  Bruce has found that men progress far more quickly through having a male counsellor who can communicate in men's </div> <div> language, with the focus on solutions, cognitive and behavioural modification, and not emotional focused therapy as he would use for</div> <div> treating a woman. Men work through emotions in a more structured manner.)</div> <bR> <div> <B>Stage 3: Bargaining</B> lasts for a short period. If we are unable to face the sad facts in the first stage and have been angry at people and God in the second stage, then maybe we can enter into some sort of agreement that may cure us or give as remission. This is a time to get in touch with our spirituality, in whatever form it is, within our belief system. We may bargain with our God, ask for forgiveness and to be given a second chance. The bargaining is very personal, private and secret and is a common and often very important part of this process.</div> <bR> <div> <B>Stage 4: Depression</B>.  A counsellor will have no difficulty in eliciting the cause of depression and in alleviating some of the unrealistic guilt or shame which often accompanies it.  Counsellors can listen as their clients talk about their life, past and present, and can provide strategies for dealing with reframing their negative cognitions and working through relationship issues.  Bruce believes that most men's problems stem from their inability to express their feelings and to allow someone else to help them.  In the case of prostate cancer, the issues are about our sexuality and coming to terms with our own mortality. These are the most confronting things that we have to deal with. Therapy is worth while at this stage, as a counsellor can provide strategies and help to reframe the natural negative ways of thinking that appear through this part of the process.  A good therapist can help stop the slide into severe depression. There is also a price to pay for the family, who are at the receiving end of our depressive behaviours.  Depression is negative energy and it has the ability to suck energy from other sources. </div> <bR> <div> We may also carry the guilt of hurting the family and not providing the safety and security while we deal with coming to grips with our illness.  We may have guilty thoughts such as:</div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"Have I been a good father and husband?"</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"Have I done the best that I could have done for everyone and everything in life to date?"</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"What is going to happen to my relationship with my partner now that I can't function or now that we have only limited sexual intimacy compared with what we used to have?"</div> <bR> <div> <B>Stage 4: Acceptance.</B>  This is about confronting our fears and minimising our anxieties; living with the changes but adopting a realistic attitude for what can be a satisfactory life. Throughout all of these stages, there is a strong focus on self-preservation, looking for the justification of "why me?" and coming to terms with our new selves.  Self-confrontation is about self-preservation, finding the level of our resilience. It's about increasing our self-knowledge and realisation about life's meaning, and consciously adopting a new realisation. This period is about finding the new self after searching, analysing and coming to terms with the past and present, and maintaining hope for the future.  It's about finding our spirituality, analysing all our relationships with others.</div> <bR> <div> Defining who we are and our purpose in life is a sobering experience, but those who have had life-changing experiences will relate to the process of finding meaning for both the experience and the self. It is a process of becoming different - thinking and acting differently. People who have a sense of self are heedful of the impact on others, they take their partners or families' needs and priorities into account. Differentiation doesn't imply selfishness;  it is about our self-development while being concerned about the wellbeing of those close to us. Our families don't have the ability to step into our shoes and visualise what it must feel like to be in our position. All they see is a man who is self-focused, struggling with life and whose behaviours are totally out of character. This is scary for them, as the person they once knew is no more, and in time a new person will emerge. This is why Bruce advocates therapy sooner rather than later to help with maintaining the intimate connection or the reconnection with partner and family.  We must not let that manly pride stop us from minimising the impact on our families and ourselves.</div> <bR> <div> The therapist's work centres on providing coping strategies, which means reflecting on past adversities, identifying strengths, reframing these and moving the client forward with the introduction of positive psychology. In coaching and counselling, therapists use fieldwork between sessions so that cognitive changes are noted in diaries which are used as a means of measuring progress.</div> <bR> <div> Meditation is a good coping strategy, as it teaches one to relax and stops the negative self talk that is whizzing round in our constant "mind chatter".  Whenever our mind chatters, it will always move to the negatives with "what ifs" and "doom and gloom". A healthy mind produces a healthy body and, with exercise, the negative thoughts are changed for the better.  Bruce learned Transcendental Meditation some 15 years ago and finds it a way of coping with life's challenges.  He can transcend and find a peaceful place to reconnect with his `self' and shut down the negative mind chatter.  We can research on the internet and find a meditation technique that suits us..  Bruce recommends meditation highly.</div> <bR> <div> 2 The Sydney Adventist Hospital has general meditation sessions on Thursday mornings at 10 a.m. at Jacaranda Lodge, their Cancer Support Centre. All welcome at any time. No need to book. (Ed.)</div> <div> 3 So do I (Ed.)</div> <bR> <div> After the personal growth phase and moving into the comfort safety zone, there is opportunity to reshape communication and ultimate intimacy with our partner. This process of reconnection by each of us with our partner and family has to be led by <I>us</I>.  Our partner hasn't realised and come to grips with what may come next.  While we may have a lack of libido or erectional problems, this may not be a problem to her;  it is more about our perception of her expectations.</div> <bR> <div> <B>Strategies for Solving Relationship Problems</B>: Bruce gives the following strategies which he has found to be successful with men who have relationship problems associated with poor communication or sexual issues:</div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Know yourself and how you really feel about your partner.  Be honest about this as we all have good bullshit detectors.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Lead from the front at all times to gain the confidence and trust of your partner.  Re-establish yourself as the leader, be the instigator</div> <div> of connection  and communication.  It will take guts and it will leave you feeling open to rejection.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Your partner and family may treat the new "you" with a hint of suspicion but do it anyway.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Always find a quiet place to talk about where you are at in terms of realisations, needs and wants.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Acknowledge your partner and family for what they have done for you, thank them for being with you through difficult times.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">You must address any issues openly and honestly.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Be future focused and set some new rules together for how communication and the relationship will be in the future.  It won't even </div> <div> resemble your past relationship in many ways, but this is a process of starting again.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Stop comparing your love life to what it was or to anybody else's. This is totally non-productive and is a trigger for the depressive </div> <div> cycle.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Understand that loss of sexual desire or erections is a common problem, given the circumstances.  For you, the problem is medical, </div> <div> but for others it is physiological.  In reality, the biggest sex organ is between your ears and, if life is not going right, then the other bits </div> <div> don't seem to work as well.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Sexual problems are very common. In fact, around 90% of couples experience differences in desire at some time during their </div> <div> relationship.  One study found that for several months or more within a 12 month period, 33% of women and 16% of men reported a total lack of sexual interest.</div> <bR> <div> <B>Connecting with your Partner: Getting Started.</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <B> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="332" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#000000" BORDERCOLORDARK="#000000" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 54 WIDTH="320"><div> <B>Hug a lot and tell each other how you feel about each other.  Do this openly to reassure the family.</B></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></B></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Establish new rules for communicating in the future.  Negotiating and agreeing on the </div> <div> future takes away any ambiguity, and gives the future a new foundation.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Restart the relationship by romancing with the strategies that you both liked when you </div> <div> first  started dating or, if you have never been the romantic sort, now is the time to start. </div> <div> Kick those old inhibitions and dare to live life to its full extent.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Women love to be cherished, love to hear about it;  and bodily connection is so important to them.  Hug a lot and tell each other how</div> <div> you feel about  each other.  Do this openly to reassure the family.  You may not have done this before because you were a private person </div> <div> but  you are a more enlightened person now, so do it.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Remember that words build a bridge between a man's inner world and the heart of the woman he loves.  They create instant intimacy.  </div> <div> Staying in your "masculine" inner world by withholding feelings or information is not a harmless act.  It creates a sense of disconnection </div> <div> between you and your partner, and eventually destroys any intimacy.  Women feel connected and intimate when men do any of the things </div> <div> that make them feel safe and valued.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">What makes a woman feel connected are things like good communication, sharing information, harmony, inclusion, compliments, </div> <div> reassurance, and reaching out for them.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Don't feel that you have to apologise for getting emotional.  Explain that crying is a stress relief mechanism and it doesn't make you </div> <div> any less of a man.  In fact, as men get older they do get in touch with their feminine side and this is due to a greater spiritual awareness,</div> <div> understanding the meaning of life, and changing hormonal levels caused by the aging process.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Spend time having pillow talk: lights off, or soft lights, lying side by side holding hands, or cuddling and talking about those things </div> <div> that may be embarrassing or confronting. This is a good tactic for those who feel eye contact is intimidating.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Switch off the old habits to create a space for the relationship to redevelop without interruption.</div> <bR> <div> <B>The Loving Connection:</B> The important bit in any relationship is the loving connection.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Intimacy just isn't about genital engagement in the same way that it used to be.  It's going to take a new shape, but give some very</div> <div> satisfying results. Just because there is no erection or only a partial erection doesn't mean that your love life is over.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Love play is where we negotiate the levels of intimacy, eroticism, and meaning, and emotional connection (or lack of it) is what </div> <div> follows.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Love play starts at the beginning of the day and lasts throughout: ringing, texting, e-mailing, sending flowers, and communicating </div> <div> your feelings for the coming evening.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Effective communication is important by whatever means works best for you. It is all about honest, clear communication.  </div> <div> Communication,  communication,  communication!</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Humour is also an important part of any relationship, and very therapeutic in whatever form that you used it in the past - so use it </div> <div> again.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Acknowledge the beauty of your partner.  Women like to hear that they are beautiful in your eyes and have a desirable body - but only </div> <div> when you really mean it.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Communicate or demonstrate what you like or don't like during love play or making love. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Whether you have an erection or can't achieve it is immaterial to the feeling of being connected and one with your partner. There are </div> <div> techniques that can give you that ultimate connected feeling within the new parameters that prostate cancer has left you with.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Work done on reconnecting with your partner will take you through courting and talking about the future just like days gone by. When </div> <div> the connection is at an intimate stage, arousal through expressions of love will bring touching, orgasm and real pleasure. If you do have </div> <div> an erectile problem then the pleasure will be in the giving, not in the taking.  True love and the new spiritual awareness is always about </div> <div> selflessness, not selfishness.</div> <bR> <div> Bruce reminds us that we can get medical help to deal with erectile problems, using a variety of devices. </div> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="311" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#000000" BORDERCOLORDARK="#000000" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 54 WIDTH="299"><div> <B>Our new-found intimacy is not about self gratification but about selflessness.</B></div> <bR> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> Our new-found intimacy is not about self gratification but about selflessness.  It's about giving the best of ourselves, expressing our love and not expecting anything in return.  What we may get is beyond our previous experience, and love will take on a new meaning.  The process of reconnecting with our partner could well mean falling in love all over again, especially if we have been in a long term relationship. We can try consulting the non-medical model of counselling and psychotherapy once all the medical issues have been explored. We can be helped to deal with all of our issues if we can trust and confide in someone beyond our inner selves.  Helping to achieve clarity through counselling will move us forward through the periods of despair and depression.  It will help us grow and reconnect with our partners and families in a whole new way.  A therapist can be that trusted and confidential companion who can walk the journey with us in a non-judgemental and empathic way.</div> <div> (Thanks to John C for editing this. Ed.)</div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>3.     GENERAL NEWS</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>3.1     From the Cancer Council</B></div> <div> The Northern Harbour <I>"Relay for Life"</I> will be held from 10 am Saturday, 12 May to 10 am Sunday, 13 May at the Gore Hill Oval, Pacific Highway, St Leonard's (in front of the Royal North Shore Hospital).  This is a community fund-raising event to raise money for the Cancer Council NSW.  Teams of 10-15 people take turns to walk, run etc. round the oval.  The event takes place overnight, and there's plenty of time to have fun, celebrate or simply relax. Everyone is welcome.  Stay for the whole event, camp overnight or just visit.  There will be plenty of healthy food, music and entertainment to help you raise money and awareness for a disease that affects us all. For more details, visit: <B>www.relayforlife.com.au/nsw</B> , or phone The Cancer Council:<B>(02) 9334 1413</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>3.2     PUBLICATIONS RECEIVED</B><B> </B>(Copies of all of the following are available for borrowing from our Lending Library.)</div> <bR> <div> (i)     Irena Madjar and Gail Tingle.  <I>What women (and their men) need to know about prostate cancer.</I>  Health Research Association, Newcastle. February, 2007.</div> <bR> <div> (ii)     C<I>ancer Voices NSW. </I> Newsletter 26, March 2007. Focus:  Information at the State and National level for people affected by cancer.</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <TABLE BORDER="1" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="162" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#000000" BORDERCOLORDARK="#000000" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 220 WIDTH="152"><div> <IMG SRC="06e95c30.jpg" border=0 width="149" height="195" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"><I><B>Tell your friends!</B></I></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> (iii)     Cancer Support Centre, Sydney Adventist Hospital. </div> <div>      (a)  <I>Prostate Cancer Support Group Newsletter</I>,  April, 2007.  Focus:  Report on radiation therapy, book </div> <div> review, and Program for 2007</div> <div>      (b)  <I>The Word Is Out</I>.  Newsletter, Volume 6, Issue 2, Autumn 2007.  Focus:  Cancer information and </div> <div> Program of activities for April/May.</div> <bR> <div> (iv)     Cansupport, Royal North Shore Hospital. <I>Prostate Cancer. </I> Meetings for 2007.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>The Cancer Council, NSW.</B></div> <bR> <div> (i)     <I>Caring for someone with cancer.</I>  The Cancer Council, November, 2006. Focus:  Information for people who are looking after someone with cancer.</div> <bR> <div> (ii)<I>    Smart Living.</I>  The Cancer Council, Autumn/Winter, 2007.  Focus: General information on healthy living, research,Council activities etc.</div> <bR> <div> (iii)<I>   Volunteer Voice.</I>  The Cancer Council, Autumn Edition, March, 2007.  Focus: General information on Council activities for volunteers, including volunteer training program for 2007.</div> <bR> <div> (iv)<I>    Local News.</I>  The Cancer Council, Metro Sydney Region, Autumn, 2007.  Focus: General information for local volunteers.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4.     BOOK REVIEWS</B></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="143" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 203 ><NOBR><div> <IMG SRC="07089c50.jpg" border=0 width="137" height="197" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <div> <I>(The purpose of these book reviews is not only to suggest those books that would most repay borrowing and reading, but also to pluck out interesting morsels of information that may be of general interest.)</I></div> <bR> <div> <B>4.1     </B><B>One Thing in Common - 54 people tell their story of living with cancer</B><B>:</B> <B>Published by </B></div> <div> <B>Cansupport, Royal North Shore Hospital, Sydney</B>; 1997. 236 pages, ISBN 09593818X  (Borrowed from the</div> <div> library at the Cancer Support Centre, Sydney Adventist Hospital.) </div> <bR> <div> In 1981 the staff and a former patient of the Oncology Department at Royal North Shore Hospital founded Cansupport, a group former patients who, after training, visit cancer patients as volunteers to offer and provide support a companionship in what is often a lonely and always a frightening experience. This book comprises accounts of the cancer journeys of fifty four members of Cansupport, and was compiled particularly to help newly diagnosed patients who are confronted with all sorts of uncertainties and real and imagined difficulties. It is also a source of profound comfort for those who are encountering difficulties along the way in their cancer journey.</div> <bR> <div> The stories are in five groups: 1) Diagnosis; 2) Treatment; 3) Family and Friends; 4) Survival; and 5) Reflections. The stories cover many types of cancer, but there is much in common, both in the classes of treatment and in the physical and emotional impact on the patients. </div> <bR> <div> I particularly noted the following points, but there are many more. Of course, points listed like this cannot convey the impact of the stories, which need to be read in their entirety.</div> <bR> <div> <I><B>1. Diagnosis </B></I></div> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="323" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#000000" BORDERCOLORDARK="#000000" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 72 WIDTH="311"><div> <B>… paralysing shock, disbelief, numbness, hopelessness, fear,  incomprehension, physical weakness ...</B></div> <bR> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">While some patients may have a growing suspicion that they have cancer before they are </div> <div> formally told, for many it is utterly unexpected, coming as a complete surprise and severe </div> <div> shock, as the patient had sought medical help for a discomfort or problem that they had not </div> <div> associated with cancer.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Often patients speak or write of their reaction on hearing the news in such terms as </div> <div> paralysing shock and disbelief. Other words used include: numbness, hopelessness, fear, incomprehension, physical weakness.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The patient may switch onto "automatic pilot", and seal themselves off in their own world, responding without thinking, and not </div> <div> hearing or remembering what doctors and other people said. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The stories are very open and self-revealing about the writers. Some passages are very moving when one tries to visualise oneself in</div> <div> the situation of the writer. Just one example: one mother with a young child "…<I>went to the university library for nursing texts and read all </I></div> <div> <I>she  could. Even though she sat with tears streaming from her eyes, she continued</I>".</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">One story expresses the view that it is best to tell children as much as they, at their various ages, can comprehend. Attempting to </div> <div> shield them only results in increased anxiety and uncertainty, as pick up a lot from their parents' manner, attitude, and overheard snatches </div> <div> of  conversation, and soon decide that something is wrong. Further, a life threatening illness in the family involves all the family and none </div> <div> should feel excluded.</div> <bR> <div> <I><B>2. Treatment</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Coping with treatment can place a great strain on one's inner resources.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Each patient needs to consider what seems the right treatment for them. Everyone is different and the "standard" treatment may not </div> <div> be what is best for them. It is important to feel that one has control over the decisions about what is to be done.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Many patients are helped by reading and studying their condition and its treatment, so that they are able to discuss their treatment </div> <div> with their medicos from a position of some knowledge, and able to make reasonably informed decisions. Some patients develop a "<I>white </I></div> <div> <I>hot thirst for details and knowledge</I>". On the other hand, some patients prefer not to know, relying entirely on their medical team.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Those who volunteer to help with other cancer patients find that they themselves are greatly helped. Patients seem to draw strength </div> <div> from each other.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Prostate cancer patients who are on hormone therapy commonly experience depression as a direct result of that treatment, as well as </div> <div> from the bother caused by the side effects such as hot flushes, muscular weakening, loss of sex drive and, for some, a consequent feeling </div> <div> of loss of masculinity.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Powerful agents which help one cope include: one's partner, other people, music, reading etc.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Other people regard a cancer patient who carries on with life as being very brave, whereas the patient has found that carrying on is</div> <div> actually the best way of coping. (But the way in which life is carried on is often very changed, with changed priorities and interests.)</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Sometimes patients have bad dreams about the future.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">It can be very difficult to speak, or write, about one's experiences and feelings. Often one may choke up and be unable to speak, or be </div> <div> brought to tears. Yet it seems to help if one perseveres.</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="237" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#000000" BORDERCOLORDARK="#000000" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 54 WIDTH="225"><div> <B>…</B> <B>one may choke up and be unable to speak, or be brought to tears … </B></div> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Having cancer can give one a black sense of humour; one that may offend others. (For those with a </div> <div> strong constitution, try googling the internet for "cancer jokes". Some are very funny, some are just </div> <div> plain sick. Ed)</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The empathy of medicos is very variable. Some are very patient and supportive. On the other hand, </div> <div> some doctors treat questions as a threat or treat the patient (particularly women?) as a child.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The family GP is often the source of continuing support, both medical (of course) and emotional (e.g. "<I>My present GP has proved a </I></div> <div> <I>godsend</I>").</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Several of the stories mention relaxation and meditative techniques as having been very helpful.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">There is an increase in stress as the day of the next scans or tests approaches.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"<I>It was great</I> (via a support group) <I>to discover that most of the problems I had been trying to deal with on my own were common </I></div> <div> <I>problems …. and that I was `normal' for feeling the way I did.</I>"</div> <bR> <div> <I><B>3. Family and Friends</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Whatever the person with cancer is experiencing, it is never in isolation. Everyone around them will be affected to varying degrees by </div> <div> that  cancer. "<I>Cancer is like a rock thrown into someone's life, the ripples reach far and wide</I>".</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="265" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#000000" BORDERCOLORDARK="#000000" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 54 ><NOBR><div> <B>… appreciate life much more than </B></div> <div> <B>     before …</B></div> <bR> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">It is common for patients to find that they appreciate life much more than before, and especially </div> <div> become more aware of, and value, the love and support of their partners, family and friends. (But in </div> <div> some cases, sadly, relationships fail when the other member cannot cope with the stress of being </div> <div> with a cancer patient.)</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">A common experience is to find out just how many people <I>really</I> <I>care</I>.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">On reawakening from surgery, finding a relative or friend beside the bed is immensely comforting and supportive. </div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Attending a support group, and being able to talk openly with others who are, or have been, on the same type of journey and so can </div> <div> really understand how one feels can be very helpful in coming to an equilibrium about the situation.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">It can often be very difficult to speak openly to family members. Often the patient feels he or she should avoid worrying them. In such </div> <div> circumstances it can be very helpful to speak to someone who has had a similar experience but who is not emotionally involved with the </div> <div> patient. (Many hospitals and other organisations, such as the Cancer Council, have a telephone service for precisely this situation, e.g. the </div> <div> Cancer Council Helpline Tel 13 11 20).</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Patients feel that those who have not had cancer cannot really understand how they feel and what impact it has.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">For those with a religious faith, this can be a great help. (However, for those who believe that cancer is a "punishment", this may be a </div> <div> torment! Ed) </div> <bR> <div> <I><B>4. Survival</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">On leaving hospital one can feel rather lost, adrift, and insecure after having all that professional care and attention.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Many patients live substantially longer than initially predicted by their medicos. (Is this perhaps because the medicos want people to </div> <div> take the appropriate steps to be prepared in the event of a short survival, or is it simply the unpredictability of cancer?).</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="314" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#000000" BORDERCOLORDARK="#000000" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 86 WIDTH="302"><div> <FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Tahoma" ><B>"It is not what life does to you that is important, it is what you do with what life does to you."</B></FONT><FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" ><B> </B></FONT>(From <I>Coping with Grief</I>, McKissock 1995)</div> <bR> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">For many patients, the cost of treatment together with the loss of earnings creates serious </div> <div> financial difficulties and adds stress to the anxieties about health, at a time when peace of </div> <div> mind is badly needed.</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Patients commonly develop changed priorities. Promotion and work politics seem utterly </div> <div> unimportant, but family and friends and simply being alive to enjoy each day become </div> <div> critically important (e.g. " … <I>life is especially precious</I>").</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"<I>I enjoy today and every day and know that happiness is within."</I></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>5. Reflection</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The role of the carer is very stressful:<I> "I was thrown into the role of carer, with no experience and no knowledge. </I></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <I> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="282" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#000000" BORDERCOLORDARK="#000000" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 18 ><NOBR><div> <B>Carers need … to be cared for too …</B></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></I></div> <div> <I><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">Nothing in my life had ever prepared me for this job ….". </I>Carers need to be given time and </div> <div> energy and acknowledgement by others, i.e. they need to be cared for too, as well as the patient.</div> <div> <I><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">"It's not what happens to me, it's my attitude about what happens, and I am in charge of that!</I></div> <bR> <div> This is the sort of book that should be read in short bursts, rather than straight through. The stories need to be reflected on, not galloped through. They are inspiring, moving, funny, sad, but above all they are <I>human, </I>and display human values at their best: people coping with and overcoming crises, and growing through the experience.</div> <bR> <div> <FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Tahoma" >My rating for <I>prostate </I>cancer patients:</FONT><FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >  </FONT>««««<IMG SRC="0710d0c0.png" border=0 width="13" height="12" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>4.2</B>     <B>WHAT WOMEN (AND THEIR MEN) NEED TO KNOW ABOUT PROSTATE CANCER:</B><B> by </B><B>Irena Madjar, RN, PhD </B>in collaboration with <B>Gail Tingle. </B></div> <bR> <div> Close to thirteen thousand Australian men are diagnosed with prostate cancer each year and some 2700 die from the disease during the same period. Because early prostate cancer tends to be asymptomatic, many men are diagnosed with locally advanced disease, and some with disease that has spread to other organs. Early prostate cancer is curable; advanced cancer is much more difficult to treat successfully. If this situation is to change, healthy men, with no symptoms of the disease, need to be tested for prostate cancer. Because men are reluctant to visit their GPs, and even more reluctant to discuss their prostate gland with them, women might well be the key to helping men overcome their fear and embarrassment in relation to this important health issue. </div> <bR> <div> This book was written to inform women (and men) in the community about the prostate gland, what can go wrong with it, and how men can recognise and manage their risks of developing prostate cancer. Most men will not be diagnosed with prostate cancer during their life time but of the one in ten men who will, the majority will rely on their wives or partners for emotional and practical support. With that support their survival and recovery will be much better than if they lived alone. But women do not want to be there just to "pick up the pieces" after the diagnosis; </div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <TABLE BORDER="2" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="355" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#000000" BORDERCOLORDARK="#000000" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="RIGHT" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 72 WIDTH="343"><div> <I><B>"But women do not want to be there just to `pick up the pieces' after the diagnosis; many want to be proactive …"</B></I></div> <bR> </tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <div> many want to be proactive and know what they and their men need to do to ensure that if he is to be diagnosed with prostate cancer, the cancer will be detected early and treated successfully. </div> <bR> <div> Based on research, sound medical information, and personal experiences of women who have lived through their husbands' diagnosis and treatment of prostate cancer, this book aims to inform, demystify, and encourage its readers to decide what action they need to take to safeguard their own and their partners' health. The topics include:</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">What women need to know about men's bodies and health</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">The prostate gland and why it matters</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">What can go wrong with it and why</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">What prostate cancer is and what men can do to reduce the risk of developing it</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">What is involved in testing for prostate cancer</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">What happens if prostate cancer is suspected</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">What happens after a diagnosis</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">What treatment options are available and who decides</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">How might prostate cancer and its treatment affect individual men and women</div> <div> <IMG BORDER="0" SRC="Symb075c00b700f000000000.png" HEIGHT="16" WIDTH="24" ALIGN="bottom" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0">How to stay healthy and positive</div> <bR> <div> The topics of age, testosterone, diet, exercise and lifestyle are also discussed. The overall message of the book is positive and optimistic; armed with the necessary information, women can and do make a difference to their men's health and quality of life. With earlier detection and appropriate treatment more Australian men will survive prostate cancer and be not only free of the disease but free to enjoy a long and healthy life. </div> <div> (Summary by the author: Irena Madjar)</div> <bR> <bR> <div> <B>6.  Contacts</B></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <I><B>Would you please let either John or Mark know if you hear of any major development in the health of any of our members, such as being in hospital.  We can enquire whether a visit would be appreciated or whether any other support would be welcomed by either the patient or their partner.</B></I></div> <bR> <bR> <div> Program Co-ordinator: <B>Dr Peter Moore</B>,  Northern Beaches Palliative Care, Tel 9998 0222 </div> <div> Group Leader:  <B>John Conroy</B>  Tel 9918 9358, <FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#0000FF" FACE="Tahoma" ><A HREF="mailto:conroyjs@bigpond.com" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto:conroyjs@bigpond.com"><U><U>conroyjs@bigpond.com</U></U></A></FONT></div> <div> <B>Jo-Ann Steeves</B> ; <FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#0000FF" FACE="Tahoma" ><A HREF="mailto:steeves@pacific.net.au" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto:steeves@pacific.net.au"><U><U>steeves@pacific.net.au</U></U></A></FONT>  or leave a message at Palliative Care: 9998 0222</div> <div> Newsletter Editor: <B>Mark Tweeddale</B>, Tel 9440 8184, <FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#0000FF" FACE="Tahoma" ><A HREF="mailto:hmarktw@bigpond.net.au" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto:hmarktw@bigpond.net.au"><U><U>hmarktw@bigpond.net.au</U></U></A></FONT> </div> <bR> <div> NSW Cancer Cancer Council Support Helpline Tel  13 11 20 </div> <div> Prostate Cancer Foundation of Australia: Tel 1800 22 00 99</div> <bR> <div> Commonwealth Carelink Centres Tel  1800 052 222  </div> <div> Northern Beaches Neighbourhood Service, Inc.: Tel  9982 3044</div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>