I believe that most Melbournians would support a creation of a separate, nearby city of 2,499,945 immigrants plus the 55 Labor parliamentarians who hate Melbourne as it is, and where different cultures from other Countries and the Labor Parliamentarians would feel at home. It could be located nearby to Melbourne, such as in a Labor culture homeland like Lara. There they could build to the Building Commission’s high quality standards of polystyrene and particle-board high-rises, as high as the Planning Minister (or should I say the Developers' helper who tells the Minister what to say) likes — 50 or 100 stories — no worries about needing to call it in! Melbournians won’t object. This Laboropolis could provide amenities for the many groups to worship in one giant tower of religious harmony. All signs could then be in fifty languages as well as pollie-speak so that the residents know how to behave when interacting with other cultures and who to be nice to. It could accommodate people so compactly that they would never have to worry about getting sunburnt. No parks for viewing piles of rubbish or hard-to-maintain trees of course, which would also accord with Labor’s policies of getting rid of them.
Then stodgy old Melbourne would be able to get back to the stodgyness that we all love so much and we reckon is so good, but the Labor party hates it and wants to trash it — for our own good, of course.