Courtship and Betrothal
By
Neville Salvetti© 2008
From before creation your life was known to God and planned by Him.  In that plan was a person to marry.  God knew who it was and planted in your heart an image of that person so that your spirit would recognise them and ‘jump for joy’ when you met them.
Obey God, seek Him and His Kingdom and the promise is that He will provide her for you (Mat 6:33).  Seek her yourself and Satan will provide someone for you and  you not achieve the best God had intended for your marriage.
The choice is to either play the Russian Roulette of dating and romance or to wait for the one Go brings to you to be betrothed too!
Definitions used in this book
Courtship
This is Satan’s way of having couples come together and decide who to marry as they seek the person who is their ideal ‘wife’ usually at the expense of the one God wants them to have.  God is not usually consulted until after the decision is made.
‘court’ = to pay attention with the aim of obtaining favour
‘-ship’ = behaviour
So courtship is the behaviour of seeking favour of another with the objective of marrying them (getting their attention).
Betrothal
This is God’s way where He puts a desire for the other person in your heart and brings you together to get married.
‘be’ = belong too
‘-trothed’ = truth (its original meaning)
So betrothed people truthfully belong to each other (as God has put them together).
Marriage
This really refers to the act of marriage and not married life.  Matrimony correctly refers to that.  I use marriage  in this booklet as matrimony is not a word used these days to describe the married state.
‘mar’ = one who mars 
‘-age = that which belongs or is a function related to
So marriage act is the act of marring something.  It is the act that removes the virginity of a man and woman and mars it.  It culminates the betrothal period which is the period of preparation for marriage.
Matrimony
This is really the word to describe the married state.
‘Matri’ = mother
‘-mony’ =  occurring only in
Only in marriage is a natural birth mother found showing how important they are to a marriage that even the word used to describe marriage (matrimony) is derived from the word for mother.  This is why Satan does so much to destroy women as destroying them destroys the household.
It is so different to other relationships because: God initiates it, puts you both together, trains you in the betrothal period for the act of marriage and matrimony and then blesses the union for His sake and of course, your best.  It is up to you to do your part in this process to prepare yourself for marriage as God can only do His side of the work He is doing in you.
So this booklet is about betrothal and preparation for matrimony: God’s way of bringing people together for matrimony (marriage) using the betrothal period as a period of preparation for the marriage act and matrimony.
Dispute Reconciliation
The marriage that stays together is one that resolves problems in a Godly way and these mechanisms should be set up before matrimony so they are in place for the state of matrimony (living together as  husband and wife).
To expose yourself to someone you must trust their love for you, that they accept you as you are, warts and all and not as you think you should be. This means they can help you with the warts and will understand better any problems you have that may have help cause the situation you are reconciling over.
Wrong altitudes to your future spouse turns them inwards and stops communication outwards and will build up walls if not dealt with.  The focus turns from Jesus to themself and their inadequateness so they feel unacceptable to themself and the person they must face.
One or both spouses may need to deal with self rejection, self hatred, false guilt, shame or condemnation or fear of the other persons love. Deliverance may the needed before reconciliation can start.  Deliverance is needed as is the realisation they were forgiven at Calvary and all they need to do is repent, and that all shame guilt and condemnation were dealt with at Calvary and all that you feel of these is a result of Satan placing thee on you and are not God.
Sleeping Around
Why do people have multiple sex partners before marriage? What does a woman gain from it that she will risk getting pregnant, or getting a venereal disease and/or aids?
No one plays Russian roulette with their bodies unless they are damaged emotionally in a major or way.
The usual cause is sexual abuse so that the person has no self esteem and ends up treating sex as a sign of love or acceptance or even a possible way of finding their ‘Prince Charming’.
They can end up thinking that all man really want is sex and that it is a way to get love and to show love.  This is how Satan promotes love in the media and most people who do this are influenced by this in some way so accept it as a correct way to relate.
They often do not enjoy sleeping around but it is a learned behaviour and acceptable to them.  It may be a result of the lie that sex = love or a coping mechanism for abuse they have received or a belief they are good for nothing better than that.  They may even know it is destroying them in a way but feel trapped.  They need deliverance and the proper love Jesus gives to shown them what love and acceptance really is.
The love of a good person helps in freeing them from this addiction and compensation for lack of love (which is what sleeping around is).  One who loves them as Jesus does and who marries them for who they are in as a person and not for how good they look or how good they are at sex!
Betrothal and The kingdom of God
Introduction
The betrothal period is one of the most important periods in the life of a person.  It is the preparatory time for marriage in which the attitudes and habits are formed that you will take into your marriage and which will be built on by God during the marriage, providing you let The Holy Spirit lead you in the preparation of the marriage.  Most marriages fail before they start as this preparatory time is not approached properly and so the marriage starts on a wrong foundation and ends up falling apart.  This is especially so if the marriage has been based on romance and emotion and not a betrothal by God.
If the betrothal period is correctly lived as God wants it to be, then the only differences between that and matrimony is that you now live together, share everything and can have sex.
This booklet aims to give you an understanding of this period of betrothal so that the foundation for the marriage will be correctly formed and so you will have a firm basis on which to continue to build on in the marriage
Guidelines for using this book
It is suggested this book be read together by a betrothed couple so they can discuss any problems they have in regard to what it suggests they do.  It may also be suitable for class discussion.  Use it as The Holy Spirit says to. After all He is your teacher (Job 32:8) 
I give you the following suggestions”
Ask The Holy Spirit to give you understanding of what you read in this book
Put into practice what you read or else your effort reading this book will be wasted
Always do what The Holy Spirit says and not what man writes or says.
The following prayer may be useful
Lord, we give you our betrothal and ask you Holy Spirit to guide us and teach us what we need to know to prepare for marriage.  We ask you to show how we should relate to each other and to you in this betrothal relationship so that we bring You Honour and Glory as we learn what we need to know to prepare ourselves for marriage.  So Lord Jesus we give you the whole betrothal situation to be Lord of.
Satan you have no right to work in these areas now as it belongs to Jesus so in Jesus Name go to the Throne of Grace and be judged.  Holy Spirit take his place please.
Than you Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit.
On Love
Love and The Fruit of The Spirit
The attitudes a betrothed person should have in betrothal and subsequent marriage is love, the same type of Love God has for each of us.
In the prebetrothal, betrothal and matrimony stages the only difference should be the degree of intimacy.  The quality of love you have for each other should not change in any of these stages.  Only the way God allows you to express it changes.
While love to our spouse will be a natural expression of how we feel toward them it will require will power and effort at times to carry out what our love desires to do for them.
This will be because :
Satan is trying to stop us expressing our love to our spouse
We do not know how to express it properly
We need to give up or change something in our lifestyle to be able to express our love to them correctly.  This is often the biggest reason for love not being expressed.
Fear of exposure (self-protection as we still do not trust fully yet the love of our betrothed).
Satan will try to turn love into lust and harm the relationship and only true self disciplined love for our betrothed will prevent this.
How should we love our betrothed:
We are to love our betrothed as Jesus loves her!
We should rejoice that God has given us a betrothed and all that goes with it that are signs of His blessings towards us, and be should thankful to Him for these.
The peace we have with our betrothed because of the unity in The Spirit we have with our betrothed and all we can do together because of our love for each other.
The patience we express to our betrothed as we seek to serve them and train them in the way God wants them trained
Tenderness in the way we relate to our spouse and children out of our love for them
Seeking best for our betrothed because we love them
Trusting God for all that happens to us in the marriage relationship
In humility serving our betrothed as God serves them in all He does for them
Moderation in all we do so that we can provide for our betrothed and not corrupt them through immoderation.
Love for our betrothed is the motivation for all we do for them
The way of the person who expresses God’s Love to their Spouse
A person who loves their betrothed will be patient with and tolerant of their problems as they work with God to help their spouse and children overcome their weaknesses.
They are gentle and compassionate and do only what helps them grow closer to Jesus and The Father as well as mature into what God wants them to mature into
They do not envy what God has allowed others to do and help them in anyway they can as they Serve Jesus out of love for Him and not for the purposes of self-esteem.  They do not use the successes of their betrothed for purposes of their own self-esteem
They do not promote their own abilities in the relationship when it will cause others to feel inadequate or worthless
The do not embarrass their betrothed through inappropriate behaviour either to then or others
They do not promote themself if it means their spouse or family will be brought into disrepute or emotionally damaged in any way
They are not upset by things their betrothed does to them and serves them in spite of what their betrothed does to them just God serves us in spite of our rejection of Him
They do not look for evil in their betrothed or denigrate them in any way  or think wrong things about them but accept them as they are, build on that and help them be the person God wants their spouse to be
They rejoice in the good their betrothed does  and in the character and strength of God in their betrothed
They do not complain when their betrothed wrongs them but seek God on how to help their betrothed overcome their weaknesses
They look always positive at their betrothed and their relationship with God, helping them to overcome any weaknesses they have.
They seek what benefits (is good for) their betrothed as good stewards of them and help them become more intimate (closer to God)
Their relationship with God enables them to relate to their betrothed in a correct manner.
If there is any fear, of your betrothed then one or both of you need deliverance and should have it as soon as you can so Satan cannot use it in the marriage.
There should be no fear in love. You should never put fear in your betrothed in any way or at any time as it will slowly kill the love they have for you.
Love covers (overlooks) the sins (failings/weaknesses) of your betrothed and will help them with deliverance from these weaknesses and will support them as they try and deal with the weaknesses or failings.
Not wanting to give up what we have to change by holding onto past things we enjoy is probably the biggest hindrance to a person expressing their love (in the way God wants them to express it) to their betrothed (Luke 9:62).  There may also be a fear of exposure of who you are because they still do not fully trust the love their betrothed has for them.
You cannot express God’s Love when you cannot express Jesus in your life as His love is expressed as a natural outflow of Him in you.
If you cannot express God’s love in an area then Jesus is not in that area and deliverance or Lordship commitment will be needed to deal with this inability to express God’s Love to others in that area.  You may need deliverance in an area to be able to love your betrothed as Jesus desires you to love them.
What are you willing to give up to show your love to your betrothed as Jesus Love her?  Jesus gave up all to show His Love to His Bride (The Body).
Joy
Not just any joy, but the joy of having a relationship with Jesus, of being delivered from the evil kingdom of Satan and hell, of being counted worthy to do the work of Jesus, of knowing what His love for you really means!  Of knowing who you are (a child of The Kingdom) and knowing where you will go when you die.  The joy of not having to worry about anything as you do His Will as you trust God’s Love, Purpose, Plans and Control over all circumstances (Matt 6:33).
Peace
Not just any peace but peace with God that pervades all we do because we know The Father is in control of all our circumstances and loves us and meets our every need! This is a peace that does not have a care as it casts all its worry on the Saviour and trusts Him fully to deal in the matter in a way that is most advantageous for us as we continue in the task God has called us too (Phil 4:6-8).
Long-suffering (Patience in suffering)
This attitude of ‘patience in suffering’ results from knowing that our reward is in Jesus and that at the end of the suffering is rest in the Kingdom of God with Jesus. It also is suffering while doing the work of Jesus and because of their love for Jesus it is willingly borne for His purposes to be effected because of the benefit it will bring to others. They do not care what happens to them as they trust Him for whatever happens to them (Heb 11:6).
Gentleness (kindness out of compassion and love)
People who love as Jesus loves cannot willingly hurt another or be harsh with them. This term ‘gentleness’ portrays this. It is kindness and compassion to others out of love for them. It is the attitude Jesus has with sinners and the unlovely that the world discards and that many have difficulty relating too. It is an expression of the Love Jesus has to all.
The betrothed should be a gentle man in all he does with and for his future spouse both during the betrothal period and in the marriage.  She is a gift from God and should be treated as such.
He should never raise his voice, shout at, abuse her or intimidate here in any way.  These will cause her to doubt his love to he or put fear in her.  Love is gentle and this should showed in all he does for or with her.  When he talks it should edify her in some way or praise her to others.  It should be sound speech seasoned with grace.
The husband who is gentle too, considerate of and appreciate of his wife, showing love in all he does in relationship to her will be rewarded by her increased desire and love for him, both physically and spiritually as well as the loving service she will give to him.
Love given will have a response of love reciprocated from the person they show this love too. This is the key to a marriage, for the husband to love his wife as Jesus love her so that she feels sufficiently secure in the relationship to love him back with the same type of love and to emotionally express herself freely and lovingly towards him.  This type of Love is matured in the betrothal period.
Goodness
A person who has this goodness is a person of integrity and is virtuous and honest in all they do. Their character expresses the goodness of God.  They are pure in their motives and seek evil for no one,  esteeming the values of God above those of the values of the world so that God’s values permeate their nature and in all they do they reflect the goodness of God
Faith
This is an active belief and trust in whom Jesus is, what Jesus has said and done as well as all that Jesus has promised.  This belief permeates everything they think and do. They are assured of whom they have believed in and the promises made by Him (Jesus). The faith of this person cannot be shaken and they will die rather than deny their belief in Jesus, whom He is, what He has done and what He has promised to do for them. (Heb 11:6)
Meekness (Humility)
The meek person realizes that they are only what they are by God’s Grace and takes no credit for what God has done. They have a true estimation of themselves before God and knows that all comes from their relationship with God including abilities, self-worth, self-esteem and self-value.  They know they live only because God keeps them alive and is able to work and serve God only because God allows them to do this and also Gives them what they need to serve Him.
They have no doubt as to their complete reliance on God and as a result do not declare their own greatness or achievements! They cannot! As they realize they have only done what God has asked them to do then enabled them to also do it because God has prepared these for them from before creation and allowed them to do these things and that there is nothing in what they have done which allows them to claim any ‘glory’ or originality in the activity.
Because of this attitude, they have the heart required of a servant and God can use them greatly.
God does not Love us for what we can do for Him as He can do it all Himself.  He Loves us because He made us and is our ‘Father’.  Those who respond in Love towards Him will be with Him in heaven.  Those who reject His Love will be with His enemy in hell when they die.  Remember, enemies are placed in prison where they cannot harm the good citizens of the kingdom.  This is one reason hell is necessary.
Temperance (self-controlled in all things)
The temperate person controls themself in all the things they do so that they never abuse anything God allows them to have control over and are also able to control themselves.  As a result they are able to express the ‘Fruit of the Spirit’ in all they do. While all the ‘fruit’ flows from love, self-control is what allows a person to express them properly.  These self–controlled people are the faithful in the tasks God has given them and good stewards of all God has entrusted them with  because they listen to God and do what He wants them to do with what He has entrusted them with.  They will also be good stewards of their betrothed and later their spouse.
‘Against such there is no law’
Against such there can be no law as Love fulfils God’s requirements of The Law and the ‘fruit of the Spirit’ is the expression of God’s Love to us, and through us, to all.
As you show God’s Love to your betrothed you will fulfil Gods requirements of you and relate to your betrothed as God desires you too.
The above attitudes and way of thinking are designed to remove worry and fear from our minds as these cloud our thinking and make it hard for us to hear God and be led by The Holy Spirit.  They also ensure we have the correct attitudes and habits to be a good citizen of The Kingdom of Heaven and to be able fearlessly to do the work of The Kingdom.
Part of the work of The Kingdom is the stewardship of your betrothed and marriage.  The family is the basic unit of worship on earth and so these stewardships are important
Worry and fear are attitudes Satan tries to make us have so we doubt God’s Love for us and  control over our circumstances and so we will be more hesitant to serve Him and trust His Will, Plans, Purpose and Control.  We will be protecting ourself rather than relating as God desires us too.
A Christian should always be positive about what God allows to happen to them.  To be otherwise is to call God’s love into disrepute.
God is in complete control and His nature is Love so whatever happens is for our best as God is using it to conform us to the image of Jesus.
The Bible tells us to be positive (Rom 8:28, Gen 50:20)
Job 3:25 (NCV) For the thing I greatly feared has come upon me and what I dreaded has happened to me.
If you are afraid or believe something will happen to you it may happen (the example of Job see Job 3:25)). Satan is always happy to fulfil it if it is against the Will of Jesus and thus help Christians be harmed. If you trust through faith in God’s providence and control of all you will not be concerned about anything that happens to you or which God asks you to do as it is best for you (Rom 8:28).  God’s Love is being expressed through what is happening to you so it is  best for you.
The Christian life is a life of positives based on trust in God’s Love! Not on negatives or fear that takes away hope and binds the person in ritual and legalism (2 Tim 1:7).
This positive attitude of faith needs to be cultivated through the Will of the person affirming God’s positives in regard to all negative situations. This is expressed through total obedience to Jesus believing all will work out for your best (Rom 8:28).
Standards for a relationship
Be careful what standards you apply when going into a relationship
Prior to meeting your betrothed you could have been hurt by someone close so you can no longer trust people or have another wrong attitude towards them.  This will be transferred to other relationships you have such as to God or your betrothed. This attitude results in your never expecting any thing good from God or others, including your betrothed.
Deliverance is needed to remove these fears so you can trust others and relate to them as God wants you too.
Prior to Betrothal
The period prior to before God betroths you to someone is a time of getting to know other people, learning to relate to and serve people in preparation for the deepening of the eventual betrothal relationship.  It is in this pre-betrothal period that you learn the self-control towards the opposite sex, the skills and independence necessary for the betrothal period.  Lust or any other type of negative emotion should not be a part of this time as you should be using the principles of God’s kingdom as you learn to relate to others and learn about the opposite sex and their emotional and temperamental differences to you as well as their strengths and weaknesses.
Men are to treat girls as sisters 1 Tim 5:1-2
Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity.
Remember you are to relate in love and not lust.  The only commandment of The Kingdom of God and from which all the others flow is Jn 13:34-35:
Jn 13:3-354 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.  By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.
This means no sex or heavy petting with anyone until you are married.  If you love your betrothed as Jesus does you will not do this to them and cause them emotional problems as well as possible pregnancy with all the shame it has.
If you love your betrothed as Jesus does you will help each other and serve each other in love and support each other in their weaknesses and trials.  You will enjoy them for who they are as a person:
Someone for whom Jesus died
A mind and personality
A Christian to fellowship with
A part of The Family of God you belong too
A Step Brother or Step Sister to Jesus Matt12:50 and thus also to you
A child of The Father by adoption Rom 8:14
God’s Temple in which He lives
Singles Socializing
When you socialize before betrothal you should not be looking at people evaluating them as possible marriage partners or asking God if they are the one.  Lists, that you cross each possible name out one at a time,  are definitely out.  You are to focus on your relationship with God and how He wants it expressed towards others and He will prepare you for marriage and bring your future betrothed to you.  (Mat 6:33 applies).
While you make lists and evaluate people as a possible betrothed Satan will give you all the help he can so you will look at the wrong person, possibly miss the right one and marry someone God does not want you to marry.
You do not need to seek a spouse as God will bring them to you as part of the promises of Mat 6:33.  He has promised to supply all your need in every area of your life as long as you seek the furtherance of His kingdom and develop the relationship you have with Him.  God will guide you to your partner:
They will be the perfect partner for you
They will have the gifts you do not have that will complement yours in ministry so you will need to learn to minister together as a couple
They will complete you as a person
They will complete each other for ministry (gifts, temperament)
In all areas the relationship will be as God desires it to be (Jesus will be their Lord and The Holy Spirit will always be their guide)
Previously married people
Where one or both of the betrothed couple have been married previously then there will be hurts and usually children with one or both of the betrothed persons.
There are at least four dangers in this relationship:
The betrothal is not God-ordained and is a compensation (for a marriage that has ended) in the belief it will remove hurts and/or other problems one or both of the betrothed couple has. 
Do not enter a relationship soon after the divorce or death of a partner or a break-up with another until you are 100% sure the marriage is of God.  The old saying “marry in haste repent at leisure” is so true and you could spend many years repenting for your hasty choice.
The children could be overlooked by one or more of the betrothed people as the couple cement their betrothal relationship.
The hurts that caused the divorce, or resulted from the cessation of the marriage through divorce or death of a spouse, may not have been dealt with through deliverance so that person will bring problems into the marriage which will cause further problems.
The hurts of the children are overlooked so they go into the marriage scarred and have trouble coping.
Romance the mother in the betrothal period but be sure to let the children know that you love them as well and by this you will win both them and the mother.
The the new future spouse must earn the respect of the children of the other betrothed person as respect is a necessary part of a person trusting themselves to love another.  If the children do not respect the introduced spouse then they will never trust or love them.
If the mother thinks the future spouse will not love or care properly for her children she will not marry him.
The betrothed couple have become stewards of each other and the children they both have and not just of their own children so as good stewards they need to look after what God has given them even though it means denying themselves in various ways.  If they cannot be good stewards of what God has entrusted them with before marriage (the children) it will be harder afterwards when there are more problems and interactions to resolve and new things to be steward of than there was prior to and during the betrothal period.
All deliverance that is possible should be done of the betrothed and their child en before any marriage so that problems from the past do not need to be dealt with after marriage and cause stress or friction in the relationships in the future family..
If you cannot relate properly to any person involved in these relationships (betrothed, your children, their children) before marriage you will have little chance afterwards unless there is deliverance.
Complications such as having two houses and two sets of furniture etc should be taken to God as no fast rules can be made for these.  You are stewards of them on His behalf so you need to ask what He may want done with them.
Sometimes the house has so many bad memories so that you will need to sell it and move into a new one with your betrothed unless they need to keep the house for some reason.
Where possible you should not ask a new spouse to live in a house Satan used to destroy the last spouse.  It is not fair to the new spouse to have to clean up the mess of a previous marriage.
Usually the house is run down needing lots of renovation or cleaning.  It is not fair to ask a new spouse to either do it or pay for this.
A new marriage is a chance to start afresh and put into the marriage the things God wants in it as well as the order He wants to be in it so from the start of the relationship God’s principles should be in all that happens during the betrothal period and afterwards in the marriage.
Whatever happens ensure it is in accordance with The Will of God as revealed to you by The Holy Spirit.
As in all things you need to walk with one ear constantly open to The Holy Spirit so the relationships (between each member of the family) will progress as Jesus desires them to be developed and matured.
Do not seek a wife
If you seek a wife Satan may end up guiding you to the one he wants you to marry.  If you marry his choice for you:
There will be strife all the marriage
Love in the marriage will grow cold and legalism will take over
Jesus will not be central to the marriage
There will not be unity in the marriage
Jesus will not be able to use it as He would like too
You may grow lukewarm to the things God wants you to do and may even lose your salvation through the continued disobedience (Rev 3:5)
The relationship with your spouse is the second most important relationship you have, The most important relationship is with Jesus.
Until your relationship with Jesus is in place and:
He is Lord of all your life
He alone is your strength and help and all your hopes, purposes and dreams for future happiness are found in Him alone
You live Matt 6:33
He will not give you a spouse as they will get between you an He!
When the spouse will not be a distraction of any type then he can entrust you with one.
Until then it is no use looking for a one as Satan will gladly provide his spouse for you. This is why it is so important to let God bring the person to you and not follow the ways of the world which Satan promotes in his media.
Until Jesus is your lord so that nothing, including a relationship with a spouse, will affect the relationship with Him, He will not usually give you a spouse.
Why should Jesus give you someone who could come between you and He and who may ultimately cause you to lose  your salvation.
Satan promotes His way of courtship in the Media
It is the opposite of what God wants
It is based on Lust not Love
It is designed to promote love = sex
It is designed to form shallow relationships
It is built on sex, appearance, wealth and mutual attraction
It promotes sleeping or living with different people to test out partners and seeing if you relate to each other in a reasonable way
It promotes living together rather than marriage
It does not promote the long term commitment that marriage has
It allows changing partners without any legal complications
It allows sex experimentation outside the relationship without worrying about legal problems
It destroys marriage and the family as a structure
Remember that God will bring your wife to you so do not make a list of what you want in a wife then go and look for a woman that matches that list.  It will invariably be different to the list of what God wants in your wife.  You will be looking for the wrong woman and may miss the one He wants you to have because of this.
God’s basic unit is marriage
God’s provision for children is found in the stable marriage relationship
It is the basic unit of worship
It was created by God for the benefit of each spouse
It was created by God so that its ministry would be a reflection of how God ministers.
It was created to be the spiritual raining ground for children where they would also learn the life skills needed to live as The Father desires them to live later in life.
Children need a mother and father to find their true identity as a person.  Where there is only one parent this usually does not occur.  You must give the needs you cannot fulfil in a child to Jesus and trust Him to deal with them.
Adequacy
Are you ready for marriage?
Do you feel adequate to fulfil the roles you will be called to carry out when married?
If God has called together to be married you will be at the stage of Christian maturity He expects you to be at and will work through the betrothal period to prepare you both for marriage.
If God has called you together then Satan will work to break up the betrothal or stop you being prepared by God for marriage so that you and go into marriage with problems he can use to try and destroy the marriage.
Satan will try and place on you negative emotions and attitudes that will either hinder your learning what God wants you to learn or will break up the betrothal (engagement) so the marriage does not occur.
Satan will try and make you doubt you are to marry the person.  This is why you must be sure God wants you to be married to that person so can fight the doubt Satan places on you with the truth that God wants you to both be married to each other
If Satan cannot blind you to the weaknesses in your character that will hinder the betrothal and subsequent marriage then he will try and use them to cause you doubt about your adequacy to marry or your being acceptable to your future spouse
This is where you will need deliverance to deal with these weaknesses so that Satan cannot use them against you.
You are adequate for marriage because:
God has called you to it so has prepared you for it
If you were not adequate why would Satan try and make believe that you are not adequate. He only attacks What you have, not what you do not have!
You are adequate in Jesus because in your relating to Him He prepares what you need to be to do what He asks you to do
You are only required to love as Jesus Loves.  If you cannot then deliverance will be necessary. You will fail in obedience to Jesus but all that God asks you to do is to repent and to keep on trying to do His Will for you each day.  God only asks you to do this and to leave the future to Him (Matt 6:33).
 As you do this you are being matured to what He desires you to be at each stage of the betrothal period in preparation for marriage.
All you need for any aspect of your life will be on the path He has prepared tor You to walk in before creation began
If you doubt your adequacy and abilities you are saying God has made a mistake with you and at that point of time you are not what you should be for what He has called you too.  If you are not trying to obey Him then you are not where you should be because of your disobedience and because you are not following the path of Mat 6:33!  You are reaping what you have sown (Gal 6:7-8)
If your self worth is based on Jesus and not on your idea of a what you should be you will trust Him for how He has made you adequate for betrothal and then marriage.  Self worth, self esteem and your abilities will not be a problem as they will be based on His value of you and not from your own reason which Satan will try and influence so that you will have a wrong opinion of yourself.
When ever relating to your betrothed or your spouse never assume things or react but ask The Holy Spirit if what they said is correct as well as how to respond to what they have said.  This also applies to thoughts that come into your mind whose source could be The Holy Spirit, Satan or yourself.
If you take all to Jesus through the Holy spirit you will never have problems in regard to adequacy and ability as The Holy sprint will tell what you need to do nt the situation you are in.
Trusting people
You must trust or respect a person before you can accept them or what they say or you will be too busy defending yourself or seeing how you are affected by what they say.  If you cannot trust a person you want to love then you need deliverance so you will be free and know your adequacy in Jesus and what He has done for, in and through you.
Breathing Space
Everyone requires space at times, either mental, emotional or physical, and you need to know when you are to allow them this space.  The reason they ned it may not be important but the fact they need it is and if you love them you will grant them this space, step back and wait until you are allowed to enter it again.
A Summary of Betrothal
The rules of The Kingdom apply to a betrothal’
The basic rule of The Kingdom is to love others as God Loves them and there are no exceptions provided by God regarding this command.
Jesus is Lord and you serve Him with what you do including who you marry and how you relate to them so you need to determine whom He wants you to marry and not do what the world says you do to find a wife.
You must not be unequally yoked spiritually 2 Cor 6:14
You belong to a different Kingdom of that of the world with different values and purposes
Being unequally yoked will stop the relationship walking in unity of Spirit (Amos 3:3) because your spirits belong to different kings and cannot ever be one
You can be unequally yoked if you are led by The Holy Spirit and your betrothed refuses to be personally led or believe you can be led by The Holy Spirit.  There can be a unity in the common spirit but not as God wants as you are both not led by The Spirit to be able to hear what He wants you both to do for Him in the marriage.
You can be unequally yoked if one believes in deliverance and the other does not.  The one not believing in deliverance will rely on man’s methods (such as psychology and psychiatry) and will not follow the Spirit in this and other things.  They cannot believe in man’s methods and say you follow The Spirit.
Usually this occurs because one does not believe in the ministry of Jesus and the miracles or deliverance that accompany it.  They may also believe the gifts of The Holy Spirit are not for today so follow traditional church methods.  Unless they change the marriage will end in disaster and will not do what Jesus wants it to be.  I know as this happened to me.
It must be God’s Will for the couple
You must be Spirit led in choosing spouse so you will know the one God wants for you
You must know how to discern The Will of God
You must be certain you are to marry them before you start the betrothal period
Dating
Dating to find a marriage partner is not God’s way of doing things
It allows Satan to find a partner for you
It shows you do not trust God for a partner
Going out as a group is not dating but socialising
Dating should be an indication you are to marry because God has brought you together and you are now getting to know one another in preparation for formal engagement and marriage
You should only start dating after you both agree you are to marry (in the betrothal period)
Dating should really only be a prelude to the engagement and is part of the betrothal period lead up
Romancing should now occur in the dating period not to win her heart but to show you appreciate her for who she is and desire her because God has given her to you to marry.
Formal engagement cements the betrothal period and marks the time to begin setting up the marriage household (if you have not done so already).  Relational problems should have been sorted out early in the betrothal period before formal engagement occurred.
Remember, the moment God informs you both that you are to marry you are betrothed in His eyes.
The relationship
Your relationship with Jesus is the foundation of any betrothal and marriage
Jesus must be more important to the betrothed people than their future spouse
The will of Jesus must be in charge of the betrothal period
They must trust God’s Love Control Purposes and Plans no matter whatever happens
The relationship must be guided by The Holy Spirit
They must Learn how to live as a couple guided by The Holy Spirit
This is preparation for marriage and ministry through marriage
They should treat each other respectfully out of love for them Eph 5:21
The Love of Jesus toward the future spouse must be the type of Love they have for each other
You need to help each other work through hurts or other problems that would hinder relationship with the wife as well as with others in this betrothal period so that the marriage starts with each partner able to relate to each other as they should.
Serving your betrothed
In heaven people willingly serve others.  There is no thought for themselves or protecting hurts or emotions as these are no longer a problem in heaven
If you have problems loving others or serving them then you need to deal with the hurts that causes this in you.
When you naturally have an attitude of loving service to others so that you do not consider your own needs but consider the needs of others then you have the attitude you need to prepare for life in heaven
This is the natural altitude you should have to your betrothed as well as to others
Betrothal is the time to prepare for Matrimony
Preparation for all aspects of marriage but without the sex
Develop the same attitudes as husband and wife have to each other
Learn to walk in unity of purpose as guided by The Holy Spirit
Same servant attitude to each other as God has to them
A chance to put into practice attitudes needed in the marriage
The same love for each that a husband and wife has for each other
There is no marriage so headship is not relevant theoretically
It is a chance to practice headship roles and to find out what problems each have with it.
A chance to develop the skill of being a gentleman and serving His future wife’s needs
They must learn to trust Jesus for the domestic roles they are to have in marriage and prepare themselves for them. (Headship is domestic not spiritual)
They are spiritually equal before and after the marriage only in domestic arrangement does headship apply so this spiritual equality needs to be developed
Need to learn submission (resulting from their love to each other) to the needs of each other as they will have in marriage
Domestic submission is for order in the marriage
God will require husband to give account of his headship
God will require wife to give an account of her submission
The betrothal period is a chance to practice how you will relate to each other in preparation for marriage
You will not ask for anyone you love to sin
Sex
Heavy Petting
Anything against God’s laws
All you do will be out of pure love for them
A time of getting to know each other spiritually
Physical appearance not important
Looks deceive and will fade away
Sex corrupts the relationship (does he want me or my body?)
God has chosen future spouse so these don’t matter what they look like
Love looks at the heart and spirit and desires them for who they are and not because of their body or abilities as the world does and as Satan promotes.  Marriage is a spiritual thing so that the physical should not be determinative in the relationship.
A time of joining to each other through finding out
What you have in common
What you need to adjust for that you do not have in common
What you need to remove from your life for a successful marriage
Whether any deliverance is needed to remove problems in the relationship
You need to led by The Holy Spirit when resolving problems
Where forgiveness is needed learn to forgive or apologise and ask for forgiveness
Where you have offended another learn to go to them for forgiveness
Where there are differences of opinion you need to learn as a couple to consult The Holy Spirit and do the Will of Jesus that He reveals to you.
Where there is any lack of trust in the spouse you need to find out why and deal with it through deliverance.
Encourage each others masculinity or femininity
The future husband must encourage the femininity and development of the roles the his wife will have
The Future wife must encourage the masculinity and the development of the roles her future husband will have
Demands should not be made on the other that are not in the job description God has made for Christians in regard to their sexuality or roles as a betrothed and later married couple.
Pray for your betrothed
You need to pray for each other
Ask their permission to pray for them and give them permission to pray for you.
Pray for each others spiritual growth and maturity
Do any deliverance you need for each other
Pray for marriage preparations and honeymoon
Cultural conventions should be observed where possible
As God has chosen the couple the parents permission to marry is not necessary unless the laws of the land require it
God is a higher authority than parents
Parents, if Christians will accept the partner of their child if God has chosen this partner for their child
Remember!  Because Satan controls the world media he has been able to promote his way of finding a wife and subsequent behaviour during the betrothal period and by this hides God’s values and ways in these matters.  Through his control of the media Satan has effectively negated the knowledge of God’s plans in these matters so that even the church does not know how God wants the betrothal period to be lived as Jesus wants it lived.
God provides a wife
Prov 18:12  Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
How do you find your wife?  God puts you together and brings you to each other.
Matt 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Before God can bless you it requires you to be in a relationship with Him that  allows Him to bless you.  You must be doing what He requires you to do for Him.  He will not bring a godly wife to an ungodly man (and visa versa) but Satan will.  This is why you need to be led by The Holy Spirit to discern who has brought this person to you to marry.
To find a godly wife focus on your relationship with Jesus and He will bring one to you without you having to search for her or worry about ever being married.  It will be on the path He has for you, in His timing and not yours (Matt 6:33 applies)
A Christian will find a partner using Satan’s methods but usually there will be heartache will result and it usually will not be the one God wants them to find.  Through this wrong marriage partner Satan minimizes any effectiveness of ministry they would do for God as a couple compared to what would have been achieved if they had married the right person.
So wait for God to bring you the one He wants you to marry and be led by The Spirit in the relationship showing God’s love to the other person in all the ways you relate to them and you will have a relationship that will be admired and desired by all who do not have this Godly type of marriage relationship.
 Marriage is a special relationship.
While all relationships should express the Love of Christ in them they do so in different ways because of the restrictions placed on the relationship by God.
Only in the marriage relationship is sex or anything that is a part of it is such things as kissing, foreplay, fondling of the breasts etc., allowed.  In all other relationships these are not allowed.
Only in the family relationship is a wife to submit domestically to anyone (her husband).  To another she is not to submit domestically.  God may place the wife under the authority of another for legal reasons but submission to another for legal purposes is not the same as submission to her husband.
The submission that over rides all is that to Jesus, who is Lord of all.  It is He who we serve as we pursue the various roles and relationships we have in this world and later in heaven.
Outside the authority lines of marriage all authority lines are a result of the laws of the land and if which correctly drafted will not interfere with the authority lines or roles in the family but which will seek to preserve the family as well as the safety of its citizens.
I do not discuss spiritual authority over another except to say this belongs only to Jesus (1 Pet 2:25).   At times you may place yourself under the mentorship (not authority) of another so that they can help you  in your spiritual life but they cannot take spiritual authority over you as that removes Jesus as your head and authority over you if you accept their spiritual authority.
Jesus did not delegate spiritual authority over another but only over the works of Satan and his demons.  Unless Jesus specifically delegated spiritual authority over another it cannot be implied from the interpretation of passages of scriptures as a delegation must be actually spoken or written by Jesus and not be implied from what others have written.
Reality of Marriage
A single person or a betrothed couple cannot imagine what marriage is really like.  You live with a person 24 hours a day every day of the year and you see them at their best and worst.
You are completely exposed to them in every area of your life and can really hide nothing from them as it breaks the communication in the marriage.  Besides if you love them  you will not do anything that you have to hide from them (except surprises for birthdays or special celebrations)..
You wake, eat, sleep and work with them at home and unless you are put together by God and are one in His Spirit you will have difficulty in the marriage relationship.  This is where it is so important that you are one in spirit with The Holy Spirit and remove all the problems and hurts that will hinder the relationship with each other and the marriage.
How you know it is the right person to marry?
May 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
God and Satan organize marriages. 
When God does it:
God does something in your hearts and you know you are to marry
There is no infatuation or lust, only a desire to be with the person and serve them
When you are apart there is no fear of losing them
You love them with true love so that problems and fears are sorted out and you can talk to each other about anything.
You love the sound of their voice and being in their presence.  When you are together time has no meaning.
Their appearance does not matter as it is who they are inside as a person that matters.
The past does not matter as it is what they are at that moment that attracts you.  They are God’s workmanship or He would not have brought them to you to marry.  To complain about the person is to deny God’s perfect workmanship and is rebellion.  This does not mean they may not need deliverance but that they are the perfect one for you for God to begin to mould you to His image individually and as a couple.
Everything you do as a couple is centred on Jesus and you both put His Kingdom and its Purposes before your own.
You do not cause each other to sin.  You cannot as Love does no harm to another,  If there are problems with love in any area then you help each other through deliverance to remove them.
You are unable to hurt them or bring the relationship with them into disrepute as you love them so much.
You have peace about them being your partner and everything you both do in the relationship.
There will be purpose and direction because of the unity of The Holy Spirit.  In the marriage they will also be as one through soul ties resulting from sex.  In  a sense it is like the trinity: one in heart, one in soul and one in spirit through The Holy Spirit but two separate people.
Circumstances just seem to fall into place in the marriage preparation and you have peace about them and every area and activity you have in the relationship with them and what does cause problems is usually quickly sorted out and removed.
Satan will try to destroy the betrothal and engagement and will try to drive you apart.  This shows it is not a marriage he wants to occur.
You desire to be together, not only because of being with each other, but also to serve Jesus in the marriage so you can:
Be fruitful and multiply
Share Christ to others as a couple by life (example as individuals and a married couple)  and word (through teaching and preaching) nd by this demonstrate The Kingdom of God to them
To show how beautiful marriage is when Jesus is central to all of it
To share ministry as a couple, united by The Holy Spirit demonstrating the Power and Leading of The Holy Spirit, bringing Glory to The Father and Jesus.
It is only as The Holy Spirit leads in this preparation time and in the subsequent marriage can these things occur.
A couple whose heart is knit by God walk in love and their love for each other influences all they do and overflows to all around them.  Only as Jesus is Lord of the marriage can this occur.  For a marriage of love to occur Jesus must be the Lord of each partner and they should both led by The Holy Spirit in all their relationships and activities with each other and to those around them.  There will no lust in the relationship as they seek to serve the other partner before themself.
Lust serves itself first.  Love Serves the need of the other first.  It is especially important in sex that you give your partner pleasure before your own need for it.  They will respond and give you pleasure.  This is why a female must be prepared to accept the male emotionally before sex is started and during the first part of sex.
If you love the spouse you will desire to give them pleasure before your own and will have pleasure from the pleasure you give them.  This will be in everything and not just sex.
When your spouse is the one God has chosen for you, sex is not important.  You desire their presence and to be one with them in heart and spirit and this is more important than anything else.  You encourage each other just by the joy of being together and hearing each others voice with their words of love towards you and also because of the anticipation of the coming marriage and life together that will result.
The unity of purpose that they have, because they are led by The Holy Spirit, also encourages each other as they see the purpose Jesus has for them in the marriage and embrace them out of love and joy for Him.
You will just know in your heart they are the one and all that happens in the relationship will confirm it.
This type of love can grow and mature and become more intimate as there is no fear or walls to stop communication and intimacy from developing.  They are not concerned about rejection because they have offended their spouse as love accepts people as they are and does not judge, shame or condemn people when they fail but helps them overcome problems and weaknesses regardless of the cost to themselves.
As you pursue true love for your partner it grows deeper and there is more peace, joy and intimacy in the relationship.  You also cannot hurt them and in all interactions with them you will show God’s Love ( The Fruit of The Holy Spirit) in all you do.  You will be: gentle, kind, considerate, patient, unselfish, undemanding in things and will put their needs before your own in all you do with them.
If a person truly loves another as Jesus loves that person they will not try to draw that person into sin, sexual or other.  Jesus will provide an activity to replace the sexual temptations that are more in keeping with what He wants them to do.
The desire for your spouse should not only be for the anticipated joy of sex but for the pleasure of always being with them serving them and doing things together.  The joy of sex will result from the response of your future spouse because you have this attitude of love towards them.
This self denial will make the relationship stronger as the other partner sees your love for them as their future spouse and that they consider your needs above their own needs and desires.
Love in marriage is more than just smooching, cuddling, sex, having a good time etc., (as Satan implies in the media).  It is in the every day things in which you show your love in service to your future spouse:
The wife:
Washing clothes
Keeping the house clean
Keeping people fed and healthy
Submitting domestically etc.
The Husband
Maintaining the house and land
Supplying the needs of the family
Nurturing and loving his wife and family in sickness and health.
Providing good headship and guidance for the family etc.
Together
Washing the dishes
Shopping
Helping each other as needed.
The pleasure of just being with them etc.
You do these because you love your spouse and want to help and serve them.  God is Love and we are to desire to be like Him and the nature of love is selfless service.
If this is not what you desire now for each other then do not marry until it is.
Always remember that love does not do for another what they need to or should be doing for themself but helps them when it is necessary.  Love, however, will serve another in the things that it is not necessary for the other to do and which either of them can do.
An example is driving children somewhere.  There is no specific role in either gender for this so the husband can show love to the wife and do it to save her having too.  Where the activity belongs to one or the other’s roles then permission is needed to take over from the other spouse and show love through doing it for them.
This service is not done to be appreciated or for the purposes of self-esteem.  The love of your spouse for you should give you worth and esteem and they should also appreciate you for who you are and not for just what you do. Service to the spouse should be a response of your love for them and their appreciation of you.
In the betrothal period  all these attitudes need to be developed and matured, after all this period is the training ground for matrimony and any mistakes here are harder to fix up in the marriage.  The bonding must be in the spiritual so that hearts and spirit are knit as one in unity and purpose.  This is how union is in heaven between husband and wife and is outworked in the spiritual on earth as loving service and in the physical it is further expressed in marriage as sex.
Remember that everything begins in the spiritual in the relationship between each spouse and Jesus and is reflected subsequently in some way in the physical.
There should be no sex in the betrothal period.  Sex is the act of marriage and immediately turns the betrothal into a marriage state so that in the eyes of God you are married.  If you are engaged (betrothed) and you have sex with each other then in the eyes of God you are married.  If you live together as husband and wife and have sex with each other then in the eyes of God you are married.
The betrothal stage is when you learn how to meet the emotional needs and hurts of your betrothed so these can be dealt with before the marriage.  This is necessary so that the marriage (of which sex is one expression) will not be hindered by emotional needs and hurts that have not been dealt with.
The classic example is in regard to people who have been raped or sexually molested.  Unless they are delivered of the spiritual consequences of these acts they will always have problems with sex.
If you cannot love your betrothed sufficiently to meet their emotional needs before you are living together as husband and wife you should not marry as things will only get worse in the marriage.  Marriage does not solve problems.  It creates them.  This is why you need to go through deliverance and be led by The Holy Spirit in the relationship so you can be shown by Him how to solve problems in the relationship as well as to develop the relationship in the betrothal period.
It is better to meet their emotional needs and hurts now and see if you can do this than find after you are married you cannot meet them.  Deliverance is important for this meeting of needs and should occur before marriage so that these hurts are not taken into the marriage and cause problems.  This is another reason for dealing with these needs and hurts before marriage.
Love your betrothed because they are a very intimate brother or sister to you but let the full expression of this love in any sexual sense be kept for the marriage.  The woman will appreciate that your love for her is pure and is for who she is having no sexual overtones or lust and when the time is come for its full expression she will be able to give herself to you guilt free.  The desire should be for each other not for each other’s body.
The man needs to control his sex urges so he can love with a pure love and not with lust desiring sexual gratification.  While sex may be an expression of their love in marriage, in the betrothal period this is not an option and they are to learn to love each other without this as they are preparing for eternity where sex is no longer practised and only pure love remains.  Sex is a result of this type of love and not a cause of it.  It is also not a necessary expression of their love but it is a lot of fun and if carried out properly gives each partner great pleasure.
Pure love desires just to be with the person and seeks to express itself to the spouse in any Godly way it can and does not ask anything in return having its joy in the service of someone they love.
God is Love and to have a happy betrothal period it is necessary to love your future spouse as He does.  To have a happy marriage also requires the same quality of love.
There should be no difference between the love you have for each other in the betrothed period and in the marriage.  The only difference is that marriage allows more scope for the expression of this love.
If you love a person it is very hard to do anything to hurt them or to cheapen your love for them.
You will find anything that cheapens your deep pure love for them is almost impossible to do because your love is such that you want to protect them from sin and harm and anything that would cheapen your love for each other.
Your love for them is deep and all consuming.  you cannot show shallow love to them.  It is the love Jesus places in us and is shown to the spouse because He is in us as Lord.  It accepts the spouse as they are and desires to be one with them as they are and not as you desire them to be.  Sex is a result of their acceptance and not a cause of it.
The Holy Spirit must rule in all and The Spirit does not express Himself in sensuality but in deep, selfless, serving love which you cannot have unless He rules.  Without His leading you may approach this standard of love at times but it will not be a way of life, betrothal and marriage.
When you accept that the marriage will definitely occur you enter a different stage of the relationship where the joy of being with the person replaces the constant desire to be with them.  There is no longer a fear of losing them.  You can be separated from them but not constantly desiring them with the same intensity you did earlier.  The desire to be with them is there but it does not consume you any more.  Your desire for them comes from deep within your spirit and is no longer from the emotions or feelings and so is no longer controlled by them.
There is no longer a fear of losing them and a patient waiting takes over as you prepare for the marriage and living together.
In your spirit is joy and love that patiently waits to see the other and rejoices to be together but this desire no longer controls you so that you can get on with doing what is necessary in life and preparation for marriage without being clouded by ‘love’ and ‘desire’ for the other.
This becomes now an attitude you now work in (as guided by The Holy Spirit) to prepare yourselves rationally for the marriage as well as prepare the marriage ceremony, honeymoon, marriage home and any necessary legal and financial work necessary for these marriage arrangements to be brought to fruition in the way God desires them to be carried out.
You are able to prepare the every day details for these things without excitement and sensuality getting in the road and also avoid the trap of Satan to always concentrate on the sensual side at the expense of the practical side as Satan tries to get you to focus on feelings and emotion rather than on Jesus and His Will for you.  Satan seeks to throw your plans into disarray through lack of preparation and through lust expressed as sex so as to bring Jesus into disrepute, even if only in the spiritual realm as he tries to get you to ignore what Jesus wants you to do so that you end up in the disorder Satan promotes in his people.
The background intensity of the love and joy you feel gives you the hope and strength to go on in daily living as well as prepare for the marriage.  The knowledge that it is God’s Will for you and thus is best for you strengthens your resolve to do all that is necessary to prepare for your marriage.  The sexual side is not important as the focus is on the preparing of the marriage so it will please Jesus.  This means  you put His desires before your own knowing that His desires are best for your relationship and will be used by Him to further His Kingdom.
You must remember intimacy is not sex but the sharing of hearts and pure love so you become as one in heart and mind as you each are with Jesus and should be one with each other as a result.
As you develop your relationship with Jesus your love will mature for Him and each other so the key to this betrothal period is to press into Jesus so He is more and more Lord of your life.  He will then be more and more Lord of your betrothal, preparation for marriage and marriage and it will be as He desires it to be, being led by The Holy Spirit in the direction Jesus wants it to be.
This is a period to work out fears you have for or about each other.  Often the fear will be from a past relationship and will be transferred to the betrothal and subsequent marriage if they are not dealt with through deliverance or allayed through truth being shared.  These fears must be dealt with and given to Jesus or they will poison the relationship and may even destroy it.
It is also a time to obtain deliverance from past hurts and pain so that these will not be brought into the marriage and eventually destroy it.
When you have found the person God wants you to marry you will feel incomplete without them.  Marriage then becomes a desire to be with them as only then will you be complete as a person.  It is not a desire for sex but a desire to become one with tem in Jesus spiritually as the physical unity (sex) flows on from that as an expression of that unity.
Do not have any preconceived ideas in regard to the man or woman God wants you to marry.  He knows the perfect match for you.  Regardless of what culture they are from they will have what will compliment you as a person and the giftings to help you minister as a couple in unity for Jesus.
This is providing you help each other to grow in Jesus and mature into the marriage it needs to be for Him to use.  If this maturation occurs then He will use you as He desires too and you will be blessed by Him in the way He cannot otherwise bless you in and which He believes is best for you.
Exposing yourself to your betrothed or spouse
A woman’s body, displayed wholly or partly naked, should only be seen by her husband or doctor. or nurse  The husband: when they have sex, she is changing her clothes or bathing or they are conducting heavy petting or similar, and the doctor for medical purposes and then even they are to expose only what they need to see.  This stops a woman being the subject of lust, lewdness or pornographic displays, all which demean women.
Likewise, a man should also only be seen naked for the same reasons a woman  can be seen naked.
If a person loves their betrothed the physical is not important.  It is the mere fact that you want to see your spouse’s body and not who they are that causes the problems, especially with women exposing any part of themself except in time if intimacy such as sex and heavy petty where it is appropriate to be so exposed in part of whole.
Note, being naked with your spouse is not God’s definition of intimacy.  It is Satans.
Expansion of the above
A woman who loves Jesus does not want a man to focus on her body but on who she is as a person and does not want to exposer herself to him until they are married.  This results in the spiritual being built up and not the physical.  It also means the commitment of marriage is there so that she can freely expose herself to her husband as she desires for the sake of giving each other pleasure.
A woman who follows the worldly ways of Satan is told to reveal her beauty and use it to attract men so she shows off her body and is willing to expose it and offer it for her boyfriend to use sexually.  She has been taught sex = love and it is not necessary to be married to have sex so she has it when she wants it or when he asks her for it so she can ‘keep’ her future spouse or boyfriend as well as express her ‘love’ for him through sex and heavy petting.  The spiritual is neglected and the physical pleasure is the focus of the relationship.  This type of relationship lasts as long as the woman’s beauty or they tire of the physical relationship unless they both become Christians.
Inside people is a need to be appreciated for who they are and not what they look like although this is important to women.  Men who desire women for their looks leave a part of the woman unfulfilled and this will affect the relationship.
A man should love his wife for who she is as a person and not what she looks like but he should appreciate what she looks like and love her how she is.  When she exposes her body to him in marriage he should appreciate it and tell her so but also reinforce that sex is the result of the love have they for each other and not a cause of it.
Always look at the eyes of your spouse and let them see the love in it for you.  In their eyes will be a reflection of how much you love them.
The intimate act of love was designed by God to seal marriage and the commitment of the husband and wife to become ‘one flesh’ and this is both spiritual as well as physical. (The physical is always the result of a spiritual decision of some kind, even if only of obedience to God).  When Adam and Eve fell into sin as a result of their choice to defy God  they saw their nakedness and were ashamed.  Not because they were naked but because they had sinned.
When a woman is asked to reveal her body to another for sexual or other reasons it implies there is a depth of relationship only seen in marriage and that it is their spouse asking to see their nakedness for the purposes of cementing the marriage further. This also has spiritual implications. This exposure before marriage is against the act of marriage (sex) and the unity this act results in and therefore invites demonic spiritual interference and counterfeit of the marriage act (premarital sex).
A woman needs the assurance and safety of the covenant of marriage to have the correct sense of relationship and commitment so that she feels protected and secure within the sexual boundaries set by God.  Otherwise there is a sense of being used or defiled at a spiritual level because they are not in a correct relationship with the person spiritually so that sex in the physical feels wrong and the woman feels used or like a prostitute.  This happens especially when a woman allows a spouse to see her body for the purposes of keeping him or getting self-esteem from what he says or does to it.
Many women, Christian or otherwise, cannot explain why they  feel ‘used and abused’ when they are asked or enticed to expose themselves outside the safe place of the marriage covenant.  Even in the marriage if the husband does not have the right spiritual intent or reason to be intimate with his spouse she will also feel this sense of defilement.
This is why it is so important to be spiritually right with your spouse before you have sex  because the spiritual must be in place or the physical will not be satisfactory and fulfilling and the spouse will feel used.
Sex begins when you wake up and the preparation continues through the love and appreciation you show of  your spouse through out the day.  You do not just jump into bed and have sex unless you have no emotions in which case you need deliverance.
Any man who truly loves his wife for who she is will not ask  her to exposer her nakedness to him or have sex with her before marriage.  If either desire to show the other their nakedness or have sex before marriage then they need deliverance so that the relationship can be as God intended it to be.
Another aspect of exposing yourself before marriage
There are two aspects to marriage:  the spiritual (God controls) and the physical (controlled by God’s laws of how the marriage is to be expressed).  Ideally the physical is an expression of the spiritual.  The expression of the marriage (nakedness and exposure of yourself to your spouse can only occur in marriage.
The betrothal period is a period of spiritual interaction where the spiritual side of the marriage is developed to later be expressed in the physical.  To express the physical before the marriage proper is to sin as it is not in the order God made things to be.  Only as you are in a position to express the physical (married or conducting the ‘act of marriage) can you correctly express the physical in a relationship.  To do so otherwise is sin.
Intimacy
Intimacy is not sex or heavy petting (as Satan would have you believe).  It is the sharing of the deep things of the heart that you would not dare tell others.
There are no secrets between you and God so it is the deepest intimacy you can have if you so desire it.
With betrothed (and married couples), from the first meeting onwards there should be no secrets between them.  The past is only needed to be looked at for the purposes of deliverance and then usually only areas or weakness and not specific events (sins and failings) and even then thee should not be dwelt on (Luke 9:62).
The framework of the five steps should be used for any deliverance needed.
Your sins are remitted at the Cross (not just forgiven) and so no longer are of relevance unless they need to be referred to only for the purposes of working our root causes or weaknesses so that these can be dealt with through deliverance.  Any other purpose is ungodly and will not be honoured by God.
Weaknesses and problems areas should be discussed but only for the purposes of deliverance and encouragement (Luke 9:62 applies).  The couple that has no secrets that are an intimate one.  The past is gone and only needs to be referred to for the purposes of deliverance or for the purposes of teaching others how God has dealt with a situation.
You must learn To love your spouse for who they are spiritually and not be influenced by the physical in any way, then you will have a good foundation for the marriage and if this is developed further in the marriage, you will also have a good foundation for the relationship in eternity.
Losing your betrothed
What happens if God asks you to give up the person you are  betrothed too?  Can you trust God that he will either restore them later or give you a better person to marry?
God may so this for at least  three reasons:
To test your love for each other
To strengthen your love for each other by being away from each other
To mature you and prepare you both for marriage before He brings you back together again
God is God and His Will is to be obeyed in all things in the belief He is Love and will only act and do what is best for you.
The Stages of Betrothal
The Introductory Stage
You are bought together by God and learn about each other.  Satan will try and pollute the love you are learning for each other with sensuality.  God will reveal enough of the other person’s character so you will love them for who they are.  There is respect for each other and respect will grow into love if nurtured properly.
The Excitement Stage
This stage is where you delight to be with each other and do things together and their presence excites you.  Satan will try and turn this to lust so you will have sex or similar.  This expression of lust is designed by Satan to make you feel guilty and to drive the future spouse away as they do not feel appreciated for who they are but only for their body.
The Sober Stage
In this stage you are more sober in your desire for each other and start to look at the practicalities of marriage and the preparation for it but there is still a strong desire to be with each other.
The Final Stage
This is the stage in which you are ready for marriage.  Emotion and feelings are not the reason you marriage as your love is deeper than anything these can be.  In your heart is  the knowledge and affirmation that it is God’s Will for you to marry and that all the promises God has made for you in marriage both as a couple and individually will occur.  It is God’s Will that you marry and so you work at preparing for the marriage knowing that not too is disobedience.  Besides you love the person and desire to do this.
Jesus is then Lord of the marriage as the marriage is out of obedience to Him as God.  He is first in all the things they do individually and as a couple.  The marriage then becomes an act of continual worship even if only by the fact that they stay married because God has bought them together
In This level love is pure and the desire for fulfilment through sex is not that important in the relationship.  You are not clouded by the desires of the flesh so that you can clearly hear what God wants you to do to prepare for marriage.  This is the stage you should be at when you marry.
When you reach the highest level of a betrothal relationship sensuality is not a problem as you do not need it to cement the relationship and show your love and appreciation for the other person’s body.
 Your Love is a knowing love.  It knows the depths of the other person’s love for you and because it is not clouded by emotion or feeling you can clearly hear The Holy Spirit and what He wants you to do for your betrothed.  This is the state of people in heaven and should be the state you enter marriage with or at least try to achieve in marriage.
The expression of this type of love is no longer sensual but purer and unpolluted by passion so that sex becomes a true expression of your love for your spouse as you seek to give them pleasure before your own and do so even if you do not obtain any.  This selfless expression of love will cause a response in the spouse and they will do the same to you and love you without lust or a desire to obtain pleasure themselves.
If you know God has brought you together then divorce is disobedience.  Besides. your love for each other should prevent problems arising that will lead to separation or divorce.
Gimmicks and romance
If Jesus has betrothed you then you do not need the gimmicks that Satan promotes through the media He controls.   He tries to suggest you need these gimmicks to attract a spouse (so you will not find God’s one for you) but these are not necessary to attract and keep a spouse as God knows who you are to marry and will bring you too each other.
Satan also suggests you need makeup, perfume, modern clothes etc to be beautiful in direct contrast to what God recommends in 1 Pet 3:3-4.
Expressions of love (flowers, chocolate etc.), even though not needed, should be an expression of your love and not attempt to cause another to be attracted to you.
A man needs to show love and respect and dress modestly  in a way that pleases his future wife.  He must also learn how to be a gentleman and show her manners and consideration appropriate to the relationship.
A woman must dress modestly as she does not need to reveal her flesh to attract her spouse.  Too much exposed flesh may cause desire that will result in sin.  She is to hides her body and keep it for her betrothed alone for when they are married.  She needs to know how to behave as a lady in a way appropriate to his gentlemanly manners towards her.
The lives of both are examples for people to see Jesus and should show His love and desired behaviour in all the things they do.  This will turn their betrothed period and marriage into an act of worship to Him and bring Him Glory.
Focus in Courtship
The focus in the betrothal period is the same as in the marriage period.
God
Family (the betrothed is now part of your family and you of hers)
Work
Ministry
The Lordship of Jesus and His Will is our primary focus
The needs of your family or betrothed are next
Then you must focus on the task you have at work
Finally the needs of those outside work and the family can be met.
Remember!  If you do not  provide for the needs of your own family God says you are worse than an unbeliever. 
In regard to ministry.  If you cannot care for in a responsible way and love your wife and family (or betrothed) that God has given you how can He trust you to service the needs of others in His Body!
Unless you have the first three categories correct in your life, (or at least trying to get them correct so He can help you with them), how can He entrust you with anything else of His?  Especially His People?
Remember that all you do should be motivated by love for Jesus and the people He asks you to serve and care for on His behalf.  If ministry is for any other reason such acceptance, recognition or to obtain self-esteem, He can use it but it is mainly wasted as He cannot bless it as it is done for your pleasure and not His purposes.
Unity in the spirit
If there is unity in the spirit you will know in your mind what the other person is thinking at times as you are both walking in unity in The Spirit and as a result along a similar path so He will tell you similar things at the same time.  It is not the reading of the mind of another but of the both hearing at the same or similar time what The Holy Spirit desires you both to do for Jesus.
Each of you have your own path to walk in but both also have a path as a married or betrothed couple and this path is common to both.  When your objective is to solely do the will of God all three paths closely align with each other and all three paths may even merge as one.
You will say some things and it will be what your spouse is thinking at the time or wanted to say.  If you disagree then The Spirit is to be consulted so He can explain what He needs to so that unity is obtained again.
Steward of your betrothed
When a man takes his betrothed out they should remember that he is a steward of her and must look after her properly to ensure her needs are met before his own.  This attitude carries on into the marriage so you need to ensure you develop this stewardship in the betrothal period so it becomes second nature in their lifestyle now and later in the marriage.
The Man is responsible for all her needs to the degree she will let him meet them but this lack of acceptance does not mean he can stop trying to meet them until God says to stop trying.
Stewardship is not control.  It is serving the needs of others by protecting them and meeting their needs.
Women need to remember that their future husband is doing his best to be a good steward of them and love them as Jesus does.  Women need to cooperate and practice submitting domestically to their future spouse.  Going out is a domestic arrangement and it is good practice for them to practice headship and submission for the future marriage.
The future husband should behave as a gentleman so that the woman feels appreciated and loved.  This will help her submit.  Besides, if he truly loves her he will serve her needs and she will submit so that he can serve her.
Submission just does not happen.  It needs to be learned and the betrothal period is a good time for the future wife to learn this and practice it, especially in a day where Satan cries out in the media that all are equal domestically.
The betrothal and subsequent engagement period allows the future husband to learn how to love his future wife so that she will respond and desire to submit to his love for her.
The man will not be judged on how his spouse dealt with headship but with what they did with it.  There is no loophole in regard to obedience to Jesus .  It is all or nothing. You are either obeying or you are not.  There is no half-obedience or ‘way out’ of the requirement to obey Jesus in headship and submission.
Appreciation of your betrothed spouse
One of the keys to marriage is appreciation of your betrothed:
Appreciation of who they are as a person
Appreciation of what they do for you
Never take for granted anything they do for you.  When you stop appreciating them they stop being someone special in your eyes.  When this happens they may doubt  your love for them as well as their worth to you.
When you appreciate them for who they are and what they do to you you show your love for them as well as their worth to you.  Appreciate  your partner and they will respond to this. Do not show appreciation and they will gradually withdraw.  Love appreciates people for who they are and not necessarily what they do so appreciation will need to be made regardless of mistakes made by your betrothed.
Words
When you speak words of love to your betrothed they must be words of truth that can be performed either in the betrothal period or in the marriage.  If you promise her the earth make certain you can give her the earth.
It it is not what you say at Times that is important but how you say it.
It is no use speaking words of love in a way that shows you are not sincere or you do not really mean.
When you talk to your spouse, mean what you say and she will be secure in the relationship with you knowing That there is no hidden agenda towards her that you are covering through hypocritical speech.
There is nothing worse than false words of love.  Your future spouse will be devastated and all trust between you and them will be shaken to such a degree you may even find God removes them from you and gives them to someone more worthy.
If God has joined you together then your love will be true and pure and false words will never deliberately occur between you and your spouse.  You will also work at the future marriage as not to is disobedience to Jesus.
Expression of love
When a man and a woman love each other deeply they do not need to speak words of love to each other.  Their love can be seen in the way they touch, show consideration for each other or serve each other.  As they put the needs of their spouse before their own needs they show their love for their spouse.
Their love is apparent in the way they relate to each other and speak to each other without it actually having to be stated as being there.
Betrothal and Marriage require effort
The Betrothal and the marriage are hard work at times as you have to change habits and attitudes to love another as Jesus loves them as well as to do what is necessary for the betrothal or marriage to be as God wants it to be.
It just does not happen by itself!
You love your spouse and the desire to serve them and give them joy and happiness is the encouragement driving you to make the effort to change.  When that desire declines the marriage declines and may eventually die.
If you believe God has put you together as a betrothed couple then not to work at the relationship is disobedience to Jesus and later will result in the breaking of the marriage vows to love each other.  It is also bad stewardship of the love and the relationship he has given you with your spouse.
God cannot and will not bless a marriage that is in rebellion to him.  He will bless any faithful individuals in the marriage but the marriage cannot be used or blessed by Him as He wants to use it and bless it.
After the marriage occurs it is easy to get complacent in the relationship so that you no longer show your love for your spouse either in word or deed and sex becomes a formality.  The initial excitement being lost, the woman often feels when having sex, used, or like prostitute and she starts to die as a person.
To stop this complacency also requires effort so that your attitude of love to and desire to be with your spouse stays with you all the marriage.  The easiest way to stop this decline in feelings for your spouse is to thank God each day for them and for who they are (His gift to you) and to never stop appreciating them and telling them of your love for them for who they are and to also express this love in thought, word and deed (loving service).
It always helps to speak positively (Phil. 4:8) of your spouse and of what they do, showing appreciation of and gratitude for their loving service of you.  There will opportunities to show your love and support as well as your desire to help them be the person they have the potential to be so use these wisely.  Judgment, perfectionistic standards and negative criticism quickly kill a marriage.
Manners
One of the problem in the western world is that many people are not taught manners, (which is how to behave as gentleman or gentlewoman).  Through the control of the media Satan has managed to remove manners, appreciation and consideration of others so that generations have grown up not showing respect or consideration to others because self-interest and pleasure are now the driving force in many societies.  As the principles of how God wants us to relate are abandoned so has been the consideration and respect we are to show others.
To be a gentle woman or gentleman requires thinking of others and showing them respect as well as being self-disciplined to control yourself to be able to do this.  Satan does not want these things in people so has removed these attitudes as much as he can, from society and the media he controls.
If you love your spouse or betrothed you will learn how to behave towards them as a gentle person would.
You are a citizen of The Kingdom of God and should show His manners and behaviour to all others, let alone the person you are going to marry or are married.
If you have God’s Love you will learn to be the gentlewoman or gentleman God requires you to be as a representative of His.  If you love your betrothed or spouse you will learn how to show them manners and treat them as a loved person.
Decisions
I reinforce that all major decisions, especially involving finances should be made together.  However small amounts can be spent without consulting the other spouse.  You need to ask The Holy Spirit what this small amount is as well as what He wants any of these small amounts spent on.  This will facilitate purchase of groceries, petrol etc., when the need arises and not later after consultation with each other.
If you are both united in The Spirit you will already know what the Will of God is so it will be like rubber stamping any decision or request the other spouse makes.
The Holy Spirit is always there to guide you and explain what you need to know.
Praying together
Praying together should also be a common practice as should sharing the blessings of the day and the reading the bible after the evening meal.  There should also be times of praying for each other and encouraging each other as well as discussing with each other how to help them with any problems they have.
Betrothed Couples and spiritual warfare
Betrothed couples need to give each other authority to conduct spiritual warfare for each other.  This puts Satan on notice that each has the authority to conduct spiritual warfare for the other and seems to make the warfare more effective for some reason.
Problem Resolution
A dispute settlement system is needed for when there are problems or disagreements.  If you walk in the unity of The Holy Spirit these should never arise.  It is suggested the following be observed:
Do not assume anything (so Satan can not guide your thinking)
Do not react (so Satan cant use the habits of the past to guide you)
Remember, disagreement is not rejection so do not reject a person because you disagree with them
Ask The Holy Spirit for Guidance as well as how to show God’s Love in the situation.
Observe delegated authority lines.
Romance
The proper definition of this has nothing to do with marriage but refers to a period in literature and music that deals usually with imaginative and fictional subjects which are not real.  Romantic means to have the quality of romance in form or content.
As romance is Satan’s idea of courtship it can see how true this description is of what Satan offers in place of Jesus.  So Romance only applies to courtship (Satan’s way of getting a wife).  In romance a person does things to win a persons affections.  In God’s way He brings you your future spouse and says “marry her and love her as I do”.
What the world calls romantic should be really an outflow and result of the love of betrothed people for each other and not a cause to try and get the other to love them.
God says “Here she is!  Show your worthy of her love and respect her!”.  Satan says: “Impress her with your possessions and personality and show your worthwhile as a catch”.
Remember
God is a forgiving God, so should betrothed people be with each other. 
Love forgives.  Love may hate what the person does but forgives the person and helps them to overcome any problems they have as they appreciate who the person is in Jesus.
Love as God Loves and you will have a marriage people will envy and God can bless.
In Conclusion
You will only get out of your marriage and betrothal what you put into it:
Love your betrothed (future spouse) as Jesus Loves them and show them respect and courtesy
Do not lead them into sexual sin or similar and load them with guilt
Prepare each other for marriage through serving and helping each other with problems and weaknesses as well as removing all fear in the relationship (deliverance may be necessary).
Concentrate on preparing, as a couple, the things needed for wedding ceremony and living together as a married couple
Learn to serve each other in the daily things of life
Learn to express love to your partner without the need for petting and/or sex
Be led by The Holy Spirit in all you do individually and as a married couple.
In all things keep Jesus central and the focus of each of you and the marriage.
The five steps are as follows:
Give the sin, area of moral weakness, circumstance, problem, event or situation to Jesus to be lord of, as well as all that led to the area, event etc aas well as the consequence of this event(s).
Forgive all who have offended you including yourself, repent of unforgiveness, bitterness, root of bitterness, anger any wrong emotions or attitudes to others or yourself and also of any sins you are bringing to Jesus.
You may need to pray :”Lord I forgive.  Help me to forgive”,
Command Satan to go in Jesus’ Name as he no longer has a right to these areas as they now belong to Jesus,
In Jesus Name command healing and restoration of all the damage Satan did to you,
Ask Jesus to send The Holy Spirit to fill you replacing all the demons that have left
The two greatest hindrances to forgiveness is unforgiveness (leading to anger and bitterness) and enjoyment of the sin leading to no desire to repent of it.  The latter is dangerous as it can lead to the loss of our salvation.
Appendix
The sex Laws of The Mosaic Law
Do these laws still apply today given that in Acts 15 the gentiles were not asked to keep the law (because Calvary made it no longer necessary to approach God through The Law).
I believe they do not apply.
What then replaces them?
The Love of God expressed through us to others.
If you truly love your betrothed you will not go anywhere else to be satisfied: sexually, emotionally, mentally, spiritually etc., or be satisfie sexually before the marriage act.
If you truly love your betrothed you will not put her through the trauma of pregnancy before marriage
If you truly love you girlfriend  you will not put her through the trauma of pregnancy as a single mother.
Love replaces The Law