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The concept is simple. Someone has to lead so there is order not because they are more important or better. It is just they are supposed to know how to handle situations better which they have been given responsibility for. This implies they understand the responsibilities of that headship. Unfortunately this is not true in regard to headship in marriage. This booklet tries to give you information to help you relate as husband and wife in the headship relationship God ordained for marriage.

In marriage people say there is spiritual headship. People make the mistake of thinking that the man has spiritual headship over the woman but that is incorrect. The headship a man has over a wife is only domestic as I will show later. The passage I will use is 1 Pet 2:24-3:7 which is as follows:

24 Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

25 For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls.

1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;

4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

I do not use Ephesians 5 as there is a parallel there that people misunderstand. This passage in 1 Peter shows more clearly the headship arrangement in marriage.

v24 Jesus died for us and has redeemed us so that we are His and He is our head (owner) in all things (v25). This is also referred to in Eph 5:22 where the woman is told by submitting to her husband she is obeying Jesus, her Lord and is also referred to in 1 Pet 3:5 in the passage above.

A woman serves God as she obeys her husband and must trust God for the results (if she is faithful in this duty God has given her).

God made women a help meet to her husband, not a help servant or help slave as each spouse is equal before God and the man has only been given headship for the sake of order in the family. This does not mean he is a tyrant or autocrat but must listen to his wife in the decision making as she is there to serve and needs to be consulted if only to know how to serve her husband better or be better served by him.

If a spouse is unfaithful in their headship responsibility God cannot bless them and Satan can use their disobedience to destroy the marriage and the family. When a family is in a mess it is usually because headship is not in place and usually this is because one spouse is damaged and cannot relate to the other as they should. Deliverance is needed to resolve this situation.

Marriage is a partnership of spiritual equals who have been given roles by God for the sake of order in the family so it can serve Him as he desires it to, both in and through the family. Step out of these roles or usurp headship and the family suffers and the marriage may even end in divorce.

Divorce occurs because one spouse cannot love the other as they should because of hurts or immaturity brought into the marriage which should have been dealt with through deliverance before the marriage was entered into. I recommend deliverance for both spouses before marriage so that this does not occur. Marriage should also not be entered into by people who are not spiritually mature as there will only be problems until they can discipline themselves spiritually to handle the problems that will arise in the marriage.

In the above passage (1Pet 3:1-6), a Christian woman has married a non-Christian man or has became a Christian after marriage and now has to submit to the non-Christian husband. To see why she cannot submit spiritually to the man you need to examine whose kingdom each spouse is in spiritually.

The non-Christian belongs to the kingdom of Satan and Satan is his lord whether the man knows it or not. The Christian wife has been delivered from that kingdom to the Kingdom of God and Jesus is her Lord. To ask her to submit spiritually to her husband is to put her back under the headship of Satan which cannot be spiritually done. Headship can only be domestic or the woman will have been handed back to Satan again to control.

As scripture cannot contradict itself this sense must also be in Ephesians Ch 5 where there is the parallel of Christ and the church with that of husband and wife not only to show spiritually Christ is head of the church and domestically man is head of the wife but also to show the type of love a husband should have for his spouse.

Note that the wife has to only respect and submit to the spouse and not necessarily love him. Respect leads to love and will result in that if the man loves his wife otherwise she is required only to respect him. As Christian she is to love him as Jesus does but that does not mean she has to stay and suffer abuse.

If he is a good husband he will support her and meet her emotional needs and for this she should be grateful to her husband and respect him.

Also, Jesus has commanded her too submit so she needs to do this as an act of worship and obedience to Jesus and then trust Him for the results of her obedience respectful submission to him.

First there must be a marriage of a husband and wife as that is what the expression of headship can only occur in biblically.

As it is a position of leadership the husband needs to be trained to fulfil his role as head of the family just as the wife needs to be trained to fulfil her role of helper to the husband. Ideally this should occur before marriage resulting from the example and teaching of their parents as they grow and mature in the family environment.

The husband is to love his wife as Christ loves her which means the husband is her servant and leads through serving her and the family.

The wife is only required to respect her husband and submit domestically to him. However she is a Christian so must also love her husband as Christ loves him. Because of this they are really servants to each other and should be helping each other as necessary to perform their God given roles.

They both serve Jesus so need to be led by The Holy Spirit to do what Jesus wants them to do in and through the marriage. If they are both led by The Holy Spirit then headship at times is irrelevant as they will both know what to do without having to be asked by their spouse. They will consult the spouse to verify and then perform the service to the family. In doing this they serve Jesus as they are obeying Him in it.

They must remember they serve Jesus in the marriage and then the others as He directs them too.

Continual obedience to Jesus is worship by your life so when a husband and wife obey Jesus as a married couple the marriage becomes an act of worship to Jesus, God is Glorified and will bless them individually and as a married couple.

Jesus has redeemed you (1 Cor 1:30) and healed you from the spiritual ravages of Satan’s previous lordship of you (1 Per 2:24) so you belong to Jesus and should do what He says. Even more importantly you are His servants as you are citizens of His Kingdom and He is your King so you primarily serve Him and others as He then directs you too.

In marriage remember you are there as citizen of The Kingdom of God and not as a person who belongs to the world and so should approach marriage as a citizen of God’s Kingdom should.

As a citizen of God’s Kingdom you have been given stewardship of various things:

Marriage

Spouse and Children

Possession

The Gospel of Jesus

The Defence of God’s Kingdom

Ministry (service to others)

Headship is not just guiding a family but stewardship (within the limitations God makes on it) of what you have been given to minister to and of the ministry you are giving to that person. You will give account of these when you face God so any man that abuses headship or his family is in deep trouble if he knowingly does it.

Since the begriming of time God has defines roles for male and female. Basically the man looks after things outside the house and the wife things inside the house.

In the beginning Adam had a house and a garden to look after but God gave Adam responsibility only for the Garden He then made a helpmeet, someone meet (fit) to assist him in his responsibilities by looking after the house for him (the domestic side of things). Eve was not asked to look after the Garden but to help Adam through meeting his needs in the areas he was not able to himself because of time constraints. As the garden was his prime responsibility it had to be the housework that suffered so Eve was given to help Adam with this.

Primarily the wife looks after the household and children while the man goes out to work and maintains what the wife looks after. As Christians they serve each other so they will also help each other with their spouse’s God given roles.

Women look on this chapter as being a burden but really it extols the virtuous wife and liberates a woman to do thing outside the house. Look at what she does in the house as well as outside the house and you will see she can run a home business and trade in the markets as her responsibilities to her family are met each day and when she does do these external things they are for the good of the family anyway. Her husband is able to carry out his responsibilities as well and the home is happy and in order. God sings her praises.

Not all women will be able to trade and carry out a cottage industry but they will be able to maintain what God has given them with time off for relaxation when their husband plays his part in serving her. Any woman not coping with marriage or maintaining the house needs deliverance either from Satan, and his workings in and on her.

Marriage is the most unique and intimate earthly relationship you can enter into on earth. It should be the one relationship in which you feel safe with the other person and can confide and share all your fears and problems with. It is second only to the spiritual relationship you have with The Father, Jesus and The Holy Spirit.

It is when one partner has fears or problems in the marriage and is afraid to express them to their spouse then Satan causes more fears and walls to build so that the conflict is then unresolved and the marriage grows further and further apart. Deliverance stops this occurring as it heals the damage in the person that causes them to fear their spouse.

If you love your spouse you will listen to their fears and problems they have that are occurring in the relationship so that these will be dealt with because of the love of Christ in you for each other. Satan will try to stop communication about these things so that they are bottled up so that he can build walls and defence mechanisms in a spouse and use these to destroy the marriage.

You should see your spouse for who they are and not have your perception of them coloured by past experiences with parents or authority figures. This is why you need to get to know your future spouse spiritually before you marry them so that the past does not colour your appreciation of who they are or cause you to bring into marriage fears or concerns about the relationship that Satan can use to destroy the marriage. Deliverance may be necessary for this to be dealt with.

If you do nothing or protect yourself then you need deliverance in an area otherwise the marriage will fail. There might not be a divorce but you will both end up married but single. Legally married but living separate lives.

If you love your spouse you will resolve conflict and sort out any wrong attitudes or knowledge that is causing the conflict. Your love for each other will grow and you will mature more as you both see that your spouse loves you sufficiently to keep the relationship. Doing nothing or putting up walls does not mean you hate your spouse. It simply means you have problems that stops you expressing God’s Love as you should.

Remember also to determine if the subject being argued about is of eternal significance. It may be of no moral eternal value in itself but may cause you to sin through showing a lack of love in the discussion over it. So ask The Holy Spirit what to do and if you have a problem with the decision then check if you need deliverance in a related area.

Unforgiveness can result in you losing your salvation. It does not mean you have to agree with what they have done bur God is their judge and not you so you are to leave judgment to Him and do what He tells you to do about the situation which is basically:

Remember unforgiveness, and its fruit (anger and bitterness) will hinder the relationship with your spouse and needs to be dealt with through deliverance or these will eventually destroy the marriage.

If you do not forgive others their wrongs against you God cannot accept anything you bring to Him until you are reconciled to your spouse. God is a God of reconciliation and expects us also to be of a similar mind as Him and try and reconcile where possible.

Remember, not dealing with and offence is the result of unforgiveness or fear and deliverance is needed to deal with the hurts Satan is using to keep these attitudes in you.

A woman is steward of her body and mind. If a husband mistreats her in these areas she has a responsibility to God to remove them so she can look after these as God intended her too until the husband repents and has deliverance. Until all avenues of reconciliation are tried and it is clear that to go back to the husband would be dangerous then Divorce may be an option if The Holy Spirit allows.

I have seen cases where this has happened as Satan used he husband to stop the ministry God wanted he and the wife to enter into and the man was removed through divorce or death. God honoured the wife for her staying there till she had been rejected by her husband who had committed adultery or who had died. By this God released her for ministry and for a husband who will appreciate her as a wife.

Each spouse ministers to the other. That is their secondary ministry. Their primary ministry is to Jesus. Each are accordingly equal in rank in ministry as Jesus is Lord of each and there is no intermediatory, the Holy Ghost being their guides in ministry and not man.

As each serves Jesus their ministry will firstly to their family and then as He directs to others.

She is not to minister to a man without another man or woman present (as this stop the chance of adultery or premarital sex occurring).

A wife is not to lead unless her house is in order (as that stops Satan attacking her because she is not doing the work in the house that Jesus has given her to do as a wife). Unless she is doing or trying to do what she is teaching she is also a hypocrite and has no right to teach.

In the ministry to Jesus all are equal (Gal 3:28)and that means husband and wife are equal in this. It is when they serve others that Jesus asks a wife to submit to a husband or to serve another in ministry.

When the wife is told to do something by The Husband it needs to be a command (but a command done out of love for her and not arrogance or pride) or he is not being a good head of his wife. It needs to be:

Does she feel she will abused by the order?

Does she believe it is unfair?

Is she not certain what to do because:

She does not understand the order

or she does not know how to do it?

She believes The Holy Spirit tells her it is a wrong order

If she does not tell her husband about her problems or lack of peace about obeying him then she has only herself to blame for what happens

However, she may not be able to voice these things in which case she needs to tell her husband and get deliverance for the root causes.

For a husband to command his wife to do something that is not necessary for the purposes of The Kingdom, the family, the work of Jesus or which does not benefit her in some way is from a control basis ( as it can only be for his own purposes), is an abuse of his authority and is similar to witchcraft.

The husband needs to discuss with the wife any problems she has in obeying and/or carrying out the task he has given her. He needs to provide all she needs to do it as well as help her when needed.

The husband needs to tell the wife of any problems she is causing in the area of headship and these needs to be talked through. Not just problems of obedience but hurts, lack of love and anything that is not godly.

If a husband truly loves his wife all he asks her to do will be for her benefit or the benefit of the marriage and will honour Jesus and assist The kingdom in some way

Headship is not legalistic. Headship is built on God’s Love and Grace and is led by The Holy Spirit. If it is legalistic then the husband needs deliverance from the hurts that have damaged his Love and made him this way. Remember we are to have speech that is wise and gracious to all we speak to because the Love of God should be behind it. This is especially so in respect of our wife and family.

The wife needs the flexibility to do what she needs to do. She will known how to do it best usually and if not she should tell her husband so he can help her in any way she needs help and that includes any training that is necessary for her to do the task she has been asked to do.

Monitor what she does, not to criticize or judge but to evaluate her progress to see what help if any she needs to compete the task.

A husband should always give his wife what she needs to carry out what is asked of her and she should be helped in any way she needs to be to carry out her assigned task.

If there are problems with love, headship or submission then deliverance is needed by one or both of the spouses. Submission and headship should be based on love and mutual respect for each other. If it is not then deliverance is needed by one or both spouses.

A wife obeys Jesus and submits to her husband in the way Jesus asks her too. She obeys the husband but if The Holy Spirit says to do something different to what her husband has said to do then she must obey The Holy Spirit.

She needs to be led by The Holy Spirit to know when to obey Him and not her husband.

A wife must be led at all times by The Holy Spirit and not reactions, assumptions, reasons or blindly following what the husband has told her to do. If the husband does follow The Spirit then The Spirit will quickly show him any errors he has made in headship and he will be corrected easily and quickly..

If a husband and wife are both led by The Holy Spirit then there should not be any time a husband will ask a wife to do what God does not want her to do.

Because a Godly woman is led by The Holy Spirit she will have peace in her heart if the command from the husband is the Will of God. So if a husband asks a wife to do something and she does not have peace about it she should ask The Holy Spirit why she does not have peace as well as tell her husband and both should work out why there is a problem.

The Command is from a wrong motive (not showing her love)

She may need deliverance to be able to do it

She may need help or training from someone

She may need something to be provided by the husband for her to be able to do it

Her health may prevent her from doing it

She may have a prior thing to do that is more important

It may not be practical or possible to do

It may be against the Will of God

God may want it done differently to the way the husband wants it done

If both are led by The Holy Spirit these problems will not occur or will be easily resolved if they do occur.

Marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship so the wife’s opinion is to be considered in everything that pertains to the marriage but in the end if The Spirit gives her peace about the command of the husband she is to do it and trust God for the consequences.

Headship only needs to be exercised when you cannot hear The Holy Spirit and what He wants each of you to do. If you cannot hear The Holy Spirit you need to find out why and deal with the problem

If both hear The Holy Spirit then each will know what God requires of them and they will be guided in this so that headship is from Jesus and there is no need for the man to exercise headship. He will monitor the situation and guide it as is necessary but they will be walking on the path God has prepared from before creation for the marriage and not one of their own devising.

Headship will be more stewardship than controlling and deciding what is to be done by the married couple.

It must be remembered that the basis for submission of the wife is obedience to God and not obedience to her husband (Eph 5:22). If your relationship is not right with God then headship will not be in place because obedience will be for the wrong reason. It will be for personal reasons (self-esteem, fear, your physical needs being met on earth) and not out of love for God.

If both spouses do not have Jesus as Lord before they marry it will be even more difficult to have Him as Lord after they marry and headship will be struggle until Lordship is in place in both their lives.

The wife needs to learn how to submit (in obedience to Jesus her spiritual head) and to trust in the Control of and Love of Jesus as well as her husbands Love for her. The wife should have learnt submission by watching her mother as she grew up as well as by submitting to her betrothed as he looks after her in the betrothal period.

The husband should have learnt ow to be a man and husband by watching his father when he grew up to see how his father treated his mother and maintained the house and land outside it for her.

Often the husband does know how to love his wife as he should and this causes problems. This is where The Holy Spirit will teach you both how to relate as a husband and wife should. Deliverance may also be necessary for both of you to be free to love as Jesus desires you too.

The husband needs to learn how to love his wife and be her head (and as a result her domestic covering steward of her) showing to the wife that he loves her and seeks her best in what he asks her to do.

We know that in a marriage Jesus is the authority over it and its spiritual head. However, for the purposes of spiritual growth one spouse may have temporary spiritual mentoring authority over their spouse but not spiritual control over their spouse.

This occurs for the purposes of mentoring or ministering to the other spouse. This is so the spouse being ministered to will learn through submitting to The Holy Spirit in their spouse, using them to minister to them in some way.

This is the only time one spouse will have spiritual authority over the other and it is not restricted solely to the man as each spouse will be used by The Holy Spirit to minister to the other spouse.

It should be done in love (the wife will not abused by the command

It will be for her best in some way

It will be for the purposes of the Kingdom in some way (even if it only shows the order of the Kingdom in daily life)

It must be led by the Holy Spirit

It will be for no personal gain of the husband (except indirectly as a result of the wife’s activity benefiting him because he is part of the family she is serving and not directly because of the order he gave her).

It will have no self–interest in it

A wife, whose husband shows love to her in all he does will willingly submit to him

To minister headship you do not control! You lead by your example of loving service to your wife as Jesus did for us (the church)

A wife who loves their spouse, trusts their spouse and does so because their spouse is led by The Holy Spirit and tries to please God, of which showing their love to their wife and being a good steward of her is part of the loving obedience to God which results in loving service to her (which pleases God).

This attitude of submission (service out of love for them) is the submission God asks us to do and is different to subservience which is obedience out of necessity or compulsion, or employment, where service is done for money or goods.

Part of the responsibilities of a wife is to be a good steward of what has been given to her to care for. The husband cannot monitor everything the wife does (or should not) and must trust her for many things.

A Husband does not inspect closely everything a wife does. He gives her a command and then she does all she needs to fulfil it. At times she will need to do things on her own initiative to fulfil her duties given under the headship of her husband.

Wives are not children but adults with their own ability to think. A husband who allows his wife to think for herself and act appropriately on her own initiative will have a wife who will do what is necessary without his need to be concerned about anything she does. She will be secure in her own abilities ad not dependant on her husband.

Marriage is two individual working as one and not an individual and a codependent wife trying to work as one.

Any thing a wife has to do without consulting her husband, done in good faith to fulfil her headship responsibilities should be accepted without criticism by her husband and he should clear up any mess that results without complaint.

A wife must be allowed to learn to think for herself and develop herself mentally so she can carry out her responsibilities in an independent way when it is necessary for her to do so. She must be allowed to make mistakes without being crucified for them but should be lovingly guided and helped so she will not make the same mistake again. If she does make it again find out why then patiently help again to try and not make it again. She also needs to be encouraged in activities that develop her spiritually, physically and mentally.

A husband has the responsibility of helping her and encouraging in these developmental activities. Sometimes they are called hobbies. Other times it will be a result in the expansion of the responsibilities of her role. What ever the reason she must be allowed to fail without being abused or condemned for it in any way.

Each partner should have a limit they can spend on assets or necessities without needing to consult the other partner. Above this limit they should discuss any spending. The limit may not be the same for both spouses, but should be if possible. The Holy Spirit will guide you in this. It rally depends on what expenditure in the normal course of activities either spouse can be expected to spend.

The husband should keep the wife informed of their financial situation so she does not worry about it and knows how she needs to budget.

Headship results in boundaries because there are authority lines set up by God and these create boundaries which Both parties must observe out of obedience to God and respect for each other.

These are crossed only under guidance of The Holy Spirit and in agreement with your spouse

An example of the above is where the wife has been given authority over the household by the husband and he sees her washing the dishes and wants to help her. So he asks her if she would like him to dry up for her. She says "yes please" and he has authority to cross into her territory to help her for that session of washing the dishes. If she says "yes please, any time", then he does not need to ask in future because he has permission to do it any time she needs his help.

In an emergency then reason prevails and you do what you have to do. If the wife has caught alight you do not need to ask permission to put out the fire on her clothes because she is in the kitchen.

A woman must be allowed to think for herself, as an individual, separate from her husband so she can become the person God wants her to be. This does not mean she does what she wants to but that she listens The Holy Spirit and makes her own decisions about what He tells her. Her husband may help her to reach a conclusion but does not control her or make her decisions for her. He may guide her but not control her.

When she agrees with her husband it is because she has decided to agree and not because she has been coerced by her husband or has been told to be an obedient wife and submit.

A wife should always have the forgiveness of her husband without the need to ask as God has forgiven her already at Calvary and you are required to forgive as He forgives and if you do not forgive you are in danger of hell fire.

Love also looks past problems to see what needs to be done to fix them and to stop them happening again. There is no fear in love so a spouse should not fear approaching their partner for help with any problems they have.

Jesus is the one she has disobeyed as He is the one asking her to submit to the husband. She may have offended the husband and that needs to be sorted out, but Jesus is the one she has really disobeyed.

The role of the husband is to love and support her and not condemn her as well as be a good steward of her and the relationship they have. The wife, however, may need to ask forgiveness for any offence she caused him through her failure in the headship situation. The husband should also ask the forgiveness of the wife for mistakes he makes as he caries out headship over her.

It is his love for her that makes her want to submit to him and not any implied authority he has over her. It is his love for her that also makes him desire to be a good ‘head’ to her.

Both serve Jesus and are led by The Holy Spirit in this so what is asked of her (by the husband) should be what Jesus desires her to do for each other and His Kingdom

Do not look for any approval and acceptance from the husband when you have sinned as it is not his to give. Sin cannot be approved of by anyone. Look for acceptance because of his love for you. He is there to help you overcome the weakness and determine why there was sin and also if he has any blame in this matter of failing to fulfil headship requirements. He is to love you for who you are but hate the sin.

He needs to ask Jesus for forgiveness and his wife for forgiveness of any offence he has caused her. He needs also to ask her forgiveness for being a bad steward of her and not loving her as he should. Apologising and repenting is so freeing and it is the lack of this that often will end up destroying a marriage.

The wife has to submit to him to the extent he makes it possible for her to submit to him. The rest she needs to trust Jesus for. She cannot be judged for what the husband will not let her do and all Jesus requires is for her to want to do it and try her best to do what she is able to do.

She needs to be led by The Holy Spirit so she satisfies God’s requirements of her. No one can judge her if she tries to do this as she is accountable to God alone.

When a spouse is abused prior to marriage it can be hard to please them until they have deliverance. Until then you need to bind demons from using them or attacking them in any way in Jesus’ Name so that demons cannot use your spouse against you.

Men are built to love and nurture a wife that is submissive and if the wife rejects him the man dies emotionally or withdraws as a person.

The man has the responsibility for the family and household and cannot be a good steward of these if the wife does not submit and undermines his authority in these areas.

The wife needs the security and support of her husband to cope emotionally with things and if this is missing because she does not accept his headship or he is unable to lead as he should then she will have problems until there is deliverance of one or both of the spouses.

Because she needs security and nurture as a person (spiritually emotionally and mentally).

So she will respect him because of his sacrificial love for her and her love for him will mature and grow.

So he can respond to her as a husband should as a result of the way she responds to his love.

The husband has an awesome responsibility - to love his wife as Jesus loves His church. If a wife rejects the headship of the man he cannot love her as he should and eventually there will be little marriage relationship and often he will go elsewhere to get what he needs. That is how adultery and divorce occurs. No man goes to another fountain unless his has run dry.

This responsibility means he has to provide all he and his wife need so they can carry out their respective roles. He is to provide her emotional, physical, financial, spiritual and domestic needs so she can carry our her responsibilities as well as all he needs her to do to carry out his own responsibilities. The promise of God (Mat 6:33) is that, if they seek Him and the purpose of His Kingdom, He will give them all they need to live and serve Him so that the prime responsibility of a husband is to keep the family focused on these two objectives.

When a marriage partner cannot fulfil the responsibilities of their side of the marriage then they need to examine if there is emotional pain or hurt from the past that is hindering them and causing them to react in a wrong way. If there is then they need deliverance and healing. The most damaging hurts are those to do with sexual, emotional and verbal abuse as these can kill sex life and intimacy and quickly destroy a marriage.

So when a problem occurs in a marriage go for deliverance and any counselling needed as there are often hurts from the past and the resultant coping mechanisms or lies of the devil that are behind these problems. Remember Satan’s objective is to destroy the family and to do that he has to destroy marriages so the children grow up dysfunctional. Deliverance removes the hurts Satan uses and frees the person to love and live as they really want to.

No person who truly loves another seeks to cause any problems in their relationship with this person.

If both spouses are led by the Holy spirit then the domestic headship will really be under Jesus. So the spiritual and domestic head of the marriage will really be Jesus. All three (Jesus and both spouses) will walk in unity of purpose and it will be a holy unity as all is done for the purposes of Jesus:

If you believe your spouse is an equal you will treat her as such. Headship being reserved for when a final decision is needed and there is a dead lock and The Holy Spirit is quiet. This situation usually arises if one of the spouses cannot hear The Holy Spirit and may needs deliverance or repentance from a sin. Sometimes God may not tell the wife or husband what to do so they will trust their spouse.

The stewardship of the family has been given to the man and he has to explain to God what he did with it. So when a wife does not hear The Spirit she needs to trust this arrangement that God has placed her in. There is also the fact that The Holy Spirit will lead you both so that headship is really that of Jesus in the spiritual and domestic side of a marriage. Where there is a conflict of decision between husband and wife you need to find out why as God does not cause conflict or dissension.

Neither can complain

They must help you fix any problems

They should resolve any dissension

It shows you love them as you are willing to consult them and listen to their opinion

They may have something important to contribute

And really, The Holy Spirit should usually have told you what He wants done anyway so that the consulting is more for seeing if you agree on what you have heard from him and if not what needs to be addressed to reach agreement.

A woman thinks with her heart which is why she will do things for her family a man will stop and think about. This is a special gift to mothers so that they will do things that reason (how a man works) will stop and think about it and probably reject it.

Happy is the man who listens to his wife’s heart. His children will be emotionally satisfied.

In all relationships there are associated boundaries, The closer the relationship the fewer the boundaries that need to be stated or enforced. Love is the only criteria in a family. It is the boundary God sets on these relationships. According to the degree of love will be the need for boundaries.

Love should be the basis of all boundaries. However, society has made its own boundaries, its own special rules of relating and of determining boundaries because the love of many has grown cold so relationships are now legalistic or ritualistically being afraid to offend another or unable to express love in relationships that are not familial. Some are for the purposes of God (these have to be kept), and some for the purposes of man. These must be kept, if it causes another to sin by not keeping them, unless they go against the boundaries God has determined.

When a boundary in a relationship is damaged it needs to be rebuilt. The closer the relationship, the more is the damage and the harder it is to rebuild in your own strength.

It requires forgiveness and Love, the Love Jesus has for them to be able to rebuild these relationships and restore the relationship and its boundaries.

Unforgiveness stops relationships being reformed and healed and ends up sending you to i hell if not repented of.

Only as guided by The Holy spirit can these Close relationships and associated boundaries really be restored.

Headship results in boundaries because there are authority lines set up by God and these create boundaries. These are flexible as each partner will serve each other in love and only cross the boundaries in an acceptable way to show this love. Apart from the expression of love, boundaries of authority should not be crossed (except as told when to and how to by The Holy Spirit) or one spouse will usurp the authority of another and sin in some way.

This passage discusses the submission of a Christian wife to a non-Christian husband. The submission is only domestic as she cannot submit spiritually to someone whose ruler is Satan.

In time of Peer, marriage could have been arranged by her parents and she would have had little or no say whom she would marry or she may have become a Christian after she married and still have a non-Christian husband.

Satan would used the husband to attack the wife and her faith so Peter gives guidelines to the wife on how to submit to her husband (so she will obey God in this) and love her husband as Jesus does so they may win their husband for Jesus as they show His Love and Character to their husband.

3:1 A Wife is to submit herself to her own husband. If the husband does not accept what God says to do in The Bible (in other words a non-Christian, or a person who calls themselves a Christian but does not live as one) the wife is to obey Jesus in the way she relates to her husband in the hope it will convict him of the truths of God and He will follow Jesus so they will be united in Christ and through The Holy Spirit in them.

3:2-3 The husband will see the clean, pure lifestyle of the wife and the respect she has for her him and that it is genuinely who they are and not who they pretend to be through the use of Jewellery, make up and/or clothes.

3:4 It is their core personality which reflects Jesus and His Love for the husband and if the husband sees this he will ponder the difference in her to other non-Christian women and she can tell him it is Jesus in her.

3:5-6 The wife is directed to the example of Sarah, the first of the Jewish race that was female and who would have known the blessings she had from obedient submission to Abraham. If she had not submitted she would not have been allowed to father Isaac and would not be treated by Abraham as his wife.

A wife loses many blessings when she does not submit. She is not in rebellion against her husband but against Jesus who has asked her to submit to her husband.

A wife is to be a good steward of her body and mind and if these are in any danger from her husband she must remove them from him and protect them as they belong to Jesus and not the husband. This is not divorce but a separation to protect the woman from an abusive husband.

A Christian husband is to love their wife as Jesus love them (v7). There was no problem of headship when Peter was writing this letter as husbands were the head of the household but Satan would stir up the wife to cause him problems and his Christian love for her would hinder this. No wife wants to cause problems for someone who loves her as Jesus does unless she has been hurt and is reacting from these hurts in which case she needs Jesus and His healing deliverance. The love of Jesus, shown to her may win her to Jesus and the healing she needs.

A Christian man is not to reject or put away a non-Christian wife. God has allowed him that wife so he is to love her. He is to relate to her as the weaker one in the relationship. It is not spiritual weakness that is referred too so he needs to help her in her submission giving her respect and loving her as Jesus does regardless of what she does. He also needs to communicate the disapproval of what she does but the acceptance of her as a person, (as the wife should also do to the husband when he does wrong).

The Christians in both situations above need to relate to their non-Christian spouse in the way Jesus says too as they belong to Him and represent Him so to not live as He wants them too in the marriage is disobedience and will Limit their prayers being answered for two reasons:

Repentance restores the relationship they have through Jesus being their Lord again.

What happens if the non-Christian does not respond to the way God has told you to relate to them?

Binding the demons blinding your spouse to the truths of Jesus that they need to know

If this fails then as a good steward of the mind and body God has given you, you need to protect it by removing it from the area of abuse or damage (if there is one).

To stop God’s plans for this world one of the things Satan has to do is to destroy marriages and families. He knows intimacy and unconditional love are necessary in a marriage so he tries to destroy the intimacy and love that occurs between the parents in a family.

He starts by developing defence mechanisms and fear so that each spouse no longer loves the other as they should and intimacy decreases. He also tries to get them so busy they do not have time for each other. He uses various ways to do this; financial problems, insecurity in the relationship with the spouse so they go elsewhere to find fulfilment (work, hobbies, sport, etc.) He uses media pressure to have the spouses conform to what his ideas of what marriage is, but mainly he makes a spouse feel rejected or unacceptable and as a result they go elsewhere for acceptability. This is how the events leading to divorce start. No one goes outside the marriage for acceptance if their spouse loves them unconditionally.

As the marriage is destroyed so are the children who look outside the family for acceptance and support or withdraw into television, computers or peer group activities, the latter which often end in their performing illegal activities if only to obtain acceptance by their peers.

So as you relate to your spouse, remember that Satan is the cause of disorder and division that he uses the hurts in people to control or guide them into what he wants them to do.

Deliverance is necessary to stop this type of attack. If if there is conflict in the marriage deliverance is needed!

Once the parents are delivered then the children should be delivered. The Holy Spirit will show you whether the child is old enough to repent or whether the child is young enough to have the demons cast out without their needing to repentant.

Remember that Satan divides and conquer so when division or conflict occurs in a marriage, sort it out, or eventually the marriage well fail or at best be a marriage in name only.

To have someone beside us to encourage us in our Christian walk

To have someone beside us in ministry for Jesus that compliments us

To bring Him Glory and worship by the way they live and minister

To help populate the earth with children that will love Jesus and follow Him

To be example of how The Body of Christ should relate to each other

To have a companionship of the heart that reflects our relationship with God

For our pleasure and Joy

As the basic unit of worship and spiritual education of children