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Two people come before God and submit to His will for them to get married and serve Him by doing so. The wife obeys God and submits domestically to the husband and serves him. The husband obeys God and loves her as Christ Loves her and serves her in this love. In this attitude the marriage blossoms as the Love of God is in all and the focus is on Jesus ad His will for the marriage. Any other focus and the marriage falls apart.

The vows are made before God so they are very serious and should be carried out:

Ecc 5: 2 Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty to utter any thing before God: for God is in heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few.

4 When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed.

5 Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.

The Christian couple stand before a Christian minister and other earthly witnesses and something like the following is said:

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God, and in the presence of this company, to unite __ and __ in holy matrimony. Marriage was ordained by God in Eden and confirmed in Cana of Galilee by the presence of the Lord, and is declared by the Apostle Paul to be honorable among all men. On this occasion we begin by asking God’s blessing on this marriage service. Let us pray."

"Do you, __ take __ to be your (wife/husband)? Do you promise to love, honour, cherish and protect her/him, forsaking all others and holding only unto her/him?" ("I do")

"I __ , take thee __ , to be my (wife/husband) to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you.."

And so begins a lifelong adventure that God designed to be beautiful but often ends in disillusionment, conflict and/or divorce. Why? People do not understand what Marriage is, as God meant it be, and are not properly prepared for marriage the way God intended it to be.

The first thing to point out is that the vows are made before God, not just man. Accordingly they are holy and an act of worship to God as you believe He is worthy to witness and bless the marriage union.

Marriage is something God holds in high regard as Jesus considered a marriage important enough to attend, record in the Bible and be the place for Jesus to do His first recorded Miracle at.

What is marriage? The Mosaic Law does not say anything about the marriage ceremony itself and God stated in the Garden of Eden only two things were necessary for there to be a marriage. You live together as husband and wife and consummated the marriage (Gen. 2:24). A minister is not necessary except for the purposes of denominational records.

The legality of a marriage does not depend on it being performed by a minister as that can be done elsewhere. God blesses the union and anything the church does is ancillary to this. So you can be married in God’s eyes and blessed by Him if you agree to live as husband and wife in the manner He requires and consummate the marriage. Many governments recognize this now and this so called ‘defacto’ relationship is recognized (where couples live together as man and wife) but do not have a formal wedding ceremony.

Do not forget that we are to obey the laws of the land and marriage requires a formal ceremony in some countries which does not recognise these ‘defacto’ relationships and to live together in those countries as a married couple according to the law you will need a ceremony approved by that country.

I am not advocating a ‘defacto’ relationship as being a good form of marriage. The point is that if you live together as husband and wife and have an intention of doing so the rest of your life you are married in the eyes of God once the relationship has had sex.

A person who loves their spouse will give them the legal protection of a formal marriage as recognized by government where they live. A Christian who loves their spouse will marry in a church or have a Christian minister marry them to protect their marriage (and wife) from negative criticism by other Christians about the fact God has not "blessed" their marriage or ‘joined’ them.

Not to cause other Christians to stumble through not understanding that marriage is before God

As a witness to order in the Christian life and that God holds Marriage as being very important.

To satisfy any legal requirements of the land in regard to marriage

A marriage is blest by God when it is lived according to His rules and not because it is held in a church. It is the heart relationship God blesses, not the outward signs of the marriage.

If God has not ordained a marriage so that it is not in His will and may even be rebellion against His Will, how is He able to bless that marriage. Regardless of where it is held: church, cathedral, chapel or other consecrated place He is unable to bless it as it is not in accordance with His plans for that marriage. Satan will bless it as much as he can though to ensure its destruction.

Next is said the following for the purposes of uncovering any legal impediments to the marriage. This question really assumes these problems have all been dealt with prior to the marriage or it would not be asked.

One of the persons being underage or under a guardian (such as legal capacity, mental illness or disability) and the guardian’s approval has not been given

One of the persons being married is already married to someone else

One of the persons is being forced to marry against their will.

But there are other things that should be considered before a marriage which can impede the happiness of the marriage.

The Bible says for a Christian not to marry a non-Christian (2 Cor. 6:14)

Is it also God’s appointed time to get married?

Are you also sure this is the person God wants you to marry? (Satan will try and place his wrong choice before God’s choice.

Are you mature enough for marriage yet?

Are you bringing into the marriage hurts and emotional problems that should be dealt with first by a deliverance ministry?

Is the attraction spiritual, physical, for financial gain or ambition?

Spiritual attraction: based on a relationship with Jesus and His will for you both as well as love for who the person is as a Christian and not what they look like or what they do. This marriage will last as its basis is Jesus and not the other person’s looks or abilities. This is more in line with how a marriage should be.

Physical attraction: based on how the person looks, their abilities and their sexuality. This marriage will only last as long as these things last and one day they will not be there so the spouse looks elsewhere and thus affairs and divorce occur as one spouse seeks these things in another person outside the marriage (whom Satan will gladly supply).

Financial Gain: If it is for money then when the money goes the marriage goes.

Ambition: If the marriage is purely for the ambitions of one of the partners so they will get promoted in a field or business then it will last as long as that position they were promoted to lasts or a better proposition comes along for that partner.

God may work in these marriages so that they fall into line with His will for the marriage (through deliverance of both partners) and the marriage will survive any events that would normally have ended it. Otherwise the marriage is usually doomed to failure or divorce.

Marriage is usually a mixture of spiritual and physical attraction. The degree of the spiritual in a marriage will determine the success of the marriage. The more Jesus is Lord of the marriage the more chance it has to be successful.

Do you understand what marriage really entails or do you have a starry eyed view of it. The starry eyed view lasts till you wake up and see each other in their pyjamas the day after the wedding and realize the honeymoon is over even though you are officially still on it. This is when the hard work begins of making a marriage that lasts.

This summarises the situation. Unless Jesus is Lord of the life of both spouses they will mainly be doing their own will in the marriage. Both spouses will not be in full agreement and discord will occur. If Jesus is Lord of both spouses they will have unity as they do His Will for the marriage and they will both have the same objectives and purposes. There will be unity through obedience to Jesus because of the common Holy Spirit that lives in them and guides them both.

What you set your heart on is what you will try and achieve. If you love Jesus you will seek to please Him in the marriage by loving your spouse as He loves them and obeying what He requires you to do in the marriage. Remember that loving your spouse as He does and accepting the role He has given you in the marriage is and act of obedience and worship to Jesus as well as the fulfilment of the command to love your spouse as He does.

"Do you, __ take __ to be your (wife/husband)? Do you promise to love, honour, cherish and protect her/him, forsaking all others and holding only unto her/him?" ("I do")

"I __ , take thee __ , to be my (wife/husband) to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you.."

In addition the wife promises to respect (submit) and obey the husband (or at least in the more correct versions of these vows she does).

Marriage is the relationship that epitomizes God’s Love for us and so the first question rightly asked is whether they will love each other and so this is the first part of the vows to be examined. It is to be noted all else promised in these vows are a result of the commitment to love their spouse as Jesus Loves them.

Take out the physical/sexual part of the relationship what you have left is the spiritual aspect of it. This is why you have the comparison in Ephesians Ch 5 between Jesus and His Church (the spiritual relationship) and a husband and wife (the spiritual reflected in the physical).

The union of their souls resulting from sex is the equivalent of their union with Jesus in the spirit and the submission of the wife to the husband is the same as her submission to Jesus. The provision for the wife and her protection by the husband is the same as Jesus does for His Church.

The domestic submission of the wife is necessary for the household to be in proper order to carry out the mandate for which sex was made, to populate the world. Sex also has the additional function of being intimate and personal to both husband and wife. Sex is the one thing they alone can do with each other and this makes it special to them which is why Satan tries to pervert it so much.

When this physical side of marriage is gone (with the inability of one partner to fulfil their sexual role) then there is only the spiritual left so this needs to be cultivated in marriage more than the physical and it is the spiritual that will continue into eternity, not the physical.

The honeymoon period is not a holiday for the purposes of unlimited sex or having a good time with your spouse but more importantly to sort out relational problems and get the household started in a correct way spiritually so that Jesus is Lord of the relationship. It is a continuation of the process started in the betrothal period but it is more intimate. This time enables them to develop their unity of purpose and direction as one in Jesus through the commonality of The Holy Spirit in them both. It allows them further time to work out how to relate to each other as Jesus relates individually to them.

True Pure Love is very precious to God and He expects you to treasure it as a rare jewel… a jewel rare in the sensuous world of the kingdom of darkness. It is through their love the early Christians were marked in their sensual times. Should it be any different now? Only as God’s Love is expressed through us in a loveless world will people see anything worthwhile in our faith! True marital love is also a rare jewel these days and is to be cared for as a faithful steward and like other things that you are steward of will need to be given account of to God when you face Him and are judged for how you carried out the various stewardships He gave you.

"To be blameless before me you must love as I Love with no impartiality or favouritism. You may not like what they do but you must love the person for whom they are:

Someone I created

My property to be a good steward of (to the degree they allow you too be their steward)

Someone for whom I died

Someone I value and desire to be in heaven with me

Someone for whom I have a Perfect plan and with which your correct interaction is a part of.

Love as I love if you would be like me."

God is Love and unless we love as He Loves we cannot really say we have His Character. If we do not have His type of Love we will not exhibit the fruit of that love (Gal 5:22,23). We will not see Him as He is and not worship or fellowship with Him as we should.

The Highest form of worship to Jesus is when you mirror His Character so it is like He is looking in a mirror (character wise) when He looks at you. Then there is unity of spirit and purpose and worship is completely unimpeded. Love (charity) is the key to this relationship.

He pointed out that gifts will become redundant in heaven and that faith will not be necessary as we will not need it there and hope will be fulfilled so that all that will remain is Love.

He said to seek God’s Love and its expression as that is the basis of all ministry and relationships and that what you need to express God’s Love will be given you: gifts, finances, marriage partner, faith, all you need to seek God’s Love and express it to others will be given you (Mat 6:33). This explains why Jesus gave only one new commandment as this summarized all the law and the prophets and is the basis for all ministry as well as the Great Commission:

God is Love and from this flows all else. The more we grow in God’s Love the more we will grow like him and the more we will express it to our spouse and others.

In a sense life is a continual pursuit of the love relationship we have with God and its expression to those around us and marriage is the earthly arrangement that demonstrates this best.

Married Christians are to love each other as Jesus Loves them so that their marriage will bring honour and glory to God, be a form of worship as well as draw people to them so that they can explain the Love God has for these people and what Jesus has done for them and their marriage. They should also be able to explain why their marriage is so happy and teach others how to have marriages like theirs.

This is broken up into three parts: The public witness of the rings (symbols of their undying eternal love for each other), worshipping with their bodies and the sharing of all they have in this world.

Marriage is not made because a person has been given a ring. Neither is it there because a person wears a ring. Marriage is a heart commitment and the ring is just a warning to others that you are taken. It is not necessary for there to be a ring to have marriage.

God looks at the heart commitment that has been made before Him and not at words that are spoken. This heart commitment is the reason a married person is so devastated when it is ended in any way as the heart is torn so to speak from the loss of a part of it as the partner is removed. Healing by Jesus is needed after an event like this and not another marriage, which unfortunately many seek too soon after a divorce rather than the necessary healing in the belief it will heal the hurts of the divorce. In reality it may be hurts from before marriage that really need to be healed before the ones of the divorce are dealt with.

No one should get married until healed of the hurts that may later destroy a marriage and also knowing for certain that is the person they are to marry.

Ministry is always to Jesus first and then as He directs to others. So we worship Jesus by obeying the way He directs us to use our body in marriage. The sexual aspect is discussed later. The point to make here is that our mind and will direct our body and in a sense by this statement is meant the complete focus on the needs of our partner as an act of worship to God.

We are all stewards as God own everything so you cannot really give anything to your spouse. This statement is more to do with commonality - an attitude where property in our stewardship is treated as being under the stewardship of both spouses and not just one, being available by either to use, as guided by The Holy Spirit, for the purposes of The Kingdom of God.

The three witnesses in heaven are now mentioned to remind us that the vows are made before God. This is why the vows are so important and to be kept as they have been made to God and not just man.

What is left out of the modern versions of the marriage vows is the part that asks a women if she will obey (submit to) her husband and the fact these vows are unto death … "Til death you do part". Perhaps if these were included oin the ceremony marriages may be more permanent and God’s order be in them.