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The attitudes a betrothed person should have in betrothal and subsequent marriage is love, the same type of Love God has for each of us.

The following section on love is important as it is the attitude you are to have in all relationships. This love never changes. What changes is the level of intimacy or relationship which determines the degree to which you are not afraid to open yourself up to another person and expose yourself in the relationship.

So in the pre–betrothal, betrothal and matrimony stages the only difference should be the degree of intimacy and the quality of love you have for each other should not change in any of these stages. Only the way God allows you to express it changes.

The person who knows God’s Love realizes nothing in this world is as important as knowing God and expressing His Love to others and from this position of knowledge, tries to meet the need for God’s Love in others, through expressing God’s love to them in the way God desires it to be expressed. Worldly matters are not important to these people as God’s spiritual purposes outweigh all worldly considerations. They Love and serve God out of love and gratitude for what He has done for them and are in an intimate relationship with Him desiring others to be in a similar relationship. God’s nature of Love is a part of their make up and main motivation as a person in all they do. It permeates their every thought and is a natural expression of their character.

While love to our spouse will be a natural expression of how we feel toward them it will require will power and effort at times to carry out what our love desires to do for them

Satan is trying to stop us expressing our love to our spouse

We do not know how to express it properly

We need to give up or change something in our lifestyle to be able to express our love to them correctly. This is often the biggest reason for love not being expressed.

Fear of exposure (self-protection as we still do not trust fully yet the love of our betrothed).

(Gal 5:1921 NCV) The wrong things the sinful self does are clear: being sexually unfaithful, not being pure, taking part in sexual sins, worshiping gods, doing witchcraft, hating, making trouble, being jealous, being angry, being selfish, making people angry with each other, causing divisions among people, feeling envy, being drunk, having wild and wasteful parties, and doing other things like these. I warn you now as I warned you before: Those who do these things will not inherit God’s kingdom.

(Gal 5:22,23 NRSV) By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit …

(Gal 5:22,23 KJV) But the fruit of The Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace Longsuffering, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance. Against such there is no law!

Having just stated the hallmarks of worldliness, Paul now contrasts them with what should be the hallmark of a Christian! It is to be noted that the more time you willingly spend with Jesus the more you will show His Love in all you do in your life.

The ‘Fruit of The Spirit’ is the evidence of The Holy Spirit in you and of you expressing the Love of God to others and that you do not belong to Satan and his system, of which the fruit Paul has just listed. So these fruit should not be in a Christian. Both betrothed couples should exhibit this fruit. If only one does then the marriage will fail unless they have deliverance to remove the hurts that stop them showing God’s Love in what they do.

The nature of God is love and its expression is that of a servant. It God’s Love is in you, you will serve others the same way He serves others and express His character as you do it.

Love is the key to expressing God’s nature and character as well as relating to others and the world the way He relates to them.

Fruit is singular tense so there is only one type of fruit but it has many colours. A Christian should show this one fruit (love) in their life as it is the character of God to which they are being conformed too. Every Christian has The Holy Spirit in them so the potential for the fruit is in them but how much of it they show in their life is up to them and the more they understand and show God’s Love the more of this fruit will be shown to the world.

The first fruit that is mentioned, which should be the hallmark of a Christian, and from which all the other facets of this fruit flow that contrasts a Christian with the world, is love. Not just any type of love, but the love that marks God and His relationship with people, a Love which caused Him to forsake all, come to a Godless world (where His enemy rules) and die for the people in it so that those people could gain eternal life with Him and the delights He has prepared for them (if they accept who He is, what He has done, What He requires them to do and follow Him in all areas as their Lord.

The way of the person who expresses God’s Love

A person with God’s love is patient with others
They are kind to others and help them in a useful way
They are not jealous of others and are willing to help them in any Godly endeavour
They do not promote themselves at the expense of the feelings and emotions of others
They do not boast at the expense of the feelings and emotions of others
They do not indulge in inappropriate behaviour.
They do not seek their own advantage at the expense of others
They are not easily provoked or angered by others
They do not think evil things of others and accept them as they are
They do not delight in evil but delight in truth and integrity
They endure silently the wrongs done to them and do not tell others about these
They have a positive attitude to the spiritual state of others
They always look for what is best for others and help them achieve this
They have the inner strength and spiritual maturity to sustain this attitudes of Love!

The character of God is Love and thus this is the first natural expression of His character. A Godly person’s character flows from the results of God’s Love that has been directed towards them and which has done so much for them. The character of the person whom expresses God’s Love is that of God Himself as The Holy Spirit works in and through that person, to express the Love and character of God to all whom they interact with.

The example of Jesus is our example of Love - the giving up of things far greater than we can ever imagine to come to earth and die for those who would accept or reject Him.

Phil 2:5-11 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

There is no fear in love so there should be in you no fear of your betrothed or spouse so that you should be able to discuss any problem or weakness with them.

If there is fear, one or both of you need deliverance and should have it as soon as you can so Satan cannot use it in the marriage. The framework of the five steps should help in this.

You should never put fear in your betrothed or spouse in any way or at any time as it will slowly kill the love they have for you.

Love covers (overlooks) the sins (failings/weaknesses) of your spouse or betrothed and will help them with deliverance from these weaknesses and will support them as they try and deal with the weaknesses or failings.

While love to our spouse/betrothed will be a natural expression of how we feel towards them it will sometimes require will power and effort to carry out what our Lord desires us to do for our betrothed.

Satan is trying to stop us expressing love to our spouse

We do not know how to express love properly in these circumstances

We need to give up or change something in our life style (and attitudes) to express out love to our spouse in the way we desire to.

Not wanting to do the latter and holding onto a past thing we enjoy is probably the biggest hindrance to a person expressing their love (in the way God wants them to express it) to their spouse (Luke 9:62). There may also be a fear of exposure of who you are because they still do not fully trust the love their betrothed has for them.

You cannot express God’s Love when you cannot express Jesus in your life as His love is expressed as a natural outflow of Him in you.

If you cannot express God’s love in an area then Jesus is not in that area and deliverance or lordship commitment will be needed to deal with this inability to express God’s Love to others in that area.

What are you willing to give up to show your love to your spouse. Jesus gave up all to show His Love to His Bride (The Body).

Not just any joy, but the joy of having a relationship with Jesus, of being delivered from the evil kingdom of Satan and hell, of being counted worthy to do the work of Jesus, of knowing what His love for you really means! Of knowing who you are (a child of The Kingdom) and knowing where you will go when you die. The joy of not having to worry about anything as you do His Will as you trust God’s Love, Purpose, Plans and Control over all circumstances (Matt 6:33).

Not just any peace but peace with God that pervades all we do because we know The Father is in control of all our circumstances and loves us and meets our every need! This is a peace that does not have a care as it casts all its worry on the Saviour and trusts Him fully to deal in the matter in a way that is most advantageous for us as we continue in the task God has called us too (Phil 4:6-8).

This attitude of ‘patience in suffering’ results from knowing that our reward is in Jesus and that at the end of the suffering is rest in the Kingdom of God with Jesus. It also is suffering while doing the work of Jesus and because of their love for Jesus it is willingly borne for His purposes to be effected because of the benefit it will bring to others. They do not care what happens to them as they trust Him for whatever happens to them (Heb 11:6).

People who love as Jesus loves cannot willingly hurt another or be harsh with them. This term ‘gentleness’ portrays this. It is kindness and compassion to others out of love for them. It is the attitude Jesus has with sinners and the unlovely that the world discards and that many have difficulty relating too. It is an expression of the Love Jesus has to all.

The betrothed should be a gentle man in all he does with and for his future spouse both during the betrothal period and in the marriage. SHe is a gift from god and should be treated as such.

He should never raise his voice, shout at, abuse her or intimidate here in any way. These will cause her to doubt his love to he or put fear in her. Love is gentle and this should showed in all he does for or with her. When he talks it should edify her in some way or praise her to others. It should be sound speech seasoned with grace.

The husband who is gentle too , considerate of and appreciate of his wife, showing love in all he does in relationship to her will be rewarded by her increased desire and love for him, both physically and spiritually as well as the loving service she will give to him.

Love given will have a response of love reciprocated from the person they show this love too. This is the key to a marriage, for the husband to love his wife as Jesus love her so that she feels sufficiently secure in the relationship to love him back with the same type of love and to emotionally express herself freely and lovingly towards him..

A person who has this goodness is a person of integrity and is virtuous and honest in all they do. Their character expresses the goodness of God. They are pure in their motives and seek evil for no one, esteeming the values of God above those of the values of the world so that God’s values permeate their nature and in all they do they reflect the goodness of God

This is an active belief and trust in whom Jesus is, what Jesus has said and done as well as all that Jesus has promised. This belief permeates everything they think and do. They are assured of whom they have believed in and the promises made by Him (Jesus). The faith of this person cannot be shaken and they will die rather than deny their belief in Jesus, whom He is, what He has done and what He has promised to do for them. (Heb 11:6)

The meek person realizes that they are only what they are by God’s Grace and takes no credit for what God has done. They have a true estimation of themselves before God and knows that all comes from their relationship with God including abilities, self-worth, self-esteem and self-value. They know they live only because God keeps them alive and is able to work and serve God only because God allows them to do this and also Gives them what they need to serve Him.

They have no doubt as to their complete reliance on God and as a result do not declare their own greatness or achievements! They cannot! As they realize they have only done what God has asked them to do then enabled them to also do it because God has prepared these for them from before creation and allowed them to do these things and that there is nothing in what they have done which allows them to claim any ‘glory’ or originality in the activity.

Because of this attitude, they have the heart required of a servant and God can use them greatly.

God does not Love us for what we can do for Him as He can do it all Himself. He Loves us because He made us and is our ‘Father’. Those who respond in Love towards Him will be with Him in heaven. Those who reject His Love will be with His enemy in hell when they die. Remember, enemies are placed in prison where they cannot harm the good citizens of the kingdom. This is one reason hell is necessary.

The temperate person controls themself in all the things they do so that they never abuse anything God allows them to have control over and are also able to control themselves .As a result they are able to express the ‘fruit of the Spirit’ in all they do. While all the ‘fruit’ flows from love, self-control is what allows a person to express them properly. These self–controlled people are the faithful in the tasks God has given them and good stewards of all God has entrusted them with because they listen to God and do what He wants them to do with what He has entrusted them with.

Against such there can be no law as Love fulfils God’s requirements of The Law and the ‘fruit of the Spirit’ is the expression of God’s Love to us, and through us, to all.

The above attitudes and way of thinking are designed to remove worry and fear from our minds as these cloud our thinking and make it hard for us to hear God and be led by The Holy Spirit. They also ensure we have the correct attitudes and habits to be a good citizen of The Kingdom of Heaven and to be able fearlessly to do the work of The Kingdom.

Worry and fear are attitudes Satan tries to make us have so we doubt God’s Love for us and control over our circumstances and so we will be more hesitant to serve Him and trust His Will, Plans, Purpose and Control.

A Christian should always be positive about what God allows to happen to them. To be otherwise is to call God’s love into disrepute.

God is in complete control and His nature is Love so whatever happens is for our best as God is using it to conform us to the image of Jesus.

If you are afraid or believe something will happen to you it may happen (the example of Job see Job 3:25)). Satan is always happy to fulfil it if it is against the Will of Jesus and thus help Christians be harmed. If you trust through faith in God’s providence and control of all you will not be concerned about anything that happens to you as it is best for you (Rom 8:28). God’s Love is being expressed through what is happening to you so it is best for you.

The Christian life is a life of positives based on trust in God’s Love! Not on negatives or fear that takes away hope and binds the person in ritual and legalism (2 Tim 1:7).

This positive attitude of faith needs to be cultivated through the Will of the person affirming God’s positives in regard to all negative situations.