Prior to Betrothal

The period prior to when God betroths you to someone is a time of getting to know other people, learning to relate to people in preparation for the deepening of the eventual betrothal relationship. It is in this pre-betrothal period that you learn the skills and independence necessary for the betrothal period. Lust or any other type of negative emotion should not be a part of this time as you should be using the principles of God’s kingdom as you learn to relate to others and learn about the opposite sex and their emotional and temperamental differences to you as well as their strengths and weaknesses.

Men are to treat girls as sisters 1 Tim 5:1-2

Also remember you are to relate in love and not lust. The only commandment of The Kingdom of God and from which all the others flow is Jn 13:34-35:

This means no sex or heavy petting with anyone until you are married. If you love your fellow Christians as Jesus does you will not do this to them and cause them emotional problems as well as possible pregnancy with all the shame it has. You will help each other and serve each other in love and support each other in trials. You will enjoy them for who they are as a person:

Singles Socializing

When you socialize before betrothal you should not be looking at people evaluating them as possible marriage partners or asking God if they are the one. Lists, that you cross each possible name out one at a time, are definitely out. You are to focus on your relationship with God and how He wants it expressed towards others and He will prepare you for marriage and bring your future spouse to you. Mat 6:33 applies.

While you make lists and evaluate people as a possible spouse Satan will give you all the help he can so you will look at the wrong person, possibly miss the right one and marry someone God does not want you to marry.

You do not need to seek a spouse as God will bring them to you as part of the promises of Mat 6:33. He has promised to supply all your need in every area of your life as long as you seek the furtherance of His kingdom and develop the relationship you have with Him. God will guide you to your partner:

Previously married people

Where one or both of the betrothed couple have been married previously then there will be hurts and usually children with one or both of the betrothed persons.

There are at least four dangers in this relationship:

The the new future spouse must earn the respect of the children of the other betrothed person as respect is a necessary part of a person trusting themselves to love another. If the children do not respect the introduced spouse then they will never trust or love them.

The betrothed couple have become stewards of each other and the children they both have and not just of their own children so as good stewards they need to look after what God has given them even though it means denying themselves in various ways. If they cannot be good stewards of what God has entrusted them with before marriage (the children) it will be harder afterwards when there are more problems and interactions to resolve and new things to be steward of than there was prior and during the betrothal period.

All deliverance that is possible should be done before any marriage so that problems from the past do not need to be dealt with after marriage and cause stress or friction in the relationship.

If you cannot relate properly to a person involved in anyway in this relationship (betrothed, your children, their children) before marriage you will have little chance afterwards unless there is a major deliverance.

Complications such as having two houses and two sets of furniture etc should be taken to God as no fast rules can be made for these. You are stewards of them on His behalf so you need to ask what He may want done with them.

Sometimes the house has so many bad memories so that you will need to sell it and move into a new one with your betrothed unless she needs to see the house for some reason.

Where possible you should not ask a new spouse to live in a house Satan used to destroy the last spouse. It is not fair to the new spouse to have to clean up the mess of a previous marriage.

Usually the house is run down needing lots of renovation or cleaning. It is not fair to ask a new spouse to either do it or pay for this.

A new marriage is a chance to start afresh and put into the marriage the things God wants wants in it as well as the order He wants to be in it so from the start of the relationship God’s principles should be in all that happens during the betrothal period and afterwards in the marriage.

Whatever happens ensure it is in accordance with The Will of God as revealed to you by The Holy Spirit.

As in all things you need to walk with one ear constantly open to The Holy Spirit so the relationships (between each member of the family) will progress as Jesus desires them to be developed and matured.

Do not seek a wife

If you seek a wife Satan may end up guiding you to the one he wants you to marry. If you marry his choice for you:

Satan promotes His way of courtship in the Media

Remember that God will bring your wife to you so do not make a list of what you want in a wife then go and look for a woman that matches that list. It will invariably be different to the list of what God wants in your wife. You will be looking for the wrong woman and may miss the one He wants you to have because of this.

God’s basic unit is marriage

God’s provision for children is found in the stable marriage relationship

Children need a mother and father to find their true identity as a person. WHere there is only one parent this usually does not occur. You must give the needs you cannot fulfil in a child to Jesus and trust Him to deal with them.