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Note, being naked with your spouse is not God’s definition of intimacy. It is Satans.

A woman who loves Jesus does not want a man to focus in her body but on who she is as a person and does not want to exposer herself to him until they are married. This results in the spiritual being built up and not the physical. Ut also means the commitment of marriage is there so that she van freely expose herself to her husband as she and he desire for the sake of giving each other pleasure.

A woman who follows the worldly ways of Satan is told to reveal her beauty and use it to attract men so she shows off her body and is willing to expose it and offer it for her boyfriend to use sexually. She has been taught sex = love and it is not necessary to be married to have sex so she has it when she wants it or when he asks her for it so she can ‘keep’ her future spouse or boyfriend as well as express her love for him through sex and heavy petting. The spiritual is neglected and the physical pleasure is the focus of the relationship. This type of relationship lasts as long as the woman’s beauty or they tire of the physical relationship unless they both become Christians.

Inside people is a need to be appreciated for who hey are and not what they look like although this is important to women. Men who desire women for their looks leave a part of the woman unfulfilled and this will affect the relationship.

A man should love his wife for who she is as a person and not what she looks like but he should appreciate what she looks like and love her how she is. When she exposes her body to him in marriage he should appreciate it and tell her so but also tell her who she is, is also important to you and not just her body.

Always look at the face of your spouse and let them see the love in it for you. In their eyes will be a reflection of how much you love them.

The intimate act of love was designed by God to seal marriage and the commitment of the husband and wife to become ‘one flesh’ and this is both spiritual as well as physical. (The physical is always the result of a spiritual decision of some kind, even if only of obedience to God). When Adam and Eve fell into sin as a result of their choice to defy God they saw their nakedness and were ashamed. Not because they were naked but because they had sinned.

When a woman is asked to reveal her body to another for sexual or other reasons it implies there is a depth of relationship only seen in marriage and that it is their spouse asking to see their nakedness for the purposes of cementing the marriage further. This also has spiritual implications. This exposure before marriage is against the act of marriage (sex) and the unity this act results in and therefore invites Satanic spiritual interference and demonic counterfeit of the marriage act (premarital sex).

A woman needs the assurance and safety of the covenant of marriage to have the correct sense of relationship and commitment so that she feels protected and within the sexual boundaries set by God. Otherwise there is a sense of being used or defiled at a spiritual level because they are not in a correct relationship with the person spiritually so that sex in the physical feels wrong and the woman feels used or like a prostitute. This happens especially when a woman allows a spouse to see her body for the purposes of keeping him or getting self-esteem from what he says or does to it.

Many women, Christian or otherwise, cannot explain why they feel ‘used and abused’ when they are asked or enticed to expose themselves outside the safe place of the marriage covenant. Even in the marriage if the husband does not have the right spiritual intent or reason to be intimate with his spouse she will also feel this sense of defilement.

This is why it is so important to be spiritually right with your spouse before you have sex because the spiritual must be in place or the physical will not be satisfactory and fulfilling and the spouse will feel used.

Any man who truly loves his wife for who she is will not ask her to exposer her nakedness to him or have sex with her before marriage. If either desire to show the other their nakedness or have sex before marriage then they need deliverance so that the relationship can be as God intended it to be.

There are two aspects to marriage: the spiritual (God controls) and the physical (controlled by God’s laws of how the marriage is to be expressed). Ideally the physical is an expression of the physical. The expression of the marriage (nakedness and exposure of yourself to your spouse can only occur in marriage.

The betrothal period is a period of spiritual interaction where the spiritual side of the marriage is developed to late be expressed in the physical. To express the physical before the marriage proper is to sin as it is not in the order God made things to be. Only as you are in a position to express the physical (married or conducting the ‘act of marriage) can you correctly express the physical in a relationship. To do s otherwise is sin.

Intimacy is not sex or heavy petting (as Satan would have you believe). It is the sharing of the deep things of the heart that you would not dare tell others.

There are no secrets between you and God so it is the deepest intimacy you can have if you so desire it.

With betrothed (and married couples), from the first meeting onwards there should be no secrets between them. The past is only needed to be looked at for the purposes of deliverance and then usually only areas or weakness and not specific events (sins and failings).

Your sins are forgiven at the Cross and so no longer are of relevance unless they need to be referred to only for the purposes of working our root causes or weaknesses so that these can be dealt with through deliverance. Any other purpose is ungodly and will not be honoured by God.

Weaknesses and problems areas should be discussed but only for the purposes of deliverance and encouragement (Luke 9:62 applies).

The couple that has no secrets that The Holy Spirit does not want them to keep in the marriage are an intimate one. The past is gone and only needs to be referred to for the purposes of deliverance or for the purposes of teaching others how God has dealt with a situation.

The Holy Spirit said that heaven is a spiritual place of which the physical on earth is a poor representation. Sex in heaven is a merging of spirits so to speak, a closeness to each other where you are part (so to so speak) of the other person to feel their love for you in a new way. You do not become one but are as one and the Joy of being close to each other is complete as it can be. Physical sex is a poor representation of this. This is why the spiritual side of the relationship must be developed during the betrothal period as if the physical is expressed in this period it hinders this spiritual development of the relationship.

You must learn To love your spouse for who they are spiritually and not be influenced by the physical in any way, then you will have a good foundation for the marriage and if this is developed further in the marriage, you will also have a good foundation for the relationship in eternity.

You are bought together by God and learn about each other. Satan will try and pollute the love you are learning for each other with sensuality. God will reveal enough of the other person’s character so you will love them for who they are. There is respect for each other and respect will grow into love if nurtured properly.

This stage is where you delight to be with each other and do things together and their presence excites you. Satan will try and turn this to lust so you will have sex or similar. This is designed by Satan to make you feel guilty and to drive the future spouse away as they do not feel appreciated for who they are but only for their body.

In this stage you are more sober in your desire for each other and start to look at the practicalities of marriage and the preparation for it but there is still a strong desire to be with each other.

This is the stage in which you are ready for marriage. Emotion and feelings are not the reason you marriage as your love is deeper than anything these can be. In your heart is the knowledge and affirmation that it is God’s Will for you to marry and that all the promises God has made for you in marriage both as a couple and individually will occur. It is God’s Will that you marry and so you work at preparing for the marriage knowing that not too is disobedience. Besides you love the person and desire to do this.

Jesus is then Lord of the marriage as the marriage is out of obedience to Him as God. He is first in all the things they do individually and as a couple. The marriage then becomes an act of continual worship even if only by the fact that they stay married because God has bought them together

In This level love is pure and the desire for fulfilment through sex is not that important in the relationship. You are not clouded by the desires of the flesh so that you can clearly hear what God wants you to do to prepare for marriage. This is the stage you should be at when you marry.

When you reach the highest level of a betrothal relationship sensuality is not a problem as you do not need it to cement the relationship and show your love and appreciation for the other person’s body.

Your Love is a knowing love. It knows the depths of the other person’s love for you and because it is not clouded by emotion or feeling you can clearly hear The Holy Spirit and what He wants you to do for y our betrothed. This is the state of people in heaven and should be the state you enter marriage with or at least try to achieve in marriage.

The expression of this type of love is no longer sensual but purer and unpolluted by passion so that sex becomes a true expression of your love for your spouse as you seek to give them pleasure before your own and do so even if you do not obtain any. This selfless expression of love will cause a response in the spouse and they will do the same to you and love you without lust or a desire to obtain pleasure themselves.

If Jesus has betrothed you then you do not need the gimmicks that Satan promotes through the media He controls. He tries to suggest you need these gimmicks to attract a spouse (so you will not find God’s one for you) but these are not necessary to attract and keep a spouse as God knows who you are to marry and will bring you too each other.

Expressions of love (flowers, chocolate etc.) even though not needed, should be an expression of your love and not attempt to cause another to be attracted to you.

A man needs to show love and respect and dress modestly in a way that pleases his future wife. He must also learn how to be a gentleman and show her manners and consideration appropriate to the relationship.

A woman must dress modestly as she does not need to reveal her flesh to attract her spouse. Too much exposed flesh may cause desire that will result in sin. She is to hides her body and keep it for her betrothed alone for when they are married. She needs to know how to behave as a lady in a way appropriate to his gentlemanly manners towards her.

The lives of both are examples for people to see Jesus and should show His love and desired behaviour in all the things they do. This will turn their betrothed period and marriage into an act of worship to Him and bring Him Glory.

Remember! If you do not provide for the needs of your own family God says you are worse than an unbeliever.

In regard to ministry. If you cannot care for in a responsible way and love your wife and family (or betrothed) that God has given you how can He trust you to service the needs of others in His Body!

Unless you have the first three categories correct in your life, (or at least trying to get them correct so He can help you with them), how can He entrust you with anything of His?

Remember that all you do should be motivated by love for Jesus and the people He asks you to serve and care for on His behalf. If ministry is for any other reason such acceptance, recognition or to obtain self-esteem, He can use it but it is mainly wasted as He cannot bless it as it is done for your pleasure and not His [purposes. You need deliverance as well as to be led by The Holy Spirit before He can really use you as He desires too.

While God deals with us individually and matures us individually He places us in a loving family environment to do this.

In the family we are to develop the attitudes we need for heaven and eternity and in a sense death should be a transition between locations (earth and heaven) and not mark the commencement of the learning of the attitudes we need for heaven.

In the betrothal period God teaches us the attitudes we need to have to set up a home that will allow this training to happen to us and to our children. That is why Satan has tried to hide God’s plan for the betrothal and marriage and publicized his plan for these as widely as he is able to.

By this he has tried to destroy the way betrothed and married people should live and love so they cannot carry out the desires of God for them.

If there is unity in the spirit you will know in your mind what the other person is thinking at times as you are both walking in unity in The Spirit and as a result along a similar path so He will tell you similar things at the same time. It is not the reading of the mind of another but of the both hearing at the same or similar time what The Holy Spirit desires you both to do for Jesus.

Each of you have your own path to walk in but both also have a path as a married or betrothed couple and this path is common to both. When your objective is to solely do the will of God all three paths closely align with each other and all three paths may even merge as one.

You will say some things and it will be what your spouse is thinking at the time or wanted to say. If you disagree then The Spirit is to be consulted so He can explain what He needs to so that unity is obtained again.

When a man takes his betrothed out they should remember that he is a steward of her and must look after her properly to ensure her needs are met before his own. This attitude carries on into the marriage so you need to ensure you develop this stewardship in the betrothal period so it becomes second nature in their lifestyle now and later in the marriage.

The Man is responsible for all her needs to the degree she will let him meet them but this lack of acceptance does not mean he can stop trying to meet them until God says to stop trying.

Women need to remember that their future husband is doing his best to be a good steward of them and love them as Jesus does. Women need to cooperate and practice submitting domestically to their future spouse. Going out is a domestic arrangement and it is good practice for them for the woman for the future marriage. They are asked to do this submission by Jesus so they must trust Him for whatever the result of the submission is.

The future husband should behave as a gentleman so that the woman feels appreciated and loved. This will help her submit. Besides, if he truly loves her he will submit to her needs and she will submit so that he can serve her.

Submission just does not happen. It needs to be learned and the betrothal period is a good time for the future wife to learn this and practice it, especially in a day where Satan cries out in the media that all are equal domestically.

The betrothal and subsequent engagement period allows the future husband to learn how to love his future wife so that she will respond and desire to submit to his love for her.

The man will not be judged on how his spouse dealt with headship but with what they did with it. There is no loophole in regard to obedience to Jesus . It is all or nothing. You are either obeying or you are not. There is no half-obedience or ‘way out’ of the requirement to obey Jesus in headship and submission.

Never take for granted anything they do for you. When you stop appreciating them they stop being someone special in your eyes. When this happens they may doubt your love for them as well as their worth to you.

When you appreciate them for who they are and what they do to you you show your love for them as well as their worth to you. Appreciate your partner and they will respond to it. Do not show appreciation and they will gradually withdraw. Love appreciates people for who they are and not necessarily what they do so appreciation will need to be made regardless of mistakes made by your spouse.

When you speak words of love to your betrothed they must be words of truth that can be performed either in the betrothal period or in the marriage. If you promise her the earth make certain you can give her the earth.

There is nothing worse than false words of love. Your future spouse will be devastated and all trust between you and them will be shaken to such a degree you may even find God removes them from you and gives them to someone more worthy.

If God has joined you together then your love will be true and pure and false words will never deliberately occur between you and your spouse. You will also work at the marriage as not to is disobedience to Jesus.

When a man and a woman love each other deeply they do not need to speak words of love to each other. Their love can be seen in the way they touch, show consideration for each other or serve each other. As they put the needs of their spouse before their own needs they show their love for their spouse.

Their love is apparent in the way they relate to each other and speak to each other without it actually having to be stated as being there.

The Betrothal and the marriage are hard work at times as you have to change habits and attitudes to love another as Jesus loves them as well as to do what is necessary for the betrothal or marriage to be as God wants it to be.

You love your spouse and the desire to serve them and give them joy and happiness is the encouragement driving you to make the effort to change. When that desire declines the marriage declines and may eventually die.

If you believe God has put you together as a betrothed couple then not to work at the relationship is disobedience to Jesus and later will result in the breaking of the marriage vows to love each other. It is also bad stewardship of the love and the relationship he has given you with your spouse.

God cannot and will not bless a marriage that is in rebellion to him. He will bless any faithful individuals in the marriage but the marriage cannot be used or blessed by Him as He wants to use it and bless it.

After the marriage occurs it is easy to get complacent in the relationship so that you no longer show your love for your spouse either in word or deed and sex becomes a formality. The initial excitement being lost the woman often feels, when having sex, used or like prostitute and she starts to die as a person.

To stop this complacency also requires effort so that your attitude of love to and desire to be with your spouse stays with you all the marriage. The easiest way to stop this decline in feelings for your spouse is to thank God each day for them and for who they are (His gift to you) and to never stop appreciating them and telling them of your love for them for who they are and to also express this love in thought, word and deed (loving service).

It always helps to speak positively (Phil. 4:8) of your spouse and of what they do, showing appreciation of and gratitude for be loving service of you. There will opportunities to show your love and support as well as your desire to help them be the person they have the potential to be so use these wisely. Judgment, perfectionistic standards and negative criticism quickly kill a marriage.

One of the problem in the western world is that many people are not taught manners, (which is how to behave as gentleman or gentlewoman). Through the control of the media Satan has managed to remove manners, appreciation and consideration of others so that generations have grown up not showing respect or consideration to others because self-interest and pleasure are now the driving force in many societies. As the principles of how God wants us to relate are abandoned so has been the consideration and respect we are to show others.

To be a gentle woman or gentleman requires thinking of others and showing them respect as well as being self-disciplined to control yourself to be able to do this. Satan does not want these things in people so has removed these attitudes as much as he can, from society and the media he controls.

If you love your spouse or betrothed you will learn how to behave towards them as a gentle person would.

You are a citizen of The Kingdom of God and should show His manners and behaviour to all others, let alone the person you are going to marry or are married.

If you have God’s Love you will learn to be the gentlewoman or gentleman God requires you to be as a representative of His. If you love your betrothed or spouse you will learn how to show them manners and treat them as a loved person.

All major decisions, especially involving finances should be made together. However small amounts can be spent without consulting the other spouse. You need to ask The Holy Spirit what this small amount is as well as what He wants any of these small amounts spent on. This will facilitate purchase of groceries, petrol etc. when the need arises and not later after consultation with each other.

If you are both united in The Spirit you will already know what the Will of God is so it will be like rubber stamping any decision or request the other spouse makes.

Praying together should also be a common practice as should sharing the blessings of the day and the reading the bible after the evening meal. There should also be times of praying for each other and encouraging each other as well as discussing with each other how to help them with any problems they have.

Betrothed couples need to give each other authority to conduct spiritual warfare for each other. This puts Satan on notice that each has the authority to conduct spiritual warfare for the other and seems to make the warfare more effective for some reason.

A dispute settlement system is needed for when there are problems or disagreements. If you walk in the unity of The Holy Spirit these should never arise. It is suggested the following be observed:

Do not assume anything (so Satan can not guide your thinking)

Do not react (so Satan cant use the habits of the past to guide you)

Remember, disagreement is not rejection so do not reject a person because you disagree with them

Ask The Holy Spirit for Guidance as well as how to show God’s Love in the situation.

Observe delegated authority lines.

Through what He says in His Bible (where possible, everything must be taken back to the principles in God’s Bible.

Godly counsel (which includes Holy Ghost-inspired prophecy.)

Current circumstances (if the door is not open to do the action, don’t push it open. Let God open it).

Answered prayer (but be careful as the devil also answers prayer and may provide his answer first in order to try to replace God’s.)

The witness of peace in your spirit over the decision.

The last is the most important for those who are citizens of The Kingdom of God. The Holy Spirit will contend with your spirit and will not give you peace while you are being disobedient or planning to be disobedient.

Dreams and visions

Audible speech by Jesus or The Holy Spirit.

Thoughts placed in our mind

God-inspired prophecy

a personal visit by Jesus or an angel of His.

All of the above ways are still subject to the witness of peace of God in your heart as to the event and as to what you asked or what was advised to you. It is very important to discern the spirit behind these as Satan can appear as an angel of God and try to mislead you. Satan was once an angel so knows how to behave and look like one. When he tries to mislead you, there will be fear and not peace in what you see or hear.

There is a warning about the points in both sections - If you desire something excessively, Satan can give you an answer in one of these ways. Because you desire it so much, you cannot hear God’s Spirit and you will have peace when you should not. To avoid this, you must not covet something so that it becomes an idol as then Satan can mislead you concerning it.

I discuss stewardship of marriage later in this book but a short summary is provided here.

Man has stewardship of the woman and family (if there is one) and is responsible for protecting and meeting their emotional, physical, mental and spiritual needs where possible, even in the betrothal period. He will need to give an account to God for how he manages this stewardship of his betrothed and her family before and during the marriage.

If a man does not want to meet the needs of his betrothed and her family before marriage what will he be like after marriage?

The proper definition of this has nothing to do with marriage but refers to a period in literature and music that deals usually with imaginative and fictional subjects which are not real. Romantic means to have the quality of romance in form or content.

As romance is Satan’s idea of courtship it can see how true this description is of what Satan offers in place of Jesus. So Romance only applies to courtship (Satan’s way of getting a wife). In romance a person does things to win a persons affections. In God’s way He brings you your future spouse and says "marry her and love her as I do".

What the world calls romantic should be really an outflow and result of the love of betrothed people for each other and not a cause to try and get the other to love them.

God says "Here she is! Show your worthy of her love and respect!". Satan says: "Impress her with your possessions and personality and show your worthwhile as a catch".

Love your betrothed (future spouse) as Jesus Loves them and show them respect and courtesy

Do not lead them into sexual sin or similar and load them with guilt

Prepare each other for marriage through serving and helping each other with problems and weaknesses as well as removing all fear in the relationship (deliverance may be necessary).

Concentrate on preparing, as a couple, the things needed for wedding ceremony and living together as a married couple

Learn to serve each other in the daily things of life

Learn to express love to your partner without the need for petting and/or sex

Be led by The Holy Spirit in all you do individually and as a married couple.

In all things keep Jesus central and the focus of each of you and the marriage.

Do these laws still apply today given that in Acts 15 the gentiles were not asked to keep the law (because Calvary made it no longer necessary to approach God through The Law).

If you truly love your betrothed you will not put her through the trauma of pregnancy before marriage

If you truly love you girlfriend you will not put her through the trauma of pregnancy as a single mother.