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Marriage is a partnership. In a partnership the people have their assigned roles and if they step out of these predefined roles the partnership suffers in some way. Marriage is the same. Each spouse has God defined roles. Step out of these and you are probably in rebellion against God and the marriage will suffer in some way. This is why one of Satan’s main attacks on a marriage is through headship so the God–given roles are not obeyed and the marriage exists in disorder as no one is certain at times who is taking responsibility for a thing, or the role of the other spouse is usurped so the other spouse is uncertain as to what they should be doing or can do. The result eventually is a loveless marriage with each spouse protecting themselves and/or divorce so that both spouses and children suffer and the marriage becomes useless for the purposes of God.

If Lordship is in place then each will hear The Spirit clearly and it will not be necessary for the husband to tell the wife what to do except as confirmation (the second witness) and when the husband asks the wife to do something she will know why as the spirit will explain if she does not know or needs to know.

Each will keep to their God-given roles and will carry these out without questioning what the other has to do (except as needed for instruction purposes) and will help the other as directed by The Spirit.

They will still discuss what they are to do but more from clarifying and confirming what is to be done.

They will start from a place of agreement and build on it rather than having to reach agreement in the first place.

The term ‘headship’ just means someone has been given stewardship over another and not rulership.

In Himself, a husband has no right to ask a wife to do anything. He can do so because God has delegated that right to him. Anything God has delegated to you, you have stewardship over on His behalf and will have to give an account to God for how you use it.

The wife, also, is steward of the submission to the man that she has been given and will give an account to God of how she dealt with that stewardship. If the husband correctly manages his stewardship in this area then the will be able to be a proper stewards of her submission.

Submission by the wife to the headship of the husband is done out of loving, obedient service to Jesus as well as respect for the husband (as Jesus command that she is to have). If a wife truly loves her husband she will also submit to him out of this love. This submission is part of the submission we have to each other so we can serve their needs out of our Godly love for them.

Headship submission does not seek a reward. The fact it serves Jesus is sufficient for it.

If a reward is sought then it is employment and not headship. The submission is done because there will be a reward because of your submission and not because it gives Joy and pleasure to Jesus.

There are two principle passages that deal with headship in marriage: Ephesians 5:22-31 and 1 Peter 3:1-6. The second passage clarifies the first passage in an important area but is usually ignored in a discussion on headship. Both passages are commented on as follows:

Spiritually, Jesus is Lord so no one has authority over another as Jesus alone has spiritual authority over all (1 Pet 2:25) so in the attitude of love that Jesus place in us and out of submission to Him we serve each other. To serve another you must submit to their needs. Love, however, does not do for another what they should be doing for themselves.

Within the marriage God has ordained a special submission for the sake of the marriage flowing smoothly and to enable the man to carry out the domestic responsibilities God has placed on him. This verse could have better been written:

"Wives submit yourself to The Lord and as The Lord commands you to submit also to your husbands"

Eph 5:23-24 because a husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is Head of the assembly, and He is the Saviour of the body. But even as the assembly is subject to Christ, so also the wives to their own husbands in everything.

Paul uses a simile to show these two sets of relationships. Christ to the church (spiritual) and its parallel on earth, the husband to the wife (domestic).

Eph 5:25-29 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly and gave Himself up on its behalf, that He might sanctify it, cleansing it by the washing of the water in the Word, that He might present it to Himself as the glorious assembly, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such things, but that it be holy and without blemish. So, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies, (he loving his wife loves himself), for then no one hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as also the Lord the assembly.

The standard of love a husband should have for his wife is now explained. Sacrificial love, the Love Jesus has for us that nurtures us to grow into His likeness and full potential for Him regardless of the cost to the husband. This is the love a husband must have for his wife.

The relationship ship of wife to husband as Christians is now stated - all members of one body - the church, being reflected in Gen 2:24 where a wife and husband become one flesh (through soul ties) when they consummate the marriage.

Eph 5:31 "For this, a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh." (Gen. 2:24).

Eph 5:32-33 The mystery is great, but I speak as to Christ and as to the assembly. However, you also, everyone, let each one love his wife as himself, and the wife, that she give deference to the husband.

A wife is to respect and honour her husband submitting to and trusting Jesus in this because Jesus commands her too. She should submit out of love for Jesus and hopefully love for her husband. If she does not love her husband she is at least required to respect him, if only for the fact that God has told her to and also that the husband is providing her needs, a responsibility that Jesus has given to him. So by not respecting her husband she is hindering the work Jesus has given him and is in effect hindering Jesus and his plans for the marriage.

Submission in this sense is not subservience but a spiritual equal allowing themselves to do things for you out of love for you (apart from it being a command from Jesus). The command is secondary to the reason for service which is God’s love in us and working through us.

Paul restates the principles that a husband should love his wife as Christ loves the church, while a wife should respect and submit to her husband. Deference is different to submit so Paul qualifies the submission. The KJV has "reverence" here. The Greek word is "fear" in other words to give the husband respect due to him out of fear of the consequences which will occur if she does not do what God has asked her to do (Spiritually as well as possibly physically). The sin is not just against husband but against Jesus with all the consequences that occur as a result of rebellion against Jesus.

1Pe 3:1-6 Likewise, wives, submitting yourselves to your own husbands, that even if any disobey the Word, through the behaviour of the wives, without a word they will be won, observing your pure behaviour in fear. Of whom let it not be the outward act of braiding of hairs, and of putting gold around, or of clothing, garments of adornment, but the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible adornment of the meek and quiet spirit, which is of great value before God. For so once indeed the holy women who were hoping on God adorned themselves, submitting themselves to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose children you became, doing good, and fearing no terror.

1 Peter 3:1-6 adds a qualification to define the type of headship the husband has over the wife. This qualification shows that headship in a marriage is domestic only and not spiritual. For it to be spiritual the Christian wife would be obeying a non Christian who does not love as Christ does and whose ruler is Satan. That can never be as she belongs to Jesus so that Satan has no right to rule over her directly or indirectly through someone else.

In this verse it states the Jesus is our spiritual keeper and not man. The word for ‘bishop’ can also mean guardian or guide. This verse was put there to show man cannot be the head of a woman spiritually or a Christian woman would be spiritually led by a person who belonged to Satan’s kingdom, even if only unintentionally.

In the above passage (1 Pet 3:1-6) the danger was the woman not respecting her husband as he was not a Christian with the same values she had. Paul adds a blessing to a wife who submits domestically to a non-Christian husband – the possibility of winning him for Jesus by her lifestyle. The degree of her submission and respect will set her apart from most women and he will notice this and wonder why. She will then be able to tell of God’s love for him and her love that results from God in her which also is toward him.

If the wife is a non-Christian then the husband is reminded he still has to love her as if she was a Christian but headship was not a problem then for the husband as in those days men ruled the household.

He can love her only as much as she will let him and here Paul reminds us that Christians are to love each other as they are heirs of Jesus and should love as He does. If they do not do this their prayers will not be heard by God as there will occur at some time offence between them that is not resolved so God cannot accept their prayers.

The wise husband delegates responsibility for the house to his wife while he looks after the Garden and maintains what they reside in as well as help her as needed. They help each other in their areas of responsibility and submit to the authority delegated to that spouse in any area. So the husband will help the wife and do what she says in the house unless he is led by the Holy Spirit not to do something. Likewise the wife submits to the husband in the Garden.

This does not stop them helping another when requested to carry out their roles or offering advice and help on how to do something but it stops them taking over the role of the other spouse without a good God given reason.

True unity in a marriage occurs because you are each in unity with Jesus through The Holy Spirit in you and in this is unity with each other.

Remember that love serves and this ministry will be to Jesus and then to the spouse as Jesus directs.

To the Husband He says: "you have found a wife. You have found a good thing. Love her as I love you Look after her on my behalf".

To the wife he says: "Submit to your husband domestically out of My Will for you and respect him as the one I have sent to look after you. By this you will give me pleasure".

To both He says: "Love each other as I love you (Jn 13:34-35).

There will be mistakes made but Love will cover these but they need to be talked through so they are not made again. Problems that caused the mistake need to be resolved also and may require deliverance. Whatever the agreed solution to the problem is it will show love and require none to compromise their faith in anything.

When the wife is told to do something by The Husband it needs to be a command or he is not being a good head of wife (but a command done out of love for her and not arrogance or pride). It needs to be:

Does she feel she will abused by the order?

Does she believe it is unfair?

Is she not certain what to do because:

She does not understand the order

or she does not know how to do it?

She believes The Holy Spirit tells her it is a wrong order

If she does not tell her husband about her problems or lack of peace about obeying him then she has only herself to blame for what happens

However, she may not be able to voice these things in which case she needs to tell her husband and get deliverance for the root causes.

For a husband to command his wife to do something that is not necessary for the purposes of The Kingdom, the family, the work of Jesus or which does not benefit her in some way is from a control basis, is an abuse of his authority and is similar to witchcraft.

The husband needs to discuss with the wife any problems she has in obeying and/or carrying out the task he has given her. He needs to provide all she needs to do it as well as help her as needed.

The husband needs to tell the wife of any problems she is causing in the area of headship and these needs to be talked through. Not just problems of obedience but hurts, lack of love and anything that is not godly.

If a husband truly loves his wife all he asks her to do will be for her benefit or the benefit of the marriage and will honour Jesus and assist The kingdom in some way

Headship is not legalistic. Headship is built on God’s Love and Grace and is led by The Holy Spirit. If it is legalistic then the husband needs deliverance from the hurts that have damaged his Love and made him this way. Remember we are to have speech that is wise and gracious to all we speak to because the Love of God should be behind it. This is especially so in respect of our wife and family.

The wife needs the flexibility to do what she needs to do, She will known how to do it best usually and if not she should tell her husband so he can help her in any way she needs help.

Monitor what she does, not criticize or judge but evaluate her progress to see what help if any she needs to compete the task.

A husband should always give his wife what she needs to carry out what is asked of her and she should be helped in any way she needs to be to carry out her assigned task.

If there are problems with love then deliverance is needed by one or both of the spouses.

(Susan Says:)

As a woman, when my husband asks me to do anything I do not want to feel it is an order in the way a superior gives to one of inferior Authority.

As a female I am sensitive to tone of voice used and the words used when a person talks to me.

As a woman, the way you say something and the tone of voice you use can make me respond with a desire to serve you or fear you as I feel ‘ordered’ as a servant not as a marriage partner. As a woman I desire to be respected as a person worth loving and what you say and how you say it expresses that to me.

I would like words like:

‘Darling can we do this’ or ‘my love we need to do this’. Even though it is a command it is also a request and not a control type speech. As a woman I fear being controlled.

I like my husband to clearly state what he would like me to do so it is easily understood and leaves no gaps in the understanding of what he desires me to do. I also like to discuss problems I have doing what he asks, such as: conflicting commitments, needs of material or help of people or anything that will cause me problems doing it. The fear I have is that I will be ordered around as a servant rather than discussed with as a partner.

I like to think what I am being asked to do will further The kingdom, help the family and show my love to all in the family and is not just for the pleasure of my husband. I like to think what I do is an expression of my love for him and the family and not compulsory because I have to ‘submit to him.

I want to be treated as a wife and his love not as a servant and when he treats me as a servant a part of me dies.

A wife obeys Jesus and submits to her husband in the way Jesus asks her too. She obeys the husband but if The Holy Spirit says to do something different to what her husband has said to do then she must obey The Holy Spirit.

She needs to be led by The Holy Spirit to know when to obey Him and not her husband.

A wife must be led at all times by The Holy Spirit and not reactions, assumptions, reasons or blindly following what the husband has told her to do. If the husband does follow The Spirit then The Spirit will quickly show him any errors he has made in headship and he will be corrected easily and quickly..

If a husband and wife are both led by The Holy Spirit then there should not be any time a husband will ask a wife to do what God does not want her to do.

Because a Godly woman is led by The Holy Spirit she will have peace in her heart if the command from the husband is the Will of God. So if a husband asks a wife to do something and she does not have peace about it she should ask The Holy Spirit what to do tell her husband and both should work out why there is a problem.

The Command is from a wrong motive (not showing her love)

She may need deliverance to be able to do it

She may needs help from someone

She may need something to be provided by the husband for her to be able to do it

Her health may prevent her from doing it

She may have a prior thing to do that is more important

It may not be practical or possible to do

It may be against the Will of God

God may want it done differently to the way the husband wants it done

If both are led by The Holy Spirit these problems will not occur or will be easily resolved if they do occur.

Marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship so the wife’s opinion is to be considered in everything that pertains to the marriage but in the end if the spirit gives her peace about the command of the husband she is to do it and trust God for the consequences.

Headship only needs to be exercised when you cannot hear The Holy Spirit and what He wants each of you to do. If you cannot hear The Holy Spirit you need to find out why and deal with the problem

If both hear The Holy Spirit then each will know what God requires of them and they will be guided in this so that headship is from Jesus and there is no need for the man to exercise headship. He will monitor the situation and guide in it as necessary but they will be walking on the path God has prepared from before creation for the marriage and not one of their own devising.

Headship will be more stewardship than controlling and deciding what is to be done by the married couple.

It must be remembered that the basis for submission of the wife is obedience to God and not obedience to her husband (Eph 5:22). If your relationship is not right with God then headship will not be in place because obedience will be for the wrong reason. It will be for personal reasons (self-esteem, your physical needs being met on earth) and not out of love for God.

The wife needs to learn how to submit (in obedience to Jesus her spiritual head) and to trust in the Control of and Love of Jesus as well as her husbands Love for her. Often the husband does know how to love her as he should and this causes problems. This is where The Holy Spirit will teach you both how to relate as a husband and wife should. Deliverance may also be necessary for both of you to be free to love as Jesus desires you too.

The husband needs to learn how to love his wife and be her head (and as a result her domestic covering and a steward of her) showing to the wife that he loves her and seeks her best in what he asks her to do.

We know that in a marriage Jesus is the authority over it and its spiritual head. However, for the purposes of spiritual growth one spouse may have temporary spiritual mentoring authority over their spouse but not spiritual control over their spouse.

This occurs for the purposes of mentoring or ministering to the other spouse. This is so the spouse being ministered to will learn through submitting to The Holy Spirit in their spouse using them to minister to them in some way.

This is the only time one spouse will have spiritual authority over the other and it is not restricted solely to the man as each spouse will be used by The Holy Spirit to minister to the other spouse.

It will be for her best in some way

It will be for the purposes of the Kingdom in some way (even if it only shows the order of the Kingdom in daily life)

It must be led by the Holy Spirit

It will be for no personal gain of the husband (except on a result of the wife activity and then not a cause of the order

It will have no self–interest in it

A wife, whose husband shows love to her in all he does will willingly submit to him

To minister headship you do not control! You lead by your example of loving service to your wife as Jesus did for us (the church)

A wife who loves their spouse, trusts their spouse and does so because their spouse is led by The Holy Spirit and tries to please God, of which showing their love to their wife and being a good steward of her is part of the loving obedience to God resulting in loving service to her.

This attitude of submission (service out of love for them) is the submission God asks us to do and is different to subservience which is obedience out of necessity or compulsion.

One has to be careful what they command a wife to do and must ask in a tyrannical or controlling way so that the wife sees it is a request rather than a command. A request for her to help the family in some way and show God’s Love to them in the process because if God’s Love is not in it then it is not service to God but to man and a husband must remember she serves God not Him primarily.

Susan was working night shift as a nurse and was very tired. Her husband told her to go straight home to bed. She needed some food for the children so bought it on the way home. She did not get much sleep as the children kept interrupting. What had happened was that her doing shopping on the way home had resulted in her disobeying her husband even though the food was necessary and satan was able to attack her.

The husband should have said to her to do what was necessary as well but to go to bed and do no more than that. What was necessary was determined by asking The Holy Spirit. The command should have been something like:

The Husband should have asked The Holy Spirit exactly what to command and the limitation or qualifications if any that he needed to make for her to obey as God water her too.

The husband needs to have one ear listening to The Holy Spirit to ensure he commands what God wants and not what appears reasonable.

Part of the responsibilities of a wife is to be a good steward of what has been given to her to care for. The husband cannot monitor everything the wife does (or should not) and must trust her for many things.

A Husband does not inspect closely everything a wife does. He gives her a command and then she does all she needs to fulfil it. At times she will need to do things on her own initiative to fulfil her duties under the headship of her husband.

Wives are not children but adults with their own ability to think. A husband who allows his wife to think for herself and act appropriately on her own initiative will have a wife who will do what is necessary without his need to be concerned about anything she does.

Any thing she has to do without consulting her husband, done in good faith to fulfil her headship responsibilities should be accepted without criticism by her husband and he should clear up any mess that results without complaint.

A wife must be allowed to learn to think for herself and develop herself mentally so she can carry out her responsibilities in an independent way when necessary for her to do so. SHe must be allowed to make mistakes without being crucified for them but should be lovingly guided and helped so she will not make the same mistake again. If she does make it again find out why then patiently help again to try and not make it again. She also needs to be encouraged in activities that develop her spiritually, physically and mentally.

A husband has the responsibility of helping her and encouraging in these developmental activities. Sometimes they are called hobbies. Other times it will be a result in the expansion of the responsibilities of her role. What ever the reason she must be allowed to fail without being abused or condemned for it in any way.

Headship results in boundaries because there are authority lines set up by God and these create boundaries which Both parties must observe out of obedience to God.

These are crossed only under guidance of The Holy Spirit and in agreement with spouse

An example of the above is where the wife has been given authority over the household by the husband and he sees her washing the dishes and wants to help her. So he asks her if she would like him to dry up for her. She says "yes please" and he has authority to cross into her territory to help her for that session of washing the dishes. If she says "yes please, any time", then he does not need to ask in future because he has permission to do it any time she needs his help.

In an emergency then reason prevails and you do what you have to do. If the wife has caught alight you do not need to ask permission to put out the fire on her clothes because she is in the kitchen.

A woman must be allowed to think for herself, as an individual, separate from her husband so she can become the person God wants her to be. This does not mean she does what she wants to but that she hears The Holy Spirit and makes her own decisions about what He tells her. Her husband may help her to reach a conclusion but does not control her.

When she agrees with her husband it is because she has decided to agree and not because she has been coerced by her husband or has been told to be an obedient wife and submit.

Serve Jesus in the marriage

Respect her husband and Submit (domestically only)

Not defraud him sexually

Love husband as Christ loves him

Responsibly carry out her roles as a wife and mother.

Respect can lead to love, hence the need to respect someone to foster love developing towards the person. The husband must behave in a way that the wife can respect otherwise it will be difficult for her to respect him but with the help of Jesus it is still possible for the wife to respect her husband when he does not deserve it.

You must remember that the wife si respecting the authority Jesus has given the husband and not the husband. SHe may also respect him but this is not necessary for God to be served as He requires. However. as a Christian she is to love him but not what he does.

If you do not respect a person then everything they do can irritate you. Examples are:

If you love a person as Jesus loves them then nothing they do will disturb or upset you.

Respect is required in domestic headship. Respect for the person may be hard and Christian love may be required for that. This concept is important in arranged marriages where a wife is married to a husband she may have never met before the wedding ceremony and has no love for or reason yet to love them.

Many spouses need to ask forgiveness from their mate for abuse or neglect in the above areas. The wife for not respecting her husband, the husband for not living in a way for his wife to be able to respect him.

A wife should always have the forgiveness of her husband without the need to ask as God has forgiven her already at Calvary and you are required to forgive as He forgives and if you do not forgive you are in danger of hell fire.

Jesus is the one she has disobeyed as He is the one asking her to submit to the husband. She may have offended the husband and that needs to be sorted out, but Jesus is the one she has really disobeyed.

The role of the husband is to love and support her and not condemn her as well as be a good steward of her and the relationship they have. The wife, however, may need to ask forgiveness for any offence she caused him through her failure in the headship situation. The husband should also ask the forgiveness of the wife for mistakes he makes as he caries out headship over her.

It is his love for her that makes her want to submit to him and not any implied authority he has over her. It is his love for her that also makes him desire to be a good ‘head’ to her.

Both serve Jesus and are led by The Holy Spirit in this so what is asked of her (by the husband) should be what Jesus desires her to do for each other and His Kingdom

Do not look for any approval and acceptance from the husband when you have sinned as it is not his to give. Sin cannot be approved of by anyone. Look for acceptance because of his love for you. He is there to help you overcome the weakness and determine why there was sin and also if he has any blame in this matter of failing to fulfil headship requirements. He is to love you for who you are but hate the sin.

He needs to ask Jesus for forgiveness and his wife for forgiveness of any offence he has caused her. He needs also to ask her forgiveness for being a bad steward of her and not loving her as he should. Apologising and repenting is so freeing and it is the lack of this that often will end up destroying a marriage.

The wife has to submit to him to the extent he makes it possible for her to submit to him. The rest she needs to trust Jesus for. She cannot be judged for what the husband will not let her do and all Jesus requires is for her to want to do it and try her best to do what she is able to do.

She needs to be led by The Holy Spirit so she satisfies God’s requirements of her. No one can judge her if she does this as she is accountable to God alone.

In obedience to Jesus (Eph 5:22).

To be a good steward of what Jesus has given her (husband, marriage, family).

Men are built to love and nurture a wife that is submissive and if the wife rejects him the man dies emotionally or withdraws as a person.

The man has the responsibility for the family and household and cannot be a good steward of these if the wife does not submit and undermines his authority in these areas.

The wife needs the security of the man to cope emotionally with things and if this is missing because she does not accept his headship then she will have problems.

To honour the marriage vows she made.

So she can minister to their children as she should.

He is commanded to by Jesus (Eph 5:25).

Because she needs security and nurture as a person (spiritually emotionally and mentally).

So she will respect him because of his sacrificial love for her and her love for him will mature and grow.

So he can respond to her as a husband should as a result of the way she responds to his love.

To honour his marriage vows (be a good steward of the marriage).

So he can be an example to non-Christians and show God’s Love in this world.

So he can minister to their children as he should.

The husband has an awesome responsibility - to love his wife as Jesus loves His church. If a wife rejects the headship of the man he cannot love her as he should and eventually there will be little marriage relationship and often he will go elsewhere to get what he needs. That is how divorce and adultery occurs. No man goes to another fountain unless his has run dry.

This responsibility means he has to provide all he and his wife needs so they can carry out their respective roles. He is to provide her emotional, physical, financial, spiritual and domestic needs so she can carry our her responsibilities in these areas as well as all he needs to carry out his own responsibilities. The promise of God is that if they seek Him and the purpose of His Kingdom He will give them all they need to live and serve Him so that the prime responsibility of a husband is to keep the family focused on these two objectives.

When a marriage partner cannot fulfil the responsibilities of their side of the marriage then they need to examine if there is emotional pain or hurt from the past that is hindering them and causing them to react in a wrong way. If there is then they need deliverance and healing. The most damaging hurts are those to do with sexual, emotional and verbal abuse as these can kill sex life and intimacy and quickly destroy a marriage.

So when a problem occurs in a marriage go for deliverance and any counselling needed as there are often hurts from the past and the resultant coping mechanisms or lies of the devil that are behind these problems. Remember Satan’s objective is to destroy the family and to do that he has to destroy marriages so the children grow up dysfunctionally. Deliverance removes this access of Satan and frees the person to love as they really want to.

No person who truly loves another seeks to cause any problems in their relationship with this person.

I believe deliverance and inner healing should be a requirement when people are engaged to be married to remove the hurts they have that could destroy the marriage or at worse stop it being what God wants it to be. Marriage does not solve problems it adds to them through having to relate at such a close level of intimacy.

If a wife knowingly rejects headship or a husband does not love his wife then you have problems. Unforgiveness, bitterness, hypocrisy occur. Why do these occur? They promised things to God when they got married (Love and cherish for husband, submit and respect for wife) and they are not fulfilling these promises.

Remember that bitterness, unforgiveness, wrong anger or emotion or similar, will lose you your salvation. The offence caused to your spouse also stops God being able to accept anything you do "in His Name" and you have to leave what you have done before the altar and try wholeheartedly to get reconciled to your spouse you have offended before God can receive what you have done in your belief it was service to Jesus.

A Person needs repentance and deliverance in these problem areas before the marriage can be restored. The hardest part at times is to love as Jesus loves - unconditionally, when the world says you have every right to hate, ignore, reject or divorce the person. Jesus was in the business of reconciling fallen people to Himself and a Christian is to love their spouse with the same love that Jesus loves us. He seeks reconciliation rather than trying to justify Himself or prove that He is more correct than his spouse. This transcends the submission and respect a wife should have as the greater relationship of Christian sister and brother take over when marital love fails.

Remember, Satan will use these things that are of no eternal significance in themselves to cause a husband and wife to grow apart through their not showing love to each other over these things of non-eternal significance. So before you argue or fight if spiritual principles are not being broken or it is not of eternal consequence in any way ask yourself is the person reacting to you: because of a lack of love, a hurt in their past or a need they have? Ask Holy Spirit what to do before answering and then discuss, "esteeming" the other better than yourself so that God’s Love is not brought into disrepute.

Remember, the object causing the problem may have not eternal significance but the lack of love shown over it may. This is how Satan works at times. Something that is not wrong in itself is used by him to create wrong attitudes in you so that you sin through this wrong attitude and not through the object itself.

There is a level of headship that is true holy unity in The Spirit. This only occurs when both spouses are led by The Holy Spirit in all they do (or do their best to be led by Him).

If we are led by The spirit then God tells us what to do then the promise that The Spirit would guide us into all truth and teach us personally is possible. If we are led by The Holy Spirit to place a person between He and us blocks Him unless that person has been sent to help us know The Spirit better.

When a husband and wife are led individually by The Holy Spirit He can plan to use that marriage as God wants too as He will tell each spouse what needs to be done to serve Him and do the Will of Jesus. This is when their wills merges with the Will of God for their marriage so all three wills are in holy unity. The wills of the married couple are set apart for God to use (holy to the Lord) and this is also worship to Jesus at the same time.

The husband and wife will know their part in God’s plan for that event and will often realise, at the same time as their partner that, something needs to be done in an area and will both know what it is. As they seek God’s Plan for their marriage they are seeking to be holy and this is an act of worship to God.

A husband and wife that walk in unity of Spirit like this doing all for Jesus and His Kingdom are especially blest as He is always in their midst (as they are two or three gathered in His Name). So any marriage lived this way will demonstrate the character of Jesus and His Kingdom and will walk in continual blessing.

This is true holy unity with God and each other and is the highest form of marriage relationship.

When both spouses walk in The Spirit they both know what He wants done or wants to say as they are both in tune with Him so it is as if one person is speaking even though there are three people involved. Each will know what to say and will often say or think identical things.

This is the unity of The Spirit that is necessary for a couple to function in a marriage as God wants them too where each is led by The Spirit so that they each know what God wants done at that time.

The importance of being led by The Holy Spirit can be seen and an objective of out life should be to learn how to hear Him as we walk so that one ear is always listening to Him.

The husband is the servant of the wife and the wife the servant of the husband. This is because they are Christians and the nature of Christian love is service. This is how you submit to each other in love, lovingly meeting the needs of another before your own. This is how a husband should express headship to his wife and how his wife should submit domestically.

The submitting to each other in Eph 5 cannot be spiritual submission. Each spouse submits to Jesus as their spiritual head then as He commands them to they submit to each other. The wife submits to her husband as Jesus, her spiritual head has asked her too. She is sent to him as a helpmeet, an equal serving his needs on behalf of Jesus. Because of this the husband has been given oversight of the wife (headship/stewardship) and is to meet her needs on the behalf of Jesus.

In this he is her servant and not her lord. However, God has given the husband final authority for domestic decisions as the spiritual ones are made in accordance with the Will of Jesus.

Jesus is the lord of their life and marriage to use it as He needs and The Holy Spirit is their guide in this telling them what Jesus wants so really the decision is to obey or not obey rather than headship decisions by the husband. They may need to be made to carry out what Jesus wants but are nit the actual decision to initiate something, only to follow it through on behalf of Jesus.

The husband is not a decision maker for the wife but a guide and encourager to her as she is to him.

The marriage becomes one of spiritual equals both serving the Lord (their spiritual head) with submission by the wife being solely domestic for the sake of order in the marriage.

Spiritually they minister as equals, Domestically the man has oversight of the family and not just the wife.

Headship that shows love to the wife through the reasons for asking her to do things (submit too) will gladly be accepted by the wife.

Headship should give a sense of service to the wife, protection of her, provision for her needs and also be for her best.

Headship orders should serve Jesus and His Kingdom in some way even if only in the observance of the principles of The Kingdom in daily life.

Headship is not authoritarian, domineering or controlling. Love never has these attitudes but serves in all it does and this is the sense a woman should get from headship correctly exercised.

A wife is spiritually equal to her husband but submits him out of obedience to Jesus. If the love the husband shows his wife is correct a wife will gladly submit to him.