Untitled

Heaven is a place of order where everyone has their God-given assigned roles. All are happy in their roles as they have been given to them by Jesus and is the role that is best for them.

This is the type of order God wants on earth. People doing their God-given roles and enjoying them because they know that role is best for them.

If God had want all mankind to have the same roles he would not have made them male and female. There would have been no need to. The fact that He has made male and female shows they have different roles in His order of things.

Male and female need to know their God-given roles (in daily life and ministry) to function how God wants them too and for them to be able to do the things He wants them to do on earth. Until they know and understand their God-given roles they cannot fully be the people God wants them to be or serve God as He desires them to serve Him.

This is why Satan has brought in feminism and similar to blur the roles a woman has in the order of God’s things so they do not do what God wants them to do resulting in families not being in God’s order as well as the people in the families also being dysfunctional.

Men and women do things the opposite sex should do and headship is out of order and by this destroys any ministry or witness they or their family should have. Jesus is not glorified and is brought into disrepute and His work does not get done on earth because of the mess these families are in.

In the beginning God made Adam to tend all He had created. Adam was lonely and the animals were not appropriate to be the partner of Adam and meet his need for companionship so God made someone to help Adam and called her Eve. Notice that He did not make another Adam, but some one to complement him. Adam was to look after the provision and protection for the family while Eve was to look after the children and the domestic side. God was still the spiritual head but Adam became the Domestic head as he had final responsibility for all matters concerning the family while Eve was responsible for the house and children and whatever God had her to be steward of.

Why did God make Adam wait before He created Eve? So Adam would appreciate her more. That is why God makes you wait for a spouse so that you will appreciate them more.

In the Old Testament much was not said about the different roles of men and women as it was understood. In the New Testament Paul was writing to non-Jews and had to explain God’s order to them as they were under the influence of Hellenistic thought and women were as slaves in some parts and equal with men in others. So God’s order needed to be restated.

In the Old Testament, some women did the ministry of men (Deborah is an example) but this was because there was no man found to do it. In proverbs 31, the woman trades, but this is after her responsibilities to her husband and household have been met.

In Ephesus, where a female Goddess (Artemis) was supreme, there were problems with headship, hence the passage in Ephesians 5. Note this passage is a comparison of Christ and the Church (the spiritual aspect) reflected in the relationship of Husband and Wife (the domestic aspect). This passage showed the correct relationship between mankind and Jesus and between a wife and husband and was designed to counteract the wrong concepts of these that the new believers in Ephesus would have had from their pagan background and worship of Artemis.

Apart from Ephesians 5: and 1 Pet 3:1-7 there are some passages that detail what God expects from each spouse. Some of these are found in Prov. 31, and 1 Timothy. The role of the wife is dealt with more fully than that of the male whose role is mentioned in Titus 2:2, 6-8. The defined roles of the wife expand her role from just housework to an active part in the family finances but still under the supervision of her husband. Without these affirmations of her role a wife could arguably be limited only to housework.

Women are not mentally stupid or inferior spiritually. This approach to them is just a device of Satan to stop them being used in ministry because of their spiritual sensitivity to the things of God and Satan. So Satan persuades man to keep women in an inferior role and out of ministry as a protection of himself (Satan) and his demons.

Satan also uses the inferiority and low self-esteem men have to keep women controlled through the man having to subordinate the woman or find her inferior so they have esteem and are not threatened by the woman who are more capable in some areas both in the spiritual and the physical.

A woman needs to prepare herself for ministry through finding out her God-given abilities and gifts and maturing them through her relationship with Jesus and The Holy Spirit. She also needs to fulfil the roles God has given her as a wife, mother, spouse and housekeeper so Satan cannot find an area to attack her in as she ministers.

When each spouse develops their natural God-given abilities and giftings under the guidance of The Holy Spirit and with the encouragement of the other spouse, they will properly compliment each other and function as a unit in the way God desires them too. This means each will be an equal partner in ministry and not just a hat or coatstand for the male in the ministry unit.

In this passage the godly wife is praised by God and what follows His praise of her is His advice to women on how to be a godly wife.

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

She diligently seeks what is needed to clothe and feed her family and meet their needs

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

As her domestic roles are satisfied she can concentrate on external activities. Some of the trading she does is intertwined with the work necessary for her to do her domestic duties and done in conjunction with it, in other words she makes extra above what is necessary for her family for sale purposes to help support the family.

She is a business woman buying and selling and not just crafts but major purchases (a block of land) which would have been unusual in the Jewish patriarchal society. Her husband trusts her with financial activities and she would have discussed them with him before purchasing the land but he let her do it unsupervised and accordance with her desires as to what to trade in. He trusts her as she is a loving and responsible person and a good and productive, industrious worker in her ministry to the family.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

She provides quality clothing, bed linen and other woven products for her family and is compassionate to those in need

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

She is a woman of wisdom, integrity and love who raises her children well and does not get involved in activities that take her from her children. Her speech reflects the Love of God that is in her.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

People see the quality of life of her family and their character and publicly praise her for it. Notice the wife is praised for the way the children are and not the husband, showing the importance of the wife being at home and not at work. Satan knows this so has made it necessary for both partners to work to purchase a home and survive and maintain a "quality" lifestyle in the way he has used the media to define ‘quality of life’.

Her husband recognizes her worth and praises her to all as does her children. She is not appreciated for her looks as she appears to be plain hence the reference to appearance but she is appreciated for her godliness and the way she fulfils her role as a wife and mother.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

In this passage, God shows a wife is more than just a housekeeper as she shares in the finances of the family and in providing for its needs. He thus liberates her from housework to other activities providing she fulfils the requirements of her necessary activities of caring for her family, household and husband. God is showing that both provide for the family according to their roles and in their own special way and you cannot really say one does more than the other in this. You cannot place a value on the housework a wife does and the care and time she gives in raising the children. In the eyes of God the provision by the husband and wife for the family has equal value as both are obedient to what He requires of them and that does not have monetary value.

This Biblical passage allows a woman an identity as a person and not just a faceless housekeeper but someone who can do other things to express whom she is. The husband has a role in conjunction with The Holy Spirit to protect and develop her as a person: spiritually, emotionally and mentally into the person God wants her to be.

Note that her husband is in the city gates as he is able to leave the household completely in her care and trusts her in all she does. Wise is the husband that leaves his wife to run the household so he can do what he has to do elsewhere. She establishes a vineyard (a staple of the family’s daily food) and helps looks after the daily finances. She rules the house but in other areas is in partnership as an equal with her husband.

A mother has one of the hardest jobs in the world. She has sole care of children in the day until they begin schooling and often has the main care of them out of the husbands work hours. She has the main responsibility of teaching them about God and demonstrating to them how to live the Christian life. So how should a husband help his wife in this?

In his leisure time he needs to look after the children so the wife can have a break.

He needs to demonstrate the Christian life but the way he lives it.

He needs to provide for her all she needs to develop the Children in the way God wants them to develop.

He needs to show strong headship to keep order and stability in the family so God can work in it.

He needs to create a Godly environment to raise the children in.

Jesus and His Will will need to be the focus in all the family does.

He needs to be led by The Holy Spirit to do all God wants him to do in this area.

He needs to love the children as God does so he will relate to them as God relates to them.

In this he shows his love to his wife as he helps her in the raising of the children and removes some of the burden she has in this.

The main responsibility for the family’s health is the woman as she buys and cooks the food the family eats. To keep the family healthy she has to buy healthy food and cook it properly otherwise she will be a bad steward of this area of responsibility she has been given by God.

Her husband should help her in this by eating what she cooks and making the children eat what they are served to eat at the dinner table.

A wife needs to learn what is healthy food and cook it properly. This should start when she is growing up with her mother and it should not be learnt as a last minute thing or early in the marriage

A wise mother will train her children to eat healthy food as well as train her children (all of them) how to cook these foods properly.

Stewardship of health also involves mental health, emotional and physical exercise and not just food and in these bout spouses should be involved. The husband when he comes home should spend exercise time with the children or monitor their playing so it is godly. Both are involved in keeping the mind, emotions and body healthy but the involvement will be shared and usually only one parent will be involved at a time. Homework should be monitored so the children will be helped as needed. Homework is one way of helping their emotional health and developing their mental skills.

This caring for the total health of the child is not a haphazard thing but must be planned and studied (as guided by The Holy Spirit) sot that the way they are trained is godly and not worldly and that their needs are met in total and not just in part or in passing.

The Lord has given the wife a home to be steward of on His behalf to bring Him Glory through the loving way she maintains it for Him in accordance with His principles and serves Him, her husband and children in this as well as any strangers or friends that come into her sphere of influence.

He has the wife bring life into this world on His behalf and given her and her husband stewardship and training of this gift of a child so that it will live a life that will bring God Glory through the child’s obedience and love of God. This attitude of the child will also be worship to God as the child learns to put God first in all they do. Perhaps this is the greatest gift of all.

It is to be remembered that the mother has the greatest contact with the child and thus the greatest influence on it and may be held more accountable to God for what the child does with Jesus and its life while the father will accountable for how he helped the mother in her training the child as well as how he also did what he could to train the child in the ways of God.

The Holy Spirit has been given to us to lead parents in this raising of children, another of His Greatest gifts. Thus the need to learn to be led by The Spirit in this as well as in all else we do.

The principle here is one that is throughout the Bible. Your teachers are to be mature Godly experienced people and not someone who has a certificate from a training course. People who have proven they have the right to teach because of their lives and the fruit it has produced.

These mature women needs to set an example for the younger ones. God will not use you if you do not practice what you preach but Satan will if he can. Anyone knowingly not doing what they are teaching have promoted themself and will fall.

v4-5 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Sober: not controlled by passion so that you can think clearly and hear God clearly

Discrete: Prudent, wise in avoiding errors of evil and selecting the best way to do something

Chaste: Pure from immoral language or expression of the body

The Word of God is Jesus and you call Him into disrepute if you do not submit to Him by submitting to your husband and living as Jesus requires you to live (v 4-5). How you treat your husband and family is how you treat Jesus.

Men who will not take responsibility for headship also rebel against Jesus when they disobey Him in this area. What they do to their wife they really do to Jesus (Matt 25:40).

God stated a principle in The Bible that those that stayed behind to tend the baggage (the base from which the war was fought) shared equally with those that fought the actual war. Those that tended the base also defended it and provided a support for as well as a refuge for those in the war.

A wife that stays at home and looks after the children while husband goes and works or ministers is in the same situation. She frees her husband to do the work Jesus wants him to do: ministry, employment to feed her, work around the house etc., and provides a haven for him to return too. As long as she serves him this way in love will she share in the rewards on earth and build towards her rewards in heaven. After her children are old enough she too will minister with her husband in a more fuller way if she has proved she is living what she intends to teach.

As for the men there is a passage that speaks only to husbands and not those that are to be church leaders or deacons.

Titus 2:2, 6-8

2 That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience.

6 Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded.

7 In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity,

8 Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you.

Sober: not controlled by passion so that you can think clearly nad hear God clearly

Grave: serious, and not pleasure driven

Temperate: Does not overindulge in things but does all in moderation

Gravity: Serious and soberness of manners and character and not given to flighty or spurious activities

Sincerity: Honesty of mind, not a hypocrite (they mean what they say in other words)

A wise husband will delegate responsibility to his wife in the areas she needs to control to fulfil her God-given responsibilities. He will assist her in these areas and accept her decisions in these areas unless The Holy Spirit tells Him to over ride her. Any time he wants to override her he needs to explain to her why and must have a good reason for doing so. If he has been led in in the Spirit in this then The Holy Spirit will speak to her and she will accept it. Likewise a wise wife will not undermine her husband’s authority and role without a good reason and then only after discussing it with him.

It is a partnership and partners need to know their boundaries, trust each other and communicate to stop wrong attitudes and suspicion from occurring in the relationship. In a good marriage there is often discussion in regards to problems so that walls and defences do not go up and drive them apart. In a good marriage there is always clear communication so Satan cannot sow doubt or discord in a spouse about the mate’s love for them so that a wedge of insecurity or fear is formed in the partnership.

In a good marriage The Holy Spirit is always consulted so the partners are always where God wants them to be, individually and as a couple.

Each spouse needs to know and confine themselves to their area of responsibility and authority and should not go outside of these without The Holy Spirit’s leading. This does not stop a spouse helping another or suggesting ways to improve things but the final say is with the person who has the authority (responsibility) in that area (as guided by The Holy Spirit of course).

In conclusion, Love is required by a husband to a wife, submission and respect by a wife to her husband, however, above all this is the submission in love to each as to Jesus. The Love of God is our constraint and that is greater than any love required by a wife for her husband and it is also the love required by Jesus for the husband towards his wife.

Love covers (does not condemn but seeks to help the person avoid them) a multitude of sins just as God’s Love covers the multitude of our sins.

There is no place for pornography in a marriage. If you are married and have a problem of pornography then you need deliverance. If you do not have deliverance you will destroy your marriage and damage your wife.

Usually in a case of pornography in the marriage both are damaged by it in different ways and both need deliverance.

One of the quickest ways to destroy your wife is to use pornography to compensate for marital problems. The wife will feel inadequate sexually as well as a person as she cannot satisfy you or you would not look at pornography. This needs to be dealt with quickly through deliverance or the marriage will be destroyed quickly.

Like all addictions, pornography is a coping mechanism to deal with a hurt, the root cause of which needs to be found and dealt with through deliverance.

If the head of the house is to be a Godly man and fulfil his role properly he needs to spend time each day with Jesus, deepening the relationship he has with Him and listening for what Jesus wants the household to do that day. So this time he spends with Jesus needs to be early in the morning before breakfast so that the Will of Jesus can be communicated to all at the breakfast table.

He will also guide each person in their spiritual life, although the wife may take care of the problems the daughters have in regard to worldly and spiritual things, depending on the problem. Some things for women are best left for women to deal with and some things for men are best left for men to deal with.

Part of his spiritual mentoring will be to teach his family how to spend time with God each day as well as to how to hear God when they spend this time with Him.

He will lead the family in worship for a period each day, usually after the evening meal during which the family will share any activities of the day as well as any blessing they have from God that day and the Bible will be read and commented on briefly.

He will spend time with his spouse each day discussing the household and praying over it and each other in it and seeking God’s Will together for the household.

He will set the example of what a Christian father and husband is for the son(s) in the family to follow just as the mother will set the example of what a Christian wife and mother is for her daughter(s) to follow.

A single parent has to do the roles of both parents and this means taking on roles they have not usually been trained or prepared for. It is especially hard on a woman who has to learn things the husband has done and which may involve a steep learning curve. This is where she needs to walk close to The Holy Spirit so He can guide her in what she is learning as she works in the role the other spouse use to take.

Just remember that God has allowed this singleness of parenting to happen to you and has prepared you for it as well and will help you through it so that you will overcome the problems you will face. But He can only really help if Jesus is Lord of your life. This situation means obeying The Holy Spirit and not reasoning out things when God has not spoken to you about them (Mat 6:33).

Use the framework of the five steps to constantly give all your problems and burdens to Jesus so He can carry them instead of you, protect them and help you with them

A chid should never be disciplined in anger. The anger is a result of the parents self-esteem and pride being attacked through what the child has done.

A person’s self-esteem should be from Jesus. Pride is a self-esteem defence mechanism. A parent disciplining in anger shows deliverance is needed in some areas of the parent’s live.

Whenever there is a difference of opinion or a problem do not react or argue. Stop and analyse the situation and learn from it. Listen to The Holy Spirit and what He says to do.

Each situation is a learning opportunity. Treat it as a situation to raise your defences and old to what you believe and you will place a wedge in the relationship with your spouse. Treat it as a learning situation and it will strengthen the relationship.

The married couple that learn rather than fight will grow closer and strengthen each other’s love.

If a husband truly loves his wife he will accept her as she is and help her with any weaknesses or problems she has. He will serve her to help her overcome these and be the godly woman Jesus desires her to be and died to make possible.

He will not easily be offended by what she does to him and will endure the trials she gives him because of his love for her and his desire for her to be what God wants her to be so.

This is how Jesus loves her and should be how each partner in the marriage loves each other.

If a marriage is based on this type of love, the role of each spouse will be a pleasure to perform and will not be a burdensome chore as it will be done out of love for Jesus and for each other.