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Marriage is an act of two people. Two individuals committing their lives, hopes bodies and spirits to one another under the headship of God. Two becoming one.

When adultery occurs it causes a breakage of these deeply committed parts of an individual. The Bible states that if a person even looks upon another with lust they have committed adultery. Adultery is the lusting for someone out side the marriage to fulfil what is meant to be performed only in the married.

Adultery occurs because hurts are not dealt with and brought into the marriage so that a partner goes elsewhere to have their needs met emotionally. It is when these needs turn sexual either as lust in their heart or physically as a result of this lust that adultery occurs. The physical only occurs because the heart has already decided to do the sin.

A person comes into the relationship with problems not they do not realise they have and a sense of imperfection or guilt makes them believe they cant go to their spouse for help, especially if the spouse is felt (either correctly or incorrectly) to be the cause of the hurts. They go to another for help and often before they realise they end up in adultery and wonder how it happened.

Marriage was designed by God to show His Love for the church through the use of marriage as a parallel of the love he has for the church. Anything that mars marriage mars the illustration of His love and needs to be dealt with, usually through deliverance before the relationship becomes so bad that adultery occurs.

Recognition of the hurts in a marriage that lead to adultery and the dealing of them with deliverance is the key to prevent Satan from getting any further hold in the area. and repentance and asking for discussion and forgiveness with God and the partner is the key to healing.

Both partners are responsible for adultery when it occurs. One has not had their needs met by the other and has found acceptance elsewhere. Often this adultery would not have occurred if the hurts Satan used to cause this situation had been dealt with through deliverance (preferably before the marriage had occurred). Deliverance removes the hurts allowing restoration of the spiritual relationship in the marriage.

Marriage is a spiritual act and the spiritual relationship must be dealt with first. The physical does nothing but reinforces the spiritual so to use the physical side to heal the spiritual damage fails and results really in no finalisation of the situation. This is why having sex does not solve any problems and that the love = sex belief fails to heal anything.

Reason does not help either as it is usually controlled by emotions . You need to step back, not react or assume things and listen to The Holy Spirit as to what you are to do. You need to reject emotion and reason and listen only to The Holy Spirit.

The person who sinned feels guilty and dirty usually and unable to be forgiven. The person sinned against feels hurt and wounded. Deliverance is needed by both before the relationship can be restored to what it should be.

Both need to examine the reasons that resulted in the adultery and both need to realise each has contributed something to the hurts that will lead to divorce and need to repent of these before there is a chance for reconciliation.

Each spouse must repent and reconcile to the spouse for the offence occurred or Jesus cannot hear their prayers or receive their gifts

The party sinned against party (through the adultery) must forgive the sinful spouse or they do not go to heaven

The hurts in both spouses need to be dealt with

The hurts in the person sinned against need to be dealt with

The problems in the marriage that resulted in the adultery need to be dealt with.

There is usually sin in both sides of the camp or the adultery would not have occurred.

Jesus is their judge not the person sinned against

There is forgiveness and healing at Calvary if the adulterer is truly repentant. This is spiritual healing and will result in physical healing but cannot stop events like pregnancy which God will help you both to cope with.

Trust and love have been bruised. How does one restore these? How does one learn to trust the other person again and let down the defences to be able to love them again as their spouse?

If your spouse is truly repentant and asks forgiveness for any hurts or offence caused it shows they love you and are sad for hurting you

They show by their actions that they love you (service and not sex)

The hurt in their heart needs to be healed so they can love again

The hopes that were dashed need to be rekindled. Both need to be seen together in the future God has promised for them

If God says to accept them back you must trust Him to prepare you for the reconciliation and that it is worth being reconciled to them.

You may need to recommit to the relationship to Jesus and to each other and say your marriage vows again

You must still Love them as God does even though you may have trouble loving them as a spouse

You will need deliverance from"

Things put on you by Satan without your consent

Deep hurts you do not know are there that Satan is using (Framework of the five steps to deal with the root causes of these hurts)

Wrong emotions hidden in you that you need to deal with

You will also need to give the whole situation of reconciliation to Jesus using the framework of the five steps.

Above all be led by The Holy Spirit in all things as He knows what is best to do in all situations including adultery and the subsequent reconciliation.

It is suggested that people who have had an adulterous relationship or are affected by their spouse having one should say the deliverance prayers at the beginning of this book.

They also need to repent of the adulterous relationship and give it all to Jesus using the framework of the five steps.