In the Pentecostal church we were fellowshipping in and also were in leadership as Children’s Pastors and lay pastors, the times when the women went to the senior pastor or his second in charge pastor to ask for help according to the Bible as their husbands would not listen to them and the marriage in some cases had become abusive, they were told that they were in sin or the marriage would not have problems because their submission would cause the marriage to be successful and to go away and seek God again for themselves and to be better servants to their husbands.

Many belonged to Promise keepers which was ideologically meant to encourage men to be Godly men encouraged to keep their promise as husbands to their wives however the submission issue became religious ad all issues in marriages were directed back to the wife and her seemingly obvious disobedience or the marriage would be fine as far as the man was concerned. I was sent away when I went to the associate senior pastor about my husband and his abuse emotionally and issues with pornography. I too was sent away to seek God for my sin as my husband appeared to be a good man to this man who had befriended him and stated he had brought him to the Lord so there would be no issue as far as he could see as my husband was his spiritual baby.

I found no solace in the church as another of my friends who in fact was held down against her will to be exorcised as her husband watched because she was an intercessor and warned the church about some issues and asked for help also about the secret abuse she was enduring and her husband’s pornography issue.

SADLY HER HUSBAND FELT EMPOWERED BY THIS AND THE PROBLEM HAS NEVER BEEN DEALT WITH TO THIS DAY. SHE NOW PREFERS TO HIDE AND NOT INVOLVE HERSELF IN THE CHURCH OTHER THAN TO PRAY FOR THOSE PEOPLE GOD PUTS IN HER HEART. SHE CANNOT BRING A WORD NOW AS SHE IS TERRIFIED.

Another marriage has ended from this same church as the wife sought help re a pornography issue and it was not resolved but the woman told she needed to be more submissive.

These are examples from one church yet there are many similar where the women are encouraged to silence their needs and problems in fear of retribution as a less than ‘above rubies wife’. This scripture was always quoted when the women sought help and they were told they were lacking or God would have intervened Himself.

Women need to be able to seek advise and counsel from the church leadership. They are NOT second class citizens of the church and their issues may be a warning of a sin taking hold in the body as was in this church. Incidentally this church closed 2 years later.

I remember when we went to the senior pastor to tell Him the Lord had told us it was time to move on and the Lord had told us where to fellowship the pastor then told my husband that he was aware of his sin issues and they were exactly as I had pleaded for help years prior but he was too timid to speak into another man’s life and God would have done it if it was necessary I was floored as this issue grew not dealt with but hidden and allowed to grow till adultery occurred and divorce followed when if dealt with at the root it may have been avoided.

Women need to be heard as equals to men.

My comment is that any pastor who does not deal in equality with any problems of his flock is not a pastor but an imposter especially where he shows preference for the position of men over women. He also does not understand headship and marriage and really follows a gospel where people are not equal before Jesus.