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Scorching Davis Cup book released

Newcombe and Roche in days of debauchery
"A pimple yesterday"

A controversial and "scorching" book about Australia's Davis Cup history was officially on the shelves today after a last minute injunction by Tennis Australia failed in the Supreme Court. The book, by veteran tennis journalist Alan Trengove, lifts the lid on all the suppressed stories of debauchery throughout Australia's fabled golden era of Cup play, when Harry Hopman's teams won the trophy 15 times in 18 years. "It's a take-your-breath-away read," said a Tennis Australia spokesman. "We couldn't believe that Alan had written it. He hasn't held a single thing back. The players from that era are sick that their adoring public will finally know the truth." Among the revelations revealed in the book: "Australia's Sizzling Davis Cup of Sin", Trengove has written: - That Rod Laver had a Panadol pain-relief tablet within four hours of going on court for the 1973 final because he was suffering a headache, - That Ken Rosewall drank three beers in one evening, aged 22, while celebrating a semi-final victory in 1958, - That John Newcombe clearly said the word: "F**k" after leaving a ball that he thought was going out but dropped in, during the 1965 quarter final, - That Lew Hoad had dinner with five single women on different occasions and may even have held hands with one of them, before he was married. "Tennis has always had this squeaky clean image, especially throughout the so-called Golden Era, and I thought it was time that fans knew the truth," an unrepentant Trengove told reporters. "Sure, Rosewall, Newcombe, Roche and the others can act like they're fine, upstanding, shiny athletes but behind closed doors, it's a different story. Even Neale Fraser has his secrets, like the time he forgot to send his clothes to the hotel laundry and had to wear dirty socks for the next day's play." Trengove added: "I won't be silenced."


Australian Open to feature Rod Laver Arena Spectacular

In the wake of the hype surrounding the Olympic opening and closing ceremonies, Tennis Australia has decided to launch the Australian Tennis Open with its own ceremony - in the grand tradition of ‘arena spectaculars’ featured at Australia’s premier sporting venues. The “Rod Laver Mega-Musical Arena Spectacular ” will feature the hottest players from around the world performing ‘in the round’ for the first time ever. “This really is a coup for Melbourne,” said organiser Glenn Wheatbirch, “We’ve had the big arena spectaculars – Jesus Christ Superstar, Happy Days, the Main Event – this is another feather in Melbourne’s entertainment cap. No city anywhere can drag out lame, has-been performers and still get the crowds like we do. “This is really the joining together of two Melbourne Park traditions – international tennis and shitty musicals – to create an unforgettable experience.” For the Rod Laver show, the entertainment will be provided by the players themselves, but Wheatbirch is not commenting on whether the usual arena suspects will also perform. “I can’t completely rule out appearances by Farnesy, Mr Tommy Emmanuel or Human Nature,” he said. “Despite tight security, they might sneak through to the stage.” Among the songs to be performed on the night, young tennis star Jelena Dokic will be joined by her father, Damir, for a rousing version of Peter Allen’s “I still call Australia home.” Pat Rafter and Mark Philippoussis will perform “War – what is it good for?” as a duet, after cancelling initial plans to sing The Tenants’ “You shit me to tears.” Lleyton Hewitt will sing “Bad Habits”, while France’s Amelie Mauresmo will perform Shania Twain’s hit “Man, I feel like a woman.” With the Australian Open opening ceremony announced, Wheatbirch is now planning his next arena spectacular – the Tina Arena Arena Spectacular.


Above stories are from The Bladder. They are not meant to be taken seriously.

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