The following list is NOT to be taken too seriously
Place your towel behind the baseline and use it after every single
point! Make sure you take the maximum time allowed between points.
Wipe your head, arms, racquet and whatever else you can think of.
During changeovers take the maximum time allowed. Always make
sure that your opponent goes back on the court before you, make him/her
wait for your Highness.
Do not talk to your opponent. No matter what happens on the
court do not say a word to your opponent directly, simply ignore him/her.
If there is a call dispute make sure you contact tournament officials
and discuss it with them and not your opponent.
When you are on serve be sure to bounce the ball 7-8 times, then look
up as if you are going to serve and then, of course, start bouncing
the ball again. For best results repeat at least three times (before
Walk really slooooowwwly between points. Never, never pick
up the closest ball, always go for the one in the far corner.
Talk to somebody outside the court. This should be done constantly
so that it becomes obvious that the opponent is not worthy of any attention.
S/he is so bad that you don't even have to try to beat him/her.
Use the famous shoe lace routine. Tie your shoes laces at least twice
during each game. If you are really creative you can pretend that one
of them broke and then waste some time trying to find a replacement.
Whenever you get a chance try to hit your opponent with the ball.
This works best when it is clearly not necessary to do so in order to
win the point.
Submitted by Matt F. Cary: When you have both balls
and it is your opponents serve, hit the first back to them real soft
and easy and then, hit the second ball back just enough faster that
they both get there at the same time. It is very difficult to catch
both balls and they will end up bobbling the balls and feeling klutzy.
No one I play against has ever hit in their first serve after I did
this trick. The idea is to do it so casually, that it looks like it
was accidental. Also, you can only do it once or twice a match or they
catch on. Of course, I think it is so funny, that after I do it once
or twice, I tell my partner and we both have a good laugh, since our
matches are very unserious anyways.
"Oh come on, give me a break!"
Throw yourself on the ground and pretend that you are having the worst
cramp of your life. You can drag this on for a long time. If there is
a trainer available make sure you get him/her out on the court to check
you out. When you think that you wasted enough time and your opponent's
rhythm has been broken continue to play normally. If the situation requires,
you can repeat the whole procedure after a few games.
Just before your opponent serves put your arm up and say: "Not
Ready". This should be repeated often and in such a way as to break
the server's rhythm.
Whenever you hit a ball close to the line and your opponent calls
it out walk up to the net and say something like "Are you sure
about that?". Stare at the place where the ball hit the court and
then, as you shake your head in disbelief, slowly walk back to the baseline.
This should be done whenever there is an opportunity for it. If there
is a referee available call him/her out and demand that s/he assigns
a line judge to your court. The purpose is to make your opponent think
twice before s/he makes a call. Unexperienced players often become unsure
of their own calls at which point they are easily manipulated.
"You Need Professional Help!!!"
Lie, lie and lie. It is sad, but a lot of players get away