What to Do When Non-Muslim Relatives Die

©  Khadijah Loughland

The death of a family member is an extremely emotional time, especially if that person is not a Muslim, as we know that they will be in Hellfire. For Allah's Apostle(s) said, "Anyone who dies worshipping others along with Allah will definitely enter the fire." And said, "Anyone who dies worshipping none along with Allah will definitely enter Paradise." (Bukhari 2/330)

    During the funeral period, we are so upset that we will react with our hearts and do things which are not according to Islam. This article, inshaAllah, will clarify what we can and cannot do when non-Muslim relatives die, so that we can prepare ourselves and our families for that occasion.

    When our non-Muslim relative is seriously ill or dying, we should go and visit them with the intention of calling them to Islam. Narrated Anas(r): A young Jewish boy used to serve the Prophet(s) and he became sick. So the Prophet(s) went to visit him. He sat near his head and asked him to embrace Islam. The boy looked at his father, who was sitting there, the latter told him to obey Abdul-l-Qasim(s) and the boy embraced Islam. The Prophet(s) came out saying, "Praise be to Allah Who saved the boy from Hell-fire". (Bukhari 2/438)

    In the event that they died a kafir, we cannot attend the funeral ceremony or walk behind the funeral procession. The reason for this is that we will be joining in the kuffar's ceremony which entails witnessing shirk and perhaps at times unwittingly participating in shirk.

    Ibn Taymiyyah was asked, "Is it allowed for a Muslim to attend a kafir if he is dying or has already died?" He said, go to the person if he is dying because maybe he will become a Muslim, but if they have died you should not attend the funeral because there is no hope of them becoming a Muslim and there is nothing we can do for them. In other words, our attending will not benefit them in any way.

    The above situation is clearly explained in the following hadeeth narrated by Sa'id bin Al-Musaiyab (r) from his father: When the time of the death of Abu Talib approached, Allah's Apostle(s) went to him and found Abu Jahl bin Hisham and Abdullah bin Abi Umaiya bin Al-Mughira by his side. Allah's Apostle(s) said to Abu Talib, "O Uncle! Say: None has the right to be worshipped but Allah, a sentence with which I shall be a witness (ie.argue) for you before Allah. Abu Jahl and Abdullah bin Abi Umaiya said, "O Abu Talib! Are you going to denounce the religion of Abdul Muttalib?" Allah's Apostle(s) kept on inviting Abu Talib to say it (ie. "None has the right to be worshipped but Allah") while they (Abu Jahl and Abdullah) kept on repeating their statement till Abu Talib said his last statement that he was on the religion of Abdul Muttalib and refused to say, "None has the right to be worshipped but Allah'" Then Allah's Apostle(s) said, "I will keep on asking Allah's forgiveness for you unless I am forbidden (by Allah) to do so." So Allah revealed (the verse) concerning him: "It is not (proper) for the Prophet and those who believe to ask Allah's forgiveness for the Mushrikun (polytheists, idolaters, pagans, disbelievers in the Oneness of Allah), even though they be of kin, after it has become clear to them that they are the dwellers of the Fire (because they died in a state of disbelief)." (Quran 9:113) (Bukhari 2/442)

    When someone reverts to Islam there is usually a lot of tension and often hostility from family members. It is natural, therefore, that when a member of the family dies, the fact that we cannot attend the funeral is going to cause even more hostility and confusion among our relatives who will already be emotionally distraught. When this happens, we should think of the living, for there is no hope for the deceased now. We go to our surviving relatives to comfort THEM and give them our support and sympathy.

    Perhaps an alternative to attending the funeral which would appease the family, could be to have a viewing of the body in the funeral parlour, making sure there is nothing religious attached to this (e.g. crosses, hymns etc) and then the family could take the body away for the funeral and burial and we just visit the grave at a later date. Upon asking a Shaykh about the above suggestion, he ruled that it would be alright if there would be a benefit in going. For example, if we did not fear falling into any form of shirk and if this would prevent family ties being broken and above all, it should be used as an opportunity for da'wah to the rest of the family by talking about death and Islam etc.

    When we think about all these problems, it is clear that we should try our best to call our relatives to Islam before they die. We do our best with our example as practicing Muslims, by talking nicely to them with wisdom, by being generous and kind with them, and so forth.

    Ultimately, guidance is from Allah, therefore, we should ask Allah to guide us and our families to the Straight Path and to let us die as Muslims - Ameen.