Family Matters

A well built house can withstand the raging storm due to its strong foundation. Similarly, the cells, which are the building blocks of a human body, can resist diseases. However, when the cells are abnormal then we are under attacked from all diseases. Cancer is a form of abnormal cell growth. Similarly, the foundation or building block of a society is the family unit.
This leads us to examine the question of what is the purpose of a family?
We are given the answer in surah Ar-Rum (30),ayah 21:

And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell
in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are signs
for those who reflect.

     Firstly, that we may find peace, love and sanity with our spouse in a confused and turbulent world. Take the Messenger of Allah’s (s) marriage to Khadijah (r) as an example. He faced a hostile society when he left the house and when he (s) returned home he faced comfort, encouragement and support from Khadijah (r). If there is no peace in the house, you will find the husband dreading to return home; even the children will find any excuse to stay out of the house.
     Secondly, out of the tranquility, love and mercy that Allah (swt) placed on a marriage is children. Children, apart from giving us joy, are the process from which human civilisation is to be continued until the end of time.
Islam recognises the crucial well being of a family and has placed laws and procedures to protect and preserve the family, whether it is at the macro level or micro level. An example of the macro level is the killing of adulterers while the micro level is the wife obeying her husband.
     The Prophet (s) even advised us on what to do before we start to establish a family, namely, we must seek a righteous spouse with knowledge of the deen (Islam) since we have the responsibility of raising the children according to the deen. Needless to say, the Messenger of Allah (s) had shown us how to nurture a strong and healthy family. An example is in his treatment of his wives and another example is his helping out with the housework. With children, we are to respect and give them their rights. Otherwise, they will not learn to respect us or anyone nor give us our rights.
     A family unit is like any other unit of system - it consists of orders. Every component in each order has its own function. By destroying this natural order, catastrophe will strike. Take the analogy of an atom, a minute unit with its own natural order. By breaking this order (i.e. splitting the atom), we get a burst of energy which we know as a deadly explosion. Similarly, if a family unit is dysfunctional, the neighbourhood will feel its impact. Consequently, the suburb is affected also. This ripple effect will spread to other suburbs around it. One can imagine the destruction of a society when there are many dysfunctional families scattered around the suburbs.
     It is unfortunate that the family is being under attacked from all quarters such as the corporate companies, feminists, gays and lesbians, and corruptive individuals, among others. Wittingly or unwittingly, they are destroying the foundation of their society and other societies with their vile influences.
     Corporate companies make their employers spend more time with the company than with their family which leads to all sort of problems. Furthermore, families are often required to relocate to wherever the company sends them. The effect is that community cannot be established. However, the survival of a family unit depends on the community’s supports and services.
     From the gay and lesbians, we get the so called ‘Alternative Family’ such as the 2 Fathers/2 Mothers family system. To them, the label ‘Traditional Family’ implies a system that delude everyone to believe that there can only be the father-mother family system, when other systems of family are just as valid.
     This idea has already been incorporated into the school’s curriculum, whether at the primary level or the High school level. Often, the message is so subtle that it goes undetected by the average parent and teacher. For instance, in the Primary curriculum, students are required to learn the concept of value (this did not exist a decade or two ago), that eveyone’s value is valid. To illustrate the perverseness of this, I like to quote Sheikh Hamza Yusuf:

The word ‘value’ is alien to the Arabic language and the Muslim traditions. We don’t use the word
value. Unfortunately, the Muslims are using it. The word ‘qiyam’ in Arabic is used to represent
‘value’. It’s a loan word from the late nineteenth century and twentieth century English. The hack
writers from Cairo, Damascus and other Arab countries, who translated English newspapers into
Arabic, began to use the word qiyam by looking up some dictionaries for the word ‘value’. There is no
such thing as Qiyam Islamiyah (Islamic value).
If you say, ‘I have different values than he does.’ This works well in the English language but if I say,
‘I have different virtue than he does.’ Suddenly, it sounds strange. Why? Because we have a general
idea of virtues. Virtues are not relative. It is shared by people and understood objectively. Whereas,
value is relative. His values is different from my value and everyone is entitled to their opinions.
Value clarification in the school is to teach children - yes, you have your set of values and someone else
have theirs. So truth become relativised and everyone have their own individual truth. Your values are
not universal and so don’t try to impose yours on others. When you see a homosexual, you have to
recognise he has values too and they are different from your values. So don’t condemn him.
We can see that the tranquility of a society (and of human civilisation at large) depends on the
preservation and well-being of the stable and ‘traditional’ family.