Growing to Love the Hejab

©  Umm Amatullah

The Prophet of Allah (s) said, "Command your children to pray when they become seven years old, and beat them for it (prayer) when they become ten years old; and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately." (Sunan of Abu-Dawood, Hadith 495, Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As). This hadeeth is to guide us in teaching our children to pray, that is, when they are seven years old you get them to pray so that when they reach the age of puberty (approximately at 10 years old) the prayer becomes an integral part of their life.

As with praying, one cannot expect girls to put on hejab the day they reach puberty if they have never in their young life worn it. Girls have to be taught that it is an integral part of their life as well. To do this one would have to teach them when they are still young.

It has been criticised that when young girls are encouraged to wear hejab, they are being told to do it so it does not become their choice but yours. I beg to differ because we are not limiting their choice or making the choice for them but are instilling the love to do it so that when they are older they will choose to do it.

Let me illustrate with an example. As part of their uniform, girls in Muslim schools wear the headscarf. They go through primary and high school wearing the scarf. This is, at most, 13 years of compulsory headscarf. However, when some of these girls leave year 12 they also leave behind their headscarf. I have seen these girls. It is as if the 13 years have not taught them anything about hejab. In a way, it has not. To them the scarf was a compulsory part of their uniform that they had to put up with. They have no love for the hejab. It seems likely that neither their parents nor their teachers have taught them to love the hejab. The point is that, you can force girls to wear the hejab all you like but when they are on their own they will make their own choice based on how they feel.

How, then, can you help your daughter make the correct choice? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Be an example. If you wear hejab then there is a greater chance that your daughter will want to wear it too. She will see that it is a part of your life and will try to copy you.

Ask any hejabi mother and she will tell you that her toddler knows when she is about to leave the house when her toddler sees her in hejab. This is an early implicit lesson on a woman being covered whenever she leaves her home.

Approximately at about 1 and a half years of age your daughter will start to play dress-ups with your hejabs. This is when she pretends to be like you. At this stage let her play with whatever hejab she wants. Do not worry about your best hejab being ruined. The cost of her not covering later will be more than the cost to your hejab if you do not encourage her to hejab herself, even in play.

2. Provide her with hejabs. When your daughter starts to play dress-ups with your hejab, start to provide her with her own ones. Try to buy matching ones for her clothes. This will encourage her to wear them outside as well.

3. Allow her to wear the hejab. Allow your daughter to wear the hejab whenever and wherever she wants. Even if it means going to preschool or the shops or that it is hot. If she wants to wear a green scarf with a pink dress on a hot humid day then let her. At this point, it is better to encourage her as much as possible. Do not stop her from wearing it any way she wants.

4. Praise her. Whenever you see her with a scarf on, praise her, even while she is in play. Say, "Masha Allah, Allah loves you when you cover!" and "You look beautiful, masha Allah!" This will give recognition to her actions and encourage her to do it more often.

5. Encourage her to wear it when going out. Once your daughter is used to wearing the scarf in the home, encourage her to wear it whenever you go out somewhere, for example, to Islamic functions.

Once she is used to this encourage it whenever you go shopping and so on, gradually increasing the times that she wears it.

Continue to do the above until your daughter reaches puberty when she has to wear full hejab. You can, as she approaches puberty, explain the proper manner of hejab. But when she is young just get her to love to wear it.