Setting a Good Example

Late last year amidst the hustle and bustle of a busy shopping centre I personally experienced 'road rage'. Not that I was at the receiving end in this particular incident, but the initiator, with provocation I might add. My children and I were trying to exit the car park when a driver, firstly driving very, very slowly, stopped directly in front of me. The driver was obviously waiting for parking. But it was also obvious that no-one was leaving. Nevertheless, the driver patiently waited, all the while blocking two lanes of the car park. What started as a short beep to let the driver know that there were many cars behind waiting to get past, eventually turned into longer beeps. Then it turned into very long beeps accompanied with words to the effect 'move to the side'. Still this did not have the desired effect. This eventually lead to a full on beeping with the above words shouted at the top of my voice.

Embarrassing as it is to admit, but this was an isolated incident. I thought that I may share this with the readers of HAWWA to highlight a few points other than my driving skills. The more important part of the story is as follows: The children were quiet and a bit frightened by the whole incident. Nevertheless, they had absorbed the words 'move to the side' into their ever expanding vocabulary. This did not become apparent until a week later when stopped at traffic lights, my three year old daughter started saying the infamous words 'move to the side' complete with hand action. I was totally aghast that she had not only said these words but had generalised it to a legitimate situation.

This incident demonstrates what powerful teachers parents are. Children absorb from our very existence and there is no need for formal qualifications. Furthermore, children absorb adult behaviour without discernment and reproduce it thinking it to be correct. Frightening as it may be, the positive side of the matter is that they also learn and imitate good behaviour from us adults.

I would now like to draw on two other examples to demonstrate this. The first example is that, after every prayer my husband and I would read ayat-ul-Kursi (Qur'an, al-Baqarah 2:255). Our three and a half years old son would either be praying with us, in his own imitation of us, or would be playing nearby. One evening after prayers, to our surprise, our son started to read ayat-ul-Kursi. Subhanallah, he had learnt it without us formally teaching him.

The second example was related by a friend who always had relatives and visitors coming to their home. It is habitual that when they hear visitors at the door, the women of the house would quickly rush in search of their hijabs. At one time, their two and a half years old girl would also run in search of a hijab. When she could not find a proper one she grabbed a towel and put it over her head. After insisting that it be fastened upon her head, she remained playing with it until all the visitors had gone.

Subhanallah! It is the daily acts that we do, no matter how trivial or off-handed we may think it, that children pick up on and imitate. I am sure that you can think of many incidences that your children have copied you, either for better or for worse. It is the 'for better' that we, as parent, teacher, relative or friend, should aim for. In other words, when we submit ourselves to our Creator by following the Qur'an and Sunnah, we silently teach it to our offsprings. We must, therefore, try our very best to live according to the Qur'an and Sunnah, so that our children will absorb our Islamic behaviours and not un-Islamic ones.

Another important point that came out of the car park incident is how anger can develop quickly. Shaytan, being ever present and awaiting an opportunity, attempts to escalate a trivial matter into full blown warfare. We need not only to be conscious of this by having taqwah (consciousness of Allah) but also seek refuge in Allah (swt) from shaytan early on in any unpleasant matter. This not only makes you aware that shaytan is present but also that this has happened as a test from Allah (swt). By being aware of this puts you in control of your feelings so that you may behave in a manner that exhibits wisdom and is befitting a person that submits to Allah (swt) - that is, to be a real Muslim. It is reported that a man said to the Prophet (s), 'Advise me.' The Prophet (s) said, 'Do not become angry.' The man repeated (his request) several times, and the Prophet said (each time), 'Do not become angry.' (Bukhari and Muslim)

The Prophet (s) lived his life according to divine inspiration; as an example for his followers. His sayings and actions are recorded in Al-Hadeeth. Therefore, it is important that we live according to the Qur'an and Sunnah so that we transmit this to future generations.