Last Chapter

Listening to: Graduation (Friends Forever) - Vitamin C

Haha.. it's been a while since I've listened to this song, actually.. but strangely enough, the lyrics are still quite apt. A lot of things have changed in the past 3 years and I feel that I've grown up considerably in the time that has passed.
There's been joy, laughter, love, angst, grief, loss, pain, success and failure,... a bit of everything really. And in my eyes, an insight into what the rest of life has in store for me. But I don't think that for one minute I would want any of it to change.

Thank you to those who have been there for me and with me through it all... don't know what I'd do without you all. Honestly, you guys are truly special people.. and I'm glad that you've all been a part of my life (and strangely enough this is beginning to sound like a 21st speech. o.O)

I feel that fate has led me to where I am today. I dunno.. sounds corny, but I have to say that I believe in fate, otherwise I don't think I would be where I am now. And now for a trip down memory lane - I still remember when I left the comfort and safety of Sydney Girls (haha.. who am I kidding? you're all still around!! lol)... but nah, seriously - high school felt like a different world. The regularity, the routine.. just everything about it - made you feel safe in a way, even if the HSC period felt a bit hectic.

Uni's been different.. but definitely interesting. I've developed a lot of great friendships through it, and experienced a lot during this time. I remember how lost I used to feel when uni first began.. trying to make friends, wondering how I would get along with everyone, stressed and nervous about assessments and exams - and everything else. Haha.. I don't ever recall being so stressed and such a control freak in high school - then again, maybe it's just a bad memory as opposed to me changing.. lol. Choosing majors was also interesting - I remember the days when I'd toss a coin to figure out what I wanted to do. Management and Marketing, eh.. what on earth happened to that? 

In the end, fate intervened and I followed the advice of a friend and ended up doing HR, continuing my studies in Chinese.. and oddly enough, doing a sub-major in Management Consulting. To believe that this was the same girl who in Year 11 thought that she wanted to do Pharmacy or something in science. However did I end up doing Business and in HR? =P

But no, honestly.. I'm glad that fate intervened. HR turned out to be something that I enjoy studying *shrugs* (what can I say, it was bludgey), and hopefully a career path that I'll be happy pursuing. Thus far, things look good. I've started a full-time HR consulting role as of Dec 4th 2006, specialising in Recruitment.. so that should be quite interesting. Along the way, I've had the opportunity to work and study with many good friends, and the hours shared are invaluable. =)

As to where we're all gonna be when we turn 25... let's see.. well, we'll all have finished studying, I imagine. Some of us will have been working full-time for a while, so hopefully in some form of supervisory or managerial capacity. ; ) Especially the more ambitious ones of us. As for our friends doing double-degrees (all you biz-law/com-law people).. haha, I imagine that you'll all be hardworking and aiming towards being successful lawyers or whatever it is that you may choose to do in the end. To our friends doing International Studies/Arts.. you guys would have returned from one of the best years in your lives.. living overseas, being independent, immersing yourself in a completely different culture. Your insights will undoubtedly be vastly different from those of us who have stayed on and trudged on through each day like a pleb.. but at the end of the day, I think we all have our own paths.. we all look for different things in life, and we look to experience different things at different times.

I have to say one thing though... and it's that we're all definitely moving on and that it's the one certainty right now. But I know that we'll still bump into each other, organise to meet up and catch up, as well as keep in touch via each other's blogs and the wonderful thing known as the net.. so that we'll all be in the loop with all the various interesting things going on in our lives. You guys have been great, and I wish each and every single one of you all the best with your future endeavours.. as well as all the happiness in the world.

Love you guys!

Mags
xxx 

PS. As of '07, a new chapter of my life will begin... please visit walnuterific.vox.com then to continue with me on my journey.. =)

Growing up..

Three years on and it's nice to see that the best I can do is still teenage angst. LOL.. one of life's little ironies, I guess.

Thinking of closing this blog and hereby ending this chapter of my life.. dunno why but it lost it's appeal - long ago. Here are a couple of better reasons:
1) Who actually checks this thing?
2) Lack of time to update.
3) My blase attitude towards my life atm - thus nothing is warranted as blog-worthy.
4) My reluctance to have this sound like some primary school recount of "what I did during the month". *rolls eyes*

Ponderings...

 
Ever wonder what it would be like to not have to live behind some sort of mask?
Sometimes it does all get to be a bit too much... you can only keep the facade up for so long before cracks start to show... but then again, there are only so many methods of self-preservation. The less people understand, the better sometimes... the more walls you build you around you, the easier it gets... but what if that mask didn't exist? Would you just be the doormat that everyone treads on? Would people just trample all over your feelings like you were just a doormat? Yes, it definitely appears to be safer to hide behind a mask...

Ever wonder what it would be like if you weren't who you are?
What if you weren't you? What if you were someone else? Would you still feel the need for self-preservation? Does everyone feel that need? Does everyone have those kinds of insecurity? Why is it that some people can manage to hide it so well while the rest of us wear our hearts on our sleeves? Why is it that some people can deal with issues better than the rest of us? Where does that innate wisdom come from.. or is it a personality trait? I think the ultimate question is... if you weren't you, would people still like you for who you were? Or maybe they might like you more... who knows?

Ever think that you're just not meant to be part of someone's life? 
It wouldn't be so bad if you could be sure... I've always felt more reassured when I know that I'm either meant to be in someone's life, or I'm not - or even just knowing that you either ARE or AREN'T part of their life is reassuring. It's the grey area... you know, the one where you doubt whether you are of any value to them or not... that's what worries me. And thinking doesn't help.. it just takes you around and around until you get lost and confused and upset. Maybe it is easier to push people away... then at least you can be sure. At least when you're NOT a part of their life... you don't have to worry about them, take into account their feelings and all that emotional shit that comes with it.

Ever wish that you could just stop pretending everything's alright when it's not?
But when you're so used to pretending, maybe it's just easier to keep pretending... who cares if you think that you're the world's biggest doormat? Who cares if people trample over your emotions, right? Just grin and bear it. It's easier than having to explain... it's easier than creating conflict.. maybe taking the easy way out is what cowards do. But hey, at least the walls you built stay up and you don't have to take the risk. Why gamble with your own feelings, right?

 And no, I'm not trying to be deep. I'm just jotting down all the questions that come to mind.

August

I thought that 8 was meant to be a lucky number. This month has been anything but. Won't go into too many details here, but I'm thinking that someone up/out there wants to test our limits. See how far we can be pushed.. or is it really just an attempt to make us all realise the importance of family? 

Who knows? Either way... I'm glad that this month is drawing to an end soon. Speaking for myself, this month has been slowly draining me. I feel some of you also feel the same way. I'm beginning to wish that a lot of the stuff that's gone on this month could all be forgotten. But of course, that's not the way life works.

I think that at the end of the day all I can say is, treasure those people who are around you. Life is a funny thing and you never know what's gonna happen next.

Take care! Till next time.

July