THE TALE OF BILLY CARPENTER AND SMITH'S ELASTIC BRACE
| My uncle was a character, |
| Who knew a tale or two, |
| Some were based on pure fact, |
| But some were not quite true. |
| And there's one yarn that always |
| Brings a smile to my face, |
| It's the tale of Billy Carpenter, |
| And Smith's Elastic Brace. |
| It was in the 1860's. |
| In Queensland I recall, |
| When men used to wear brace's, |
| So their trousers wouldn't fall. |
| Till Smith invented something, |
| He was sure would take their place, |
| Made from one piece of elastic, |
| So he just called it a 'brace'. |
| The elastic in the brace, |
| Was a super stretchy blend, |
| It could stretch from Perth to Darwin. |
| With a detour via Hill End. |
| But before he started selling them, |
| He gave one a short trial, |
| And got his mate Bill Carpenter, |
| To wear one for a while. |
| Bill wore the brace outside his coat, |
| For all the world to see, |
| But riding home from town one day, |
| It got caught on a tree. |
| Bill's faithful mount kept galloping, |
| Along it's homeward course, |
| The elastic stretched a quarter mile , |
| Then flung him off his horse. |
| It sent him hurtling towards town, |
| At twice the speed of sound, |
| Which is pretty fast when your just flying, |
| Ten feet off the ground. |
| He stretched his arms out ,just like wings, |
| To aid him in his flight, |
| The wind caught underneath his coat, |
| And gave him extra height. |
| He flew over the blacksmith's shop, |
| And soon became aware, |
| That half the town was in the street, |
| And pointing in the air. |
| "Is it a bird or superman? |
| Why don't we have a bet?" |
| "At least we know it's not a plane, |
| They aren't invented yet!. |
| He flew over the public school, |
| And waved at all the people, |
| But when he passed the Catholic church, |
| His brace caught on the steeple. |
| For a moment, Bill stood still in air, |
| A minor flight delay, |
| Till the elastic pulled, |
| And sent him off the other way. |
| Each time it seemed his flight would end, |
| And land him in the dust, |
| The brace would snag on something else, |
| And give him extra thrust, |
| For seven days and seven nights, |
| That brace kept him aloft, |
| And Bill cried "God, please stop this ride, |
| It's time that I got off". |
| He was flying in a chasm, |
| Down 500 foot of cliff, |
| When the brace snagged on a mallee root, |
| Quite old and gnarled and stiff. |
| And Bill felt himself slowing, |
| The further he went down, |
| Until he reached the bottom, |
| Landing gently on the ground. |
| He looked to where the brace had snagged, |
| And hung his head to cry, |
| The elastic then contracted, |
| Launching Bill into the sky. |
| This display of aerobatics, |
| Soon attracted quite a crowd. |
| While they peered through their binoculars, |
| He soared up through the clouds. |
| The locals waved their hats about , |
| And gave a mighty cheer, |
| To see their home-grown hero, |
| Shooting through the stratosphere. |
| And you often hear the old folk, |
| As they stagger from the bars, |
| That they can still see Billy, |
| As he floats among the stars. |
| So be proud of Billy Carpenter, |
| And Smith's Elastic Brace, |
| 'Cos 100 years before the Yanks, |
| We had a man in space. |
(c) copyright Anthony Jack 1985
As heard on:
